넌 내 푸른 곰팡이

| reblogging since 2017 | she/her | 97' liner | apotatomashedbybts is where I stash my fanfictions! |

[apotatomashedbybts]

[ HIATUS ]

Tw: death

Hi everyone,

This post isn't easy for me to write but after a long conversation with myself I have decided to write what's been on my mind lately and what happened for me to go on a hiatus.

Last month, on 29th June, my father passed away. It was unexpected. He was suffering from CKD since last year but he was getting better with treatment. He was living an active life almost like a normal person.

He even said that he was going to live until he is 100 years old, ha ha. And I believed him...

I think I am dealing with the loss better than I expected myself to be. I haven't cried much.

Again on the other hand, I think I am still lost and asking myself how to deal with the grief. I miss him. And it doesn't really feel like he is gone. Whatever I am doing, it feels like he will come and react like this or that.

And it's making me wary of relationships. I don't want to be close to anyone in fear of losing them. I feel like it'd be better if I am alone and don't get attached...

I know my emotions are a mess right now. And that's why I am taking this hiatus. A time to myself would probably be better for me to sort out myself.

I'll be back by December.

And I want you to know that if we ever talked, or interacted in any way, you mean a lot to me. And I hope you are always taking care of yourself.

In terms of content,

Before I go, I'll post the last moodboard of BTS academia aesthetic series and read and give feedback to a fic.

My fic Homecoming will be in my latest reblog so you can read it whenever you like! Even if I am not here, every comment will mean so much to me.

I think that's all I wanted to say... I hope I am not forgetting anything.

I will still be available on discord if you wanna text me. I'll probably take a little while to get back to you but I'll reply!

See you soon. Love you 💜🌼

[qqchurch]

[qqchurch]

[qqchurch]

[rapidlydecayingcorpse]

i feel like people aren't getting how dire ai is. we are running out of drinkable water. our brains aren't engaging as much with what we see and hear. people near data centers don't get clean water and experience electricity blackouts. it's being used to make pornography of underaged people and women. it often just lies. it affirms everything. it lies. it has made people kill themselves. it lies for gods sake. and people act as if im dramatic for being staunchly against it. 'now i KNOOW you hate ai and whatever, but look at this cute video' this isn't me being a new age puritan about internet videos, this is about the fucking earth and our future living on this planet. people are suffering now, people will suffer more, and my friends and parents will roll their eyes and think im annoying for despising ai so explicitly. we need to wake up because we cannot live like this

[jinv]

welcome home flying kiss jin | (cr. @/movewithsope)

[000l]

[shrewreadings]

like to charge, reblog to cast.

[poutyniall]

nerd

[roboticnebula]

Pros of re-reading your own fic

a good time;

Has exactly the tropes you like and the characterization you want to read;

Gratification: yes you did finish a thing and yes you did do good;

just a very fun time all around.

Cons of re-reading your own fic:

Is that another TYpO

[akaanmo]

i think i just witnessed a miracle

[fractiousrvt]

There is always hope

[jewishbarbies]

I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes

[sacredwhores]

Robert Bresson - Four Nights of a Dreamer (1971)

[cyberjack]

[only-cat-memes]

[only-cat-memes]

[dailycatsblog]

[memewhore]

[kyaaaatsu]

painted this sober:

painted this on acid, and cried while doing it:

[headspace-hotel]

GEORFF

[cryptotheism]

POWERFUL SPIRIT: GEORFF

[crabussy]

ad I saw on the side of a bus the other day. so delightful that I giggled when I saw it

[eissibee]

*sweating and gulping* oh... oh I-

*clink of a belt undone* I... I have to fuck this bus....

[lunamonchtuna]

I love your blog! Do you have any advice on how to consume art / culture more "actively"? I feel like lately all I do is just follow pretty blogs that might reblog poems and art and if I happen to scroll by, catch a glimpse of something nice, reblog and that's it. I wanna stop simply consuming so passively!!

hello, and thank you! it already takes a trained eye to know when something beautiful has passed you by.

what you’re describing is more a kind of surfing than it is swimming. surfing the surface of art, admiring the shimmer, never letting yourself sink. and no, liking something for its aesthetic pull isn’t a sin. we’re all wired to crave the picturesque. the problem starts when beauty stops asking anything of you.

try thinking about art away from tumblr, away from curation and performance. before it becomes a symbol, before it has a name. what is art to you when no one is watching? what would you consider as art? what does it stir in you? what does it demand?

the first real step towards indulging in art is learning to recognize it in the mundane. yes, michelangelo and bernini created wonders indeed. but a blade of sunlight stretched across your bedroom floor can undo you just as thoroughly, if you let it.

you don’t need to study art. you just have to allow yourself to feel it. for me, art and romanticism are inseparable. it’s both terrifying and tender. what seems an exaggeration to some, is an understatement to others.

because love, i believe, is the very root of all art. you can read a hundred books and still feel empty, or let a single one work its way so deep into you that it rearranges your entire architecture.

let art be something you live in. love and longing will take you to places you’d wish you never leave.

till then, sit with the art you see. resist the urge to look past it. let it linger long enough to unsettle the still in you. return to it days later and find it different, only because you are.