Yesterday I dissolved into tears. Ugly tears. The kind that shake your body and make it hard to catch your breath.
There wasnโt any one thing that had gone wrong, instead there were a million small things, and months of stress brewing beneath the surface. Emotions began spilling over, and I was helpless to stop them.
At first my Dom and I were at odds. Our shared frustrations brought us to a bad headspace, where we were having trouble connecting. We were focusing on the problem at hand, and the possible solutions, and we lost sight of each other.
And then the magic of our dynamic took hold. He stepped back a moment, andย was able to compose himself in a way I was completely incapable of. (By this point, Iโm embarrassed to say, I had fallen into complete overwhelm.) In retrospect I know that he was able to act as he did because taking care of me was more important to him than how he was feeling at the time. When he came back he was no longer trying to reason with me, or even to calm me. What he offered me instead was presence.
The effect wasnโt instant, but there was a palpable shift as he took the reigns and the dynamic began to work itโs magic. Being at the office, and unable to simply step away, he turned his camera on so that I could see him. He reminded me that I am loved, and that caring for me is not a burden, even on days like this. He drew my attention to my collar and reminded me that I am never alone.
He worked, not to remedy the situation, but to bring me back to him. He removed the expectation that I had to hold things together, or even be rational. He reminded me that I am His, and that itโs not conditional. He took his place as my Dominant, and by doing so he allowed me to take my place as his submissive, and when we can find those places we can both find some peace.
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