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I’m reading Why Does He Do That and I just fact checked this. Wow.

Research shows that a woman’s gut feeling about whether her partner will become physically violent is the MOST ACCURATE predictor of whether he will become physically abusive.

marimekkogirl

“Almost no abuser is mean or frightening all the time. At least occasionally he is loving, gentle, and humorous and perhaps even capable of compassion and empathy. This intermittent, and usually unpredictable, kindness is critical to forming traumatic attachments. When a person, male or female, has suffered harsh, painful treatment over an extended period of time, he or she naturally feels a flood of love and gratitude toward anyone who brings relief, like the surge of affection one might feel for the hand that offers a glass of water on a scorching day. But in situations of abuse, the rescuer and the tormentor are the very same person.”

— Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men