Building separatism

lesbian | 35 | croatian

[balkanradfem]

I don't think it's shady for your old neighbour to be like that; she's probably just bored and has nothing else to do. It's quite common with old people who are retired and whose kids left the house long ago and probably don't have any or few friends to talk to.

My great aunt is like that: she only has her husband and her son who rarely visits her, so she's constantly calling me and inviting me to her home, even though I live four hours away lol and I do go sometimes but she still insists I visit her more often but I have my own life you know...

Also, her having no topics to talk about also doesnt strike me as weird; again, she's probably just bored and wanted to get out of the house even if she mostly stayed silent and watched you work. My great aunt is never silent but when she runs out of topics to talk about (which happens often since she calls me twice a week) she simply starts re-telling me old stories or her worries and complains that I've heard a million times already.

ok we are studying lonely people behaviour. I guess that makes sense, and yet it's so difficult to imagine for me who yearned for peace and quiet for a decade. Thank you for explaining though! I guess I can imagine how it would feel to yearn for any interaction, even if repeated one.

I do feel like it's my duty to entertain them so I sometimes tell them stories I heard from the internet. They always want me to come over, and to me this is weird too, I can't imagine dealing with a guest constantly.

One day with all of your input, I will understand what is going on in here.

[balkanradfem]

I'm having a bad mental health day, so I don't have anything fun to write, but I have a conspiracy theory that my neighbours are trying to spy/control me for reasons unknown. I already tell them everything I do because my boundaries are bad, and I talked to them yesterday until sunset.

This morning I was setting up my shed and the neighbour appeared beside me, she walked all over to the shed to find me. She said ''I could hear you were doing something, but didn't know what," and then she watched me arrange the wood pieces in there.

I invited her inside to sit and chat, and she didn't seem to have any topics she wanted to talk about, she just sat and waited for me to talk. Eventually she decided that the walls are 'not so bad' and that I can 'fix it all up', despite every day prior to this saying the house will crumble any day now. She insisted my praying mantis was actually a grasshopper and I could not convince her otherwise.

She left soon after, and I was puzzled to why she came. I wasn't making a lot of noise or anything like that, my shed just has some dry branches which I was sorting out by size.

She said my zuchini was doing well, which was nice! And she really is, Sunny and Shady are both close to developing flowers and I can't wait.

[balkanradfem]

This morning I finally finished the landscaping around the stove. I almost started my next project, the urgency pressing me down. But then thought, no, I am done and I shall have an adventure to celebrate.

I took out my bike. There was still a road I haven't explored, villages and nature I haven't seen, and I was excited. I grabbed my phone and backpack, had some water, and started off.

I immediately had a good time. New trees, new forest entrances. New pathways to places I didn't know. It was beautiful. It was such a pretty road. And I live here, this is mine now.

The first village had a pretty stream of water going through it, my neck was straining to see as much of it as I could. There were ducks in there! I was overjoyed. I haven't seen ducks yet, I thought we had none.

I kept looking at the trees, thinking about what I wanted in my front yard. I had decided on a linden. They have broad leaves, smell amazing, make heavy shades and look beautiful. And they used to be sacred in our pagan lore. And they give out a tea ingredient.

I stopped by the road next to a glorious looking linden and collected some seeds. If I can sprout them, this could be my tree. I'm not telling the neighbours.

The next village had the whitest birch trees I've ever seen. They stood out, looked like someone painted white crayon over the background of the village. Saw people picking plums, in the old timey outfits you see in children's books.

I concluded every type of tree makes good shade if there are many growing at the same spot, so I might just spill some seeds on my desired place to see what happens.

I saw many sunflowers, more than I've ever seen before. They smelled like honey. I biked past many corn fields, and on my way back, subtly stole a few. Snuck deep into a field, bike hidden. Stuffed them in my backpack so I didn't look suspicious on the road. Later on I saw a guy openly walking out of the field with two full bags, bike abandoned on the road. Way less subtle, I thought.

I found blackberries on my way back. Checked out a few forest paths, new places I get to look for mushrooms in. Got home exhausted but so happy. That was a perfect way to spend the morning, and all I wanted from my new life. I should take breaks to have this, hopefully nothing will collapse if I sometimes have a fun time.

[balkanradfem]

I had a fright yesterday.

I was in my kitchen, grinding more oats into powder, when I heard a quick knock on the front door. I thought, oh it must be my neighbour again! She's the only one who comes over.

So I stood up, but I didn't have time to make two steps before I found myself face-to-face with a stranger. She didn't wait for me to open the door. She let herself in and ran all the way to the kitchen before I had the time to get up and make two steps.

She was unkempt and smelled strongly of smoke and alcohol. I froze. She started talking about bringing something over.

'I don't know you,' I mumbled.

'I'm your neighbour, I saw you in the front yard!' she laughed, as if this explained everything.

'You came in without waiting for me to open the door,' I stated.

She said words I couldn't understand, and came closer to me. I watched her with a horrified exprresion.

'You've scared me,' I said, because this wasn't obvious to her.

She laughed and tried to hug me. I backed away.

I asked her for her name, so we exchanged names, and then the tension in the air got so bad she decided to leave, so I escorted her out.

I was upset and shaken. Why was a stranger walking into my house without asking. Felt like the house wasn't even mine if anyone can walk in.

I talked to my neughbours about it later, and they laughed and said 'Oh that's our neighbour Betty, don't mind her, she did it because she was drunk and high.'

This did not comfort me. Drunk and high stranger was worse.

They explained front doors aren't that important in this village and people just bypass them. I don't like that, it makes me want to lock up everything at all times. Only it's inconvenient, because during the day I go in and out a lot; I don't wanna be locked up at all times. But this is ridiculous. The second time someone walked past my front door like they were a joke rather than a boundary.

I do consider this a home invasion rather than a visit, and if women do it I know m*n will too. The second a strange m*n gets into my house there will be a fight. I don't wanna fight. I wanna live peacefully. Need to block my front door apparently. Neighbours are a bit too bold and familiar.

[balkanradfem]

About sun eclipse, it was visible from 7.30pm till the Sun went down, from Croatia you could see partial eclipse(around 50%)

awhh thank you for telling me. I would have looked if I knew on time.

[balkanradfem]

Did you watch sun eclipse this evening?

No, the neughbour told me it was at 2am? And I was unclear about how are we seeing the sun then. But it already happened? I was misinformed.

[balkanradfem]

Ok we have another argument between me and neighbours, and this time it's about firewood.

I expressed I wanna go to the forest more, so I could collect the dry pieces of wood on the forest floor, to use for cooking during winter. They both got upset and asked why I need to do that for, when I have a perfectly good fallen tree on my property that just needs to be put into the shed.

I explained the dry wood in the forest is completely dry, easy to light, doesn't create much smoke, and once the autumn rain starts falling, it's all gonna be wet and difficult to use. The fallen tree on my property is not completely dry, and after I manage to cut it up, it should cure for about a year before it can be used as firewood.

They were bewildered at this and claimed, no, it only takes 2-3 months of being in the shed before the wood is good for use, I could cut down a tree now and use it this winter.

I have no idea who is right, I don't wanna ruin my chimney or my indoor wood stove. Can you settle this?

How long does firewood need to cure after being cut?

No experience in firewood, sitting this one out

I have experience, it should cure for a year

Have experience, should cure for 6 months

Have experience, 3 months is enough

It depends on the size of the cut, anywhere from 3 months to year

Depends on the tree variety, could be 3 months or a year

None of you are right, I will present my facts in a comment

Remaining time: 4 days 12 hours

[balkanradfem]

Dear Balkanradfem,

please write a book about your experience. Pleaseeeeee...

Sincerely

someone who admires your bravery, creativity, persistence and eloquence

what would I post on tumblr then? you can read all about my experiences here!

[balkanradfem]

I woke up this morning with a mission. I had some fruit, grabbed a pencil, eraser and paper, and then sat in the middle of my front yard.

I spent some time sketching the layout of the house, the power lines, the wood shed, the ruins. And then I made a list of things I wanted on my property.

Ground gardens, raised garden, strawberry area. Asparagus area. A big shady tree where I can put a swing, table and a chair. A lake. Another, irrigation lake. Bushes and tall flowers. Brick storage area. Terrace gardens. A vine climbing structure for the grapes. A forest area. A whimsical round pathway that leads to all of these places. Small pillars I can use to put things away.

I spent hours sketching it all in, looking at the sun and calculating where the shadows will be, where the gardens consequently cannot be. Making sure no trees are close to the power lines, or the neighbours house. No tall trees that could fall on houses. Picking out tree varieties. Drawing in fruit trees. Checking where the water will travel down the slopes, drawing in changes to direct the paths.

The final sketch made me unbelievably happy. It had everything I wanted. Made me feel like I'm building a paradise.

And I wanted to show it to you. But then a small voice inside my head went: 'Hello I know you live remote so everything feels safe but how about you don't publish a sketch of your entire house and yard layout to tumblr.com. You do not run a cute and cozy cottage blog, you run a controversial radical feminist blog that goes after every prevalent system on the planet, you are not in a friendly world out there and you are just hurtling into doxxing yourself.'

So then I couldn't post it. :(

M*n are the reason we can't have nice things.

[balkanradfem]

I know in the past you visited local places to get wifi but now that you live 3 hours away from society how do you manage to post so often?

I bought a phone card that gave me 2gb for a month, and I use it only to post and look things up. It expires on Monday, then my posts will become much rarer.

Fun fact! Signal is so bad I have to get to a specific spot in the property to upload an image. So every time you see something, I stood in that spot begging and praying it would get through. I shrunk all images to screenshot size to improve the chance of uploading.

I knew at the beginning I'd have a lot of new stuff to look up, and lots to share, so buying 2gb felt reasonable!

[balkanradfem]

I made this little bench from mud bricks, and a small pillar to hold my pot after the meal is cooked. I was gonna do it properly and add wet mud inbetween, but just stacking them turned out to be very secure so I left it as is. They are so immensely heavy, I can't imagine anything moving them.

Then I wanted to also fix the small standing area, between the bench and the stove. The earth was uneven, so I dug out the taller bits to even it out. Then I thought, I should do something about the rain.

Because if it rains, the entire place will turn into a mud bath, and I need a place to stand. I looked at the broken roof tiles, and got an idea. What if I poured wet mud in there, then placed the tiles like I'm making a path? Then I could stand on the tiles and not get muddy.

The roof tiles are not even, so I meticulously picked the ones that were just so broken that one side was flat. I poured a bunch of mud and clumsily and un-evenly tiled the area.

I don't know if this will be good, because I couldn't really get them even, some are sticking up a bit. We'll see after it dries whether it worked. It would be prettier with cut rocks but I don't have that. Only hundreds of broken roof tiles.

If I decide later that this is crap and it sucks, it's only dirt and tile. I can undo it and try something else. Or even watch a tutorial on how to do it correctly, this was my original first time tiling work.

[balkanradfem]

Your fierce little huntress could be an Artemis!

oo I like that. Artemis sounds very good

[balkanradfem]

You should name your praying mantis!

Ooh I should!

She could be Leaf, because she's always larping aa a leaf. Spiky because she has sharp bits on her arms she uses to hold bugs when she munches on them. She likes plastic bags but I can't name her after that. She likes to turn her back on me. Likes being on a chair. If I talk a lot or sing, her antennae twitch at the sound. Her head is triangular. She slipped on the linoleum first time she was here. She tries to be stoic but she's goofy and fun. Her body is long, like a heron, but green and with sharp limbs.

It's hard to find a good name, I'm open to suggestions! She is more menacing than Leaf but too goofy for Spiky.

[balkanradfem]

What do you use for soap? Do you make your own or is it one of the things you do get from the store? I guess there are different kinds of soap too so do you use the same thing for shampoo, hand/body soap, dish soap, laundry soap, etc? Thank you for your delightful posts <3 They always brighten my day.

I wanted to make soap but I didn't learn it yet. A soap bar is 60 cents and I can use it for a year so it's a tiny expense. But I am getting progressively annoyed at how much perfume they put in, the scent is too strong and lingers too much. I picked 'Aloe Vera' scent and I can smell it for two hours on me.

I use soap for hands and showers, tea for hair, just a regular dish soap but I use tiny drops so it lasts a very long time. And for laundry I use wild chestnuts, if they're broken and mixed with warm water, they make a soapy water..

Sometimes I wash dishes with water only, if they're not too dirty. Dish soap is toxic to the water environment. So are liquid hand soaps and liquid laundry detergents from the store! Solid soap bar is okay, and the powder laundry detergent seems to be okay-ish too. Wild chestnut laundry detergent is 100% safe.

[balkanradfem]

I need everyone to know I was just entering my house in the dark, using a phone torch, and I didn't see my praying mantis in her spot. Worried I would accidentally step on her or rustle her in the dark, I started looking for her.

When I found her, she put her little arm over her head because the light was too bright! It was adorable! Imagine a little bug covering their little face with their tiny little arm because you shined a horrid bright phone torch in their face like an annoying idiot. It was sooo cute!

She was on the chair leg, she's vibing.

[balkanradfem]

Are you not afraid of spiders or any bug? I'd love to live similar to you but I'm a little afraid of spiders. How often do you see a spider?

I see spiders every day, they're the ideal house critter because they eat other bugs so they clear your house for you. My praying mantis does it too! They're kinda like house guardians.

The giant spider I found in the ruins could be dangerous, and is holding eggs so she's extra pissed at me, but as long as I don't accidentally harm or threaten her, I should be fine.

My thing is I've never gotten hurt by a spider or any bug in general, save for little ant bites and wasp stings, so I don't believe they're dangerous. At the same time I'm so fascinated and entertained by them, I'm always on the lookout so I see them before accidentally threatening them. Creatures that small are not our predators and would only attack us if we put them in a situation their life feels threatened.

House spiders are generally very small and non harmful even if you do swing at them or put your hand in their webs, big spiders are rare. If you have a garden you can get some big spiders there too, also not dangerous, they benefit the garden.

What I wrote is only true for my specific place in Croatia, different places have different spiders! If you live on the other side of the world, ask someone more local.

[balkanradfem]

Update on Sunny and Shady! (2 plants in competition to test wheather soil quality or sun exposure is more important to a squash plant)

Sunny is at this point bigger, but that doesn't mean she'll win. What's likely happening is Shady noticed how her soil is really nice and airy and wet, so she decided oo I'm gonna focus on root growth first, I could grow into a huge successful plant here so I'm going to establish great roots to become stable first, and then do leaves and fruit.

And Sunny noticed her soil sucks so she went urghhh fine we're growing leaves only, then quickly fruit so I can make seed and get out of this hellhole.

What I don't get, is why is Raindrop so tiny. I planted her two days after Sunny, same spot, and I water her just as much. Is it just because her transplanting time wasn't ideal? Her roots were a bit overgrown in the little pot before I put her out. These two were started as seeds on the exact same day.