Building separatism

lesbian | 35 | croatian

[balkanradfem]

The failures and hacks

On my second day in the abandoned house, I wanted to try fixing the wall. It was missing plaster in the room I slept in.

I wasn't going to go and buy plaster, or buy plaster ingredients; those are toxic to the environment and I'm not here to poison the place. Instead I thought, cob plaster should work. I would need clay, sand and straw. I was able to find clay in the fields, but absolutely no sand or straw.

While cleaning up the broken pieces of old mortar and plaster, some of it crumbled into fine powder. So I thought, well what is the difference between this and sand. Ok, sand is organic and healthy and great. But this powder was in the walls anyway so I can just reuse and recycle it, there's no other use for it anyway.

So I'm next to my hole in the wall plaster, with a bucket of water, clay, and powdered plaster. I mix it and start sploshing it into wall. It... did not go well.

I learned that if I had first cleared the powder off the bricks, it would adhere better. I also should have wet the bricks first. And my mixture was too dry. Trying to wet it afterwards created a wall horribly dirty with muddy water running down it. I did manage to clean it somehow.

I left it to dry though and few days later, it seems to be stuck to the wall pretty firmly. We will ignore that it isn't even and looks like a child messed up the wall. The wall is less hole-y. I'll take it. I've never done this before and I watched 2 youtube videos that told me to do things radically different than I did. It's okay.

I'm not sure if this is what I'm gonna do to all walls? There's a lot to fill in and I wonder if you can just pain clay with wall paint without making it all muddy. Or I just have mud walls and enjoy the dirt.

Another thing I needed to try was boiling water outside. I have no kitchen so it's back to primitive measures. I have this big horizontal pot which in theory, should boil water quickly. I arranged bricks to create a makeshift stove to contain the fire and gathered sticks I assumed would be enough to do the job. The fire lit easily, but the troubles started instantly.

Black bubbles appeared on my pot, making me think it's about to melt. It shouldn't, I made sure it was a fire safe material. I took it off fire in panic, but then saw it was just turning black, not melting. So I put it back.

The fire got out of control immediately, flames getting high in the air around the pot, smoking the water. I didn't want my water to taste like smoke. But even with the intensity, the water wasn't boiling. To top it all off, because of all the tall grass that surrounded me, bugs started falling into the pot.

I gave up then. Smokey bug-infested water wouldn't be appealing. I wouldn't drink that. I'd have to keep getting water from neighbours.

I would later use this knowledge to do better, but at the moment I just had to deal with the fact that I don't know how to do this right. I had experience roasting chestnuts on open fire, in a less dangerous environment (grass here could catch on fire). I don't know how to boil water on a fire well.

Few days later, I set out to make a lentil soup. I cut out all the grass close to my makeshift stove, made sure no bugs were aiming in. I prepared a lot more sticks and wood pieces and added them in very slowly, ocassionally ressurecting the fire if it died. I made sure to control how much oxygen the fire got in order to slow it down and it never got out of control. It was the tiniest fire.

And it worked. Lentil soup made on fire was so delicious it was actually ridiculous. I tried it and went "there's no way. what the hell". Best I ever tasted. I only put salt, a garlic clove, one potato and lentils in, no spices or oil. The smoke added so much flavour there was no other effort needed.

It is not fair that a method bad for the environment creates food so delicious. I also can't think of any other way to eat right now, I'll try making a solar oven later.

Every time I failed, felt bad for not knowing how to do something or got overly exhausted and miserable, I'd go and explore one of the forests I'm surrounded with. There I would experience otherworldy beauty and immediately forget whatever I was upset about. That felt like a crazy hack to pull.

I also feel like I was made for this. I already forgot whatever I was doing in the city. I feel like I haven't lived until now. I spent half an hour watching 2 giant stag beetles fight in the forest the other day. It's like I don't have to be upset anymore, or take anything hard because there's endless forests I haven't seen yet. And they're all 3 minutes away?

The thrill of new forest views might run out in a few months or years but for now I am being endlessly satisfied.

[balkanradfem]

Ok I need a vibe check on the people who sold me the house. They are in persistent contact with me and making me uncomfortable.

Sellers are two people maybe in their 50s or 60s, and their 23yo daughter. The house was in 23yo's name so she was signing the contract.

Both she and her parents told me a lot of uncoordinated lies, such as how they acquired the house (it was inherited, they lied they bought it for an inflated price) what the interest is (23yo claimed they already have a buyer, her father was annoyed they're not getting anywhere with selling it). After I confirmed with her on the phone that I am definitely buying it, for the asking price, she started sending me loads of weird messages on whatsapp.

"I'm gonna give you rides every day, I'll help you find a job, what do you do, I'm very charitable and love giving to others, I gave poor people food and money, I'll give you a kitchen and a stove I don't need them, I could fix you up with a job in my company" "I can make you feel like you have friends here"

I politely refused everything except stove, which I could really use if it's free. After signing the contract and giving them money, this pestering changed tone immediately but hasn't faltered!

"Do you want my father to mow the lawn," "No, thank you for offering" "Fine suit yourself."

"Do you want us to fix the lock?" "No, its too complicated" "Its not complicated at all but fine if you dont want it"

She started being annoyed with me for refusing, and then things turned stalkerish.

"I saw you cleaning are you at the house now?" "I saw you open the windows at night, close them there are snakes"

She's keeping tabs on me but why? I already paid her, the house is mine, I should do whatever I want without reporting it.

Then I told her there's some post for her in the mailbox, and offered to keep it open so she can pick it up. It took her 3 days even though apparently she lives nearby. When she arrived I politely let her into the yard, and warned her not to step on a big bug I was currently taking pictures of. She commented 'Now what have you found in the mail,' and after finding her post, paused to ask me if I knew what kind of bug that was. 'Some kind of scarab, I think,' I said because I read up on similar beetled earlier.

'It's like a scorpio,' she said, 'Look out, its going to bite you!'

I was bewildered, she was talking to me as if I'm a child. I'm 13 years older than her. She kept trying to convince me to fear this harmless bug, even though I practically had my face pressed against it, visibly unafraid. She even laighed as if she managed to spook me? I was petting the bug.

I am confused by all this and would like to know, is this comnon with house sellers? Are they doing this with some end goal in mind, pestering and offering favours and stalking. I know this isn't the 23yo's doing because she never bought or inherited that house, her parents used her name to evade taxes. (Young person acquiring her first property gets tax relief). I'm pretty sure everything she does is orchestrated by parents and she has little to do with it. I think they're telling her what to text me too.

They left the house in a bad state so I don't know if they're trying to look good by offering stuff? But then again, they installed a lock that doesn't work from the inside and the door handle fell apart completely, I can barely use the front door. So in my eyes: liars, manipulators, always doing the least, but also stalkers. I want them to give me that stove then leave me be.

Does anyone have experiences like this? What do you think these people want?

also the bug:

[balkanradfem]

going to visit croatia in the summer with my partner. if you still need help i’d be happy to drop by and do some work for you there. i’m physically strong, know about plumbing, building, and wiring and my partner will prob be shopping so it would be a welcome respite. do you mind sharing what part of the country you’re in? i can also message you via DMs if you’d like (doing anon now because i’m at work and not logged into my nonfootball blog lol)

nonfootball blog.... I mean, dm me!

Tbh I wouldn't let ppl do most of this work because it's dangerous and if someone got hurt I would wither in guilt. But absolutely visit me so we can chat and have fun together! I wanna know what you think about the new wall plaster I have put together from stuff I found on the ground.

In the street where I live there are 3 more people so we can do anything here. I made so many loud noises yesterday and nobody even heard! (i was moving the furniture).

[balkanradfem]

First day in the abandoned house

So I've only seen this property once, and it was rushed and not very gracious from the seller. For some reason (foreshadowing) he was showing me this house with all blinds down, in the near darkness. He turned the lights on, but some rooms didn't have a light bulb, and it was a weak, feeble lightning.

It was enough for me to notice that the plaster has been stripped from walls in many places, to the point where you could see through bricks. One room had a big hole in the ceiling, showing me the boards on the attic floor. Most concernedly, there was a big pile of dead worms on the floor of the last room. He said it must have been some animal that crawled in and died, got eaten by maggots, and then they all died in a pile too. I moved away from it, citing it could have been a disease that killed them all, but he laughed and dragged his shoe all over it.

The walls were either peeling or had mortar and plaster broken off, and the floors were filled with plaster and big pieces of the walls. The tangled spiderwebs and dust accumulated to the point if you touched anything, your fingers turned dark grey.

But the property was in the vicinity of mountains. It had a well. If you walked down the road, you could see breathtaking views. It's more than hundred meters above sea level. It has forests and grassy fields at an arms reach. And its 1500m2. Big enough to do anything.

So I signed the contract for it, wanting that land and the location. The house would be dealt with somehow. I want a big garden and a mountain.

I arrived there at 2pm, exhausted and hot, then immediately latched onto the well in front of the house. It was too pretty. The air inside cool. The water deep down reflecting my face. I didn't dare to use it. I was told the water is of drinking quality but the bucket was on the pavement, filled with baby mosquitos. What if I contaminate it? What if I accidentally make it sick. I got told the neighbours use it regularly, so I figured I'd ask them.

The sellers promised to put a lock on the door, since I'd need to be able to lock myself in, so I shakily put the key in, and it worked. A house and I have the key. It didn't settle in. It still hasn't.

The house remained dark and mysterious, blinds blocking the sun completely, so my first mission was to pull all the blinds open. This would take more than an hour. There were no blinds that worked. Stuck, string broken, string gone completely, unnaproachable due to massive tangle of spiderwebs, unmovable. I revealed one room at the time, and despite the mess and the broken pieces and the awful old smell, once the light poured in, they were beautiful.

Someone had the sense to paint some of the walls blue which is so charming and appealing it was difficult to care about anything else.

My goal for the day was to clean one room that was sufficiently protected from the elements, so I could sleep in there. And yes it is the room with the worm pile. It has the 'least damaged wall and window' situation going on.

I put on a mask, gloves, and grabbed my spray bottle of vinegar to deal with the worms. I learned not to disperse too much dust, so I wouldn't end up inhaling something (that's how you get hantavirus). There was this big showcase piece of furniture I needed to move in order to clean the wall, and when I moved it, I discovered a mouse corpse. Completely dried. I felt fondness and adoration towards it, tiny limbs and teeth. I figured I should clean and keep it. I didn't know exactly how to clean it, so for the start, I just left it in the sun for any remaining bacteria to dry off.

Then I remembered the worm pile. If they had, in fact, eaten an animal, there would have been a skeleton. But there wasn't. Only a permanent wet-looking stain on the wooden floor. What happened.

I saw the neighbour then, so I went to introduce myself and say hi. He was an older man but luckily he has a wife, so that's someone for me to talk to. I asked him about the well and he said he last used it 20 years ago. I was crushed. It was definitely not fit to drink.

I kept dragging pieces of the wall outside, when someone came to visit me; it was the neughbour's wife! I gave her a house tour and she told me the 20 years well thing was a lie. They used that well a year, maybe a year and a half ago, and her husband has a bad memory. A year abandoned well has some hope! She told me I could clean it by pulling all the sitting water up, and once I did that, fresh drinking water would rise from below. The well draws the water from underground so it's capable of producing fresh water again.

Encouraged by this, I tried to use the well for the first time. It was a spiritual experience.

Neighbours borrowed me some water to wash the bucket in, and then I lowered it all the way down, heard it fall into water way deep. Pulling it up was effort but once I saw it? It looked perfect. Crystal clear, perfectly cold, beautiful. This is my god now, the well water is what I worship.

I won't drink it yet, but I used it to wash myself, clean the windows, furniture and floors.

By the time the sun was setting, I was almost done with one room, and I ventured outside, sweaty and exhausted. There was a hill above my house (my house!!) and I haven't seen what's up there so I crawled my way up. I was met with the view of sun setting behind the mountain. And if that wasn't enough, there was a forest up there. I stormed in, excited. Forest so close to me. Saw some beech trees and some I hadn't recognized. No chestnuts though.

Happy and in slight disbelief that I can just have this, the view, the forest, the land, I dropped back down into my front yard, dragged a chair out, and sat outside in the tall grass. I wasn't able to do this in years. Just have a place of my own to sit outside. I watched the moon over a mountain and, started reading a fanfic on my phone because my brain was used to that in my "rest time".

I got interrupted when the night fell and something started twinkling in the grass. Fireflies.

That's when I started sobbing. I haven't seen the fireflies in ages. I wanted to, but had no time, no energy to go. They were in my own front yard now. They made their home in the overgrown grass. It was perfect for them. I spiraled a little thinking about how unethical would it be for me to grow a garden here when this is their home.

Mortified by this, I headed back to the house to sleep. I got surprised when I attempted to lock myself in; the key wouldn't fit from the inside. Confused, I tried it outside again, then on the opened door. Then I peeked inside the lock and realized the lock they installed was not right for the door. The door was too thin, key too long to be able to fit from both sides. There's no way they didn't know they did this. They sold me a house that can only be locked from the outside.

To deal with this, I did what any house owner would do. I locked the door from outside, I hopped in through the window, closed the window. Now it was all locked. But I could only exit the house through the window, I couldn't unlock myself from inside. Ah well. It's enrichment.

Even though my sleeping place was a stiff couch that felt like a wooden board, I was so tired I fell asleep immediately. I thought I would miss my matress but it turned out I couldn't care less what I slept on.

[balkanradfem]

first anon here! would be down to help out with manual labour with setting up the house though i'm pretty inexperienced so idk if i'll end up slowing you down. i'll think about it more and then maybe send you a dm! good luck with everything!

its heavy labour in not-so-great living conditions! You couldn't slow me down because I'm not in a hurry. However I would love to chat so do dm me :)))

[balkanradfem]

Hello balkanradfem, i am another anon then the last one. Are you sctively looking for companionship in your house? ive been following you for years and I would love to hwlp you with some manual lbor for a few weeks. At the same time i feel this is a creepy request, so feel free to ignore.

its not creepy, I need you;;

I almost injured myself trying to move the beams filled with nails. We do need to get to know each other first though! See if we get along and be sure we're both honest with our intentions.

Also what could I offer you in return? I don't have a garden yet and I just spent all of my money, best I could do is teach you about plants and maybe some fiber crafts or painting. What would you like?

[balkanradfem]

i dont have the finances for it but i often dream of buying a house in the middle of nowhere too (im also from croatia). maybe forming a small commune or something. very unrealistic and never gonna happen but a girl can dream.

you.. could just come here and live with me.

I've been trying to move the furniture and wooden beams all day, it's very hard to do it alone. There's plenty room and no rent!

You could come here for vacation and figure out if you like it. There are many bugs.

[balkanradfem]

So everyone, I um,, bought a house.

That's a crazy thing to say on tumblr, let me elaborate.

In my country there are many remote, small rural villages, going extinct with young people moving to cities, and old folks dying and then leaving the property to their next of kin. Their next of kin don't use it, it gets all neglected and overgrown, they live too far to bother to fix it, so they put it on the market kinda cheap. People don't usually look to buy houses in the middle of nowhere. But I do!

I bought a house that is 10 years abandoned; it isn't livable yet. There's no kitchen or bathroom, no fireplace. It has holes in the walls and the ceiling, it's missing plaster on the bricks, it has wild animals living in it right now. But it's a house. It has brick walls, or most of them, it has a roof, the foundation seems stable. It has windows. It has doors. They don't close but they exist. After I decided to buy it, they even added a house key to it. It didn't have a lock outside. It was just sitting open. There's no water installations. It has a well. I'm unsure whether the water is fit to drink.

I'm supposed to renovate it, but the fun is I don't have any money for renovation, I didn't even have the asking price, I had to sell stuff to afford it. The location is 'middle of nowhere' so I'm not going to find a job. It's just going to be me, the wild bird that built a nest inside, and the cat that lives in the attic. But I'm not gonna be homeless. The prices in the city became so high I could barely pay rent with my income, and the place I was renting informed me I have to be out in two months, so I made some quick decisions.

The house has some land with it! It has old, dried up fruit trees, few remains of broken structures the previous owners took down and left there, and some abandoned grape vines. The land isn't even, it's mostly a hill side. There's a lot of brick, wood, fallen trees and wire fence abandoned on the property.

I'm going to try and fix the walls using sand and clay, I have to make at least one room safe from the elements in order to be able to stay overnight, and the travel is so brutal I have to stay overnight in order to work on it. If anyone has experience fixing a house with 'stuff you found outside', I would love advice.

[fishing-lesbian-princess]

Well obviously I can’t have chronic fatigue, that’s a real problem for real disabled people that’s diagnosed by doctors probably. Clearly I just have some sort of perpetual exhaustion issue, that is also almost certainly my fault somehow

[cherrylimeade-l3sbian]

We go down to a local community center a lot to volunteer and junk. I ran into this older lady who was coming by to just drop off some peaches from her car bc she's as sweet as the damn fruit. Anyway, we were talking and she started talking about her husband and, shocker shocker, he fucking sucks.

Won't go anywhere with her. Insults her. Makes her play tradwife for his slobbering ass. All that shit. Anyway, she was clearly trying to, like, gauge if her lack of enthusiasm for his behavior was warranted. A lot of her questions kind of boiled down to, "Am I just being a hysterical womyn or was that kind of mean of him?" And I proceeded to sit and talk with her but mostly listen to her vent and add commentary about him.

And if you could see this womyn laugh and kick her feet, absolutely scandalized at the way I was talking about him and how I was affirming her. At some point, I said, "You should bring him down here. So I can talk to him." And she does that scream laugh with hands over the mouth and says, "I would love to know what you'd say to him!"

But eventually, she did get emotional and kind of teared up. She said, "I know he has issues but...he's just plain mean, sometimes." Flat out told her to leave him. She's in her 50s so, reasonably, she took it as a joke. But this is California, baby. Half his shit became hers the second they said, 'I do.'

Then, in this momentary confidence, she says, "I always thought of moving to (beach city in CA), getting one of those cute trailers and just going to church and just getting away from all the opinions and noise."

Do I think I am going to change this 50+ year old womyn's entire life from one conversation while we held peaches in our hands? Obviously not. But this was one of those times where I almost defaulted to just comforting her without actually objecting to the negative force in her life out of fear of ... I don't even know. Coming off too strong? Being rude? I'm writing this and I don't even have a foundation for that fear other than I am not immune to the propaganda.

All I know is that I, not generally a hug initiator, asked for a hug. And that lady who I plan to see this week hugged me so hard and said, "Thank you for all your kind words, young lady."

Starting off June strong!

[balkanradfem]

I volounteered at pride and despite having some complaints, I had a blast.

Sitting with the organisers and volounteering was a completely different experience then sitting by shyly and not talking to anyone. This time people were coming up to us and I was getting introduced to everyone. I got to hang out all other volounteers, which were almost all women!

I got there early to help set up, and got introduced to an adorable 19yo who we can call M. I was late to realize that M had different pronouns and almost immediately got in trouble, but it turned out okay. We were putting up decorations in the park, climbing up ladders to tie stuff up to trees and hanging flowy colorful flags. At one point I started feeling comfortable with the two and stopped worrying about what I was saying, so I admitted to the 20yo (we can call her Z) that I hate being given orders and I will only concede right now because I'm volounteering and she does know this stuff better than me. And this was the Wrong thing to say. She glared at me and went 'I'm so happy to know that you are doing this against your will,' and I went 'Nooo' 'and that you hate every moment of it' 'that's not what I was saying-' 'I feel like a dictator right now' 'I didn't mean that, I meant you know this better and I respect you!' 'It's too late'.

This did not blow over, for the rest of the day we had beef. She would, however, hug me after mocking me and clarify that she was joking and it was a revenge for what I said earlier. So I would realize that she was not in fact, bullying me and laugh about it. I guess we are friends now. And she told me she's bisexual, I had falsely assumed her a lesbian before.

M helped us with all the setup; at one point Z told me to bring a big box, and I couldn't lift it (my left arm is still not doing well), and then M went and got it easily. I was shocked because M is a tiny little thing, and said 'I want to know how much stronger you are than me. Want to arm wrestle?' and it was on.

We had a long arm wrestle on a bench with an audience of like 5 other women and it was the most fun ever. I lost but it was a formidable loss! I think the main organiser saw me arm wrestling another volounteer and it was not what I was there for but hey, how could you blame me.

We had a desk with a bunch of little flags and decor, so people would come up and ask for a flag or to have sparkles and makeup put on them. I noticed nobody was asking for the lesbian flag, and told Z in a hush 'if anyone takes the lesbian flag, tell me!' and she accused me of trying to make her find me a date, and I wasn't really, just wanted to see other lesbians. She made fun of me anyway. For revenge. I wondered out loud if I'm the only lesbian there, and she told me it was statistically impossible, because some of the preformers are lesbian, but they're from other cities.

I wondered how the 42yo gay male leader organiser felt about the lack of gay men in there, so I just asked him 'Hey how do you feel about the fact this is 90% women' and he was surprised and said 'I didn't even notice that! We organisers don't care about such things' so I asked 'Well can you see even 5 gay men in here?' and he laughed and joked 'What, should we name them all now?'

Apparently he didn't care! I was the only person frustrated by the lack of gay people.

I was let into secret underground rooms and got to snoop through storages, and I did lots of small chores with other women! Like carrying and bringing, getting keys and unlocking. All through it we were joking and laughing, even if we didn't know each other. There was one guy who seemed to follow women around to insert himself in conversations and mansplain basic concepts, so I steered away from that, but there wasn't much of that, most of the crowd were women.

The leader organised a display of some gay images, and those were put up in the middle of the event so everyone could see them, and some people were absolutely estatic. It was me, I was those people, but I wasn't the only one. People were looking at the pictures for a long time.

There was some very young girls! 14 or 15. They looked like they walked out of a k-pop music video and all of them featured some very high aesthetic concept, stuff I could not recognize or name. It felt like they walked out from the internet almost, I've never seen that in real life. They held very polite conversations with the organisers. Everyone in general had very high maitenance aesthetic, like brightly colored hair, special haircuts with hair that stood up on its own, lots of makeup, clothing that was specifically made to fit an aesthetic trend, dozens of accessories. It was like walking into a gathering of anime characters. They looked very cool but I much preferred the simple black-clothing no makeup appearance from a group of preformers, which were the lesbians.

I was busied with the volounteer work when the march started so I couldn't spy on it immediately, but once I did, I could see that the signs I made were picked up and carried, very cool, but! There was no lesbian flag. It turns out nobody picked it up. It was left at the beginning where people could pick up signs and flags. It just didn't happen.

I came complaining to Z about it, and she was like 'well you didn't want to be in the parade and carry it!' and I just pouted at her. Am I not the only lesbian here if nobody else is picking up the lesbian flag?

I still did enjoy the march. Some of the signs were mine, and I helped organize the thing, so I was like, yeah, thats my thing over there. It didn't feel alien to me because I participated. And it was mostly women, though I'm not sure if any of them were lesbian, or if they were, they wouldn't name herself that. I heard phrases like 'demiboy', 'demisexual', 'asexual', 'aromantic', 'genderfluid', 'transmasculine' and while I can't relate to any of that, at least they were women and all really nice.

I had great fun. I talked to so many women, I was made to laugh, I told a joke too, I arm wrestled, I had someone draw a little rainbow on my arm. I didn't really connect with anyone or add them on socials, but that's alright, I didn't click with anyone. I feel much more friendly with Z even though I have offended her gravely, but apparently that's what it takes.

I was surprised by how quickly I became relaxed and started joking around and talking to everyone without a filter, because that hasn't happened to me in years. I felt more normal than anywhere else. Looking at the gay photos and knowing everyone else in there approves and likes them, made me feel really good. I was able to casually mention I'm a lesbian in a conversation and it was a normal thing to say. It was a great day. I would volounteer for pride again. I think that's the way to experience it.

[balkanradfem]

Jesus post anon again.

I forgot to add one last thing. Why did the hype explode into the cult of today.

I think modern men are far more aware of the promotion of men at the top of the hierarchical structure with women as subservient, even the slavery and violence, and they love it. For modern women, I think the ones who romanticize it are not aware or refuse to consider the slave reality of the women of the time. They can agree to a position of submissiveness. But because it’s modern times, women do have more rights and protections that both religious men and women consider. Since it can’t be just like old times, the religion is fine and dandy. But they won’t criticize the reality of female slavery of the time of their favorite cult story book.

For less fanatic women, religion insists upon the Jesus devotion and frowns upon focusing too much on anyone else. Some don’t care too much. Some like that their family likes him. It’s not that deep…

And then there’s the modern m/contemporary women who focus more on the Virgin Mary. That upsets a lot of the Jesus fans.

I just wanted to share, don’t feel obligated to do anything. Thanks for sharing your stories and thoughts. It’s interesting and refreshing.

I feel like you're talking about tradwives maybe? Or any religious women who don't see the reality of it. I do think it's due to being young, groomed, not really given any access to feminist materials or feminist history (they get told to stay away because it's evil), and lots of times they're just raised in a cult, lied to constantly.

And yeah sometimes it's just a part of culture and so normal nobody even thinks to question it, like we don't question eating food and drinking water.

I do get endlessly annoyed by women arguing the same misguided points but I do get where they come from, so I'm not mad at them. M*n did a lot to ensure female children are raised in religious environment without any other perspective or point of view.

And even with that, due to the internet we have a massive amount of women waking up and leaving religion, more than ever before. It's almost like when they made the internet they forgot women might use it to communicate with each other.

Remember when there was a general saying 'there are no girls on the internet' because m*n thought if any girls or women are around, they're here to be used for their sexual needs, so women just went undercover and didn't reveal their sex, while m*n pretended to be women for attention? But secretly we were already developing our own spaces in fandom and forums and fanfiction sites, where they wouldn't think to go. Look at us now! We are declared and speaking up, dominating websites, being catered to by algorithms and criticizing everything under the sun. Recruiting feminists and waking women up from religious stupor every day.

Also I have no clue about the 'virgin mary' fans, whats that about.

[balkanradfem]

Hello! I wanted to share a few thoughts on your past post on Jesus.

I think part of the hype is that his works (physical and metaphysical) were interpreted as done of his own free will.

Whereas women and girls of that era and area were property of their families and under their father, husband, brother, son, or unrelated male slaver. It was their duty and purpose to serve the family for the interests of the head male. Women were effectively tools.

So it seemed novel and revolutionary for a man to be more selfless and community serving than the average free man. It was a foregone conclusion that women serve selflessly, as if it’s our ultimate purpose and we have no higher faculties or aspirations. Entitled men agreed amongst themselves, called it a done deal, and applied physical force like it proved a divine rule for them to subjugate women.

Women did not have a choice but to toil for others. Jesus, a free man did some of that for others and men only paid attention to an interpretation of it where they were closer in order to the divine, even godly.

But the comments about women seeing themselves and being seen as more akin to Jesus and Jesus as woman is very intriguing.

Oh that is well said! It does explain why jesus was seen as the most special boy. It does, however, disgust me on a deep level they could (and still do) consider women as beings without agency or free will, and I know women still had both and practiced it wherever they could, eventually for getting more rights too.

So everyone was just dead wrong! And we should consider whether men have any free will because in any situation they just look to lie, scam, abuse and exploit; that doesn't sound like a lot of agency if they only go for 4 things in every situation ever. I think their parasite brain is holding them hoatage so they can never achieve anything genuine, and they adhere to imaginary hierarchy based on violence, which makes it feel like they choose to worship aggression and force. Which isn't even good for them. They also can't socialize due to always falling back to deceptive tactics of parasitism and get addicted to media that makes them sick (pornography, violence), go on massive killing sprees (wars, terrorism) and if they're not following some orders they fall into a depression.

It's deadly and makes them defective if they practice free will so I think they should give it up already and just do what women tell them to. It would benefit them to be tools.

[rabbiteclair]

auto immune disorders happen when the immune system ignores regulatory factors and begins attacking healthy bodily tissues, due to what scientists refer to as "sheer love of the game"

[balkanradfem]

I'm gonna say it. I don't think Jesus is that good. Hear me out.

So christians sell the idea that Jesus was the kindest person ever and that the entire point of the religion is to be more like him. Today I'm going to argue why both of this is false.

Why is Jesus good? They say it's because he's full of love and kindness, well how does this manifest in his day-to-day life? He is very forgiving, he hangs out with the outcasts, sinners, sick people and prostitutes, he feeds the hungry and washes people's feet. Nothing to complain about, right?

Well I can think of a significant part of the population who did those things, and more, way before jesus arrived. Their name is women. Women have been forgiving crimes comitted against them, giving chances to the poor, sinful and the outcasts, feeding everyone from birth, washing everyone from the start of their life, and have been prostituted thus being the only ones able to empathize with prostitution.

Some of jesus's main miracles (witchcraft) have been about making food from nothing, making wine from water and healing. Women's role in society has been to make food, even when the times were tough and they had very little resurces, they were expected to provide healing and nursing as well, as if they're natural healers.

So how come? Why, when the bible was creating the kindest and most loving m*n, they used all the traits and actions of women, to show how good he is? And he can make wine on top of it, just to be the 'cool girl'. This is written in a book that has barely few women named, where nothing women did or said mattered except for giving birth, where women were sidelined into oblivion. What is bible trying to say?

Jesus is appropriating women's work to showcase what a good and special male he is. 'He is so good he's doing what a woman does" is the message. But when women do it, it doesn't matter. It only counts if a m*n does it, and we will give him a saint status while ignoring billions of women who did it before him.

And then to really rub it in, he volountarily suffers for other people's sins. Something women have been doing since we existed. It had been said that the bible had to torture a male as a symbol because a tortured and murdered women is so common, it wouldn't feel like anything out of the ordinary. Torture and death only matter when done to males. And look women, isn't he so kind to suffer for your sins. What fucking sins are we even talking about.

Jesus is just some guy whose grift is appropriating women's labour for attention and following. Had he been kind and just, he would have highlighted women's labour, women's kindness, their deserved place as the creators and caretakers of society. He would have told us who cooked the last supper. But no. He only boosts his own image and talks about his daddy issues. We have seen m*n do this before.

Now let's look how this 'emulating jesus' works in practice; as a good traditional christian you're supposed to marry and have kids. Jesus never married. Hmm. He never had kids either. He wandered around and gathered following, like a cult leader would. Interesting.

It seems that jesus was never a 'provider' but males are supposed to be 'providers', as communicated by the religion. Who are they emulating? It doesn't seem like m*n are really pushed to emulate jesus at all, they're emulating, well. What do we call when you keep someone in your house and this person does constant labour for you, but you don't pay them and expect them to keep doing more and decide if they get any resources or say in their life? Slave ownership. Anyway.

Women are strongly pushed to emulate Jesus' forgiveness and kindness, they're the ones who feel closer to him, seeing as he does similar things, but isn't this kinda circular and nonsensical? He is emulating us. And then we're told to emulate a male who took credit for our accoplishments. He didn't have to marry a guy! He didn't even have a career or give birth or raise a kid! His love was just in preformative miracles! Where was his family, his social circle of equals who weren't just followers, his social obligations, people he took care of? He never committed to anything, wandered around telling stories and had bunch of people follow him, we would call him a bum and we wouldn't be wrong. He doesn't even emulate us well because no woman is as irresponsible or attention seeking as jesus.

His ultimate act of kindness was to 'sacrifice himself for humanity', and women already do this, with way less demands for attention or glory. Sacrificing our well being and our bodies in order to create new people is inherently female, even dying in pain and doing it volountarily. It's what women have done forever. They made up one guy and said 'see m*n do it better' and 'this is more important than anything you have ever done or sacrificed' and no it isn't. It gave everyone guilt issues to hear in detail about jesus being tortured while torturing women is made into entertainment and porn. Our collective sacrifice enabled humanity life, jesus just made everyone feel guilty and bad for him. Again, it's what we've seen m*n do before.

Women don't have to emulate jesus because we already did all that, before him and better than him. Jesus is a strawman for males to get to lecture women about forgiveness and sacrifice, traits that somehow never manifest in their personalities. Incidentally, it is always males we are told to tolerate, forgive and sacrifice for, when not even jesus had to deal with that. When are we allowed to abandon everything to go to the desert and work on personal philosophy? Apparently we just need to stick to forgiveness and sacrifice, and then submission - when was jesus submissive? Don't answer that. I shouldn't type that on tumblr. You have to find a fanfic to meet jesus they want you to emulate.

The logic of christianity doesn't make sense. M*n are emulating nothing and sticking to 'having all power and getting their way', while women emulate a preformative male. Is this what life shoule be built upon?

Being told that Jesus is the kindest human and then looking at the facts of it is infuriating. Every woman is kinder. Every woman does more already. And we are told we don't do anything and shamed for existing in our bodies while he gets credit. Cancel this m*n.

[meirimerens]

you're telling me this guy's a bouncer? huh... and what does he bounce on, if you don't mind me asking...?

[gurlonawalk]

every time i see a woman i’m like good for her. coolest girl alive

[gurlonawalk]

this was meant to say every time i see a woman riding a skateboard but also yes