Tooru doesn’t know when he fell in love.
It doesn’t matter, really; his life has no beginning and for all it’s worth, there may have never been a time where he wasn’t in love. Just like breathing, it comes to him naturally and he fears that if he stopped, he would desist. Not die, never die, but just – end.
That’s why he keeps chasing him.
Well, that and many other reasons. If it was only his existence, he supposes it wouldn’t matter as much, he could bear being apart and absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever they say. In fact, it’d probably be better if he kept to himself, for the sake of all of them. Messing too much with the happenings of the world could cause a domino effect that, in a worst-case scenario, could push the world into despair and complete destruction.
Truly, staying away would be the selfless thing to do.
But when he has Keiji like this, fast asleep in his arms, his soft sleepy murmurs the only sound in the otherwise silent night, how could he ever be selfless?
He’s a merchant this time, travelling from city to city to sell jewellery. Not the most lucrative job, but as Tooru has observed, nobles seem to take a liking to his goods. Or perhaps just to Keiji himself – Tooru always thought his eyes look like bright aquamarines and this time around they don’t stand out as much, with his clothes fancy and spotless and his hair well-kempt. It’s quite the contrast to his last appearance as a battle-worn soldier in World War I. That was a particularly painful one, and he never knew what became of him before he had to leave.
He appreciates having him here in a more peaceful time, even if it means the cities smell like god-knows-what. Flush toilets have yet to be invented. This place is nice though, a quiet little hotel on the outskirts of the city surrounded by flowers where they both ran into each other looking for a place to stay.
Tooru would consider his love to be a delusion if it wasn’t for Keiji. No matter how many times they meet, no matter how many years in the past or the future their last meeting happened, he always recognises him. While Tooru himself lives but one never-ending life, Keiji is mortal in the broadest sense of the word. He’s not entirely sure about the logistics of all of it but it seems he just keeps getting reincarnated, and perhaps his own travels are related to him since they always seems to end up in the same places. It’s like fate itself has woven them together and only allowed them to stay so far apart.
Keiji doesn’t retain memories from his previous lives or those yet to come, but he always knows Tooru, and the thing he says when they meet is always the same. His name, and then, quietly,
And Tooru melts to the sound of his voice.
Of course, even when they’re happy it’s only temporary. He has no control about when he has to leave and wakes up at another place in another time. More often than not he doesn’t even get to say goodbye. Sometimes he wonders if it’s a punishment for something he’s done and long forgotten, to have his soulmate so close to touch but getting pulled away over and over again. That’s not even to mention all the friends he made and never had a chance to see again, because they’re not Keiji, they’re not his.
His life is a cruel one. Perhaps Keiji’s are even worse – at least Tooru always gets to meet him again, yet for him, he’s only a heartbeat in his time on earth, each and every one.
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