How to Have a Love Life (from someone who actually has one)
Step 1. Set Your Standards
Because if you don’t, the universe will send you men who text “wanna hang?” at 11:52 p.m.
Know what you want, even if it’s irrational. Tall, plays piano, Catholic guilt, looks good in black. Whatever. You’re allowed.
No chemistry? No deal. A good résumé means nothing if you feel nothing. You're trying to find love, you should feel something. A spark, a shiver, or a silly smile when he texts.
He should be a bit obsessed. Not restraining order obsessed, but “sent you a poem at midnight” obsessed.
“Busy” is a myth. If he wants to, he will. If he doesn’t, he won’t. There’s no mystery.
Not in a “fix yourself” way. In a “become so hot and self-possessed he can’t think straight” way.
Update your social media. Post hot pics, read pretentious books, quote Sappho. Let them suffer.
Romanticise your routines. The skincare, the gym, the getting ready playlist, it’s part of the charm.
Don’t try to be chill. Be passionate, a little dramatic, slightly impossible to forget. (we hate nonchalant here.)
Have a life. Not to impress him. To survive him. Join a class, go dancing, make art. Text your friends more than you text him. You need something to come home to if it falls apart.
Step 3. How to Actually Meet Guys
Yes, unfortunately, you do have to leave the house (or at least open your DMs).
Be online strategically. The story with the books, the wine glass, the dangerous neckline? Essential.
Go places alone. Cafés, galleries, vintage bookstores. Hot people live in those.
Talk first. Say something weird. Say something dry. Say anything at all. Most guys are just relieved. He won't think you're weird, and if he does, that's useful data. You don't want someone who's scared of a girl with opinions and a personality.
Mutual friends? Ask. Being set up is underrated. Just make sure it’s not someone who still says “epic.”
Step 4. Surviving the Talking Stage
Also known as: limbo, hell, emotional roulette.
Keep texting fun. You’re not here to conduct an interview.
Match his energy, then go slightly colder. Mystery keeps the plot alive.
Don’t over-invest. He’s cute, not a life plan. Don't build an entire narrative off a playlist and three emojis.
Pull back if needed. You’re not being “too much.” You’re being someone who doesn’t beg.
Congratulations. You’ve made it to the main event. Don’t panic now.
Look stunning, obviously. Even if you’re just getting coffee. Especially then.
Ask good questions. The goal is connection and psychological evaluation.
Stay unpredictable. Be kind, funny, engaging, but also allow for some silent moments. It shouldn't feel awkward.
Know when to walk away. If it’s not fun, not flirty, and not fulfilling, you can go.
Even CIA operatives get to talk to someone after a mission.
Tell your friends everything. Especially the ridiculous parts. Especially the unhinged texts. Your group chat is sacred.
Let them reality-check you. They love you. They see the red flags when you’re busy romanticising the beige.
Don’t skip the closure. Even if the ending was awkward or slow-fade. Name it, process it, laugh about it. Then leave it.
Not every story ends in disaster. Sometimes it actually gets good.
Stay a little delusional. You still get to romanticise it all. That’s half the fun.
Keep your identity. Don’t fold into each other like laundry. Stay weird. Keep your rituals. Be your own person with someone.
Let yourself be happy. Not suspicious. Not waiting for it to crash. Just happy. Let it feel real. You don't have to apologise for being loved. You don't have to brace for impact. allow yourself to enjoy.
Still debrief with your friends. Even in love. Especially in love. They were there before, and they’ll be there after—if it ever comes to that.
And if none of this works? Post a blurry photo in your favourite outfit, listen to Norman Fucking Rockwell, and disappear for 48 hours.
lots of love (literally) to all of you and if anyone has a question or request feel free to submit it here -> <3
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