✦ hello! my name is mei. i created this space to pour out all the thoughts i have about the characters i deeply connect with. keeping feelings this intense inside has started to drown me.
here you'll find philosophical, psychological and symbolic analyses about the characters i love most, but especially about my ultimate lover: swain.
besides that, as a designer, i plan to share parts of my creative process and the projects i develop inspired by them. almost everything i create ends up crossing through these themes in some way.
consider this my mental laboratory. a place where i dissect the characters i love in order to better understand their wounds, symbols and ideologies.
you are invited to observe. 👁
📌 ⸺ current obsessions
SWAIN · victor gideon · orochimaru · alucard · integra · dracula · D · týr · kratos · eddie gluskin · eric draven · alice liddell · thomas hewitt · polnareff · kakyoin
01. ✦ this blog is highly hyperfixated and personal. everything here is created through my emotional, philosophical and symbolic interpretation of these characters.
02. ✦ the characters i write about here are deeply loved. my analyses often come from a place of emotional attachment, affection and a desire to understand them beyond the surface.
03. ✦ i have no interest in nsfw, sexualization or shallow character consumption.
04. ✦ i frequently explore themes such as body horror, obsession, religion, trauma, transformation, identity and psychological decay.
05. ✦ my analyses do not exist to justify the actions of these characters. i am interested in understanding the human tragedy behind them.
✉️ ⸺ socials
✦ carrd | X | tiktok
i'm always open to chatting and
talking ideas about these things.
feel free to interact! ♡
✦ . in the last few days i started to sketch ideas that i always have in mind (and that will serve as a background for the future analysis that i will do about him)
i have a specific thought about how victor became what he is.
the first point comes from his final dialogue with zeno. during that scene, a much more vulnerable part of victor is exposed. the conversation reaches a moment where this happens:
zeno: “we want a weapon.”
victor: “instead, spencer gave us anarchy! i will carry his torch and bring his vision to life!”
this moment is extremely important because it openly reveals how victor sees himself: as someone who completely understands spencer and as the only person capable of continuing his legacy.
but the most interesting part comes right after:
zeno: “you? you and spencer were a means to an end.”
victor: “yet he outwitted you all.”
zeno: “spencer defied us and paid the price with his life. he was nothing.”
victor: “you are nothing but an imitation.”
zeno: “it’s over, victor. the connections are done with you.”
when zeno reduces both spencer and victor to nothing, it becomes visible how personally attacked victor feels. the explosive way he reacts by decapitating zeno exposes how deeply his own ego was wounded.
it makes me wonder:
what kind of wound does victor carry inside himself that made him react so violently?
my speculation is that, from a very young age, victor was seen as strange and ultimately disposable, even despite his brilliance and intelligence.
the way he coped with this rejection was by obsessively anchoring himself to an idea, in this case, the necessity of human evolution. as he says himself:
“do you believe in human evolution? i devoted my life to studying it. while you devoted your life… to failure.”
his aversion to being discarded became so intense that he dedicated his entire life to something he genuinely believed in.
beyond that, the way he views people unlike himself as beings devoted to failure makes it painfully obvious how much this mindset is rooted in trauma.
his mind created a logic capable of supporting the pain he carried inside. it is easier for him to see others as inferior than to confront his own wound.
the next aspect i will develop is how,
although victor was very devoted to
spencer, it is clear that spencer did not
regard him in the same way. anyway, i
feel very attracted to understanding doctor
gideon more and more. ♡
