Evaluator: Dr. Caroline Perez, Ph.D., Forensic Psychology
Date of Report: 04/18/2017
Classification: CONFIDENTIAL — INTERNAL USE ONLY
part two
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SUBJECT SUMMARY
Benjamin Poindexter is a thirty-year-old Jewish Caucasian male, currently under review following concerns regarding conduct, emotional stability, and suitability for continued service within the Bureau. Subject’s personal history is marked by early childhood trauma, disrupted attachments, and longstanding difficulties with authority and social integration. His adult record, while notable for commendations in field performance, is complicated by behavioral irregularities that warrant closer psychological scrutiny.
SUBJECT BACKGROUND
Benjamin Poindexter was placed into state custody at the age of nine following the deaths of both parents in 1995. He was subsequently transferred to the Lyndhurst Boys’ Home, where records document an early pattern of social withdrawal, oppositional behavior, and episodic aggression. His disciplinary file includes incidents of property destruction, retaliatory violence toward peers, and rigid adherence to routines. Staff noted unusual precision in tasks requiring coordination or focus, as well as difficulty tolerating perceived disorder in shared spaces.
In adolescence, subject displayed what staff described as “mechanical politeness” toward adults, though emotional reciprocity appeared limited. He excelled in athletics, particularly baseball, where he demonstrated remarkable consistency of aim and control. Reports indicate that athletic performance functioned as both a coping mechanism and an outlet for obsessive-compulsive traits: repeated practice, fixation on “perfect games,” and distress when unable to maintain flawless performance.
Following high school, subject enlisted in the United States Army, completing tours in Iraq between 2005–2008. Command reports describe him as “precise, efficient, and reliable under pressure,” though occasional concerns were raised regarding rigidity, difficulty adapting to orders outside standard operating procedure, and episodic irritability following traumatic exposure. Service records highlight multiple deployments in Iraq, commendations for marksmanship, and rapid advancement to First Lieutenant. However, accompanying notes reference “rigid black-and-white thinking” and “difficulty with interpersonal trust.” Psychological screenings post-deployment document exposure to combat-related trauma consistent with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, including intrusive recollections, hypervigilance, and sleep disturbance. Subject was honorably discharged and later recruited into the FBI for advanced marksmanship and tactical roles.
Subject was later recruited into the FBI, where his high performance in tactical operations and advanced training in counter-sniper strategy drew attention. During Bureau tenure, subject has been noted for both exemplary field accuracy and concerning interpersonal detachment. He presents as highly controlled in appearance and speech but exhibits patterns of internal volatility, including rapid mood shifts, intense preoccupation with perceived slights, and compulsive behavioral routines (re-checking locks, strict spatial alignment of objects, repetitive counting sequences). While recognized for exceptional precision and situational control, multiple colleagues described him as “hard to read,” “overly formal,” and “isolated.” A recurring theme in peer statements is his inability to distinguish professional distance from personal detachment, creating difficulty in forming sustained workplace bonds.
Psychological intake further indicates persistent intrusive recollections of combat, hypervigilance in crowded environments, and intermittent insomnia. Subject reports reliance on pharmacological intervention. Subject is currently prescribed Escitalopram (Lexapro) for mood stabilization, Sertraline (Zoloft) for anxiety regulation, and non-benzodiazepine sleep aids (Zolpidem, as needed) for chronic insomnia. Compliance is consistent, though subject has expressed frustration regarding side effects, including emotional blunting.
Clinical observations suggest diagnostic impressions of Borderline Personality Disorder, evidenced by unstable self-concept, chronic feelings of emptiness, and reliance on external “anchors” for stability. Features of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder are also present, manifesting in ritualized order, compulsion for precision, and intolerance of disruption. Symptoms of PTSD remain active. Evaluator notes also indicate an underlying struggle with sexual identity; subject identifies as homosexual but demonstrates discomfort discussing intimate relationships, appearing conflicted between desire for attachment and fear of exposure or rejection. Clinical impression suggests difficulties in identity integration, intimacy, and trust, compounded by borderline personality organization and obsessive-compulsive symptomatology. Subject demonstrates fear of abandonment, oscillating between idealization and devaluation of others, paired with rigid moral frameworks that appear self-derived rather than socially normative.
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BEHAVIORAL OBSERVATIONS
During clinical interviews, subject presents as neatly groomed and rigidly composed. Posture is consistently upright, shoulders squared, with a controlled stillness that suggests deliberate effort to contain movement. Despite this apparent restraint, subject’s motor activity reveals constant undercurrent agitation. Fingers tap rhythmically against his thigh, knuckles flex and crack, and he occasionally rolls a small object (coin, pen, paperclip) between his fingers when available. These behaviors are subtle stimming patterns, seemingly employed to manage internal tension.
Eye contact is one of the most striking features of his presentation. When engaged in conversation, subject locks his gaze with the evaluator’s for prolonged periods, unblinking and unnervingly steady. This creates an impression of intensity that borders on intimidation, though subject appears unaware of the effect. Notably, when asked questions regarding emotional experiences or personal vulnerability, eye contact is abruptly broken. Subject will glance away, often downward and to the left, accompanied by a brief tightening of the jaw. This shift is a reliable indicator of either concealment or emotional discomfort. In moments of disclosure that skirt truth, the duration of eye contact shortens, suggesting that honesty correlates with intensity, while falsehood or vulnerability compels retreat.
Subject demonstrates high cognitive control over verbal output. Responses are measured, often brief, and carefully structured to minimize ambiguity. There is evidence of conscious impression management. He attempts to appear cooperative, stable, and capable of functioning within institutional parameters. However, beneath this presentation, micro-expressions suggest irritation with the evaluation process itself. His voice remains monotone under scrutiny, yet when discussing tactical operations or marksmanship, his speech becomes animated, cadence quickens, and affect briefly surfaces as genuine enthusiasm.
Evaluator notes manipulative undertones. Subject appears to intuitively adjust demeanor based on perceived expectations. Adopting politeness when challenged, humor when deflecting, and silence when withholding. This fluidity suggests both high situational awareness and deliberate calibration of self-presentation. At times, his attempts to demonstrate “normality” verge on overcompensation, rendering the performance uncanny, too precise, too rehearsed.
Physiological signs during session include frequent adjustments of cuffs, collar, or sleeves, interpreted as both self-soothing behavior and need for physical control. Subject exhibits heightened startle reflex to unexpected noises, consistent with hypervigilance. His body remains oriented toward the exit at all times. When seated, feet remain flat and ready for movement, never crossing legs, reinforcing a persistent readiness posture.
Emotional expression is constricted. Laughter appears practiced, often without congruent facial involvement. Smiles do not reach the eyes. Affect is otherwise blunted, with the exception of rare flashes of irritation when discussing past authority figures, or rare glimmers of warmth when referencing past mentors or guiding figures. These attachments appear central to his sense of orientation, functioning as stabilizing forces in his otherwise unstable interpersonal world.
The overall impression is of a subject attempting to tightly regulate both environment and self-presentation, yet whose compulsive mannerisms and inconsistencies betray underlying psychological instability. His constant movement, fixation on gaze, and tactical manipulation of social dynamics point to both defensive rigidity and rehearsed attempts to mask deeper volatility.
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DIAGNOSTIC IMPRESSIONS
Subject’s presentation is consistent with a constellation of psychiatric concerns spanning multiple diagnostic categories. While he retains outward functionality and demonstrates exceptional occupational performance, his psychological profile reveals significant underlying pathology that compromises long-term stability and interpersonal adaptability.
1. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD):
Subject exhibits a longstanding pattern of unstable self-concept, oscillating between overconfident certainty in his professional role and deep-seated insecurity regarding his intrinsic worth. He demonstrates an intense need for external anchors (mentors, authority figures, intimate partners) to maintain psychological equilibrium. When deprived of these stabilizing influences, subject experiences rapid decompensation: heightened irritability, impulsivity, and internal chaos. His attachments are often idealized, bordering on obsessive, with an expectation that the figure provide absolute guidance or constancy. Disruptions to these bonds trigger disproportionate emotional responses, including anger, despair, or withdrawal. Chronic emptiness and fear of abandonment are consistent themes.
2. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD):
Obsessive features are pronounced, particularly regarding order, precision, and control of environment. Subject demonstrates intolerance of ambiguity or disorder; minor disruptions (e.g., a crooked picture frame, misplaced object) provoke disproportionate distress. Compulsive routines serve as self-regulation strategies: ritualized hand movements, repeated checking of personal equipment, and insistence on symmetry. These compulsions reinforce a sense of safety and predictability. However, their rigidity contributes to interpersonal strain, as subject imposes the same standards of order on others.
3. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – Childhood and Adult Origins:
Subject’s trauma symptoms originate both in early childhood experiences and later life events. Exposure to parental abuse, neglect, and the violent deaths of both parents during formative years contributed to early-onset PTSD. Childhood PTSD is evidenced by hypervigilance, intrusive recollections, persistent startle responses, and emotional numbing observable in early behavioral records. These symptoms established a foundation of chronic anxiety, difficulty trusting others, and overreliance on self-imposed structure as coping mechanisms.
Combat and occupational trauma during military and FBI service have compounded these preexisting vulnerabilities. Subject exhibits persistent intrusive memories of combat scenarios, hypervigilance in potentially threatening environments, exaggerated startle reflexes, and chronic sleep disruption. Nightmares are recurrent, and subject relies on non-benzodiazepine sleep aids for partial symptom management. Trauma-related hyperarousal and avoidance behaviors are intensified by the overlay of childhood PTSD, creating a lifelong pattern of defensive vigilance and emotional constriction.
Evaluator notes that the subject’s obsession with precision extends beyond pathology into adaptive functioning. His marksmanship, tactical planning, and situational awareness benefit from these traits. Nevertheless, the same perfectionism fosters a brittle psyche: success is mandatory, and failure, no matter how minor, generates disproportionate self-criticism.
While subject identifies as homosexual, he exhibits discomfort integrating this identity into broader self-concept. He discusses relationships rarely and with guarded language, suggesting fear of judgment or rejection. He presents as capable of deep attachment but simultaneously conflicted, oscillating between desire for intimacy and fear of exposure. This struggle may compound his borderline features, reinforcing themes of secrecy, longing, and shame.
Subject does not exhibit traditional empathy as commonly defined, but rather operates within a rigid internalized code. Loyalty, truthfulness, and precision are elevated to moral absolutes. Deviations from this framework (e.g., dishonesty, incompetence, disorder) evoke disproportionate hostility. This code provides structure, but its rigidity undermines adaptability in social and institutional contexts.
Overall, subject meets diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and PTSD with both childhood and adult origins, with additional complicating factors of sexual identity conflict and perfectionistic obsessive traits. Medication (Escitalopram, Sertraline, Zolpidem) provides partial symptom mitigation; however, subject demonstrates limited insight into the maladaptive elements of his psychological profile. Prognosis for long-term stability is cautious, contingent on sustained support structures and continued pharmacological management.
Do you think Dex would be capable of a somewhat healthy relationship, platonic or romantic, and how would that possibility change pre-Fisk (with someone like Julie, if he hadn’t been manipulated) and post-Fisk (as he appears in DDBA S1-2) ?
hello. i think the honest answer is that dex is not really capable of a healthy relationship in any canon period of his life, at least not in the way most people mean when they say “healthy relationship.” and i don’t mean that in a cruel or flattening way, because i do think there are versions of dex where the possibility exists more than others. but possibility and actual readiness are two very different things. dex is somebody whose entire inner life is built around instability, externalization, fixation, performance, and survival. he does not really know how to relate to other people in a mutual, grounded, emotionally sustainable way. he knows how to attach, how to observe, how to idealize, how to project, how to depend, how to perform, and how to cling to structure through another person. but that is not the same thing as being able to truly participate in a relationship that is reciprocal, honest, emotionally regulated, and safe. so i think the answer for me is: no, not really, not as he is in canon. but there are definitely points in his life where he was closer to being capable of it than he is in others.
and i also think it’s really important to separate wanting closeness from being able to sustain closeness. because those are not the same thing either. dex is lonely, yes. he is profoundly lonely. but loneliness does not automatically translate into relationship readiness. a lot of people read characters like him and go “well he just needs love” or “he just needs the right person,” and i honestly don’t agree with that framing at all because it oversimplifies what is actually wrong. dex’s issue is not that no one has loved him enough. his issue is that his entire way of relating to himself and others is deeply distorted. so even if someone cared about him, even if someone was patient, even if someone was kind, that would not automatically create the conditions for a healthy bond. because he would still be bringing all of himself into it. the dysregulation, the obsession, the splitting, the dependency, the black-and-white thinking, the fear, the idealization, the emotional volatility, the violence, the identity instability, all of it. and unless he had done a massive amount of work on himself over a very long period of time, any relationship would eventually get swallowed by that.
and i think julie is actually one of the clearest examples of why dex would struggle so much with a healthy relationship, because what he felt toward her was not romantic or sexual interest at all. that’s canon, and i think it matters a lot when people talk about her role in his life. he was not drawn to julie because he desired her in that way. he was drawn to what she represented. she symbolized a kind of goodness, softness, normalcy, and moral stability that he felt profoundly disconnected from in himself, and he believed that if he stayed close enough to her, watched her enough, studied her enough, maybe he could somehow learn how to be like that too. so his attachment to her was never really about mutual attraction or genuine romantic reciprocity. it was about proximity to an ideal. he wanted to be near what she embodied because he hoped it could teach him something about how to be a “good” person. and that’s honestly what makes it so sad, because even though there is tenderness in that, it is still fundamentally not a healthy or equal basis for a relationship.
because when you are attached to someone primarily for what they symbolize to you, you are not actually relating to them as a full, separate human being. you are relating to them as an idea, a function, a mirror, a model, a source of meaning, or a tool for self-construction. and that is exactly why julie could never have become a healthy relationship for dex, even if fisk had never interfered. because dex was not really seeing julie. he was seeing what she could do for him internally, what she could represent, what she could maybe help him become. and that’s not love in a grounded, mutual sense. that’s an attachment built around aspiration, projection, and emotional utility. even if the person in question had been a man instead of julie, i think the exact same issue would still apply. because the problem is not just who he is drawn to, it’s how he is relating to them. if he is fixating on someone not because he genuinely knows and desires them as a person, but because they seem to embody a kind of wholeness or goodness he wants to absorb, then that attachment is already too self-referential and too uneven to become healthy intimacy.
and i think that distinction is really important, because it shows that dex’s problem is not simply “he picked the wrong person” or “he never got the chance to date her.” the problem is that his way of attaching was already coming from a place of need, projection, and identity instability rather than true relational reciprocity. he wasn’t asking, consciously or unconsciously, “who is this person really, and how do i love them?” he was asking, “what does this person represent, and what can being close to them do for me?” and those are two completely different foundations. one can maybe grow into something real if there is enough self-awareness and change, but in dex’s case, as we see him in canon, it never really gets there. julie is less a lost romance and more a symbol of the way dex reaches for people as blueprints, as examples, as things to orient himself around when he does not know how to generate that sense of goodness or stability from within. and that’s exactly why it’s so tragic, but also exactly why it could never have been healthy.
and i think that’s what makes the julie situation so sad, because on the surface it can look almost sweet or tender if you don’t dig into it too much (which you’d have to ignore the big red flag labeled “stalking”) but when you really look at it, it’s not grounded in mutuality. dex is not approaching her as a whole person with her own needs, limits, interiority, and complexity. he is approaching her as a kind of emotional life raft. as a stabilizer. as a model of humanity. as proof that there is a way to exist in the world that he cannot naturally access on his own. and i think that’s a very important distinction, because it means even if fisk had never manipulated or weaponized that attachment, it still would not have necessarily become something healthy. maybe it could have become less catastrophic, sure. maybe it could have stayed in the realm of awkward friendship or emotionally loaded proximity. but i still don’t think it would have turned into an actually good or sustainable friendship, because the basis of his interest in her was already fundamentally unequal and self-referential.
canonically, to dex, julie represented normalcy. she represents softness. she represents “goodness” in a way he can identify externally but not embody internally. and dex is so identity-fractured that he latches onto people who seem to have qualities he feels he is missing. he doesn’t just want them. he wants what they are. and that creates a very different kind of dynamic than actual healthy attraction. because when you are drawn to someone primarily for what they symbolize, you are not really in relationship with them. you are in relationship with the role they are playing in your psyche.
and i think that’s true of dex more broadly too. one of the biggest barriers between him and any healthy relationship is that he tends to relate to people through function before he relates to them through true mutual personhood. people become stabilizers, anchors, mirrors, authority figures, ideals, threats, judges, saviors, or targets. and that means even when his attachments are emotionally real, and i do think they are real, they are still not necessarily relationally healthy. they are often structured around what the other person does for his internal world. how they regulate him. how they define him. how they give him shape. how they soothe or activate him. and if your entire way of attaching to others is built around what they can do to stabilize your identity or your nervous system, then relationships become incredibly high-stakes and incredibly fragile very quickly.
so if we’re talking about pre-fisk season 3 dex, i do think that is the version of him who is most capable of some kind of relationship compared to the later versions, but even then i would not call him relationship-ready. i think pre-fisk dex is the closest he ever gets to something resembling functional adulthood. he has a job. he has routines. he has external structure. he has rules. he has treatment history behind him, even if it’s incomplete and insufficient. he has some degree of self-management. he is still profoundly unstable under the surface, yes, but he has systems in place that are at least helping him contain himself enough to move through the world. and because of that, i think if there was ever a time where he could maybe fumble his way into something adjacent to intimacy, it would be then. but even in that version, i don’t think he is truly equipped for a healthy relationship because the underlying issues are still very much there. they’re just being held together by routine and suppression.
i think if pre-fisk dex had relationships at all, they would probably be brief, inconsistent, emotionally strange, and hard for him to sustain. i don’t think he would be someone actively yearning for romance in a conventional sense. i don’t think he’s sitting there fantasizing about partnership and domesticity and emotional transparency. if anything, i think he would probably find the actual practical demands of intimacy deeply destabilizing. because relationships require spontaneity, vulnerability, conflict navigation, emotional flexibility, repair, compromise, and a tolerance for uncertainty, and dex is not built for those things in any easy or natural way. i think he could maybe tolerate closeness in small, structured, controlled doses. but the deeper and more mutual it became, the more likely it would be to trigger all of his worst relational patterns.
and that’s why i think even if pre-fisk dex could technically enter a relationship, it would probably still go badly unless he was doing a huge amount of work on himself that we never really see him do. and i mean a huge amount of work. not just “he’s in therapy” in a vague sense. i mean serious long-term adult treatment, serious accountability, serious emotional skill-building, serious work around obsession, attachment, self-concept, black-and-white thinking, distress tolerance, and interpersonal functioning. because the coping mechanisms he had were not actually healthy adult relational tools, they were survival structures. they were about keeping him from completely falling apart or becoming openly dangerous. that is a very different thing from being able to build a stable, mutual, loving relationship with another person.
and i also don’t think dex is somebody who would naturally pursue relationships as a central life goal anyway. i think that’s another thing fandom sometimes projects onto lonely characters that doesn’t always fit. i absolutely think he feels emptiness. i absolutely think he feels disconnection. but i don’t necessarily think that translates into “i want a boyfriend” in a straightforward way. i think a lot of what he actually wants is orientation. he wants something or someone that tells him who he is, how to behave, what to do, what he means. and that can look like longing for intimacy, but it’s not exactly the same thing. i think if he sought people out, it would often be less because he was craving mutual romance and more because he was unconsciously looking for regulation, identity scaffolding, or symbolic meaning.
and if we’re talking about sexual relationships specifically, i also don’t think that automatically changes the answer much. i can see pre-fisk dex being more likely than later versions to maybe have occasional sexual encounters, but i don’t think that would necessarily mean he is any more emotionally available or relationally grounded. if anything, i think sex for someone like dex could easily become detached, performative, dissociative, overly intense, or oddly impersonal depending on the context. not because he is incapable of feeling, but because physical closeness and emotional closeness are not the same thing, and i don’t think he naturally integrates them in a simple or healthy way. so even if there were sexual experiences in his life, i don’t think that automatically implies he was in a place to sustain real intimacy.
and then once you move into post-fisk dex, especially season 1 and season 2 born again dex, i honestly think the possibility of any healthy relationship drops from “extremely difficult but not theoretically impossible” to basically nonexistent. by that point, he is too far gone in too many ways. he is not only dysregulated or emotionally damaged at that stage, he is criminally violent, psychologically fragmented, incarcerated, manipulated, radicalized through trauma, and then later actively operating as a fugitive serial killer on a revenge mission. that is not a context in which a healthy relationship can happen. there is just no realistic version of that where another person could enter his life in a safe, mutual, emotionally sustainable way. his life is too unstable, too dangerous, too violent, too secretive, and too structurally incompatible with relational safety.
and i think this is where people sometimes romanticize him in a way that kind of misses the reality of what his life would actually be like. because born again dex is not just “troubled but lovable.” he is deeply unsafe. not in the sense that he is unworthy of complexity or humanity, but in the very practical sense that being close to him would be dangerous. emotionally dangerous, physically dangerous, situationally dangerous. he is being hunted. he is hunting. he is operating in secrecy. he is driven by obsession and retaliation. the state is after him. fisk is after him. his enemies are powerful. his life has no stability, no legal safety, no predictability, no peace. so even if another person somehow got emotionally close to him in that era, that relationship would be contaminated by fear, danger, instability, and likely coercive dependency almost immediately.
and that’s before you even get into the fact that dex himself would not be capable of showing up in a healthy way for another person at that point. he is too consumed. too fractured. too mission-oriented. too flooded by his own inner world. if loneliness crosses his mind in born again, i don’t think it crosses his mind as “i wish i had a partner.” i think it would register more like absence, ache, emptiness, dislocation. something primal and unspecific. because he is so far into survival mode and revenge mode that romance or partnership does not even really feel like a meaningful category anymore. he has too much going on internally and externally for that to become an actual relational possibility. there is no room for it, and there is no version of him at that point who could sustain it without dragging another person into ruin.
and even platonically, i think the same basic problem applies. i do think platonic connection is more plausible for dex than romance in some ways, because friendship can sometimes be less destabilizing than intimacy and less likely to trigger certain expectations. but even then, i don’t think he is especially good at friendship in a healthy, balanced sense either. again, he can attach. he can become interested. he can become dependent. he can become fixated. he can idealize. but true friendship also requires reciprocity, boundaries, emotional flexibility, and a capacity to tolerate people as full, imperfect, separate beings who are not there to regulate or define you. and i think that’s very hard for him too. so even platonic relationships would likely become uneven, overly intense, or psychologically loaded unless he had done a lot of healing first.
and i think that’s maybe the saddest part of dex to me: not that he is “unlovable,” because i don’t think that’s the right word, but that he is so structurally unequipped for the kind of connection that would actually sustain him. because what he needs is not just affection. he needs an entire rebuilt foundation of selfhood, emotional regulation, accountability, and relational capacity that he simply does not have in canon. and no one person, not julie, not matt, not some hypothetical ideal partner, could provide that for him. that work would have to come from him, over years, with actual treatment and actual change. and until that happened, any relationship he entered would almost inevitably become distorted by the things he has never learned how to carry safely.
i also think it’s really important to say that this does not mean dex is incapable of love, care, or connection, because i honestly don’t think that’s true at all. i think sometimes when people talk about characters like him, they flatten them into either “secret soft misunderstood baby who just needs love” or “emotionless monster who can’t feel anything real,” and i don’t think either of those readings are accurate. dex absolutely can feel attachment and care and longing and tenderness in his own way. we see little flashes of that throughout the show. he can be polite. he can be thoughtful. he can be soft-spoken. he can be strangely sweet in these very brief, disarming ways. there are moments where you can feel that there is a version of him that genuinely wants closeness and wants to do “the right thing,” or at least wants to be seen as someone who can. and i think that matters a lot, because it’s part of what makes him tragic in the first place. if he were truly incapable of any warmth or humanity, he would be much easier to understand and much less devastating as a character.
but the problem is that having the capacity for affection is not the same thing as having the capacity for a healthy relationship. and i think that distinction is really important with dex. because yes, he can be sweet. yes, he can be gentle in little moments. yes, he can show care in the ways he knows how. but a few moments of softness do not override the larger structural reality of who he is and what he is struggling with. being capable of tenderness does not automatically mean you are capable of stability, reciprocity, emotional safety, or sustainable intimacy. and with dex, i think that’s where the tragedy really lives. because the little glimpses of sweetness are real. they are just not enough on their own to counterbalance the volatility, obsession, identity instability, violence, dependency, and emotional dysregulation that would make an actual relationship so difficult and so dangerous in canon.
and honestly, i think that’s part of what makes him such a painful character to think about in this context, because you can see the outline of someone who, under radically different circumstances, maybe could have become gentler, calmer, more emotionally reachable. you can see the pieces. you can see that he is not just this hollow shell with nothing inside him. there is clearly a person in there who has the ability to care, the ability to attach, the ability to feel deeply, and even the ability to be attentive in ways that are sometimes very endearing. but because his emotional world is so warped and so unstable, those same capacities often get twisted into something unhealthy. the care becomes fixation. the attachment becomes dependency. the attentiveness becomes hypervigilance or obsession. the sweetness becomes part of a relational pattern that cannot hold itself safely. so i think the issue with dex is not “he can’t love.” it’s more that his love, as he exists in canon, is not organized in a healthy enough way to sustain another person without eventually harming them or himself.
and that’s why i actually do think it’s worth imagining what an alternate version of dex could maybe look like if his life had gone very differently. not in a “fix him with love” way, but in a genuinely structural, developmental sense. because if we’re talking about some alternate world where he never became bullseye, never got absorbed into fisk’s orbit, never got pushed deeper and deeper into violence, and actually had the chance to continue treatment and build a more stable adult life, then yes, i do think there is a version of dex who could maybe eventually have some form of relationship. not easily. not naturally. not without a lot of difficulty. but i do think the possibility would exist much more realistically there than it does in canon.
in that kind of alternate life, i don’t think he would suddenly become easy or uncomplicated or naturally emotionally fluent. i don’t think he would just turn into some effortlessly healthy boyfriend or partner because that would not feel true to who he is. he would still be rigid in certain ways. he would still be awkward. he would still have issues with control, emotional processing, routine, shame, and attachment. he would still need a lot of reassurance and a lot of structure. he would probably still struggle with understanding his own feelings in real time and with expressing them in a smooth or conventional way. he would still likely have moments of emotional overwhelm, black-and-white thinking, withdrawal, or overdependence. but if he had remained in treatment, if he had access to actual support, if he had a life with enough routine and safety and accountability to keep him regulated, then i do think there could be a world where he slowly learned how to build connection without it immediately collapsing into fixation or violence.
and honestly, in that version of his life, i think love with dex would probably look quiet more than anything. not easy, not effortless, but quiet. i don’t imagine him as somebody who would be grandly romantic or naturally emotionally demonstrative all the time. i think his love would show up in details, consistency, ritual, and attentiveness. i think he would be the kind of person who notices very small things about his partner and remembers them exactly. the kind of person who would remember how his partner takes their coffee, what route they prefer to walk home, which foods they hate, what textures they avoid, what time of day they get tired, what songs they replay too much when you’re stressed. he would probably not always be great at saying “i love you” in the most fluid or casual way, but i think if he were in a genuinely healthier place, his care would come through in observation and precision. in showing up the same way every day. in making sure things are done “right.” in trying, sometimes clumsily but sincerely, to be useful and reliable and gentle in the ways he knows how.
i also think he would probably be someone who loved through routine and inclusion. like if he was genuinely trying to build a life with someone in a healthier universe, his version of intimacy would probably involve letting someone into his systems. letting them into his schedule, his habits, his environment, his preferred order of things. because for someone like dex, routine is not just preference, it’s safety. so if he were truly comfortable with somebody, i think a lot of the tenderness would be in him making room for them inside the structures that keep him stable. maybe he’d want to eat at the same places. maybe he’d want certain rituals repeated. maybe he’d find comfort in predictability rather than novelty. and i think if he was with the right person in the right universe, that could actually become something really touching rather than restrictive, because it would mean he was not just tolerating someone’s presence, he was building them into the architecture of his life.
and i also think that version of him would probably be very protective, very attentive, and very earnest in a way that could actually be really sweet when it’s not distorted by obsession. because that’s the thing: a lot of dex’s core traits are not inherently doomed on their own. they become dangerous in canon because they are unregulated, traumatized, and fused with violence and identity instability. but in another world, some of those same traits could be redirected into something much softer. his attentiveness could become thoughtfulness. his intensity could become devotion. his desire for structure could become reliability. his hyperawareness could become protectiveness rather than control. that’s what makes alternate-universe “healthier dex” so compelling to think about, because the raw materials for connection are actually there. they’re just buried under so much damage in canon that they rarely get the chance to exist safely.
that said, even in the most generous alternate universe, i still think a healthy relationship with dex would require a very specific kind of compatibility and a lot of work on both sides. not in a “you need to save him” way, because that would be a terrible dynamic, but in a “this person would need to be emotionally mature, very boundaried, very patient, and very clear” kind of way. he could not be with somebody who was trying to rescue him, fix him, or become his whole emotional foundation, because that would just recreate the same unhealthy dependency patterns in a prettier package. if dex were ever going to have something truly healthy, it would have to be with someone who could care about him deeply without becoming consumed by him, and who could hold firm boundaries without humiliating him or abandoning him every time he struggled. someone steady, but not passive. compassionate, but not self-erasing. someone who could love him as a person rather than as a project.
and i think that’s another reason why julie, specifically, still doesn’t really work for me as the ideal “healthy relationship” example even in a better timeline. because what he attached to in julie was not really her in a full, mutual, relational sense. it was what she represented. and i think if dex were ever going to love somebody in a healthier way, he would need to get to a place where he could actually know them as a person rather than as a symbol, a stabilizer, or an ideal. he would need to love somebody not because they embody the goodness he lacks, but because he genuinely sees them in all their complexity and wants to meet them there. and that is a much harder, much more adult kind of love than what we see him reaching for in canon.
so if i were putting it simply, i’d say: canon dex is not really capable of a healthy relationship, but that is not because he is incapable of love. it’s because love alone is not enough to undo the kind of damage and instability he is carrying. and in some alternate world where he never became bullseye, stayed in treatment, built a more stable life, and had the chance to become a more grounded adult, i do think there is a version of him who could maybe love someone in a quieter, more sustainable, more human way. awkwardly, imperfectly, and with difficulty, yes, but sincerely. and honestly, i think that’s part of what makes him so heartbreaking. because the capacity is there in fragments. you can see it. you can feel it. it just exists inside a man who, in canon, was never given the internal foundation or external circumstances to make that capacity safe enough to truly bloom. pre-fisk dex had the most potential, but even then i don’t think he was truly ready or naturally inclined toward a healthy relationship. post-fisk and born again dex, absolutely not. not because he is incapable of attachment, but because attachment is not the same thing as health, and dex is one of those characters where that distinction matters so much. he can want people. he can need people. he can obsess over people. he can cling to people. he can project onto people. he can even care about people in his own damaged, distorted way. but a healthy relationship requires way more than intensity, and intensity is what he has in excess. what he lacks is the actual stable relational architecture to make that intensity safe. and that’s why, to me, the tragedy of dex is not “he never found the right person.” it’s that he never became the kind of person who could truly meet somebody there.
terrance is a case manager in Hell’s Kitchen. His goal is to help others who've made terrible decisions, hopefully giving them a second chance at life like he once received. after the events of daredevil season 3, terrance becomes somewhat involved in ben poindexter's care, ensuring that he is being treated with kindness by hospital and prison staff for three years. unfortunately, when he has a relapse with his psychosis, he drops the ball on dex's care (and the care for many other clients), is fired from his case management job, and unintentionally leaves the door open for dex to be manipulated by vanessa fisk, who hires him to kill foggy nelson. terrance is horrified and devastated over the event, and fully blames himself for allowing this to happen.
over a year later, when dex is moved to gen pop in prison, terrance finally comes to visit him and apologizes for abandoning him when he needed someone to look after him. (this is before dex meets with matt). later that day, dex escapes from prison and tries to kill fisk, matt murdock gets shot instead, and dex goes into hiding. terrance and his vigilante bestie Dia also go into hiding and agree to help daredevil build an army to fight against fisk. they all assume dex is dead when they haven't heard about him after that night. terrance is utterly devastated but cannot share his grief with dia because she hates him.
2 months later, dex shows up one night when terrance is threatened by a task force member. although ter is happy dex is alive, he still doesn't fully trust him. dex offers to keep him safe, offering protection in exchange for Terrance’s company. after a week or so of talking, terrance agrees, and they start hanging out more. terrance finds out dex has been unhealthily obsessed with him, but actually doesn't mind because he has also developed an intense obsession for Dex as well. they kind of start a secret relationship over the next month while terrance convinces dia to allow dex (bullseye) to join their team in the war. when she finds out about their little affair, she and terrance have a HUGE fight, but dia ultimately submits to terrance's will and allows dex to join their team. as long as he proves he actually cares about ter and won't hurt him. dia and dex eventually begin working together on missions but they are reluctant allies at best, only cooperating with each other for terrance's sake.
Dex & Terrance’s journeys intersect at the perfect time 🩷
Terrance is a case manager in Hell’s Kitchen and best friends with the vigilante Starlet during the events of DDS3. When Dia (Starlet) admits she killed Fisk’s bestie, Dex is sent to kill Terrance but doesn’t succeed. When Fisk slams Dex into a wall and breaks his spine, Terrance is the only one willing to work with his care team to make sure he’s taken care of. He provides free case management services for Dex from afar for 3 years until he has a relapse with his schizoaffective disorder and drops the ball, allowing the opportunity for Vanessa to manipulate Dex into killing Foggy. One year later, Terrance apologizes to Dex, Dex breaks out of prison, and goes into hiding after trying to kill Fisk.
2 months later, Terrance is threatened by a Task Force member when Dex (who has been stalking him) saves him and offers to walk him home. Terrance, who thought he was dead, is overjoyed to see him again and very willingly offers to be his friend if he keeps him safe.
Terrance becomes just as obsessed with Dex as Dex is with him. It quickly develops into more than friendship but they have to keep it secret … for now 🤫
Dex is so sadistic like he could’ve killed Foggy with a single gunshot to the head but instead he shot him in the chest and INTENTIONALLY LET HIM BLEED OUT 💔💔💔 and then he was gonna go for Karen too but only AFTER her friend died in her arms 😭
hiii angel!! i was wondering of you'd do something for dex and reader who has severe attachment and abandonment issues? i love love love your work sm!! <33
ben poindexter x attachment/abandonment!issues reader. 𝜗𝜚 headcanon’s
r e q u e s t e d ♡
cw ᝰ .ᐟ co dependency ,, toxic relationship probably? idk my heart shaped glasses are on ,, gender neutral reader ,, it’s dex so .. yah
DEX knows that kind of fear. the kind that makes your chest ache when someone takes too long to reply. the kind that whispers they’re leaving. so when you get quiet and distant and paranoid, he doesn’t take it personal. doesn’t get mad when you ask for reassurance three times in ten minutes — just pulls you into his arms and says it again: i’m not leaving. i’m right here.
he literally doesn’t know how to process being wanted this much. this is probably one of the most ideal scenarios out there for him.
emotional dependency. if one of you is upset, you can’t focus on anything until the other is calmed down.
dex lets you kiss his pulse when he’s scared. he won’t say it out loud, but it grounds him — to feel your lips where his heart beats. to know someone wants him alive. you let him kiss your wrist in return.
he lets you cling. he needs it too, if he’s being honest. lets you tangle your limbs around him like a lifeline. lets you fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat, steady and real and not going anywhere.
the relationship isn’t about space, it’s about closeness. constant closeness. suffocatingly sweet, terrifyingly intense closeness.
you joke about being codependent and he nods like it’s a compliment. like, yeah? obviously.
you’ve both made it a habit to over-reassure each other when you talk about friends or exes. like, you’ll say “she’s nice, but she’s not you. no one makes me feel like you do.” dex’ll say “he’s cool, but you’re mine.” and it never sounds forced. it sounds like medicine.
you’ve both had full-blown meltdowns over someone going to the store without saying goodbye. the smallest silence, the smallest gap in communication triggers that deep, clawing fear: they left. they didn’t think it mattered.
both have habits to constantly reassure each other you're still chosen. dex will tap your thigh three times — his silent code for i love you, i'm here, i’m not leaving. you squeeze his hand in return — i know, i feel it, don’t stop.
he sends voice notes when he knows you’re spiraling. tells you exactly what he’s doing, exactly when he’ll be home. never ghosts, never disappears. he knows what that does to someone.
lets you repeat yourself. lets you doubt. lets you cry. he gets it — how love feels like something that could vanish if you breathe wrong. he lets you see him anxious, too. the tapping, the pacing, the tension in his jaw. not to make you feel guilty — but so you know you’re not alone. you don’t scare him. he’d rather have you panicked and clinging to him than not have you at all.
it’s terrifying how much he loves you. he needs you like air, like sleep, like the pills he forgets to take when he's too busy watching your location update on his phone. he never calls it stalking. he calls it making sure you’re okay. calls it looking out for you. calls it love.
he adores that you’re clingy. never complains. never rolls his eyes. in fact, the more you need him, the calmer he feels. finally, someone who wants him like that. who’s just as intense. neither of you go anywhere alone unless it’s absolutely necessary. if you could, you’d share one nervous system. always touching — pinkies hooked, shoulders pressed, legs tangled.
both of you panic when the other doesn’t answer the phone right away. he’s texting “where are you? are you okay?” while you're calling back in a frenzy thinking he got hurt.
falling asleep on top of him. always. his chest, his lap, draped across his body like a weighted blanket. he’d stop breathing before he’d ask you to move.
you panic when he leaves. even if he says it’s nothing big, even if it’s just a quick job. you cling to him at the door, voice cracking as you whisper “what if you don’t come back?” — dex melts. completely. cups your face in both hands, presses your forehead to his and says “hey. i’m coming back. i always come back to you.”
he leaves behind a hoodie that smells like him. a voicemail saying “i love you” just in case. his location’s always on. he double checks the locks before he goes. triple checks if you’re crying.
the second he’s home he’s dropping everything at the door, walking straight to you like he’s been starving. wraps his arms around you and mumbles, “missed you so bad. i’m sorry, i’m here now. i’m not going anywhere baby, i’ve got you.” you’re curled up on the couch in his hoodie, cheeks blotchy from crying, and he’s just standing there staring at you like you’re the most precious thing he’s ever seen. like, he thinks you’re so adorable when you need him. “gonna make it up to you,” he whispers, running his fingers through your hair while you cling to him. “wont go anywhere without you. won’t even go to the bathroom without you, swear to god.”
and he doesn’t. for the next 24 hours he’s glued to your side, follows you around the house like a puppy. lays on top of you like a weighted blanket, kisses every inch of your face until you start laughing through the tears.
you’re in his lap while he eats. in his lap while he watches tv. he literally can’t function unless you’re physically touching him. one hand on your thigh, arm slung around your shoulder, pinkies linked — something.
if you say “i thought you were gonna die,” he gets so soft. kisses the corner of your eye, strokes your cheek with the back of his hand and says, “you really love me that much, huh?” like he’s shy about it.
he thinks it’s so cute when you get possessive too. like if you cling to his sleeve when someone flirts with him, he leans in and kisses you right there, smiling against your mouth.
you both have those breakdowns where it’s not even words, just shaking and holding each other like it’s the only thing keeping your hearts beating. and every time he promises it again. even if he already said it twenty times that day. “i’m not going anywhere. i couldn’t even if i wanted to. you’ve got me forever.”
one time he tried to leave in the middle of the night for something “quick.” didn’t want to wake you. but you did wake up — reached out, found the bed empty, and by the time he was at the door, you were sobbing in the hallway. he immediately dropped his bag, walked back to you with the most heartbroken look on his face. cupped your cheeks, thumbs brushing your tears away. you clung to him so tight he just sank to the floor with you, held you there until the sun came up. whispered over and over, “shhh. i’m not mad. you’re allowed to need me. i love it when you need me.”
he started letting you tag along after that. even if it’s just waiting in the car. even if you’re not doing anything. he’d rather see your worried face through the windshield than not see you at all.
he talks to you through his earpiece. “you still there, baby?” / “mhm.” / “talk to me. tell me what you’re gonna make me for dinner. i just wanna hear your voice.” and if you do stay home, he calls during the job. on the job. literally ducking behind cover like “hey, yeah, just wanted to say i miss you. i’ll be home soon, okay?” - - que him throwing a rock at matts forehead without even looking. when he comes back, he doesn’t even take off his boots before grabbing your face and kissing you breathless. muttering “you okay? did you cry? i missed you.” (part of him secretly likes it when you cry over him.)
he’ll cancel plans to stay in bed with you. has zero problem being irresponsible if it means holding you through a panic attack or a clingy spiral.
absolutely calls you pet names when you’re anxious. “sweetheart,” “angel,” “my baby.” says them soft and slow, like a lullaby, until you settle in his arms.
he wants the mess. wants the tears. wants the clinginess. it makes him feel safe. it makes him feel real. desired. if you ever try to apologize for needing too much he cuts you off with a kiss. “you’re exactly what i’ve always wanted.”
if you ever pull back, even just a little — even for a second — he goes absolutely wild. not in a “calm down” kind of way. in a “no, no, no” kind of way, like you’re slipping through his fingers. the moment you don’t immediately reach for him, his chest tightens, his heart rate picks up. “what’s wrong? don’t you want me?”
if you stop needing him for a second, even in a non-desperate, non-needy way, he can’t breathe. he panics. he feels his whole world shattering. like you’re getting ready to leave him. your clinginess feeds him. he knows you care. if you even accidentally pull away or seem like you’re trying to give him some space, he’s on you within seconds. wrapping his arms around you like you’re the only thing keeping him from falling apart. he cracks when you show signs of independence. he thinks it’s a sign you’re going to disappear.
his mind works overtime, spiraling into the idea that if you don’t cling to him, if you don’t hold him like you’re terrified of losing him — then you will leave him.
starts to feel resentful of anything that takes you away from him. if you hang out with friends, if you don’t text him back immediately, if you want time for yourself, it all feels like a slow rejection.
will whine or get genuinely upset if you don’t show enough physical affection. even if he’s the one who’s too clingy, he’ll act like you’ve abandoned him just for pulling away for a minute.
he doesn’t like when you act like you’ve got it together. when you try to be strong without him. it makes him feel like you don’t need him anymore, like he’s invisible. “i thought you needed me. i thought i was the one you couldn’t live without.”
obsessive, compulsive tracking. you go to the store? he needs to know when you’re leaving, when you’re back, what you bought. stalker tendencies. if you leave for a moment, if you go out alone — he’ll follow. just to make sure you’re not leaving him or finding someone else.
he listens to you so obediently. whatever you say goes. if you tell him to stay close, he doesn’t question it. if you tell him to sit down, he’ll drop whatever he’s doing and sit at your feet.
he’ll drop everything for you. his work, his hobbies, his interests — none of it matters if you need him.
both of you feed into each other’s worst fears: being abandoned, being alone. you make excuses for each other, let each other get away with anything just to avoid the uncomfortable idea of ever losing the other.
he enjoys knowing that you're so wrapped up in him, that when you feel abandoned, it’s almost as if the world is crumbling. he doesn’t want to be cruel, but he can’t help the rush it gives him knowing you’ll always look to him first for validation, for connection.
dex knows exactly how to get under your skin when you're struggling with your abandonment issues. when you try to shut him out emotionally, he’s the one to make you feel like it’s impossible to be without him. the more you get lost in your own head, the more he thrives on being your constant. when your insecurities flare up he doesn’t give you space; he pulls you in closer, touches you in ways that ground you. dex loves that you fall apart when he isn’t there. when you shut down or spiral into your own head, he sees it as proof that you can’t exist without him.
when you catch him spiraling, getting quiet, withdrawn, convinced you’re gonna leave - you drop everything to hold him. he clings to your shirt and hides his face in your neck like a kid. he never had that kind of comfort growing up, and now he craves it from you. only you.
when either of you even jokes about leaving, the other shuts it down immediately. it’s not funny. not even a little. you both get too in your heads about it, replaying it for hours after, paranoid it wasn’t a joke at all.
you both feed off each other’s clinginess. if one of you starts it — handsy, needy, whispering you can’t sleep without them — the other doubles it, tenfold. suddenly you're locked in each other’s arms like the world’s ending and only this moment exists.
keeps one of your things with him at all times. could be a hoodie, a piece of jewelry, even a chapstick you used once. he doesn’t tell you, but when he’s losing it, he holds it like it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. when you find it and realize he’s been carrying it around? you start doing it too.
neither of you knows how to fight without the deep-rooted panic that this will be the one that ends it. dex raises his voice once, and your heart drops into your stomach. you go quiet and his hands are already in his hair, begging under his breath — “don’t shut down. don’t leave.”
when one of you leaves the room for more than ten minutes without saying where you’re going, the other’s already pacing. it’s ridiculous. dex once came back from a shower to find you curled up on the floor thinking he bailed. now he always announces where he’s going. even if it’s just the kitchen.
when one of you is away for too long, you both lose sleep. it’s not just missing each other. it’s panic. dex gets snappy and withdrawn, you get dramatic and anxious. the reunion is always intense. too many emotions, too much relief.
he doesn’t just get protective. he gets viciously protective when you talk about past relationships, past abandonments. he hates thinking about you being hurt before him. loving someone before him.
sometimes dex gets so overwhelmed by how much he loves you that he just shuts down. goes quiet. curls up against you and buries his face in your stomach, you play with his hair until he comes back.
you both hate sleeping without the other now. you try to be normal about it, but you wake up nauseous. dex stares at the door like you might walk in. even one night apart leaves you both off balance. you sleep facing each other a lot. turning your back feels like a statement, and neither of you could survive misinterpreting that in the dark.
he picks up on your micro-expressions instantly. your blink patterns, how you fidget when you’re upset, how your smile twitches when you’re scared. he watches you like a survival manual. you do the same to him — he calls it creepy as a joke, but he melts every time.
dex starts fights on purpose when he’s scared you’re pulling away. just to make sure you care.
your phone backgrounds are each other. not even cute aesthetic photos — full-on, raw, vulnerable pictures.
you both keep little mementos from each other. you write notes to each other constantly. on mirrors, on receipts, on the backs of your hands. he has every post-it note you’ve ever written. you keep a receipt from a gas station because he held your hand in the parking lot and told you he’d never let go. you keep them like relics. like insurance against loneliness.
when one of you gets triggered or panicky, the other instinctively lowers their voice, softens their movements, goes small. you both know what it’s like to be too scared to ask for comfort.
every time one of you has a nightmare, the other doesn’t ask what it was. not unless you want to say it. instead, the rule is: water, forehead kiss, wrap around each other until your breathing syncs. the night resets when you find each other again.
there’s a rule: never leave the house angry. ever. if you fight, you sit on the floor, back to back, and you breathe. five minutes. ten. until the tension melts.
you keep a shared notebook for when the feelings are too big. you write letters to each other in it, especially on hard days. sometimes dex scribbles “i love you even when you’re quiet.” and leaves it on your pillow. you write back: “i love you when you’re angry. i know why you get that way.”
dex lets you trace his scars when you’re anxious, over and over. even the ones he usually hides. you do it like it’s sacred. like every inch of him deserves love. when he can’t breathe, you ask him to trace your spine, your jaw, your hands. it calms him every time.
dex keeps a note in his phone called “what to do when they’re hurting.” it’s just little things you’ve said helped. your favourite snacks. songs that pull you back. the way you like your hair touched.
you both panic when the other one sleeps too still. like — is that still breathing? dex has absolutely leaned over you, whispered “baby?” until you stirred just slightly. and you’ve done the same, barely touching his chest with your fingers to feel it rise.
marks you up when he’s jealous. hickeys, scratches, bite marks in places only he’ll see. for control — for comfort, for proof. you do the same. a little too hard with your nails. a kiss with too much teeth.
he absolutely malfunctions when you compliment him too earnestly. like, he can take teasing or playful flattery, but if you look at him dead serious and say something he stares at you like you’ve knocked the wind out of him.
he doesn’t know how to handle the way you hover when he’s injured or just tired. like bringing him water, checking his face for any sign of discomfort, asking “need anything?” every ten minutes. he’s never had someone be gentle with him like that, it completely unravels him.
becomes totally silent when you trace his features. like, drag your fingers over his cheekbones, his brow, his jaw — just looking at him like he’s something sacred. he leans into your palm every time.
dex absolutely gets flustered when you praise him in front of people. casual stuff — “he’s so good at that,” or “he takes care of me better than anyone ever has.”
he loves being watched. like when he’s doing something totally mundane — loading a gun, brushing his teeth, pacing — and he notices you looking at him like you’re obsessed. it short-circuits him a little. he tries to act normal, but it makes his skin burn in a good way.
once got really quiet after you hugged him from behind and just held him there. no words. no tension. just arms around his waist, your cheek against his back.
when he’s being moody or short, you don’t fight back. you just cup his jaw, tilt his face toward yours, and say “talk to me.” it undoes him completely. you never use that voice unless you’re pulling the hurt out of him like a splinter.
he is always waiting to be “too much” for you. too cold. too quiet. too angry.
he can always tell when you’re spiraling in your head, even if you don’t say a word. maybe you’re fidgeting with your hands, chewing your lip, or just not making eye contact. he’ll pull you into his space, drape a heavy arm around your shoulders, and rest his head on top of yours. you don’t need to explain; he already knows. sometimes, he’ll just leave a kiss on your temple and wait, and that’s all it takes for you to calm down a little.
when you’re feeling overwhelmed in public, maybe at a party or in a crowded place, his first instinct is to reach for your hand, fingers squeezing just enough to pull you back to him. the simple pressure of his hand is enough to remind you that no matter how loud the world is, he’s here, and he won’t let you go.
when you’re on the verge of a panic attack he instantly knows. his reaction is immediate, he doesn’t try to talk you down with logic (because he knows that doesn’t work), instead, he pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly, keeping you in his chest until you’re calm. when it’s over, he doesn’t leave you, even for a second. he’ll make sure you feel safe.
sometimes, when your abandonment issues hit, you get scared of being left alone — whether it’s him going out or just being in a different room. dex, noticing this, will make sure to be around you constantly, but in a way that doesn’t overwhelm you. if he has to leave for a bit, he’ll casually say, “i’m going to grab coffee. wanna come?” or, if you’re staying in, he’ll just hang out in the same space as you, whether it’s in the living room or the kitchen.
Terrance is Dia Olivia’s best friend and roommate in Hell’s Kitchen. He is a 31 year old mental health advocate who has schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type) and PTSD. He was diagnosed with substance use disorder years ago when he was addicted to cocaine, alcohol, and nicotine, but he has been in recovery for 8 years. He always tries to see the best in people and acts as Dia’s moral compass when she finds it difficult to make decisions. They are extremely close, to a codependent degree, and while Dia typically protects Terrance from physical threats, Terrance saves her every day by validating her emotions and reminding her how loved she really is.
Their relationship is not and has never been romantic in any way!!! They are each other’s chosen family and recognize that if no one in the world is there for them, they are still there for each other. They do know how to get under each other’s skin, but they both challenge each other to find healthy coping skills for their individual issues. They will defend each other to the death. Terrance teaches Dia to be more optimistic, and Dia helps Terrance become stronger and braver.
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