some friends of mine are posting their own stories for mental health day on fb, so i’m inspired to write mine. i’m not brave enough to post on fb, so this little corner of the internet will have to do.
4 years ago, i suddenly lost my nuna. she was my best friend and biggest cheerleader, so her loss hit me hard. hard enough that my job performance was suffering, and i went to a therapist for several months. the grief of losing her is something i carry around to this day. there’s so many things i wish i could share with her and it hurts my heart that i can’t. nuna was always supportive of every choice i made and losing that support left me feeling completely unmotivated and empty.
**tumblr ate the next paragraphs and idk why. oops.
several months after losing my nuna, my relationship abruptly ended. it was a shock that after almost 2 years of being told i was loved and that he was going to make the big move to live in the same state as me. he instead ghosted me for days while i was begging him to answer me. he and his sister were bragging on fb about his move... that was in the opposite direction from me. he finally waited until he thought i was asleep and broke up with me via text, with paragraphs upon paragraphs of straight up lies.
that loss has been easier to take, but has also left me weary of attempting another relationship when even though in hindsight i should’ve seen the end coming, i refused to acknowledge it because his actions matched his words until only about a month before. eventually i’ve come to an agreement with myself that what he did doesn’t need an explanation. it’s not for me to understand. if i even came close to understanding, that would mean i would be able to empathize with him which i refuse to do.
so with both of these losses occurring within months of each other, i was miserable. i lived alone and my sister, the one person would understands me, was living hours away. working 12 hour nights meant i was almost constantly alone (except sirius, he saw me cry a lot and became my cuddle buddy.) i also stopped going to therapy because my therapist was completely useless and just let me ramble for 45 minutes, tell me it’s time to go, and collect my copay before sending me on my way.
it wasn’t until several months after my relationship ended that i was on the phone with my sister. she knew her roommate was moving cross country the next year and wasn’t sure what her housing plans were gonna look like. the idea had been forming in my head, so i finally asked her.
“why don’t i move up there and live with you?”
she thought i was kidding, and if i was her i probably would’ve thought so, too. so the ideas started forming, and within the year i moved 300 miles to start my life over.
while the move here didn’t go quite according to plan, and i had to adapt and change some of my long term goals, i’m still proud of myself for making a major life change that didn’t revolve around another person. moving here was MY choice; no one asked me to.
i made the choice to live in the mountains, to live with my sister, and to be closer to family. i have zero regrets.
there’s still days that i struggle. where the weight of the world and responsibilities keep me in bed mindlessly scrolling or watching youtube. where i wish i could just turn off my brain and not think, not feel. but overall i see the choices i made that brought me to where i am, and i can’t help but be proud of myself.
baratheonpilled
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
dededos
dailybridgerton
discoholicmusic
