You’ve heard of the Hunger Games, now get ready for the Rump Design Games
These are my opinions, don’t fucking come for me.
In the Rump Design Games I will be putting the ponies in hoof-to-hoof combat to determine who truly has the BEST Rump Design out of generation 1.
Rump Designs will be judged on:
- how well the Design conveys the character (using provided character backstories on the packaging or, if insufficient, just the pony’s name),
- how well the colour of the Design compliments the rest of the pony’s colours, and
- whether the Design looks good in the first place.
Ponies will be pitted against each other based first on their collection, then on year, and finally against each other over all. Whoever wins each respective category goes on to fight another day.
In the event of repeat ponies (ie. ponies that were rereleased for another collection aside from their original) that had no change to their Rump Design will not be included in any subsequent series than their original.
I am very serious about this but I will not be taking this seriously.
I, your lovely unnamed host, have been afflicted with plague due to Pony Flickerman's care no less. Today's episode 17 of the Rump Design Games means we'll be taking a look at the skin crawling Twinkle Eyed Ponies. Prepare thineself.
Galaxy (aka Galaxie/Galaxia)
Spirit of the Pony: 3/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
From a pony named Galaxy I would expect something that would wow me. This is thoroughly underwhelming. Let's pretend for a moment that all the Twinkle Eyed Ponies aren't terrifying, there really isn't much here to comment on otherwise. I'm shocked her name isn't Dipper. Please ask the stars to stop stealing pony's eyes.
Gingerbread
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Pony Flickerman: Fuck they sure are. I mean they're ugly ass gingerbread men but they sure are.
Love the titular Twinkle Eyed thousand yard stare and the Play-Doh lookin' ass cookies on her ass, but otherwise she also doesn't dazzle me. Lady Gaga's Born This Way plays softly in the distance.
Masquerade
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 4/5
The fact that her Rump Design looks like a ribbon from a distance is not promising to her overall score. They disappear when you're far away too, probably because of the eye bleeding (affectionate) yellow that her body is. This isn't Shady, get the fuck out of here.
Sweet Stuff (aka Sweetie/Gourmande/Douceur/Naschkatze/Goloso)
Spirit of the Pony: 3/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Pony Flickerman: Get those fuckin' toenail things outta here.
I know in my heart they're supposed to be gumdrops but they really do just look like press-on nail stickers. It's bad. This is bad. Sweet Stuff I have several questions. I wouldn't trust gumdrops from the sky. War criminal.
Fizzy (aka Schäumchen/Espumita)
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Pony Flickerman: I thought those were ice cream cones and I was ready to send this horse to the glue factory.
That won't be necessary today Pony Flickerman. I am yet again not wowed. She is adequate. I have little else to say. Underwhelmed yet again. Love the cult vibes I get from her.
Whizzer
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 2.5/5
Pony Flickerman: I'm putting her in a glue trap. Get glued.
While Pony Flickerman has an existential crisis over the state of those hats, I'll give my two cents. They're bad. Pony Flickerman wants to know what any of this has to do with the hats.
Sweet Pop
Spirit of the Pony: 2/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
This is thoroughly disappointing. Why are they popsicles when they could be suckers? Pony Flickerman is ranting and raving and in tears. Just. No.
Speedy
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
Pony Flickerman: Those are fatass roller skates.
If her teal wasn't so pale and pathetic I think it would match the orange of her body a little better. I'm not mad at the name choice to go with the Rump Design, it's quite cute even. At least her backstory explains the traumatized look in her eyes.
Sky Rocket
Spirit of the Pony: 2/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2/5
Ugliness: 1/5
Pony Flickerman: I know what they're supposed to be, but they look like spider lilies. She's bland. My grandma cooked this pony.
I feel like there's a g3 pony that looks near identical to this bitch. Except the g3 pony pulled it off much better. This is underwhelm to a bland extent. That's not how fireworks work.
Can you believe that we had to break something into two parts because I sure McFucking Can't. Welcome to episode 16.5 of The Rump Design Games. I'm still joined by my cohost Pony Flickerman, who says that this happenstance is an atrocity.
Shady (aka Petite Ombre/Óculos-de-Sol)
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Pony Flickerman: My dreams are more crushed than when my father abandoned me in the coal mines.
So. Shady has sunglasses. Though to be honest if they wanted them to be sunglasses I think they should've made the lenses grey or maybe black. I know Hasbro is too much of a pussy to try it though. Kinda love that she's trippin' though. I hope she's having a great time with those flowers.
Wind Whistler (aka Sifflebizz/Asinha do Apito)
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
Those whistle silhouettes are sexy, I will not lie to you. However. What the fuck is going on with her names. I have several very loud questions and none of them will be answered in her backstory, I just know it. Pony Flickerman is afraid. This one is also trippin'. I wanna know who's supplying these ponies. Pony Flickerman wants what they're on.
Paradise
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Love that she manages to rock the mould, a rare talent indeed. I like all her colours, she's quite lovely. What is there to comment on about perfection. Lovely little pony indeed.
Twist
Spirit of the Pony: 2.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2/5
Ugliness: 2.5/5
This is the most mouldy pony yet. Why would you make her Rump Design white when she's mouldy. Why is her hair that garish neon orange when her body is purple. I have several more very loud questions. We hope whoever designed Twist gets fired, and if they didn't get fired Pony Flickerman is going to stomp them to death with its hooves. Not a great tie-in between her Rump Design and her story. She could've been a baker. She could've made lovely treats for her friends. Who doesn't love a fucking pretzel.
Skippity Doo
Spirit of the Pony: 1.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 1/5 (ew/5)
I hate her limp candy cane lookin' jump rope ass. I at least assume it's supposed to be a jump rope, it's hard to tell when it just looks like a weird arch. I like her body colour more when she's not flocked but her hair colour doesn't really work with her body colour. If her hair had been more pink I would've assumed she's supposed to be candy cane themed like g3 Minty. I think the feeling evoked when her backstory is read can be summed up in one word; what.
Bouncy
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
I am disappointed with this adorable Rump Design and colour palette being absolutely caked in mould. Why are you hiding her beauty from the world Hasbro? What did Bouncy ever do to you? She was born and you covered her in mould to shame her for being wonderful. Love the support for pollution in her backstory.
Fifi
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
Pony Flickerman: I get it, however, I don't like that this pony has poodles on her ass.
I also don't like that she has dogs on her ass. It makes sense but that doesn't mean I have to like it. The fact that her backstory has little to nothing to do with poodles thoroughly infuriates me.
Scrumptious
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
Pony Flickerman: I am going to eat her and remove her sins from this world, she is a blemish and a mistake.
Thank you Pony Flickerman, took the words right out of my mouth. If Magic Star is god, Scrumptious is the devil. Get your devil melons out of here.
Hippity Hop
Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 1/5
Hippity Hop why are your bunnies missing vertebrae. Why do they look like horrible wretched little frogs. I have questions and frankly I don't think I'm going to get answers. Of course Hippity Hop and Skippity Doo are friends. I wouldn't be surprised if they were horrible siblings.
After many moons hiding in the shadows I (your unnamed host) and my beloved cohost Pony Flickerman have returned from the war to bring you episode 16 of The Rump Design Games. Unfortunately, we're starting Year Four (1985-1986) off with a terrible bang with the So Soft Ponies. This is part one of two because Tumblr is a coward and has a 30 image limit.
With a starting quote of "they look like they've been covered in a fine mould" from Pony Flickerman, this is sure to be an episode for the ages.
Ponies excluded from today's ranking (as they've been ranked in previous episodes) include Cherries Jubilee, Gusty, Heart Throb, Posey, Lickety-Split, and Surprise.
Note: we will be using the deflocked versions (removing the mould) from the Rump Designs of today's ponies so they're easier to see.
Truly (aka Novia/Asinha do Amor)
Spirit of the Pony: 3.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
I don't like Christian symbolism in my ponies, get that fucking dove out of here. Religious symbols aside, if they were going for a "true love" type theme for this pony I don't understand why they named her Truly. She could've been Lovely, hell I would've been okay if they just named her True Love even. That's a pony name. It works.
Lofty
Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 5/5
The hot air balloon's cute. Why it's at a 45 degree angle baffles me but maybe we can say it's getting blown around by the wind. Concerned as to why the balloon is so high up that it's touching the stars but I can live with it. Love that she's a hot air balloon taxi driver for all her friends, confused as to why her pegasus pals need the ride.
North Star
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
This was not the play for a flocked pony. Straight out of the box I have a hard time imagining kids of the 80s recognizing what her Rump Design is supposed to be without squinting real hard and asking their parents. It's a neat design, it looks particularly good when she's unflocked, but it does look a bit odd especially with how it's at an angle on her ass cheek. I'm not really getting the North Star of it all aside from the literal star right next to the north of her compass. Not super great.
Magic Star
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Pony Flickerman: I'm gonna eat her like she's a fruit salad to gain her power.
You cannot see how vibrant her colours are when she's flocked and that thoroughly upsets me. Her colours are intense and tasty and so good but you can't tell that when she's infested with mould. Before I read her backstory I am going to say, if she is not a magician I am going to make it everyone's problem. Pony Flickerman will kill her and will stomp her to death with its hooves. After reading her story I have one simple question; is she god? She doesn't have a horn and yet she's pulling magic tricks out of her tight pony asshole better than any other bitch we've come across so far. Love the vibes.
Ribbon
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
She looks like she's crying. She looks like she got the flocking in her eye and she's crying. She's crying over being flocked, she's crying over her mane being such awful colours compared to her body, she's crying that her name suits her Rump Design so good but that is overshadowed by being mouldy. This is the most mouldy one we've seen so far. Fuck she sure does use ribbons!
Cupcake
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 3/5
Thank god they actually managed to give this one a cupcake Rump Design. Pony Flickerman was fully ready to quit the show if she didn't and I believe it too. Fortunately it's contractually obligated to make my end cards for the next two decades. I quite appreciate the little cherries on top of the cupcakes, I think it's a cute little touch. From a distance however (and particularly when she's mouldy) you can't really make out their details. I for one do not like mouldy cupcakes. This bitch didn't even let her friends eat the cupcakes she made. For shame.
Buttons
Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 2.5/5
Pony Flickerman: They look like horrible little soot sprites.
Thoroughly disappointed that her buttons look like pig snouts. That's it that's the commentary.
Hop by my blog to see part 2 of this insanely long episode.
Episode 15 of the Rump Design Games is our Year Three final. I'm your unnamed host, and joined alongside Pony Flickerman we're going to give you the scoop on who's hot and who's not.
Another 15/15 tie. Unfortunate pitting two gorgeous queens against each other. But if it must be done. Pony Flickerman's tie breaking choice is who would make it better soup for its plague ridden body. An easy choice.
Episode 14 of the Rump Design Games is a special two for one deal, featuring the year 3 playset ponies and the 2 other releases that otherwise wouldn't fit anywhere else. Joined again by my beplagued cohost Pony Flickerman, here's hoping it doesn't die before morning.
Exempt from this year's rankings are the Sea Ponies (Sea Breeze, Whitecap, Sea Mist, Wave Jumper, Sand Dollar, and High Tide), the baby ponies that came in the Play and Care sets including their European exclusives (Baby Firefly, Baby Surprise, Baby Blossom, Baby Cotton Candy, Baby Glory, Baby Moondancer, Baby Applejack, Baby Bow Tie, and Baby Lemon Drop), the Baby Sea Ponies (Sea Star, Sea Shimmer, Backstroke, Tiny Bubbles, Splasher, and Surf Rider), and the mail order birthflower ponies.
Baby Cuddles (aka Chocalinho/Kissy)
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Is she just supposed to grow up and always have a rattle on her ass? That's a curse. I get the baby part but not the cuddles part. Anyways, she came with the Baby Buggy and. That's about all I've got to say about her.
Baby Tiddley-Winks (aka Tiddley Winks/Tiddly-Winks
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Tiddley-Winks here came with the Lullabye Nursery. Again, it sure evokes baby, but it doesn't evoke much else. Her playset doesn't matter here if I can't see it in her ass, why is her Rump Design just a bib. Pony Flickerman is sobbing over how she's just a dumb baby with a dumb name and I could not agree more. I wish I could dock points for child labour.
Sundance
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
Pony Flickerman: What is that ass, honey.
So to say that Sundance doesn't evoke suns or dancing is an understatement. Sundance came as a release with the movie with the human character Megan and despite how terrifying she is, this isn't about her. Why her Rump Design looks like it belongs on a carpet is a mystery to be sure.
Ember
Spirit of the Pony: 2/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
I can get "ember" as a stretch of how stars are on fire but I am still thoroughly confused. It looks like a piece of starfruit. It's not good. It's just straight up bad even.
The Rump Design Games entering its teen years with episode 13 has also brought along with it plague for Pony Flickerman. I'm sure if it's lucky it will survive the night, but these are cold and harsh times we live in.
This episode features the year 3 Rainbow Ponies including the two German exclusive ponies. It's one chonk of an episode.
If you're just joining us here's your disclaimer that Pony Flickerman and I are both native. Deal with it I guess.
Tickle (aka Plumitas)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
So her ass is feathers. That's agreeable. She looks like she has some whimsy in her like she's a prankster, fitting with the name and the feathers, and while Pony Flickerman can commend her for this trait it is not very pleased by the existence of it. Also appreciative of her pegasus status, it fits with the feather theme as well.
Starflower (aka Sternblume/Stella/Estrella)
Spirit of the Pony: 2.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Pony Flickerman: This is the secret twelfth circle of hell.
I wish they had actually given some zazz in the direction of the flower half of her name. Just the stars as is are... bad. They're ugly and awful and I refuse to believe they looked better upon release.
Confetti
Spirit of the Pony: 5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5
Ugliness: 5
On account of having lost all of my quips and thoughts after this point from my laptop crashing, having some short thoughts from yours truly. Confetti looks like delightful funfetti cake with rainbow icing.
Flutterbye (aka Hummelchen/Michele/Polilla/Inquieta)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Delightful butterflies that DON'T have scoliosis. A rarity in these trying times.
Trickles (aka Hoppel/Rocio)
Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 3.5/5
Pony Flickerman: I hope this pony is yellow so I can- [upon seeing Trickles, and how she is yellow] YEEAAAAGHHHHHHH PISS PONY
Pinwheel (aka Girouette/Molinillo)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1.5/5
Ugliness: 3.5/5
Fuck those sure are.
Nachtlicht (trans: nightlight)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
The native the prophecies foretold.
Regentropfen (trans: raindrop)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
Pony Flickerman's proposed tie breaker (unfortunate we have to pit two queens like Confetti and Nachtlicht together in the first place) is whichever of them I would trust more to make me frybread. And with that we have our winner.
I promise you that episode 12 here is just about more unicorns. Promise. Please do not fuck the ponies. Pony Flickerman will kill you.
Powder
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Pony Flickerman isn't positively jazzed over the association of snow and powder but it's willing to live with it.
Pony Flickerman: I was hoping for something makeup related, sue me.
Sparkler
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Aside from the garish neon pink streak in her mane there really isn't much to say here. Gems sparkle, diamonds sparkle. Yeah sure. She didn't wow me but she's perfectly on theme.
Gusty (aka Gustavo/Bola de Neve/Escocês)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Pony Flickerman: She looks like she smokes them funny cigarettes. I'd toke it up with her.
Gusty my beloved. I am absolutely biased. Love that her streak looks more red, it works much better than the neon pink would've. Apparently she reminds Pony Flickerman of "fun fruity eggnog" which is a description I can barely visualize. Terrifying eldritch god of wind my beloved.
Skyflier
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Skyflier evokes rage in Pony Flickerman in a way that terrifies and concerns me. She suffers from the same horrible condition Surprise did where the strings of her kites are somehow not visible from a distance, despite the blue initially standing out from her body colour up close. Her palette is god awful really. It's garish and odd and I can't imagine this was anything but thrown together haphazardly.
Final Scores
Powder: 13.5/15
Sparkler: 11.5/15
Gusty: 13.5/15
Skyflier: 8/15
And against all odds we've somehow managed to grasp ourselves another tie! Judging them based on who would be more fun to smoke with, Gusty gets the win.
Episode 11 of the Rump Design Games should be nice and short and sweet, provided my captive cohost Pony Flickerman gets these images edited in a timely manner.
Surprise (aka Melassa/Sorpresa)
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2/5
Ugliness: 1.5/5
I couldn't even finish adding the images to this post before Pony Flickerman started insulting these balloons for looking like awful, ugly fish. The strings are near impossible to see and the fact they are not also glittered does not help their visibility. What does she have to do with party surprises when her backstory only involves a runaway hot air balloon. Those aren't hot air balloons, they barely look like they're filled with helium. They're filled with fish.
Heart Throb (aka Asinha de Mel/Corazon)
Spirit of the Pony: 4.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1.5/5
Ugliness: 3.5/5
As Pony Flickerman's cat viciously attacks me, I have to say that the Draculaura girlies out there would probably go nuts for this bitch. This is not a compliment. I do think the wings look a lot more like bat wings than the probable angel wings the designers were intending. Pony Flickerman thinks they look like weird pieces of candy. It's not wrong. I wish the pink of the hearts wasn't so eerily close to her body colour, from a distance it just looks like she has weird silver shapes on her ass. You will never be Snuzzle. I'm sure of that.
Welcome to episode 10--that's right, a whole double digits--of the Rump Design Games. I'm your unnamed host and with me today is Pony Flickerman, who is most certainly not chained up in my basement.
We have stumbled our way into Year 3 (1984-1985) and I could not be more afraid.
Tootsie (aka Titti/Zuckerschnute)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
Pony Flickerman: I wish the sticks were rammed up the ass of the lollipop better.
She looks like split pea and ham soup. The Rump Design is the ham. At the very least the Rump Design makes sense since "tootsie" evokes candy. Perhaps a candy more shaped like a Tootsie Roll would make more sense but we'll let it slide in favour of the existence of Tootsie Pops. I don't want her weird magic lollipops but at least she's truly on theme.
Cherries Jubilee (aka Kirschblüte/Giliegia/Cherry)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
While Pony Flickerman cries joyously in my ear all I have to say is she is absolutely DARLING. Her bow even matches her Rump Design. She's darling, she's perfect, she's soso good. She absolutely deserves the title of Queen.
Lickety-Split (aka Helados/Sorbet/Sausewind/Fortunato)
Spirit of the Pony: 3.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Pony Flickerman: I thought those were weird tongues and saliva.
So she's definitely not my favourite. Why the cones of the ice creams are almost the same colour as her ass is absolutely beyond me. Pony Flickerman is hiring a hitman against her as we speak. Why is she a sorcerer. Why is she causing mass hallucinations. Please do not eat her creams.
Posey (aka Blümchen/Penelope)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
It's no surprise that the pony that would go on to become Fluttershy would be absolutely delightful. While her Rump Design certainly isn't bad, this style of simplistic flower does look borderline like a fleur de lis. Reminds me of my nanna. ;B However, please do not make it rain umbrellas. That is a safety hazard. OSHA not approved.
Episode 9 of the Rump Design Games brings us to the finalists from Year Two. I'm your unnamed host yet again taking advantage of Pony Flickerman's photo editing skills. And oh, it's here too.
Our winner from episode 4,
followed by our episode 5 winner,
and of course our episode 6 winner,
and the winner of episode 7,
and rounded out with our unfortunate winner from episode 8.
A Pony Flickerman proposed tie breaker shall be on chewability. On account of Starshine having impeccable wings ripe for the gnashing, we have our winner.
Welcome to episode 8 of the Rump Design Games. Joined with me here is Pony Flickerman who I hope has all expectations set to zero as today's group of ponies are the year two playset ponies, meaning not a single one of these bitches really needs to fit a collective theme.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Be as afraid as Pony Flickerman is.
Note on skipped ponies: We skipped over the collector's pose ponies (Bow Tie and Applejack), the seaponies (Seawinkle, Wavedancer, Sealight, Seaspray, Surf Dancer, and Wavebreaker), and the mail order pony (Ember) of year two because they all either had Rump Designs we had already covered or didn't have Rump Designs at all. You can't rank something that isn't there.
Peachy (aka Melenia/Cupido/Drops)
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Pony Flickerman: [in the most gravelly, shit inducing voice ever] SNUZZLE IMPOSTER
Peachy here came with the Pretty Parlour and I don't see a single gotdamn correlation between the parlour, her name, or her Rump Design. What is the theming here. This is a liar and a fake. She snitches on folks all the time. She'd tell on you for spelling a word wrong in the second grade. Why does she have a horror mirror. Regardless, her colours are nice but from a distance her Rump Design just absolutely disappears. Disappointing.
Lemon Drop (aka Citroentje/Zizi/Limone/Gotitas/Suspiro/Zitrönchen)
Spirit of the Pony: 1.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3.5/5
Ugliness: 3.5/5 (they look like sperm)
While Pony Flickerman agonizingly repeats the word "no" in my ear over this design I'll give you my thoughts. Sure she's yellow like a lemon but what does purple have to do with lemons? Why raindrops when her name is Lemon Drop (which I am 80% sure is a candy). She came with the Show Stable playset and I don't see what that has to do with her name or Rump Design either. And she suddenly just had a baby buggy in Finland. Why.
Sprinkles
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Pony Flickerman, in tears: This is a lawless land of the devil and I am incarcerated here against my will.
Sprinkles came with the Waterfall playset but why the fuck is she named Sprinkles and why the fuck is her Rump Design a bunch of rubber ducks. The ducks make sense with the playset as a whole, but Sprinkles herself? Why?
Majesty
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 1/5
Return of the hideous minimalist flowers. Majesty came with the Dream Castle playset.
Episode 7 of the Rump Design Games brings me and my cohost Pony Flickerman to the rainbow pony collection of year 2.
Disclaimer once again, Pony Flickerman and myself are both native.
Parasol (aka Sonnenschirmchen/Protovrohi/Rosa/Pingo de Chuva/Noivinha)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
Promising start, umbrellas for parasol. These are absolutely weird shaped, they could've been connected and would've looked fine and I think the palette could've better matched the peachiness of her body. However, the absolute scene queen aesthetic of whatever's going on in the example pic. If I could give bonus points for swag I would.
Moonstone (aka Pierre de Lune/Mondschein/Ouranos/Turchino/Asinha Bola de Prata/Selene)
Spirit of the Pony: 1.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 3/5
That's not a moon nor a moonstone. That is Uranus. Or Neptune. Whatever. Saturn! Fuck it! It's not a moon! What's with the random dots? Are those the moons of the planet??? She's not called Many Moons (great native name) like. Moonstone here has an opposite problem to Parasol where her colours blend in a little too well with her body. Maybe they were more vibrant upon release but the colours are still so similar nonetheless. I love me a bimbo though, dumbass bitch after my own heart.
Skydancer (aka Himmelstänzer/Astrapi)
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Listen. I get it. Little Vs in the sky are meant to be birds. Understandable. What's not understandable is how in the fuck shitty cartoon birds relate to "Skydancer". Maybe you can try and bullshit it with "ooh birds dance through the sky" but I'm not having it, don't come for me with that shit. Have you ever seen a seagull? Pitiful. In relation to her story in relation to her Rump Design I think of music notes in the wind more than I think of crappy birds. There are no birds mentioned. Do better Hasbro.
Sunlight
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 1/5
Pony Flickerman, in tears: Why would you make the clouds GOLD and the sun SILVER, why would you DO THIS TO ME HASBRO
Aside from the colours being weird and atrocious choices for what they're supposed to convey, that sun shape is just. Bad. It's bad. She failed every geometry test possible. The opportunity to make it a cute cartoon half-sun with bigger triangles is right there my friend. Her name is Sunlight, why are we covering the sun in the first place. A pony with this Rump Design would better be named something like Cloudy Day in my opinion. As for her backstory, first of all HORROR STORY. NIGHTMARE FUEL. LIVING SHADOW BAD. Second of all, it has nothing to really do with sunlight, this is about playing hide and seek with her shadow and then the rain coming in. I am appalled. Haunted shadows do not interact.
Windy
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 2/5
Unnamed Host: Do you think this one is going to be like... leaves blowing in the wind?
Pony Flickerman: I don't think god loves me enough for that.
It's not horrible but it does look borderline like some zebra stripes. It could use some leaves or any other shape to convey the wind better. Like the little dots could be leaves instead. Her name at least makes sense with her background included, she's the fastest rainbow pony so she be fuckin' zoomin' like the wind. Impeccable.
Starshine (aka Sternenglanz/Asinha de Açucar)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Pony Flickerman: She is serving QUILT :clap: CUNT :clap: REALNESS :clap::clap::clap:
I think her Rump Design could've been another colour but otherwise it's cute. I have no qualms, her Rump Design is a star and it's shining. What's there to comment on. Originally her Design was a vibrant gold so there are no qualms. She's lovely and perfect.
Episode 6 brings us what is the worst title thus far. Unicorns. They're unicorns.
Twilight
Spirit of the Pony: 3/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 2/5
Ugliness: 5/5
When I think "twilight" I happen to think darker colours, making this palette an atrocity. I don't particularly think of stars, maybe the moon or the night sky in general. Maybe if you threw in a moon or some clouds it would be more convincing. She looks like the dawn and Pony Flickerman despises her. I don't like that she's named Twilight and is supposed to be about wishes. Cowardice.
Glory
Spirit of the Pony: 1.5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Why Twilight is the wishing star pony and not Glory is truly a trick upon mankind, the devil was at work here. Where did the human girl in her story come from. I am beyond confused. Why is she named Glory, what is her purpose, what is MY purpose in having to rate this shit.
Pony Flickerman, stroking the screen: Shhh, it's okay, Pony Flickerman is here.
Moondancer
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Finally, a pony that makes some fucking sense. This is the first unicorn we've seen that has correlation to her Rump Design in a very fun and simple way. The palette is cohesive and nice on the eyes. It's cute. She fucks. I fuck with her. Moondancer dance through the moonlight with me challenge. She is insane and a girl after my own heart. Go read her backstory, it's great.
Sunbeam
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4/5
Ugliness: 2/5
While Pony Flickerman cries dramatically in my ear I must convey that if that Rump Design is meant to be a sun it more conveys a BAD sunflower. It's not a very good set of shapes. Calling it a bad sunflower is being generous. I understand the probable intention behind making her blue to evoke the blue sky with the sun but if you're naming a bitch Sunbeam she better be all warm tones and happiness.
Final Scores
Twilight: 10/15
Glory: 10.5/15
Moondancer: 15/15
Sunbeam: 10/15
Episode 5 of the Rump Design Games brings us the existence of the pegasus ponies. While there's only two in this collection we're still going to be forcing them to fight to the death.
Joined once again by the illustrious Pony Flickerman we're going to see who has what it takes to go for the throat.
Worth noting in today's episode that both I and my cohost are indigenous as fuck. Thank you for your time.
Medley (aka Armonia/Melodia)
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 5/5
Pony Flickerman: You mean to tell me these bitches control the weather? With music?... Sounds native.
The usage of music notes for her Rump Design isn't horrible but why the fuck isn't her name Melody. Why the fuck does only Greece get that right. Despite music medleys existing the word "medley" immediately makes my fat ass think of fruit. Just a big cornucopia of fruit. A fruit cocktail even.
Firefly (aka Feuerfunke)
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1/5
Ugliness: 1/5
Pony Flickerman: This is not the native the prophecy foretold. You are not waawaatesi.
What in the dog's ass fuck does pink and blue have to do with fireflies. They're not even particularly summery colours. There is literally nothing about fireflies in her backstory. Why couldn't she at least have been named Lightning or even fucking Bolt. Girl (the girl being Hasbro). The most she does is fly. This does not count. Her lightning bolts basically just look like nasty stretchmarks. For the pony that would go on to become Rainbow Dash, this is sincerely disappointing.
Welcome to episode 4 of the Rump Design Games where we have managed to stumble our way into Year Two (1983-1984).
Starting off strong and once again joined by my cohost Pony Flickerman we're starting off strong with the Earth Ponies.
Ponies exempt from today's ranking include Blossom and Cotton Candy.
Bow Tie (aka Schleifchen/Timmy/Lacinho/Tenista/Lacitos)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 4.5/5
Ugliness: 4/5
Pony Flickerman: She looks like a delicately blushing dame on a summer day. The freckles add a charm.
The cotton candy colour scheme is charming and the Rump Design does go nicely with the name. Pretty solid. Pony Flickerman would like to note she invokes the aura of a sweet candy shop owner.
Applejack (aka Apfelbäckchen/Rosquinha/Manzanita/Manzanitas/Melania/Melozzo)
Spirit of the Pony: 5/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 5/5
Ugliness: 4.5/5
Despite what some people may think, Applejack's colour palette is fucking tasty. Girl is decked out in warm tones and looks inviting and caring and I want to partake in some apple delights with her. Amazing friend, guaranteed.
Seashell (aka Ondina/Carey)
Spirit of the Pony: 1/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 1.5/5
Ugliness: 1/5
If her name wasn't Seashell I wouldn't know those are supposed to be seashells. They look like fucked up palm fronds or bushes or like the world's worst drawing of a Weed Leaf. While I am sure she is DELIGHTFUL to get high as balls with (she's already well prepared and seated), I do not think of seashells here. The homoeroticism in her packaging backstory leaves much to be desired in the seashell department.
Bubbles
Spirit of the Pony: 4/5
Does the Palette Fuck: 3/5
Ugliness: 5/5
What a delightful nose diamond. All of the colours used on her Rump Design evoke bubbles, being traditionally sea associated colours. They're delightful little bubbles. Her love for mud and dirt seemingly mentioned in her backstory doesn't seem conveyed here, her colours read as more sea associated especially when taken into account she's the only other pony sat down beside Seashell.