Hey so I know youāve just come back from a long break and you have so so many asks to get through but I just wanted to say that your work is actually changing my life.
So a few months ago at work, we got this temporarily promoted coworker who only slotted in to my level because we were so understaffed. Iām nice to the kid because he seems shy with the other women in my department, and weāre closest in age and both fluent in English. He warms up quickly and then the weirdest thing happens. We pass by each other and he flashes a smile and smt in me is reminded of OY JK. Not kook himself, but specifically OY jk. At this point he hasnāt done anything alarming, but thereās a gut alarm going off in me and I cannot shake the image of OY jk out. After that, Iām still friendly, but I stay on high alert, dropping discouraging hints when I can, and avoiding hanging out with him alone.
Then, like two days later, things start escalating like crazy. He finds my number from the company payroll and texts me constantly, expecting me to respond immediately and accusing me of being angry at him when I donāt respond for ten minutes. He offers to do things for me but then turns around and guilt trips me with it, and gets crazy mood swings whenever he senses me ārejectingā him in any way. Ofc Iām terrified and frustrated, but I also want to stay professional and give him the benefit of the doubt that heās just immature and lonely. I also just tend to take the path of least resistance, so normally I would just pretend everythingās fine and placate him more to avoid upsetting him.
BUT because he set off some OY alarm in me, I was like āok I have to shut this shit down fast before I get in the habit of shifting my boundaries for him.ā And persisted with setting boundaries and letting my friends know what was going on, so that if anything happened, police would know where to search. I managed to keep things professional while never being somewhere alone with him, and blocked his ass fast after his time in our department was over.
I know that when we explore taboo/toxic/dubcon/noncon themes in literature/art it can be hard to toe that line of exploration and condoning that behavior. Most women who write about and consume these themes have been victimized by it before, so I always saw it as a way to heal and take control back, to spread awareness and highlight these red flags while being completely safe. Still, thereās a stigma about all the media in these genres encouraging and condoning toxic, abusive behavior. Even for authors who know they are intending the exact opposite, with creative work, thereās always going to be some anxiety about not being able to control how others interpret your work and your intentions. So I just wanted to let you know that your workāhow vividly youāre able to capture OY jk and the others in all their flaws, idiosyncrasies, subtle and overt manipulations, intentions, and mindsetsāhas given me the ability to instinctively spot red flags much quicker, and the determination to not let myself get trapped in them again.
I still love your fucked up characters and Iāll still joke about wanting an attentive bf like OY jk on hard days, but I know better irl. I just thought it might be worth something to you to know that youāre one of the authors who can explore these themes in a way that keeps their readers safer, instead of grooming them to fall for these traps. I seriously donāt know when this super oddly specific OY jk alert system got installed in me, but Iām very thankful for it. Thanks for keeping me safe, and I hope the people you choose to keep in your life are doing the same for you ā¤ļø
I have read this ask in my inbox many times and I can finally answer. Thank you so much for supporting OY and also for recognizing that my stories are purely fantasy. In real life, these situations are extremely dangerous to the point that it can become often times life-threatening. I can't say enough how proud I am of you for recognizing the red flags and cutting this man off immediately. This is the kind of impact every writer hopes to have on their readers.
Thank you so much for sharing, for your insight, and your understanding of how dark stories are useful for women like us. I hope you are staying safe!
