Today, I just said goodbye to my almost-boyfriend/ almost-ex. I’ve let go the guy whose every characteristics is what I’m looking for. I let him go so that he could be free from a toxic person like me. I don’t deserve him at all cost. He’s too good for me which makes me feel bad even more. I don’t like it whenever he’s being hurt. How ironic it is knowing that I’m the one causing him pain. All along, all I want is for him to get away from me, for him to stop making things okay again, for him to stop courting me. Well, guess what? It actually happened. I finally get rid of him. I blocked him at social networking sites. No phone calls. No texts. We got disconnected. After a month without communication, we saw each other at a friend’s birthday party. He tried to talk to me, to figure things out as to what happened. As expected, our conversation didn’t go as planned. But deep inside my heart, I know for sure that sooner or later, time will come wherein we’ll be able to discuss what happened to us, what went wrong, and why am I still a coward when it comes to love...to him. Fast forward, that day came. We talked, i saw his smile, the way how he glances at me, all of it is way too familiar, but all of it is something that I should never think of anymore. The main reason why we both agreed to meet up is to put an end to whatever we had, to say all things left unsaid, to say sorry, to forgive, to wish each other all the good things that may come. I know I should be happy because finally, he’s letting me go. But why am I feeling this way? It feels like a part of me just got ripped of. My heart feels light and heavy at the same time.
Goodbye to the memories we’ve shared.
Goodbye to the feelings I’ve tried really hard not to show.
Goodbye to the idea of us.
But just like what I told you, if the time comes wherein both us are still single, maybe it’s a sign. When that time comes, I will stay true to my words, I’ll be the one to court you if needed. Nobody knows, only time will tell. Let’s just trust God’s plan, just like how we always ended up wearing the same color of clothing every time we meet up. There must be a meaning behind it. What do you think? As for now, I will just accept the fact that you unfriended me already. Don’t worry, no hard feelings. I totally understand you.
