Prompt: Silence by Marshmello feat. Khalid
Pairing: Sweet Pea x Reader
A/N: This was a request so if I’ve gone totally off into left field in terms of what you were looking for, please let me know and I’d be more than happy to write a second imagine more to what you were thinking.
This song isn’t something that I would normally listen to so after listening to it quite a few times and watching the music video I did some digging; there are a lot of interpretations of this song out there, some leaning towards romantic relationships going bad while others are more about one’s own battle about being silenced or dealing with fear and therefore “silencing” themselves from others. I opted to go with the latter interpretation, using these quotes as inspiration: “Silence” tells the story of someone struggling with their emotional well-being and confidence in developing relationships. As the song progresses to the chorus, Khalid expresses the strength that the storyteller has found to overcome their fears of talking and deciding to break the “silence” they’ve felt trapped in up until now” and “the song find Khalid singing about learning to overcome his fears so that he can develop relationships. As a result, he feels more confident in communicating and doesn’t feel trapped by silence anymore”.
This is a long one folks, sorry but not sorry!
Requests are open and constructive advice and confirmation my writing isn’t total shit is always welcome!
____________________________________________________
Sweet Pea’s arm pulled you closer in his sleep, his breathing and heart steady in deep slumber; it had been a few weeks since this became a regular sleeping arrangement but there were nights that your mind still pulled at the past, keeping sleep just outside of your grasp.
The light of the full moon cast shadows through the small bedroom, your eyes catching sight of your old canvas duffle piled in the corner. The last few pieces of clothing you’d shoved in there hung over the side, the majority of them had been washed and hung in the closet or stored in a couple drawers that Sweet Pea had cleaned out for you. Your pulse beat hard against your neck as you thought about the impact of the bag being empty, what it meant going forward.
Turning in his grasp you nestled your nose against his chest, willing the familiar smell of leather and soap to calm the anxiety that formed in your stomach, but it wasn’t to be. Detangling limbs you slipped from the bed and grabbed one of Sweet Pea’s flannels, shooting a glance at the bed to make sure you didn’t disturb him before sneaking out and heading towards the kitchen.
Reaching for the hot cocoa mix you’d made up earlier in the week you set the burner to warm and put a saucepan of milk on the stove. Cocoa had been your go to comfort food since you were big enough to figure out how to warm up milk and add the grocery store packages your mother had kept handy. In the years since your first discovery of the powdery goodness you started mixing your own, always making sure you had some readily available should the need arise for it.
Pouring the simmering milk into your mug you settled at the kitchen table, idly stirring the mixture you let your mind reflect to the events that brought you here, to this kitchen table in this trailer.
North side and South side… they were just locations in a nowhere town that were used to tell people where society thought they stood and you had been conditioned from a young age to prescribe to the idea that life was to appear picture perfect. Since you could remember you had painstakingly made every effort to keep your mask flawless, your true persona kept silenced by the need to fit the mold.
Your reputation in Riverdale High was just what any parent could want from their child; top percent in your class, involved in the student council, after school tutor, well-liked by faculty and peers alike, but at some point, these accomplishments had been deemed mediocre. High demand and entrepreneurship ideas kept your father on the road while vodka and men on the side kept your mother entertained, but even absentee parents can sow seeds of doubt and disappointment. Your opinions and feelings had taken a back seat to their wishes, your education goals only what they deemed appropriate, your dreams only what they felt was equivalent to what your upbringing offered, and you had never had the courage to question that.
Sweet Pea had started just as a lab partner, nothing of consequence in your tailored life outside a potential obstacle in maintaining your GPA . You hadn’t treated this school partnership as if it would or could advance past a Biology class grade and maybe that had been your first mistake. Never in your wildest dreams did you think the tall Serpent would be the one who saw past your well placed mask and would be the reason you broke your silence.
The first time he saw your mask waver had been after school in the halls, long after the rest of the student body had gone.
You’d just gotten out of a student council meeting that had gone long; the meeting had been nothing but wasted time, Cheryl and Reggie spending most of the time complaining about the south siders that had transferred in instead of working on the class budget and it had resulted in you not being able to make it home in time to see your father off on his next trip. You had been juggling your phone to your ear to listen to the biting voicemail your mother had left while trying to collect your books and shut your locker when the phone had slipped, the screen shattering on the linoleum floor. A string of curses escaped your lips, slamming your fist against your locker in frustration you were startled when heavy footsteps came down the hall.
“Careful with those hands Princess, I need them to get me through the dissection module in biology”,
Sweet Pea’s teasing gaze watched in amusement as you collected yourself, almost flawlessly putting your mask back in place.
“Didn’t know someone as pristine as you could have a mouth like that”. His tone meant to ruffle the feathers you had just settled.
Shooting an annoyed look towards the boy as he relaxed against a locker, you picked up the shattered phone and shoved it in your pocket.
“It was a slip of the tongue. I assure you it will not happen again”
You turned on your heel and headed towards the main doors, Sweet Pea’s leisurely gate keeping pace with yours.
“May I ask what has you here so late?” eyes darting to look at the tall Serpent before focusing back on doors that lead out.
“Detention” He had offered no more on the subject and you had asked nothing else.
Opening the door for you as you both headed outside, Sweet Pea’s attention was pulled away by hollering from a group of bikes waiting in the corned of the lot.
“I’ll see you around Princess and remember, don’t go busting up those hands till after the biology final”, a boyish smirk spread across his features as the two of you parted ways.
You could feel his dark eyes watching you from his bike as you started the car, turning in your seat to meet his stare before quickly driving out of the lot and heading for home. He’d been able to see an unpolished side of you and hadn’t reacted with much more than amusement at your outburst.
The mask had cracked a little that day, a crack is always fixable the remanence of it almost impossible to see, but from then on there will always be a soft spot where the damage had started.
The second time Sweet Pea saw your mask waver was when you had brought him home to study for finals.
A relationship that had started out strictly as lab partners had morphed into comfortable acquaintances; friendly nods in the hall, quiet conversation during class, the occasional study meeting when the need arose had become a part of your routine.
Your parents had been around, much to your surprise, when you brought Sweet Pea to your North side residence. The slick vehicles parked in their designated spots had your muscles tensing as you ushered Sweet Pea into the hall.
“Head on upstairs, my room is on the right. Can’t miss it- I’ll be right up.”
Sweet Pea watched with mild concern as your back straightened and gaze hardened on your way into the kitchen, the breath you were holding only leaving you once you heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs.
Your parents hadn’t been shy about their feelings, their anger and annoyance about who you had welcomed into their home evident in their raised voices. Their berating remarks echoing in your head as you climbed the stairs to your room, tears of embarrassment and frustration threatening to fall.
You’d tried to collect yourself by the time you walked into your room, Sweet Pea turning from your bedroom window to take an appraisal of the state you were in. You knew Sweet Pea had heard everything, your parents had made it painfully obvious that they were hoping the boy from the South side would hear every word. Avoiding his gaze, you dropped your bag on your desk chair and reached in to grab your notebook and study material; calloused hands gripped your chin brining your watery gaze to meet Sweet Pea’s hard one, his eyes taking in the emotions on your face before you could cover them.
Releasing a breath you jerked your chin from his hold and made your way to the bed motioning the tall boy to join you as you opened up the biology book “Let’s start with cell review and work our way up”, acting as if that little bit of emotion hadn’t just occurred and carrying on as if nothing had happened.
Brows raised you watched as Sweet Pea waited a beat, his dark eyes still watching you before making his way towards you and flopping down on the bed beside the books. The mask had chipped that day, the structure of the mask still holding its integrity but there would always be a little piece missing that you couldn’t put back.
The third time Sweet Pea saw your mask waver was when he climbed in through your bedroom window bruised and bloody from a fight.
A relation of comfortable acquaintance had evolved into a budding friendship. Dinner at Pop’s, movie nights, an occasional lunch together at school, a small stash of your hot cocoa kept at his trailer, the occasional confession spoken in confidence; at some point you had started letting Sweet Pea into your life as more, confidence and trust in him growing the more time you spent around him.
It had been late on a Friday and you had been working on AP English homework, the words of Emily Bronte’s Wuthering Heights staring back at you. A knock on the glass had you jumping from your spot on your bed, Sweet Pea’s amused smirk greeting you as you threw open the window to let him in.
The bruising around his eye and blood dripping from his nose had you stopping him before he could make his way further into your room, shaking hands pulling his face to look at you.
“What the hell happened?! You’ve got a black eye and your nose is bleeding. Is it broken? Do I need to take you to a doctor?”
“Easy does it, Princess” his much larger hands taking yours away from his face but not releasing them from his grasp. “I’m fine. It was just a little tussle with some Ghoulies. You should see the other guy”, his boyish grin taking away some of the severity of the damage.
“Sit down, let me grab some stuff from the bathroom”, hurrying off before he could get in another word you went in search of a wet rag.
He’d made himself comfortable by the time you returned, Serpent jacket resting over your desk chair and boots tossed in the corner as he relaxed across your bed skimming through a magazine he’d found.
“Sit up and let me get that blood off your face before you get it all over my stuff”, snatching the Cosmo from his hand you dabbed at the drying blood around his nose.
You could feel him watching you as you worked, tracking your movements with eyes that seemed to be more watchful by the day; biting your lip as you focused on the task, hands shaking outside your control you willed them to steady. The rough feel of fingers on the back of your hand stilled your movements, your eyes locking with Sweet Pea’s somber ones.
You stared at each other for a minute, silence and something more hung between you. Without realizing it you wrapped your arms around his neck, face resting in crook of his shoulder.
“I’m really glad that you’re ok” you murmured against his skin, a slight tremor coursing through your body.
Sweet Pea’s hands rested on your waist, pulling you a little closer to stand between his legs.
“Everything is ok” his grip tightening as he held you, his muscles relaxing as he realized you weren’t going to pull away.
The mask had fractured that night, the structure could be forced back together but the damage to it obvious and unmistakable, there could be no more denying that your mask was flawless and that this boy was starting to see more than you let most.
The fourth time Sweet Pea saw your mask waver was when you showed up at his trailer late one night unannounced.
Friendship had turned to something deeper. Lingering touches, casual flirting, held gazes, forehead kisses; fear of the unknown was slowly being replaced with the confidence of what to look forward to, the need to fit the mold your parents had set up for you was turning into a journey of discovering who you were meant to be.
There had been so much yelling that night, your mother was furious when you declared you weren’t going to accept the internship your father had lined up for you out of state, instead planning on working at Pops and spending time around Riverdale. The clash of words echoed throughout the house, your mother not appreciating your new-found backbone or the fact you were no longer seen associating with students she deemed fit.
You hadn’t seen it coming, the crack of her hand against your cheek sent you staggering back eyes wide in shock. Your mother’s fiery gaze looked back at you, the resentment she felt about your choices clear as day. Without a second thought you turned to leave through the front door, grabbing your sweater and purse on the way out as tears silently fell.
Sweet Pea was just opening the door of his trailer as you climbed out of the car, his tall frame relaxing when he realized it was you and not someone looking for a fight.
“What are you doing here? I thought your mother was around and you….” his baritone voice halting when you met him on the porch.
Your complexion was pale except for where your mother had struck you, your eyes red rimmed and hands shaking from the adrenaline that was still running through you, “Uh, we had a bit of a disagreement this evening,” your shaking voice giving away the nerves that fluttered in your stomach despite your attempt at a casual retort.
Sweet Pea pulled you to him and held you, burying your face into his chest as your hold tightened in his flannel shirt. The two of you stood there in the glow of the outside light until a breeze sent a chill up your spine; releasing your hold on the tall Serpent you stepped back, not getting far before Sweet Pea took your hand and pulled you into the trailer and towards the kitchen.
The dark haired boy watched with worry as you made your way around the kitchen, grabbing the cocoa you had stashed next to the coffee pot and warmed a pan of milk on the stove. Anxious energy hummed around you as you waited for the milk to warm, wrapping your arms around your waist as if to chase off an invisible chill, you rocked on the balls of your feet eyes glazing over as you watched the stove.
Sweet Pea’s towering frame came to stand behind you, hands snaking around to turn you in his arms. “You’re okay. I’ve got you”
That simple statement made your heart swell with emotion, your heart beating faster in your chest as you looked up at the boy who saw past it all.
Tattooed thumb ghosting over the purpling skin before wiping away a stray tear that fell, he studied your features for a moment. Unguarded and raw emotion swirled in your eyes as he traced your lower lip with his thumb before bringing his down to meet yours in a tentative kiss.
Your response was immediate, hands wrapping around his neck and deepening the contact between the two of you. Sweet Pea’s hands gripped at your hips as you rose on your tiptoes for more, emotions clouding your senses and forgetting where society had told you to stay in life.
Sweet Pea’s forehead came to rest on yours, his heavy breathing matching your own. “What happened…” thumb running over your cheek again as if to emphasize the importance of this conversation and you didn’t have it in you to keep silent anymore.
The mask broke that night, pieces fell never to be replaced. While some of it still clung on in a last stitch effort for protection you knew in your heart it wouldn’t last forever; waking up the next morning curled in Sweet Pea’s arms you knew that the fear you carried around within you was starting to be a thing of the past.
The last time Sweet Pea saw your mask waver was when he stood with you at the end of the driveway with your canvas duffle in hand.
The something deeper had turned into aiming for forever. More nights together than apart, clothing left in the bedroom, secrets shared without fear, affection shown without worry, laughter replacing the doubt.
Your parents had all but left you in the following months after the blow up, your father taking longer trips that rarely resulted in him home for more than a night while your mother continued down an emotionally deteriorating hole spending more nights in stranger’s beds than in her own. As you stood at the end of your parent’s drive way the weight of the decision you were about to make wasn’t as heavy as the weight of the violence that stood before you and that was enough for you to know the decision was right.
Sweet Pea’s arm was slung over your shoulder, his fingers tracing circles on your arm as he watched you from the corner of his eye.
“Are you ready to do this, Princess?”
You spared the building you’d lived in all your life but never could call home one more glance before turning to look into your boyfriend’s warm eyes, “I’m ready.”
Kissing his lips softly, you turned on your heel as Sweet Pea threw your bag in the back of the truck, climbing into the passenger side you refused to look back at what was now the past. The last of your mask had shattered that day, pieces never to be able to be put back.
“You alright?” Sweet Pea’s question pulling you from your late night thoughts.
Sending a quick grin his way, you took another sip of your cocoa “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep”.
Your fingers toyed with the emancipation papers your parent’s lawyer had sent over this afternoon, the last remaining piece of your old life gone as soon as the signatures dried on the page.
“Are you having second thoughts”, Sweet Pea’s tone sleepy but eyes watchful as he leaned against the door frame.
Looking up you took in all the features of the boy in front of you, the love and affection he showed for you in his eyes, the slight worry lines that found their way across his brow as he watched you. You thought about the confidence he’d helped you find, about the ever present acceptance he offers you, about the fact he wants you just as you are.
Rising from your spot at the table, mug and papers forgotten, you wrapped your arms around his neck and brought your lips up to meet his.
“No second thoughts here. For the first time in a long time I’m at peace and confident in where I stand in life”
Sweet Pea kissed your forehead and held you close, you had been quiet for too long and from here on out you were going to overcome any fear that stood in your way.
Tagged readers: @riverdale-enthusiastt-backup
