SWOOPING ICE

The Kings are fucking MESS. c'est la vie ~ I have hot takes about dumbass hockey shit ~ I talk in the tags. You'll learn to love it

[daisiesmakingchains]

Saint Marc(-Andre) Fleury

[swoopsonice]

Is today Jonathan Quick's night? No

Do we still wanna meme the shit out of it? absolutely.

[stream]

Space Jam (1996) dir. Joe Pytka

[shortvideosandstuff]

[gnumblr]

bootycheck

[ran-nee-chan]

That’s some fierce booty.

[yisusfishus]

booty game HELLA STRONG

[swoopsonice]

That's Slovakia's ass!

[swoopsonice]

The Kings, watching all these teams somehow win in Regulation/Win in OT

[nhlupdate]

[swoopsonice]

LOOK AT YOU GO TAMPA!!!

YOU WENT OUT THERE AND DID THE HOCKEY!

Now, to the regularly scheduled kings pain. God Y'all, we're gonna SUCK! (but at least we get a first round pick!) ((if we don't pick Quinton Byfield I am gonna disown the kings))

[cardamoms-deactivated20161127]

jack: emotionally stunted but trying his best, gets his kids bunk beds with a slide, is the first to catch a kid falling on the playground, is a stern and rational voice on the pta board, somehow ends up head of his son’s boy scout troop and second in command in his daughter’s girl scout troop.  one of his kids, after having something bordering on a mental health crisis, learns that hey, dad has anxiety and is super sympathetic and gives the best coping advice.  keeping his kids safe is the #1 priority

bitty: makes sure every lunch packed for the kids is perfect and has all of the major food groups.  when his daughter is being bullied by a boy on the playground and the teacher writes it off as just some ‘crush,’ bitty calls his lawyer (shitty) to scare the school into action.  hates any sort of argument with the kids so they end up a little passive aggressive.  doesnt force the kids to do anything they dont want to do except for their homework.  somehow even more protective than jack.  gives the shotgun talk

lardo: margarita aunt who gives every child she knows drawing supplies for their birthday, posts memes on facebook, whenever she visits, her nieces and nephews will notice flowers painted in the corners of rooms.  magic godmother?  takes kids out shopping for prom clothes and is the best depository for teenage angst

shitty: beer uncle.  either wearing a suit or nothing at all at any time.  brags about having smoked weed since he was 14 but wont give his nieces or nephews anything because he’s responsible (much to their chagrin).  takes the kids on a road trip every other summer to various parts of north america so the kids and jack and bitty can get a bit of a break

ransom and holster: the awesome uncles who take the kids to theme parks whenever they visit.  give them semi-decent dating advice

chowder: loves the kids and sends them surprisingly fashionable clothes for their birthdays.  somehow gets roped into chaperoning their dates?  teaches them how to cartwheel

bob and alicia: good grandparents.  nervous about jack at first until they realized he’s surprisingly good at this parenting thing.  bob teaches the kids french, which jack eventually takes over.  alicia makes sure they know the values of good education

suzanne and coach: they love the grandkids.  so much.  suzanne starts crying every time she sees them.  coach teaches them how to throw a football

[shinjiiro-remade]

#lol their kid’s first boyfriend is gonna be so fucked#just gonna walk into the house with his hands clammy as hell even though he wipes them on his thighs like eighty two times#and then retired nhl legend jack zimmermann answers the door and every check of his career flashes before this poor boy’s eyes#but jack smiles softly and says ‘kid’s almost ready. you can have a seat on the couch if you want.’#and then BITTY#comes out with snacks and drinks and this kid is like ‘awesome!!!! my date’s dads are so chill’#but then bitty sits with his hands in his laps and looks very seriously at this young man#‘now understand i have nothing against you personally#but i have so many knives. i have knives and i have a lawyer on retainer#i grew up in georgia and i knew how to load buckshot before i knew how to write my name#i’m sure you’re a nice boy but if you hurt my child i will END you’#‘uh….’ -poor small boy#‘oh! can i get you more lemonade?’ - erb immediately after  (via @sadquebecois)

[zoomboni]

An all southern team Stanley Cup Final, call that yeehawkey.

[hockeylesbians]

They cheered for the baby and booed everyone else. This is the greatest thing 

(i saw this on twitter but hadn’t seen it on tumblr so i needed to post it. pls watch this)

[daruyuki-kun]

This is what sports should be about <3

[swoopsonice]

Now that I've been freed from this prison of stanning the stars because I hate Deboer I have a few things to say

FIRE DEBOER

PANDA CAN FIGHT ME

FREE FLOWER

SEGUIN SUCKS

DOBBY AND BISHOP DESERVE BETTER

PAVELSKI I STILL HATE YOU ON THE SHARKS PRINCIPLE BUT IM GLAD YOU'RE GETTING YOUR MOMENT IN THE SUN, SIR

[swoopsonice]

Anyways, Lehner keeps shitting the bed in the important games, Demko deserved better and #FireDeBoer

[swoopsonice]

I'm not saying that the knights deserve to suffer for the way they handled the Fleury Situation™ buuuuut.....

(also can we give Demko his due kudos? 48 shots, no goals. One goal in 2 games. The Vancouver defense was nowhere to be found but Demko SHOWED UP AND EARNED HIS SHUTOUT)

[swoopsonice]

Thank you for your service Tampa Bay

Thanks to you, the entire fucking league can take a breath

[bearfeathers]

or you could always not tag this "boston bruins" since this is 100% not the content anyone following that tag wants to see

[swoopsonice]

[swoopsonice]

Thank you for your service Tampa Bay

Thanks to you, the entire fucking league can take a breath

[gabelandeskog]

@Sportsnet: “The statement they’ve made today is something that’s going to last. These two days aren’t going to fix anything, but the conversations and the statement that has been made is very powerful, especially coming from this league.” - Ryan Reaves

[swoopsonice]

👀👀👀

🔥 Vs ⭐