“Wait. wait. wait–” He wheezed quietly but there was already distance made between the two of them. Damn it, damn it all. He was starting to hate himself. For what reason was did he experience his memory loss? He wasn’t even sure. It just happened.
His heart as if it were squeezed harshly the moment he was replied to. He stayed silent for the longest of time, trying to find the right words to say or how to comfort him. He really couldn’t nor did he feel like he had the right. It was his fault.
“Alexei…” He mumbled his name which he memorized. “I read a notebook…. told me everything I need to know about us. I know about you… about me t-too but I just… don’t…” He whimpered, being unable to finish the sentence. “What do I do? What s-should I do?” He felt tears rolling down his cheeks. He didn’t mean to make this about himself.
He should have been apologizing for being so reckless, for not putting more effort into preventing this memory loss. "Don’t remember again?” Alexei words repeated in his mind nonstop. Just how many times has it happened now? He didn’t even know. He didn’t know a damn thing and it was why he had been crying.
It was the first time he cried in the past few days of dealing with this. Nitori wasn’t sure why he decided to do it in front of the other. Perhaps he instinctively felt that it was okay to show this type of vulnerability around him. He didn’t know but what he did know was that the tears couldn’t stop.
“I-i don’t m-mean to make it about me. T-this is all my fault… I -i did something but… it hurts. I’m s-so scared. I read all I would need to know about myself b-but nothing is clicking.” His own hand moved to smack harshly against his chest. “It’s like I c-can’t feel anything… .”
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry….” His anxiety and all his feelings had finally poured out.
Watching Nitori break down in front of him made him feel even worse, slowly bringing him back into a softer hug. Not the best thing to do, but Alexei always ended up doing it out of instinct now, whenever Nitori got like this. "It's not your fault, you..." Alexei paused.
He couldn't really sugar coat his words. But telling him anything else right now was possibly the worst thing he could do, especially right now while he's a crying mess in his arms. Something else, just say something else...
"It doesn't need to click right now at least. Just know we've been through it together, and we'll get through it again, okay?" His grip strengthened around Nitori. Even now Alexei still couldn't possibly know how painful everything was to Nitori right now, the confusion he was going through, how empty everything feels. If anything Alexei was making everything about him in his own brain. It was frustrating, he'd probably never know how it feels, and he could never comfort him properly like a decent significant other because of it.
At that moment all he could really do is hug him, try and reassure him everything would be okay, he'd recover from this... like every other time...