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edvent acc xx

[sxrx-28]

2 weeks 😓

then i had to ruin it.

[sxrx-28]

i need an ana coach, pls help me.

[sxrx-28]

i think i’m just going to kill myself at this point. no one is going to love a fat girl.

[sxrx-28]

so i didn’t eat all week last week, then my family made me eat on sunday which made me feel so disgusting. 7 days down the drain and i felt like i gained so much weight. then after sunday i didn’t eat all this week, then my friends had a halloween hangout and forced me to eat. i ended up just eating whatever was in front of me and its making me feel so sick. my stomach hurts so bad and i want to make myself throw up but i physically can’t. i just want to go home and cry. i feel so ugly and disgusting.

[sxrx-28]

i miss when i looked sick

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looking at old pictures and videos of me hurts

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i don’t see how im ever going to be happy with myself if im not skinny. i try to think that someone will like me for me but who am i kidding, who is gonna want someone who is ugly and fat ? honestly im so tired, 5 years of this bullshit and all my weight does is go and come back.

[sxrx-28]

my dad called me fat yesterday

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i’m just waiting for the point in the fast where you’re not hungry anymore

[sxrx-28]

was looking at old pictures of me when i was at my peak of my ed, i miss it.

[sxrx-28]

went to the gym, walked on the treadmill for 30 min at the end of my workout. burned 235 cals just by walking, so i cancelled out the pizza and chips i ate today. gonna fast again for the next two days and hopefully i go longer than that without my mom pressuring me to eat.

[sxrx-28]

honestly i wish i could make myself throw up but my emetaphobia is saying no.

[sxrx-28]

ended my fast because of my mom. i feel so disgusting. she made me eat a slice of pizza. (250 cals.) and limon lays chips (150 cals.) i’m going to the gym in an hour to work off the calories i had today. hopefully i work it all off.

[sxrx-28]

20 hour fast 😛

still gonna keep going but the time keeps me in check.

[sxrx-28]

i’ve gained so much weight. i physically want to throw up when i see myself. i just want to be skinny.

[sxrx-28]

i haven’t eaten in a week and my mom wants to go out to dinner for mother’s day with my whole family plus my grandma, and im so scared. i don’t want to eat but im so hungry and i feel like if i eat im gonna binge and i can’t do that.

[sxrx-28]

having an eating disorder is so annoying when you aren’t good at it