Alias's Blog

Sometimes you cant sleep... so I write.

[swoozie]

Ditching your friends for your bae

[syberalias]

This just happened.

[syberalias]

Pretending to be

I'd like to consider myself a very simple-minded person when it comes to certain things, especially when they are related to any sort of relationship beyond friendships.

I prefer to take things literally, not because I dont know when I shouldn't but because its much easier for me to process. Things are so much more simple without the confusing spectrum of grey in between. I like simple, and knowing.  I dont like statements with "hidden messages" and pretending not to want something that I do.

But maybe I should.

My friends recently told me that when I like someone, I should play hard to get. Their advise is sound, but I found that even though I was getting some interesting results from following their advice I felt a little uncomfortable. Playing hard to get is simply manipulative and honestly I dont think it shows the proper appreciation and respect that you should have for your person of interest.

But this didn't mean that I'd suddenly stop playing hard to get. Dont get me wrong, I like someone but I also like results, sadly this has gotten me the best results.

I decided that-

I had to find a compromise. Rather than play hard to get, I could just be hard to get. This would eliminate the lying, and coyness, but some of the element of choice on my part would also be taken away, not having full control of how my time is spent.

I admit, this took my social life to a sort of hectic level, which I'll confess, I am struggling to balance; having so many friends at once, in different groups takes it toll.

Something interesting happened though, in the process of becoming hard to get, My interest began to decrease, drastically. I remember times when I had to actively stop myself from thinking to much, now the thought has to be brought up willingly. As though my interest had been... for lack of a better word un-piqued- if thats even a word.

Its a little ironic that all of this, to  get someone and in the end I only want them less... and less. Playing hard to get, being hard to get, I hate relationships sometimes, so complicated and confusing. Annoying.

What are your thoughts on playing hard to get? Is it worth the trouble?

[meme-meme]

[syberalias]

This has to be the best meme I've seen in a while. :D

[washingtonpost]

No one seems to know how many Nigerian girls are actually missing.

[syberalias]

I decided it was time to put my blog to good use. I mean, whats the point of having a tumblr if you can't show off your friends? This was one of the best nights I had during the short holiday this year.

Sadiq didn't have a fork, Huda thought this was a welcome back dinner for her... it wasn't, Fat'ma let her inner nomadic nature let loose that nice- she took off her shoes and this was one of the few pictures that Otee let his face be shown in.

That day we couldn't finish dinner, even with the thoughts of the Dying children in Africa that made us feel slightly guilty for wasting such large amounts of food we still somehow left about 30% of everything on our plates.

Not to be Mawkishly oversentimental but every picture has a story right? Stories should be told- right?

[thecreatorsproject]

The Splendor Of Physics Realized In Surreal GIF Form

(Artist: Hugo Germain)

[syberalias]

This. Is. So. Cool.

Not as cool as me though

[syberalias]

Dearly Beloved

We are gathered here today to- wait, that sounds like the beginning of a wedding sermon. And well, this is anything but.

Dearly Beloved, today is a day of mourning. We are gathered to mourn the death of a crush, the real death of an actual real crush... on someone. Not the actual person. No humans died.

The person that has been my muse for a few of my posts. Sadly the pink shiny halo of awesomeness surrounding this person has... well gone. Its gone. Gone where? I have no idea. I noticed at first when it began to fade, and the bright pink that blinded me was merely a dim light in my eyes. The sparkles became less sparkly and now he's just a person.

i hate when this happens.

Somebody I thought was the epitome of awesomeness and *this* close to perfection suddenly becoming a mere mortal before my very eyes, but no it doesn't stop there, they become average and that's when I start questioning myself, what was I seeing this whole time? Was I so desperate for companionship that I projected the image of the person I wanted on him?

Nah...

I'm not that insane.

I wish I could see this ending for every single crush but everytime I have one I think it's going to be different, maybe this person is actually awesome and I'm not just seeing things. I'm always seeing things.

So there you have it. I'm normal again, no more feeling giddy for a guy, or happy to receive a text smiles going on here. Nope. Just school and work.

Yippie.

[syberalias]

So it turns out...

I am a very jealous person. This doesn't happen often but I realise that when it does occur... my mind tends to get disconnected from reality.

For me this theory isn't just limited to crushes but friends, property, TV shows, music, ideas, basically everything that I think I have some right to.

My friends said something once, and I think that they may be right. They told me that I would make a really interesting ex-girlfriend. Throwing things, smashing things, getting jealous, possesiveness. I realise that by admitting this, I am basically scaring away any potential partners by labelling myself as an embryonic psycho ex-girlfriend, but I dont mind.

I suppose.

The things I've done normally I would be ashamed to admit them but really? On here? No one reads this, so here goes.

I actually found out my friend's pin for her phone and while she was in the shower, I read through one of her chats with another certain friend of mine. It was pretty ridiculous but I think that in the moment, my actions were slightly validated.

I can't believe that I just became that person who reads through text messages- that 'Unlock your phone' psycho insecure girlfriend... that is an intensely depressing thought.

I hate people listening to music I was listening to first then telling me about my music that they just started listening to when I've been grooving out to it for much longer than they have. Take for instance coldplay, I actually flinch when someone calls themselves a fan, but can only name two songs, paradise and clocks. People like that sicken me.

Yes. Yes. That really is how petty I can be.

So what caused me to finally admit to myself what I've probably known all along?

My friend was texting, giggling, laughing and get this, it's two in the morning. Who the hell was she texting? Automatically, I assume it's the someone I'm interested in, so I use my super telescopic laser vision to zoom into her phone and see who she was talking to at this uncouth hour.

It wasn't who I thought it was. But heck! It could very well have been. I'm not about to take any chances.

Although, what I would have done with the information if it had been is quite beyond me.

[syberalias]

What People Love to Talk About

It's been a while. Once anyone says that you know that there will come a burst of short diligence followed by an extensive period of neglect to my tumblr responisibilities. I apologise my three... followers.

Expect this.

Anyway, that aside, lets talk about something that many people love to talk about. Yes, its what you were thinking; How awesome I am in call of duty.

What were you thinking?

Three days ago I wouldn't have dreamed of even being able to score one kill on that game but now? I'm no pro but oh my gosh- I understand, why couples break up for this, I understand why people get addicted, in fact- I don't understand why more couples haven't broken up for this game. Yes. It is that awesome.

Yesterday I decided to play on the recruit level of difficulty, and it was awesome. I finally killed people! by the end of th day my best game was 70 kills and 37 deaths. I felt badass... I even got a nine point kill streak, and I will admit, I did feel a certain rush when I saw that 'maniac' accomplishment.

Right now, I play on the regular level of difficulty, and my best game was 50 kills and 30 deaths. That was today! I feel so awesome. Soon I'll get to hardcore, then vetran and all my friends can go suck it!!

I'm looking forward to playing online, if my friends let me. Some hogwash about me embarrasing them, ruining their rep with my lack of skills, not being able to do anything except give the federation points for my deaths, all baseless fears if you ask me.

I could so too play online and kill people.

[syberalias]

So it turns out...

I am a creep. Now I know this, I trust myself that I will be the very first to admit to any creepy quirks of mine.

I decided to realise a small dream of mine, because yes, I do dream of small things too, by asking swoozie for his skype and I got it!

I think thats it... i dont have anything else to blog about.

The highlight of my day happened in the morning.

Kinda sad... kinda sad...

[syberalias]

I Don't Remember What We Talked About...

But do I even need to?

Words, I dont think, match the importance of the voice that carries them. The voice.

The voice that carries them... yours. Thats what I wanted to hear- all I wanted to hear. i found no feelings of solicitude within me for the whats or whys of what was said, just 'who' mattered.

The realisation of myself as beratably (is that a word?) cliche came as I became cognizant of my stifling of every yawn only to prolong the aimless colloquy.

I decided to let the feeling of somnolence seep into the conversation make my fatigue apparent, afterall what was your voice, compared to my sleep?

I'll admit that this is mawkishly oversentimental of me but there are some things I can carelessly admit here based on the reassurance that your eyes will never see them.

[syberalias]

Feeling Deep

There are some days where I feel like the smartest douchebag on the planet.

I'm glad to say that my roommate makes me experience this feeling almost everyday. This isn't a conscious act, but rather subconscious stupidity Which I will reluctantly admit... I thrive on.

Harsh. I know. But I wont stop. I dont want to stop.

Sometimes I get sick, of being around people for so long, and I want to escape... you know? But I can't cause I live with the very thing that seems to be the catalyst of my irritated mood swings. I can't go anywhere. So I end up lashing out- I guess...

I promised that I would keep my rants to a minimum. There's nothing intellectual about being angry.

[syberalias]

Nocturnal Hallucinations

I had a dream that you read my tumblr...

It was odd, me thinking that I could post private thoughts here without getting caught by at least one person. After watching so many episodes of awkward, the amount of exposure that I had to that show was a major influence in deciding what my new blue book would be.

Now I've seen it I want it to happen. I'd like my tumblr to be read, by people other than myself, but not just anybody but people with minds unlike mine. I realise I like that feeling; the one of being stripped down slowly to the point of nakedness that you have nothing to hide anymore. kinda like your parents reading your text messages.

Sometimes I wonder if you're wading through my muddy words right now. Silently scanning through the pages, letting your eyes rest briefly on words that seem to imply one-on-one communication.

I'd like to think you are.

[syberalias]

Forever Impressions

I like to stare at people. It is a debatably bad habit depending on which side of the observatory spectrum you're on. My opinions of people are always changing, but sometimes I wonder, the person I'm staring at, 'Do they ever stare back?'.

It's normal for people to think about other people thinking about them... right?

When you look at me, what sort of mental image do my actions imprint in your mind?

I remember, there was a guy I used to like- Charles. He knew his way round a... rubix cube like no man's business. I followed him on twitter and I think that for a while, there wasnt a day that went by when I didn't read comething he wrote. Charles wasn't particularly good looking, or tall, or physically built, or suave... or anything really. But he had words. Words that impressed me. Some made me think, and the rest just caused me to roll my eyes at how cliche they were.

His writing made such a forever impression on me that even when I stopped liking him, I never stopped reading his words.

Eventually Charles and I met once, but I think I made a bad first impression, which undoubtedly lasted a long time because we never met again unless it was by chance. I wondered for a while, what was his perception of my character? because never want to make that kind of impression ever again.

I want you to stare at me- I want to make a great forever impression on you.

[syberalias]

My only reason for going to a funeral will be to say 'I see dead people'

Alias

[syberalias]

Speculation

I'll let you in on a little secret.

My body goes into fight-or-flight mode whenever I'm about to have any kind of confrontation. Especially something concerning basic rights towards myself.

Thats how much of a coward I am. I remember a friend wanted to take something, that was rightfully mine. It was mine. I knew it was, so did she, yet she stood and tried to take it. Suddenly, I felt my heart rate increase and my mouth seal shut. What was my body doing? My breathing was a little shallow and in a small voice with barely any conviction, I told her, "That's mine."

I always wondered why I felt the need to explain myself to people. People i didnt know, people I barely gave any thought to whatsoever. I didnt understand this want to be 'good' in everyone's eyes. Humans long for fulfillment, which we think is brought about by hapiness, and in turn is brought about by other people being happy with us. We need- no want- to be validated by otehrs before we have enough confidence to take the personality that is ours.

I cannot be cool until someone else tells me that I am cool. I cannot be a nerd until some person points it out, and sadly, I cannot take what is mine until another person gives it to me.

Speculation: I am a pushover.

[syberalias]

FullMetal Alchemist

Full Metal Alchemist- The anime. I finally finshed it this morning. Words... cannot even begin to describe how awesome that show is. I will try. So as not to reaveal any spoilers I'll be careful with my words...

ITS AWESOME!!! EDWARD ELRIC IS AWESOME! ALPHONSE IS AWESOME! HOENHEIM IS FREAKING AWESOME!! MUSTANG IS SUCH A BADASS!!! HAVOC IS JUST DAMN COOL!! HAWKEYE IS THE SHIT!! WINRY IS... eh. KIMBLEE IS THE BEES KNEES!! OLIVIER ARMSTRONG IS INCREDIBLE!! LIN YAO IS AWESOME! SHAO MAY IS TOO CUTE!! MAY CHANG IS AWESOME!! MAJOR ARMSTRONG IS AWESOME!! and such a teddy bear too! SCAR IS A FREAKING BADASS!! I LOVE ALL OF THEM!!!