🌼Rennie Is Writing Again🌼

Rennie is the name, writing is the game 🌼 26 she/they🌼 multistan 🌼 MDNI 🌼 this is a side blog 🌼

[sykeskassie]

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

Hello! I’m Rennie! I’ve spent a long time denying my writer brain, but I’ve found a muse who encourages me to not do that anymore! I am a multi, but I’m not sure who all I’m going to write for. I’m not doing requests (yet?), but feel free to send asks!

✨Masterlist✨

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR AGE MARKED, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED.

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

[sykeskassie]

Starry Starry Night

Once again we have written a vent piece. This one is kind of ambiguous, so I won't put it under any particular group in the masterlist. Though I will say that I was going back and forth between Stray Kids Chan and Seventeen Seungcheol when I wrote this. The name is plucked from Don McLean's song Vincent, which is what I've had on repeat for the last two days.

CW: mentions of disassociation but not by name, symptoms of depression but also not by name

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

The first sign should have been the dishes that had been sitting in the dishwasher for a week. They were clean, just waiting for someone to put them away. The cheery magnet served as a looming reminder, coupled with the slowly growing stack of dishes in the sink waiting patiently for their own turn. They were too loud, and too silent all at once; knowing that this routine task needed to be done, but only remembering in the quiet moments when all energy had been depleted for the day.

The second sign should have been the repeated songs. She would get like this every so often, explaining in the clearer moments that sometimes there wasn't enough room in her head for anything but consistency. That the music would fill all the in between spaces and let everything come to a standstill. That when the song would loop indefinitely, it let her stop thinking. The tendency to overthink was a shared trait for the two of you.

The third sign that should have been what tipped you off was how tired she had been. For days, for weeks, she had been walking around your shared apartment like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Bags under her eyes that she explained away with restless sleep; allergies were wearing her down, making it impossible to get meaningful rest. It should have been easy to put two and two together and see just how bone-deep her exhaustion went. To see how she would settle into that thousand yard stare, to see how lost in her own head she would get.

But it wasn't any of those that finally clued you in. No, it was coming home to a dark apartment, the only light source coming from the lingering sunlight that was trying its best to peak in through the closed blinds. It was the utter quiet that greeted you, an odd silence that rarely settled over your home. She always hated the silence, preferring the way music would wind it's way around her like a favorite blanket. To help filter the thoughts, she once explained.

You didn't call out to her. When it got to this point, anything above a murmur was overwhelming. It was in a nest of blankets that you found her, a heavy comforter on top that only allowed you a glimpse of her eyes that were trained unwavering on a spot on the wall. You knew she had to have heard you come in; the steady fall of your feet and the opening of doors would have clued her in. She wasn't ignoring you because that just wasn't in her nature. No, she was adrift in her own mind, only registering that she wasn't alone anymore on a surface level.

So you did the only thing that you could do. Climbing next to her on top of the covers, she let you pull her close to you. It helps sometimes, to have another body help anchor hers in the physical world. Words would come later, soft whispers that you were here, that you would help shoulder all the weight pinning her to this bed. Whispers that you would pair with the softest kisses to the crown of her head. Holding her until her eyes slipped shut and her breathing returned from worryingly slow to a more regular pattern. It was then, while her mind got the rest that it desperately needed, that you sneak away to take care of all the little things that had been building up. It wouldn't solve everything, but…it was a start.

[sykeskassie]

My muse and I have been talking about getting a writing schedule underway! I very much meant to have something out for January, but unfortunately it doesn't look like I'm going to quite meet that goal. But!!!! Trust and believe that I have WIPS going (about 83 bajillion, approximately).

Right now I'm working on some coffee shop au's. I'm hoping to get at least one, if not maybeeeee two? out in February. For those sticking around, I appreciate you! <3

[sykeskassie]

Missing Piece

This was originally a gift for my muse. Well, more like a reward for getting her schoolwork done. It’s been sitting for a minute and I finally decided to post it.

Pairing: Implied OT8 Stray Kids x reader

Word Count: 1.3k

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

Something wasn’t quite right, but you couldn’t put your finger on what was missing. You had been tucked away in the repurposed office all morning, forbidding any of the pack from entering. It was your first time since joining the pack that you had made a nest by yourself. You had of course participated in building group nests with Seungmin, Felix, and Jisung —the other omegas— but you had yet to

make one solo. It had taken you a while to feel comfortable enough; despite the constant encouragement from your packmates of all designations, you were anxious. As much as you wanted to grab a member or two, you knew that this was something you had to do for yourself. 

Adjusting a pillow against the wall, you breathed in deeply. You could smell hints of cedar, pine, and eucalyptus, the scents belonging to Chan, Changbin, and Minho respectively. You had used sheets from their beds to cover the nesting mat on the ground, effectively making them the base of the nest. They were the foundation of your pack, and thus it was only natural to make them the foundation of your nest. 

It had been Minho who originally introduced you to the pack. He was just a bit older than you, always taking on a protector role even before he presented. Honestly, that’s why your families hadn’t been shocked when he did present as an alpha. When his friend Chan asked him to join his pack, he had made it very clear that they would have a frequent visitor to the den. Minho knew that he couldn’t outright ask for you to become pack alongside him; you would never have accepted that without meeting and becoming comfortable with the guys, and Chan wouldn’t just add in anyone that hadn’t gotten everyone’s approval. However, it had become clear after just a few visits how enamored everyone had become with you. 

The scents of the betas lined the walls, lavender from Hyunjin and rosemary from Jeongin. They had thoroughly scented many pillows the night before at your request. It was imperative to you to have their scent be on the items that you would rest against; their comfort and support represented in a physical way. You had spent countless hours nestled between the two of them, chattering on about nothing and everything. They had been the most instrumental in your transition to the pack, helping you adjust to suddenly living with eight raucous boys. Jeongin especially, having been the most recent to join before you, understood how overwhelming it could be. 

The blankets strategically placed around the nest were provided by the omegas. Towards the foot of nest, Jisung’s clove scent radiated comfort from fuzzy blankets. It was a strong scent for an omega to have, but Jisung was a strong omega. Though he was one of the few to intimately understand your battles with anxiety, he was a fierce protector of the pack. Placing his scent at the entry point of the nest was an acknowledgment that to get to them, one would have to go through Jisung. At the head of the nest laid pillowy quilts imbued with Felix’s nutmeg scent. Extra padding for anyone who wanted to lay down, his sweeter scent felt like a hug surrounding you. Beyond Chan and Minho, Felix had been the first member who immediately welcomed you with open arms. He had been the one to teach you about all the members, helping you integrate near seamlessly. 

Your eyes drifted to the flannel blankets that made up the middle. Even with your softer scent of fresh rain clinging to the sturdier fabric, it wasn’t quite complete. Taking each component piece by piece helped you figure out what had been missing all along. You carefully maneuvered out of the nest, making sure not to disturb anything. It was nearly perfect! You just needed your missing piece. Sneaking out of the room, you crept quietly to Seungmin’s room. 

Knocking softly, you hear a, “come in, pup!” 

You quickly slip into his room, your eyebrow raised slightly. “How did you know it was me?”

Seungmin chuckled, “You’re the only one who knocks and then waits. Everyone else either knocks and barges in, or skips knocking altogether.” He took a second before realizing something. “Aren’t you supposed to be nesting right now?”

You looked down at your feet, suddenly shy. It’s not that you were uncomfortable with Seungmin; it was actually the opposite. Minho may be the one you were closest to, but Seungmin was right behind him. Your omega shined under his attention, and he was the one who really taught you what being an omega in a pack like theirs meant. He was endlessly patient with you, putting up with your questions no matter how silly you thought they might be.

“I am! I was! But…I’m missing you.” You weren’t sure how you didn’t catch it sooner, honestly. If you had to guess, it’s because you weren’t used to having to put all the pieces together by yourself. When you did group building, you usually helped one of the omegas with one designation, while the other two omegas worked on the remaining designations. 

“Oh pup. Do you want me to scent something for you to take back to your nest?” You knew that wouldn’t be the right answer, even if you appreciated his offer. 

Shaking your head no, you say, “I have all the materials already picked out and set up. I just need you…would you mind coming with me? So I can show you where I want you?”

“You want to show me your nest? Before anyone else?”

You hadn’t really thought of that, of the significance of your request. You took a second to turn the idea over in your head. It felt right, you decided, having Seungmin be the first to see your nest. If you thought about it too hard, you’d realize that a part of you was wanting, maybe even needing an omega’s approval. Your omegas approval.

With a small nod from you, Seungmin stood up from his bed and walked towards you. “We have to be quiet though. I don’t want the rest of the pack to think it’s ready yet.”

“I understand, puppy. Let’s go see your nest.” Grabbing his hand and lacing your fingers together, you led him back to the room you had been fussing over for the last few hours. He took a look around when he entered your nest, inhaling deeply to see where you had placed everyone. Plopping down on Jisung’s section, you pointed at the spread out flannel blankets. 

“I need you there, please.” Seungmin would never say it, but his heart burst a little, knowing that you wanted his scent in the center. To be the center of a nest was a place of honor; for you to want to combine your scents? He could cry at how touched he was. Nodding very seriously, he began his task. As the warm cinnamon that was all Seungmin began to bloom around you, everything started to feel complete. No longer did you feel like something was wrong. 

“There, all finished!” Seungmin could easily tell how you felt about him, about his members, about your place in the pack, just from where you placed things. The amount of care that you had taken to get everything just right, all by yourself, all for them, could make even the frostiest of people melt. “You did such a good job, sweetheart. Thank you for building such a good nest for the pack.” 

Your smile was beaming at the praise. Here was an omega, your omega, telling you that you did a good job. “I hope the others will like it…would you go get them for me?” 

“Of course I will, be right back, pup,” Seungmin said, already eager for everyone else to get to see how much effort you put into making them nest. As you waited for the pack, you realized something; you weren’t anxious anymore. 

[sykeskassie]

Thank you for you kind words!!! I’ve been meaning to write more like this/ potentially in this au, and this miiiiiiight be my push to start working on that!

[sykeskassie]

Missing Piece

This was originally a gift for my muse. Well, more like a reward for getting her schoolwork done. It’s been sitting for a minute and I finally decided to post it.

Pairing: Implied OT8 Stray Kids x reader

Word Count: 1.3k

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

Something wasn’t quite right, but you couldn’t put your finger on what was missing. You had been tucked away in the repurposed office all morning, forbidding any of the pack from entering. It was your first time since joining the pack that you had made a nest by yourself. You had of course participated in building group nests with Seungmin, Felix, and Jisung —the other omegas— but you had yet to

make one solo. It had taken you a while to feel comfortable enough; despite the constant encouragement from your packmates of all designations, you were anxious. As much as you wanted to grab a member or two, you knew that this was something you had to do for yourself. 

Adjusting a pillow against the wall, you breathed in deeply. You could smell hints of cedar, pine, and eucalyptus, the scents belonging to Chan, Changbin, and Minho respectively. You had used sheets from their beds to cover the nesting mat on the ground, effectively making them the base of the nest. They were the foundation of your pack, and thus it was only natural to make them the foundation of your nest. 

It had been Minho who originally introduced you to the pack. He was just a bit older than you, always taking on a protector role even before he presented. Honestly, that’s why your families hadn’t been shocked when he did present as an alpha. When his friend Chan asked him to join his pack, he had made it very clear that they would have a frequent visitor to the den. Minho knew that he couldn’t outright ask for you to become pack alongside him; you would never have accepted that without meeting and becoming comfortable with the guys, and Chan wouldn’t just add in anyone that hadn’t gotten everyone’s approval. However, it had become clear after just a few visits how enamored everyone had become with you. 

The scents of the betas lined the walls, lavender from Hyunjin and rosemary from Jeongin. They had thoroughly scented many pillows the night before at your request. It was imperative to you to have their scent be on the items that you would rest against; their comfort and support represented in a physical way. You had spent countless hours nestled between the two of them, chattering on about nothing and everything. They had been the most instrumental in your transition to the pack, helping you adjust to suddenly living with eight raucous boys. Jeongin especially, having been the most recent to join before you, understood how overwhelming it could be. 

The blankets strategically placed around the nest were provided by the omegas. Towards the foot of nest, Jisung’s clove scent radiated comfort from fuzzy blankets. It was a strong scent for an omega to have, but Jisung was a strong omega. Though he was one of the few to intimately understand your battles with anxiety, he was a fierce protector of the pack. Placing his scent at the entry point of the nest was an acknowledgment that to get to them, one would have to go through Jisung. At the head of the nest laid pillowy quilts imbued with Felix’s nutmeg scent. Extra padding for anyone who wanted to lay down, his sweeter scent felt like a hug surrounding you. Beyond Chan and Minho, Felix had been the first member who immediately welcomed you with open arms. He had been the one to teach you about all the members, helping you integrate near seamlessly. 

Your eyes drifted to the flannel blankets that made up the middle. Even with your softer scent of fresh rain clinging to the sturdier fabric, it wasn’t quite complete. Taking each component piece by piece helped you figure out what had been missing all along. You carefully maneuvered out of the nest, making sure not to disturb anything. It was nearly perfect! You just needed your missing piece. Sneaking out of the room, you crept quietly to Seungmin’s room. 

Knocking softly, you hear a, “come in, pup!” 

You quickly slip into his room, your eyebrow raised slightly. “How did you know it was me?”

Seungmin chuckled, “You’re the only one who knocks and then waits. Everyone else either knocks and barges in, or skips knocking altogether.” He took a second before realizing something. “Aren’t you supposed to be nesting right now?”

You looked down at your feet, suddenly shy. It’s not that you were uncomfortable with Seungmin; it was actually the opposite. Minho may be the one you were closest to, but Seungmin was right behind him. Your omega shined under his attention, and he was the one who really taught you what being an omega in a pack like theirs meant. He was endlessly patient with you, putting up with your questions no matter how silly you thought they might be.

“I am! I was! But…I’m missing you.” You weren’t sure how you didn’t catch it sooner, honestly. If you had to guess, it’s because you weren’t used to having to put all the pieces together by yourself. When you did group building, you usually helped one of the omegas with one designation, while the other two omegas worked on the remaining designations. 

“Oh pup. Do you want me to scent something for you to take back to your nest?” You knew that wouldn’t be the right answer, even if you appreciated his offer. 

Shaking your head no, you say, “I have all the materials already picked out and set up. I just need you…would you mind coming with me? So I can show you where I want you?”

“You want to show me your nest? Before anyone else?”

You hadn’t really thought of that, of the significance of your request. You took a second to turn the idea over in your head. It felt right, you decided, having Seungmin be the first to see your nest. If you thought about it too hard, you’d realize that a part of you was wanting, maybe even needing an omega’s approval. Your omegas approval.

With a small nod from you, Seungmin stood up from his bed and walked towards you. “We have to be quiet though. I don’t want the rest of the pack to think it’s ready yet.”

“I understand, puppy. Let’s go see your nest.” Grabbing his hand and lacing your fingers together, you led him back to the room you had been fussing over for the last few hours. He took a look around when he entered your nest, inhaling deeply to see where you had placed everyone. Plopping down on Jisung’s section, you pointed at the spread out flannel blankets. 

“I need you there, please.” Seungmin would never say it, but his heart burst a little, knowing that you wanted his scent in the center. To be the center of a nest was a place of honor; for you to want to combine your scents? He could cry at how touched he was. Nodding very seriously, he began his task. As the warm cinnamon that was all Seungmin began to bloom around you, everything started to feel complete. No longer did you feel like something was wrong. 

“There, all finished!” Seungmin could easily tell how you felt about him, about his members, about your place in the pack, just from where you placed things. The amount of care that you had taken to get everything just right, all by yourself, all for them, could make even the frostiest of people melt. “You did such a good job, sweetheart. Thank you for building such a good nest for the pack.” 

Your smile was beaming at the praise. Here was an omega, your omega, telling you that you did a good job. “I hope the others will like it…would you go get them for me?” 

“Of course I will, be right back, pup,” Seungmin said, already eager for everyone else to get to see how much effort you put into making them nest. As you waited for the pack, you realized something; you weren’t anxious anymore. 

[sykeskassie]

✨Masterlist✨

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

STRAY KIDS

LMYSTRYB Song Fics:

Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By Pt. 1 - Bang Chan x Reader

Come Back To Me Pt. 2 - Bang Chan x Reader

Here Comes A Thought Pt. 3 - Bang Chan x Reader

Drabbles:

Lack of Control - Bang Chan x Reader

Missing Piece - Implied ot8 x Reader

TOMORROW X TOGETHER

Drabbles:

Yandere!Kai Drabble - HueningKai x Reader

MISCELLANEOUS

Starry Starry Night - Ambiguous Relationship, Ambiguous Reader // Vent Fic

𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ𓆩♡𓆪｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ 𓆩♡𓆪

[sykeskassie]

Lack of Control

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Chan grabbed your arms, trying to get you to stop shaking. Tears were rushing down your face, and you were on the verge of hyperventilating. You were standing in the center of your kitchen, your new roommates just having left for the store. 

“They just kept putting things in the wrong spots! They don’t go there at all!” you tried so hard to keep the panic out of your voice, failing spectacularly. Taking a shuddering breath, you rushed to say, “It’s not fair of me to get upset because they didn’t put shower supplies of all things in the ‘right’ spot! It’s not fair of me to be upset that they’re putting things in all the ‘wrong’ spots in the fridge. They live here too now, and this space belongs to them as much as it does me.”

“Baby, do you remember what your therapist told you?” Chan asked gently, tucking your hair behind your ears to keep it from falling into your face. You shook your head no, your eyes darting everywhere until Chan grabbed your chin to get you to look at him. “Sometimes you need to let yourself feel without trying to logic yourself out of what you’re feeling. It doesn’t matter if it feels irrational to want them to adhere to your status quo that you’ve been operating under. It’s upsetting you, and you are allowed to be upset.”

“But it’s micromanaging. I’m being controlling.”

“Did you tell them that they couldn’t put their things where they did?”

“Well…no…but I went behind them and moved things around in the fridge. And I told them that they could put their things in the shelves in the shower.” You began to pick at the skin around your thumbnail, feeling more and more out of control of the situation. 

“But you didn’t say ‘Hey! You’re not allowed to do it this way’, did you?” You shook your head again, as much as you could within Chan’s grasp. Moving to cup your face instead, he leaned down and gave your forehead a kiss. “You’re in a new situation while being in a familiar place. Your brain likes things a certain way, and you’re having to adapt to a million things changing all at once. I don’t think you’re being controlling, I think you’re trying your best, and I’m so proud of you, love.” 

Fresh tears ran down your face again, and you moved to shove your face into Chan’s chest. What he was saying made sense, but it didn’t make you feel any better inside. Things were still different, and you still wished that it didn’t effect you to this point, if at all. 

With one hand, Chan laced his fingers with yours that had been picking at your skin, and pet your hair with the other. “Why don’t you come stay with me at my place tonight, hmm? That way you’re surrounded by something familiar, and then you can come back to things refreshed tomorrow.” 

“I think that would be a good idea…I’m sorry you have to deal with this, Channie,” you murmured the last part, feeling so embarrassed that he was seeing your breakdown.

“None of that now. I love you, and that means I love you through the full range of emotions.” He led you to your room, trying to block the things that had changed the most with his body, and you couldn’t have loved him more for it. You packed your overnight bag, already feeling lighter being in your room that had remained unchanged. You knew that things wouldn’t be fixed when you returned, but you knew that you’d at least have a clearer head to deal with it and your Channie by your side. 

[sykeskassie]

You were so beautiful while you slept. Did you even have any idea how breathtaking you were when the world wasn’t weighing down on you? When worry didn’t furrow your brow, and the lines of your face smoothed out? Kai wished he could bring you that peace all the time. Not just when you got to leave him behind in the waking world. He hoped that he featured in your dreams the way you did his. You, of course were the only thing he could think of; waking, sleeping, it didn’t matter. It’s why he had to save you! Poor thing, you always seemed to forget that he had saved you. It had taken so much careful planning to get you to trust him, to get you to come home with him that day. Your new home, though you didn’t seem to be very grateful for it. ‘That’s okay,’ Kai thought to himself, ‘soon enough you’ll realize that this, being here with me, is the safest place, the best place for you.’ After untangling the chain that kept you from running off from around your legs, Kai laid down beside you, wrapping his arms around you. Instinctively you moved closer to him in your sleep. Yes, soon you would come to love him as he loved you. 

[sykeskassie]

Should I have had something prepped to post relatively close to when I posted the three drabbles? Yes. Am I working on something now? Also yes. I’m so excited to get to a point where I can share it with y’all.

[sykeskassie]

Here Comes A Thought; Pt. 3

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Word Count: 711

Warnings: ANGST!! But this time, we’re open to a happy ending.

A/N: I wasn’t originally going to go with this song, but pt. 3 was always going to be an SU song. It is one of my favorites though, and I felt like it fit the theme well. Also!! I’m sorry this is getting posted so much later than I meant to, I had family in town 🎉

Pt.1 Pt. 2

Here comes a thought that might alarm you/ Something you did that failed to be charming

Chris,

I got your package. It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to say to you. You said that you see me, but do you truly? Do you see all the ways that you stopped showing up for us? For me? You want me to come back to you, but what is there to come back to? Waiting weeks in between texts? Waiting for your call just for you to make excuse after excuse as to why you couldn’t be reached? I don’t want to go through that again. I can’t go through that again.

All these little things seem to matter so much/ That I might lose you

Sweetheart,

You’re right. The partner that I had become is not one that you deserve. I see now that my inaction pushed you to a place where I couldn’t reach you. I lost sight of what was most important to me. I became so focused on my career that I didn’t even realize that I was taking your presence in my life for granted. I thought you would always be there, the way I thought I would always be there for you; I’m sorry that it took losing you for me to see that. Please believe me when I say I love you.

Take a moment and ask yourself/ If this is how we fall apart

Chris, 

I know you love me, it never crossed my mind that you didn’t. I used to think that knowing you love me was enough to keep us together. That the distance and the time in between being together, between speaking, wouldn’t come between us. There hasn’t been a single moment since we met where I haven’t loved you. Truthfully, I don’t know that I’ll ever stop loving you. But I can’t be with you knowing that you only remember me when it’s convenient. I just can’t. 

Here comes a thought that might alarm me/ Things that I said are suddenly swarming

Sweetheart,

Everywhere I look, I see you.  I see you in the songs that I write. I have your handwritten notes all around my studio. Your very essence is so tightly woven into the fabric of my being. I know that I’ve broken more promises than I’ve kept, but will you let me promise you one more thing? Will you let me promise you change? Will you allow me the chance to show you that I am committed to showing up for you? You are my everything, and I swear that should you allow it, I won’t forget that again. 

All these little things seem to matter so much/ That they confuse me

Chris,

I truly don’t know what was worse: being together and watching you live without me, or letting you go. How can I trust that this won’t happen again? How can I trust that something else won’t take up all your time and energy and leave nothing left for me? I knew that you wouldn’t always have time for me when you became my partner, but I didn’t realize that would turn into ‘never’. It scares me that I was so easy for you to just forget. In spite of that…I miss you. I miss the kids. I miss my other half. Let me think about it, okay? 

Take a moment, remind yourself/ To take a moment and find yourself

Sweetheart,

Take the time you need. I would wait forever for you. I won’t push you, but please reach out to the kids, regardless of what you decide for us. They miss you just as much as you miss them, and they shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of the damage I caused. I know that too much space is what lead us to this in the first place, but I don’t want crowd you while you take time to figure out what you want. I’ll be here when you’re ready. I love you, regardless of the outcome. 

Take a moment and ask yourself/ If this is how we fall apart/ But it’s not, but it’s not, but it’s not 

I’ve got nothing, got nothing, got nothing, got nothing to fear/ 

[sykeskassie]

Come Back To Me; Pt. 2

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: ANGST!! No comfort in this one either, but I promise the implied comfort is coming 🫶🏻

A/N: I’ve been obsessed with Namjoon’s album since it came out, and I couldn’t think of a more perfect response song.

Pt. 1 Pt.3

I told you I’m fine tonight, staying good/ Spring always been here, I will sleep in her eyes

Chris was bewildered when they showed him the text; why had you texted them and not him? He had tried calling you, only to find that

he had been blocked. They all had been. He couldn’t understand what had gone so terribly wrong that you couldn’t even talk to him. He gained a little bit of clarity about a week later when he received a box from you. The kids were all gathered in a circle when he opened it, for moral support and to see if it would provide any insight on why you had left. His eyes went to the note first. The handwriting couldn’t have been more familiar to him if it had been his own. Tears threatened to fall from where they were gathering on his lashes. He was so worried about you forgetting him that he didn’t realize all the ways he had forgotten you. 

With the note set gently by his side, he started on taking out each hoodie. One by one, they all came out, smelling just like you. Holding them up to his face, he inhaled deeply, wishing that it was you he was holding instead. It was Changbin who pointed out that there was one missing. “Hyung, where’s the one from this year?” Horror flooded his system at the realization that he hadn’t sent one. Did you two even talk on the anniversary of his leaving? Dropping the hoodie in his hands, he scrambled for his phone. Finding the date in his call log, he was devastated to see missed call after missed call. His words came back to haunt him, “We were working on the song for the new comeback…” 

I forgot the hour, I don’t want to know ‘bout the hour/ I forgot to shower 세수할 시간도 아까워

He’s finding that concentrating on his work was the last thing on his mind. Not when the only thing he could focus on was where everything went wrong. Hours are spent staring at the note you had included, as if some hidden message would suddenly reveal itself. As if it wasn’t a goodbye. If you hadn’t texted the kids, would he have even noticed your absence until your package arrived? He wishes he could say yes, but if that were the case he wouldn’t have a box of his hoodies at his feet. He has no one to blame but himself; it was always you who made time, who made space, who made the effort. It wasn’t always so one-sided…when did he stop reaching out first? Hell, when did he stop responding with any kind of regularity? How could he lose the very person who was his anchor in this world?

Come back to me, like you used to/ Now I could see what a life is about

Chris had always been so worried about you forgetting him but he didn’t realize he was forgetting you. He hadn’t ever had to live life without knowing you were right there with him, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to. You were his best friend, you were the love of his life. He would do anything in his power to be able to reach you. If he was adrift, he can only imagine how you were feeling; Not only did you feel as though you had lost him, you felt like you had lost the kids as well. His eyes finally turned away from the note and to the box of hoodies. It was a long shot, but he had to try.

I see you come back to me

He knew that if he were ever to be worthy of getting you back into his life, he’d have to learn to balance everything better. He couldn’t even begin to count the amount of times you changed your plans for him, for the kids, for the schedules. When was the last time he moved things around for you? When was the last time he put anything on pause for you? When he left for Korea, you both knew that he would get a thousand times busier, but he had made a promise to always be there for you, to always make time for you. When did he start breaking promises? He wanted you back, but he needed to be a better him to come back to. 

You are my pain, divine, divine

Without your light, Chris’ life had become dull and gray. Had anything ever hurt like this? It had felt like someone had reached into his chest and ripped his very heart out. For all the love he held, for so many aspects of his life, he had known no greater love than what he had with you. He knew, deep in his soul, that the love between you two was still there. It was palpable. He could see traces of it in every careful fold of his hoodies, in the careful strokes of the pen in the note that came with them. He could see it in the way that despite everything, you still cared enough about him to ask the kids to watch after him. To still show your support. No, your love was broken, and it was largely to do with his own negligence, but it wasn’t gone. He could still fix this. 

You don’t have to be anything you see/ Tryin’ not to be that something in this sea

If Chris were less selfish, he would let you go. He just couldn’t bring himself to do that. However, he would prove that you were his priority. No more missed call after missed call. No more special days pushed by the wayside to be forgotten. No more traditions left in the dust. Honestly, he even had a hoodie for this year’s contribution to the pile already picked out. One that he had picked up in his travels, that was soft and just a tad oversized on him. It was stuffed into his closet, ready to be sent off. If he had been paying attention to the date, paying more attention to you, he would have never forgotten about it. Grabbing a piece of notebook paper, he wrote what he hoped would help build a bridge back to you.

You are my pain, divine, divine 

I see you come back to me

[sykeskassie]

Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By; Pt. 1

Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader Word Count: 1.3k Warnings: ANGST!! No comfort in this one, but implied comfort is on the way. A/N: Inspired by one of my all time favorite songs. Truly, I got hit with the idea on my way home from work yesterday and rolled with it.

Pt. 2 Pt.3

When I turn jet black and you show off your light/ I live to let you shine

You had known Chris almost as long as you had known yourself. Where you began and he ended, no one seemed to know. So many

had told you that when he left for Korea at the tender age of thirteen not to be surprised if the two of you grew apart. It was one of the reasons that he had hesitations about leaving. But you had seen the talent he had, and the drive he possessed. So you sent your best friend off with the promise you would look after his siblings like they were your own, and that you would be with him every step of the way. 

But you can skyrocket away from me/ And never come back if you find another galaxy

It would be years before you got to see him in person again. He was busy with training, and school, and everything in between. However, your love for each other never wavered. You spoke on the phone as often as you could both make time, battling the time zones and the day to day. You never went more than a day without emailing each other, and later on, texting. You made it a point to let him know he wasn’t forgotten, no matter how many miles separated you.

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

You would sometimes wonder if you would outgrow each other, the way you had outgrown the hoodie he had gifted you when he left. “To make sure you don’t forget me,” he had said, as if that was even a possibility. He was the star in your sky, shining as brilliantly as his smile did. But you never did outgrow him, and he always made sure to send you a new hoodie every year, on the anniversary of his leaving. 

If you’ll be my boat, I’ll be your sea/ A depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity 

As you grew, your love did too. It shifted, and morphed, until it took on an entirely new form. You were still best friends, seemingly the closest to ever exist; you thought that would never change. However, your love shifted from an endless blue to a swirling purple. Suddenly all the ‘I love you’s exchanged held a different weight. Without any warning, you were in love with Chris. When you told him after hours, days, weeks of contemplation, he had the audacity to tell you that he had known. “I didn’t think it needed saying, because it was just a fact. You’re in love with me, and I’m in love with you. Not even oceans could stop that from happening.” You no longer had to hold onto that childlike question of who your Prince Charming was; you had known him all along. 

Ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze/ I live to make you free

It turned out that loving Chris in a different way was easy. What was not easy was realizing how much you ached to have him by your side again. You made the effort to see him as often as you could; you had piles of airline miles between the two of you. You had met all of the kids, something that thrilled you since you had been a sounding board when he was handpicking them. They had become such an instrumental part in your life. They would constantly text you, or call you when they got the chance. If Chris was ‘dad’, you were ‘mom’, despite the distance. When Chris would hole up in the studio and go hours without moving, they would call you to get him moving. When he would get too far into his head, it was you they texted to bring him back to them. No one knew him better than you did. 

But you can set sail to the west if you want to/ And past the horizon, ‘til I can’t even see you

As Stray Kids got bigger and bigger, the opportunities for visiting got smaller and smaller. Dates would be arranged, tickets would be booked, and then something would have to be moved around. Schedules would shift, tour dates would get added on, extra promotions would pop up seemingly out of nowhere. It had seemed like such a slow progression —you were used to having to adjust to his schedule, as you had been for years— that you both hadn’t realized how much time had passed until you didn’t get your yearly hoodie. It was tradition to call every year on the anniversary of his leaving, and you hadn’t missed one yet. You could explain away the missing hoodie (perhaps the postal service was running behind this year? Maybe the package had gotten lost?), but to have missed calls and radio silence? You couldn’t come up with an excuse for that. You opened up your text thread to see the stack of unanswered messages from you, scrolling to find the occasional text from Chris that seemed to always be an apology for not being available. With an ‘I love you’ sent off, you closed your phone and tried to pretend that a crack hadn’t formed in the foundation of your relationship. 

Far from here where the beaches are wide/ Just leave me your wake to remember you by

You never did mention the hoodie that had never got sent, and neither did Chris. You couldn’t say if he was avoiding it the way you were, or if he genuinely didn’t remember. Honestly, you weren’t sure which would hurt worse and you didn’t really want to find out. He eventually called you back, apologizing again for not being able to pick up when you had called…and called…and called. “We were working on the song for the new comeback, and you know how the kids get when we get really into it. I noticed you had called a few times, is everything okay?” You played it off like you just missed his voice. Something fundamental had changed between you two, and you weren’t really sure why you couldn’t address it. Maybe it was the fear that acknowledging it would make it real. He assured you that once the comeback came out and promotions were done, there would be more time for each other. He even told you that one of the songs he had written for you. Ironically, he said it was “to make sure you don’t forget me”, and you had to bite your tongue from saying that it wasn’t you who was likely to forget about him. 

When I turn jet black and you show off your light/ I live to let you shine

Eventually, you found out where you began and where Chris ended. It started the day you had gathered every hoodie he had ever given you. You held each one to you before folding it up, tucking the sorrow and emptiness you felt in each fold of the cloth. They had long stopped smelling like him, but if you tried hard enough you could still remember it. You started from the last you ever got, and ended with the one that seemed so small now. It was over a decade old at this point and you could hardly believe that either of you ever fit into it. As you set them all in a box, you grabbed your phone. You typed out a message in the group chat that had seen less and less of all of you in the last months, letting the kids know to take care of themselves, take care of their leader, and that you would be cheering them on always. Before anyone could respond, you left the group chat, blocked all their numbers, and set about finding a pen and paper. On top of the hoodie that signified the beginning and the end, you left a goodbye for the love of your life. 

But you can skyrocket away from me

And never come back if you find another galaxy

Far from here with more room to fly

Just leave me your stardust to remember you by

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]