This is just a little story I’m writing? Its self indulgent, It’s a rough draft, idk if imma clean it up or not. But I like posting stuff. So here is the first part. CW- Stalking, murder, blood, men being shitty
Love, true love, is hard to notice.
It watched from afar, from doorways, through the slightest crack in a wall. I didn’t need to be noticed to love him.
There wasn’t a specific moment I decided to follow him, my feet simply followed their path, and that path lead to him.
I saw him first under fluorescent lights, dark circles under his deep set eyes, stark against pale skin. The only one in the break room as I was lead inside.
“This is where people take their five teen, for lunch everyone usually goes to the pizza place next door. “
He looked up when the manager spoke, his half lidded eyes seemed to hardly register we were real human being that walked into the room.
It took only a second for him to look me up and down, eyes gliding over my facade. I knew what he saw, a pleasantly plump girl with bright eyes and easy, welcoming smile. Someone approachable, someone ignorable. For the first time I wished someone could see through it.
Throughout training I never got a chance to speak to him, to say my name, to know he was aware of my existence. All I could do was watch, from my car as he walked into the building, from the security cameras I watched during my ‘bathroom breaks’
Jude, he didn’t have a car, he walked or his dad dropped him off. He had been working at this dump of a department store for two years, and dispute the fact he excelled at any task he was given, better than any manger, he never got a promotion.
It was the customers, anytime one asked for something, or he was forced to interact with one, this look would come across his face and the shape of his mouth would change. His voice would take on a quality that didn’t match his eyes, and to those with bad taste, that was off putting.
I ached to watch it happen for me. For my name to be mangled in his mouth that never seemed to know what shape to make. To see if he would glare at me the same as he glared at anyone, if there could be enough acid in his gaze to melt away my mask.
Would he want to speak to who was underneath? Would he smile, for who I truly am, would he be reviled?
It took longer than it should have to realize his voice was being directed at me. Jude, was speaking to me, standing next to me, our shoulders close enough to touch.
“She’s fine dude” The customer I was ignoringing, interrupted before I had a chance to respond.
I could see a muscle in Jude’s jaw twitch.
“Im almost done, I’m okay,” I said, but couldn’t keep the awe out of my voice, the joy bubbling in my throat, this was the perfect opening. After the man left, I could to talk to Jude, I could thank him, I could offer to buy-
“You heard her, fuck off dude.”
The customer, once again interrupted, and for a moment I forgot to smile when I turned back to him. “Will that be all for you sir?”
“After give me your number, yes.” He once again offered me his phone, as he had the entire time he stood in-front of my register. “It’s not that hard, you’re not that cute and I just wanna buy you dinner.”
“I don’t give my number out.” I said with a laugh, as I scanned the last item. “That will be 57.13”
“you’re being so up tight?” The man sneered
Jude, despite being much smaller than the man, was taller, and managing as well as he could to loom over the customer. It was cute, how intimidating he wanted to be. Cuter still, that it worked.
“What is he your boyfriend for something?” The man glanced from me to Jude, his tone implying some kind of inside joke.
I snatched the phone from the man’s hand, “he doesn’t have to be.” I said plainly, “I already said no.”
The man laughed, “then why do you have my phone?”
“The total is 57.13. You’ll get the phone back with your receipt.” I tapped the card reader with my free hand.
Jude relaxed, as much as I could see him from the corner of my eye, he seemed confused, and amused. He leaned back on the wall behind us, when I handed the man his receipt and as promised, his phone.
“Sorry if I butted in.” He said, not sounding all that sorry.
The words, I know, died in my throat as, for once, I didn’t know if I was smiling too wide. “Georgia,” I said, before looking away embarrassed “-is my name I mean. I’m Georgia”
His face twisted with that same amused confusion. “Cool.”
We didn’t speak again, even tho we stood side by side for the last two hours of our shift. We didn’t speak when we clocked out, simply nodded, and waved our good bye.
He lingered, for a moment in the hallway. As if he knew I wanted to follow him, for a moment irrational fear struck through me. Had he noticed?
There was a strange thrill at the idea. That he might have noticed me, that he was as painfully aware of my existence as I was of his.
I walked out of the store in a blissful daze. I would let him linger, let him feel hidden, while I waited in my car to watch him.
“You got a light?” I turned around, my heart rate spiked to hear Jude’s voice so suddenly. Only to see him talking to a man leaning against the light post I parked next to.
The man, with a lit cigarette already in his mouth pulled out a lighter. Then I recognized him as the customer, he looked around Jude at me for a moment before his eyes flicked away.
I stood in the middle of the road, between the store and my car. I wondered how he got outside so fast. Did he go out the back? Did he past me and I didn’t notice? How did he know this man would be waiting for me at my car.
Jude pulled out a pack of cigarettes and stuck one between his lips. He made a show of struggling to light it, when the lighter slipped from his hands and skirted across the asphalt away from my car.
“Ah shit man, sorry” he said, but didn’t move to retrieve the lighter, just stared at the man until the point that Jude wasn’t going to move, was made.
I watched the man look from the lighter to me, to Jude. Was he waiting for me? Hoping to accost me in the parking lot? Did he know he chose to stand right next to my car?
As soon as the man was far enough away, Jude met my gaze and nodded towards my car. I was reluctant to leave, I wanted to stay and watch.
“Thank you.” I whispered as I passed behind him, and smiled to myself when I saw his shoulders straighten with a little extra pride. Like dog, I thought I as I started my car.
