my smile was taken long ago

Sylvia Monroe. 7teen. Junior. George Washington High School. "Which side do you know of the double edged sword?"

[kicrxnwilcox-deactivated2016091]

“Oh, that cuts deep darling” He grinned. “I’m not weird, mysterious new guy has a much better ring to it” He smirked, running a hand through his hair as it fell in front of his eyes. “But babe, I don’t want them, I want you, that’s all I ever wanted” He pouted before laughing again. “Sound like a good plan, are you sure you’re the one that thought of it?”

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

“You are weird and so I shall continue to call you weirdo Kieran.” Sylvia winked and then started to laugh at his little act. “You have a cute pout. It’s almost cute enough to seduce me.” she joked with a smile. “And obviously. I’m the smart one in this relationship.”

[galisms-blog]

               ‘ I’M SORRY —- ’ had been the same two words on repeat that exited Sylvia’s mouth. The phrase was also tied with tears that Alex couldn’t figure out if they were genuine or simply crocodile ones, attempting to fool him and make him feel bad for treating her this way. Of course it hurt him to see her this way – teary girls were always a soft spot for Alex Gal. It was the main reason why he was the one to comfort them – sexually or not. But either way, he was NOT going to provide this for Sylvia’s sake. 

             He recalled that day she had left — it would be difficult not to. It was fifth period, math class in which he and Sylvia had shared. It was frequent that they both SHARED something; a glance, an answer to a problem or two, something. But when she wasn’t present that day, it had been NINA who informed him that Sylvia was gone — MOVED. His Desdemona didn’t even give him a good bye – not even a Goddamn call or text.

             His eyes casted downward, glancing at his boots before bringing them back to her own gaze — her tear stained gaze as she begged him to forgive her. That would never happen; he could guarantee it. ❝ I wouldn’t know because I’d never be in your position, ❞ he responded harshly. 

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Alex was never going to forgive her; the moment Sylvia realized that and  let it sink in, her heart shattered into a million pieces. What they had was gone. She supposed it was too naive of her to think she could come back and have her old life back, the life she had longed for since she had left. 

Teeth dug harshly into her bottom lip as she furiously brushed away the tears that just wouldn’t stop falling. “Of course you wouldn’t! Because I’m such a fucking mess of a person, right? I’m a terrible psychotic bitch who only cares about herself, aren’t I?! It’s all my fault, right?! I left, so I screwed everything up, right?”

Sylvia stepped closer to Alex, forcing herself right in his personal bubble. She fisted her hands harshly into the fabric of his shirt and glared up at him, tears still cascading down her cheeks. “But I came back for you... doesn’t that count for anything? Or was I the only one invested in our friendship? Was I the only one who cared?” she whispered softly.

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

@galisms

Another day in Lakewood, another day spent in the painful reality of the life of a Desdemona without her Othello. The glances in school were no longer secret and every single time Alex looked at her, he was glaring along with his friends. The friends she would never be able to be. The friends who had the love she no longer had.

It was past curfew, but a completely inebriated Sylvia could care less. Finding her mother’s stash of alcohol was easy, drinking every bottle of it was even easier.  She stumbled out of her empty house and into the night, eyes puffy from crying with a flash of vodka clutched in her hand tightly..

After endless walking, she finally stopped in front of a rundown building. She started sobbing again, tears rolling down her cheeks and hiccuping as she stumbled behind the building and into a small alcove hidden from the world. She curled up in a ball and chugged some more vodka from her flask.

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

LEARN MORE ABOUT : SYLVIA MONROE 

“What a time to come back to Lakewood.”

[du-august-deactivated20191006]

Winnie was sitting in her usual spot in the library, going over her AP bio notes and planning her next paper. It’s not that she loved school work, or school, but she had always been too shy as a kid to make friends and ended up in the library anyway, which her parents made sure she did the necessary work. But Winnie couldn’t concentrate on her notes, and instead found herself daydreaming, going through ridiculous scenarios in her head, and it wasn’t until the person across the table waved at her that she realized she had been hardcore staring at them. “Oh, sorry.” She mumbled, blushing as she broke her trance and glanced back at her notes. 

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia didn’t particularly have anything against the library, it was quiet and could be a lovely place to think alone, but she didn’t usually find herself in the room. It probably had to do with the amount of annoying people she could run into at any moment; nerds, creepers, studious little goody two shoes, etc. etc.

“You know a picture lasts longer, right? It’s also a good reference to give to your plastic surgeon since you seem so enthralled by my beauty.” The brunette smirked across the table at the blonde she had caught staring at her. “I don’t mind people staring at me, but you could really be less creepy about it, blondie.”

[kicrxnwilcox-deactivated2016091]

“Just the worst” he agreed, a grin on his face as her took another shot. “You could resist me? Impossible, you must be insane or something… No one could resist all of this” He laughed. “You? Yeah, that’s entirely possible” He rolled his eyes, playing with the shot glass in his hands. “At least we’re on the same page”

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

“I could most definitely resist you. It wouldn’t be that hard either.” Sylvia said with a smirk. “Not insane, just not into weirdos named Kieran.” she winked and laughed softly. “But that’s okay, you’ll get plenty of action around here. I think I saw a few people eyeing you as I made my way over.” She poured herself another shot and then passed the bottle to Kieran. “Come on. Let’s get wasted, newbie.”

[galisms-blog]

             Perhaps he had loved her – thus causing all of these emotions of dislike to swell up. He was fully aware that he had CARED for her intensely… But was it possible that he….? NO. Sylvia had been a friend whom he had kept a SECRET because of shame. Not even Sage knew about this friendship. She would flip if she learned about this… Their eyes met and he could feel himself BREAK at last.

           He had missed her – for the first year she had left. He even CRIED knowing that there was now an empty spot in his life that would never be filled. Until Cullen’s girl came along and then he changed. It was often joked by his somewhat absentee mother that it was Cullen’s girl that made him into a man. Whatever… But pushing that aside, SYLVIA was the only person existent there in front of him. She apologized — TWICE. What on EARTH could he say to that? “No, I don’t believe you”? Or “I missed you, too and it’s alright. I forgive you.”? Instead, he said to her – ❝ How can you say such a thing when all you did was leave without a good bye? ❞

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

The tension in the air was unbearable. The moment their eyes had met, Sylvia had bit harshly into her bottom lip, trying desperately to keep her eyes from tearing up. She hadn’t expected seeing him again to hurt this much. Her heart tightened painfully in her chest and she turned her back to him, repeating again, “I’m so sorry...” 

She hadn’t wanted to leave Lakewood all those years ago. She was a kid, a kid with no control over what her parents decided. She had begged and begged, but it all fell on deaf ears. ‘It’ll be better for your mother to leave Lakewood. I found a better job. You’ll make new friends.’  They didn’t care what she wanted. 

“I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to you... If I said good bye it would have made leaving real, I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay with you, Alex.” Sylvia turned and moved closer to him. She looked up at him, tears slipping down her cheeks,”If you were in my position, begging and begging to stay, would you have wanted to say good bye to the most important person in your life and finally accept that you couldn’t do anything? That you were leaving whether you wanted to or not...?”

[galisms-blog]

         ❝ RIGHT — ❞ A hand went to drag down his face, letting out a heavy sigh. Perhaps it was the years she had left and the presence of Nina Patterson overwhelmed him, causing Alex to believe that all women – no, GIRLS – that lived the life of popularity and insecurity treated males like him all the same; trophies and things to use when they were bored. ❝ It’s ironic that you chose to SEE ME in such a bad state, Des. If you wanted to see me, you should’ve visited me BEFORE the vigil. ❞

            ❝ HAVE me again —?! ❞ Alex repeated. ❝ I was NEVER yours to begin with, Sylvia. If you wanted to talk about who I belonged to, it would be Sage. At least she didn’t leave without saying some form of good bye. She stuck around, Sylvia and she informed me of what was going on with her life. ❞ You didn’t…

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia really hadn’t expected such harsh and hateful words from Alex of all people. He was always the one she could go to to escape reality, to escape everyone else who had so many expectations  of her. “I almost did... I turned away at your door when I heard Sage and Ryder inside. They wouldn’t want to see me.”

She inhaled deeply, unable to stop the tears from forming any longer. “You think I never realized that you were Sage’s?! I had to see you two together every moment of every day when we got back to reality...” She bit into her bottom lip and looked over at him, heart break showing on her face,”How could I say goodbye to you? Up until the very moment I left... I couldn’t face the fact I was leaving. I begged and begged until the car drove us out of Lakewood. I never wanted to leave you, Alex. I’m so sorry I hurt you, but it hurt me too!”

[galisms-blog]

            God, he needed his beer again. It was shameful of him to want to drink his problems away, but when it came to SYLVIA, he felt that it was necessary. ❝ Really now? ❞ he asked her. ❝ May I remind you that you used to poke fun at me even when no one was around when you LIVED here. Even right before you left, you’ve done it. ❞ A hand went to rub at his forehead. ❝ You’re making things worse for me by being here — ❞

              He scoffed. ❝ Well, that’s a shame for you ISN’T IT? ❞ he asked her. 

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

“That was all in good fun... you know I never meant any of that. You would tease me right back, Thello...” Sylvia turned her head away from him, rapidly blinking away the tears she could feel forming in her usually steel eyes. “I-I just wanted to see you again.” She hadn’t expected him to be happy when she came back but this was not what she had expected either. She hadn’t thought he would actually be so harsh with his words after they had been so close.

“Yeah, it’s a shame, but I thought that at least- at least I would have y-you again.” She sighed and drew her knees up to her chin, wrapping her arms around them and resting her chin on her knees. “I’m sorry I left... but I had no choice! I was a kid... I couldn’t do anything.”

[shadyxjensen-deactivated2017041]

Audrey sighed. The girl was infuriating, but there was nothing new about that, “Are you done yet? Your sense of self importance is greatly exaggerated. I see you yapping, but only shit comes out,” she shrugged, “You should really give it a rest. No one cares.”

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia laughed and clapped her hands mockingly. “Look at that comeback! You’ve gotten so good at those, Jensen. I see people have continued to degrade and humiliate you in my absence, so it seems no one cares about you. Have you thought that perhaps your sense of self importance is what is exaggerated?” 

[galisms-blog]

                 He had hoped that today would have been plain – mundane and routinely. What with recent events happening in town, the last thing he would have wanted was to face HER. All the people around them fell into the background and it was only THEM on that stage, facing one another in what had been years since she was last in town. Alex took her in – all the familiar features were there. But the small fat under her chin had disappeared and body more curvaceous. His eyes (God forbid) even fell to her developed breasts where before, had been small MOUNDS on her chest. He had to stop staring and it took all of him to look ELSEWHERE than there. Her eyes; Alex turned his attention back to those familiar blue steel toned orbs.

                 His Desdemona was back and he knew, somehow, that being around her would be a difficult tug of war; physically appealing with a grudge that he held well over her. Alex’s hand went to his bag, tightening around it and he could feel his chest tighten. He had CHANGED – different from the boy who had cried when she left and begged his mother to reason with hers. Alex had grown and it was obvious that she had also… In some aspects, anyway. He felt his chest loosen finally as he regained his composure. ❝ What’re you doing back, Des —? ❞ he asked her. He refused to compliment her.

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Those bi colored eyes that she had adored as a child and haunted her favorite dreams these last years were trained so intensely on her that she instantly flushed, feeling self conscious for once in her life. Sylvia bit the inside of her cheek lightly, shifting a little on her feet. She took a deep breath and then let it out, flicking her own eyes up to finally meet his. 

With a sad smile painted on her lips she spoke, voice soft and only for his ears. “My years of begging to come back finally got to him.” She combed her fingers through her hair and added in a pained whisper, “I missed you... but I can tell you didn’t miss me. I’m sorry for coming back...” She curled her fingers tightly around the strap of her purse and turned away from him. “I’m sorry Alex...”

[galisms-blog]

               It was THE VOICE – even through numerous glugs of beer, Sylvia’s voice still managed to irk and annoy him. Despite how pretty she had become since they last talked, she would ALWAYS anger him. It was ridiculous, really that he decided to hold something idiotic over her head – she didn’t HAVE a choice to move, why couldn’t he get a grasp on that? But still…

              Giving her a dirty, drunken look, he scooted away from her, a childish move, but Alex didn’t give a damn. ❝ If you came to poke fun of me, the scene is over – ❞ he said instead. ❝ You’ve got parents that CARE for you. Go home to them and let me be alone. ❞

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia’s heart nearly shattered at the dirty look he threw her way. She sighed heavily and brushed her hair back, red lips pulling down into a frown. “There’s no one around... why would I want to poke fun at you?” Her voice was soft as she continued on, “Especially when you are this vulnerable.. I’d never do anything to really hurt you, Alex.”

She laughed dryly at his last words, bitterness creeping into her voice,”They sure show it well. Mom’s always drunk and dad’s always busy. Nothing’s changed since we left Lakewood. In fact, they just got worse after we left.” 

[shadyxjensen-deactivated2017041]

“Oh now that’s a voice no one’s missed,” Audrey faced the girl, crossing her arms under her chest and sighed, “What do you want, Sylvia? Want me to weep? Not really my thing. Least of all over something a little shit like you cough up.”

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia flipped her hair,”Believe me, everyone has missed me.” she smirked, laughing mockingly. “They just wouldn’t miss a nobody like you. That’s another thing you have in common with your ugly girlfriend. As for what I want, I just wanted to throw in my opinion. I couldn’t care less if you go home and cry yourself to sleep or not. ”

[galisms-blog]

CLOSED STARTER // @sylviaxmonroe

                  Classes were finally over that day for the students of George Washington High. As it was his routine, Alex Gal was busy packing his messenger bag of the necessary items for home. Branson had been one for giving pop quizzes for his students. OTHELLO – that was the text at hand that the English teacher wanted his students to read. This only reminded Alex of ONE person – SYLVIA. The two were on extremely different parts of the social ladder, yet were FRIENDS – though both were too ashamed to display it in the public eye. She had moved away, leaving Alex angry and frustrated that he couldn’t watch over her as he did with Sage and Ryder. But then… 

               He gave the thought a shake of his head and with a heavy sigh, closed his locker door shut. It was almost as if GOD decided to be cruel and place her right then and there in front of him. SYLVIA – He half decided to move away from where she stood and make way toward the parking lot in a different route. But his mouth had a mind of it’s own and so he called for her – ❝ Desdemona? ❞ What on EARTH was she doing back here?

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

It was Sylvia’s first day at George Washington High and going to school once again with people she had known in her childhood days was not as odd as she thought it would be. Her friends were still the same and her enemies hadn’t changed either. It was like she had never left... but she had.

She was acutely aware of the fact that she had left her friends behind every time she saw a certain face. It was only fleetingly in passing throughout the day that she saw him. It didn’t seem like they had any classes together and she thought that lucky. Trying to focus on Othello in English with her very own Othello would have been impossible.

Sylvia was headed to her locker when she heard a name carry through the voices; it stopped her dead in the middle of the hallway. Her heart thumped painfully against her chest and she squeezed her eyes shut. How could she face him? She inhaled then exhaled before turning on her heels and clicking her way over to the owner of the voice. “I’m back... Thello.” she said with a sad smile. “You’ve grown into those gangly limbs of yours, I see. You look good.” And he really did. He had grown into such a handsome boy. She wondered just how many girls flocked to him daily.

[shadyxjensen-deactivated2017041]

It was hard not to entertain the idea of bouncing the ball off of the heads of one of the giggling morons in the gym. Heck if she aimed it just right she could bounce the ball off the wall and into one of their heads to make it look like a happy accident.  ‘I kissed a girl and I liiiiked it’ one of the boys singsong’ed the Katy Perry song as she passed him, causing her to pause and tilt her head as if she were studying him, “Too bad you’ll never know how it is,” she shrugged, feeling a little smug as she left the boy trying to figure out a witty comeback as she walked away.

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia snorted at Audrey’s comeback. “You sure showed them Jensen.” She pushed off the wall and walked over to her, lips turned up into a smirk. “I’m still surprised that someone actually agreed to kiss you.” She shrugged her shoulders before adding,”But then again, I guess ugly people like that Rachel girl will agree to fuck anyone who gives them the time of day.” 

[galisms-blog]

               CRACK!! A slap against his cheek was given purposefully by Melanie Cortez, Alex’s recent “Married Woman” Liaison. It was necessary for her to do so. After he finished attending the vigil at Brooke’s, he returned to the place he had been earlier that night in hopes of tipsily winning Melanie’s affections again. But was he wrong. Instead of receiving the expected words of “I’ll leave him for you” and “Just one more year, baby and we can get married”, a slicing slap took it’s place along with a very few harsh words. Words slightly slurred, Alex Gal ridiculously hollered – ❝Aw, Melanie baby, C’MON! You know I’m better than him. It’s why you came to me in the FIRST place.❞ But his words were ignored and in return, Melanie’s husband stepped out and threatened to file up a restraining order if he didn’t leave immediately.

                  Instead, he moved to the opposite side of the street and sat on it’s curb. Perhaps this would be where he slept for the rest of the night until he was ready to go.

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

Sylvia watched as the scene across the street unfolded, lips quirked up into a smile. This was some juicy drama. It was only when the ‘other man’ crossed the street and sat down did she see who it was. Her smile pulled down into a frown and her brows furrowed, recognizing the boy from so many years ago.

“I didn’t expect to see you again like this.” she admitted as she moved to sit beside him. “I leave for a little bit and come back to you wandering the streets at night, drunk and trying to apparently hook back up with a married woman.” she sighed and looked over at the blonde. “What happened to you, Thello?”

[kicrxnwilcox-deactivated2016091]

Raising his eyebrows, Kieran chuckled at her words. “Oh yeah? Not as bad as this one chick I met a while ago, I swear, her ego was the size of Texas when she talked” He smirked, taking his own shot with a grin. “You’re immune? You’re lying”

[sylviaxmonroe-blog]

“Those are just the worst type of people to talk to, aren’t they?” Sylvia grinned, eyes twinkling in amusement. “No-pe.” she poured herself another shot then downed it moments later. “I’m very much immune to your dashing good looks and myseriouso charm.” she winked at him. “But could you resist me?” she batted her feathered lashes coyly then laughed. “You are not really my type, honestly.”