tamarind

19, anarchist, “sexually” and clinically deviant

[syncope-chic]

its cool how you can spend months or years working up to telling someone some real psycho crazy shit that happened and then uou reference it later and they like barely remember it. What a blessing to have anybody to tell anything at all

[syncope-chic]

I cant tell expressions of pity and disgust from each other very well and im starting to think they are closely related

[saviorified]

"coachable" is sports talk for submissive and eager to please

[saviorified]

i regret making this post every single day if you're not tagging this with real life athletes then die

[thecampfirescene]

River Phoenix on the set of My Own Private Idaho

[iihrrtme]

[syncope-chic]

I think the most awesomest thing about addiction is that it simplifies the world. It’s so beautifully reductive in that every mental state, situation, and trial has that undercurrent of Yes or No. Yes i am holding or i am high. No i am not holding and i need to obtain. It’s nice still having cigarettes to do this with. For better or for worse, it has proven important to me to be able to reduce my mind and my life this way. Without it my cravings begin to wander in search of other ways of stabilizing………

[sh1ftra2o]

[2othcentury]

Pride, Greenwich Village, June 1986

[pumarss]

[chthonic-cassandra]

“People overcoming their suffering by becoming it, like riding the tiger. Or rather, becoming the wild beast. I may suffer, says the sadist, but I shall not suffer passively, or alone. One way or another there will be others to share it with me. I’ll make sure of that! Above all, sadomasochism is about fusion, and confusion: identification with the victim’s suffering so profound that the victim must be destroyed in order to protect the sadist’s existence. Wonder at the intimacy of the sadistic relationship, a contact across boundaries which can only be called autistic-contiguous, like a vampire sucking blood. […] Identification with the victim puts it too weakly; becoming the victim is more like it. But only for a moment. To stick to the other who now contains one’s doom is hardly a solution. Shared doom is still doom. A violent separation is necessary, sadism a scratch across the autistic-contiguous surface to separate the parties, damaging the other so as to know who really has the power, who really contains the doom, and who’s in charge. The other’s suffering is evidence of that, the position of victimizer the only position in which one’s separateness can be known. Sadism is a blemish on the mirror, distinguishing the image from the reflecting surface. […] In the sadistic act, the sadist seals his dread in the body of the victim, the victim becomes coffin, the victim’s suffering the sadist’s testament to his will to survive his pain. Why sadism is properly called sadomasochism is apparent; identification with the victim is central to the act, without which it would be pointless.”

— C. Fred Alford, What Evil Means to Us

[syncope-chic]

- When Treatment Makes You Sick: The Eating Disorder Clinic by Charlotte Beale in Mad in America

[syncope-chic]

Sweat on film!

[psychosexualfetish]

[aktionist]

[syncope-chic]

idk i kind of resent the widespread sentiment that anorexia nervosa is about control… it feels like its emphasized in a way thats dishonest. its largely true that its about control— as true as it can be that a set of behaviors categorized by a diagnosis are “about” something — but its not necessarily overtly experienced that way by the anorexic or the people around them. And if it is its also experienced as being about weight loss + losing weight. Why wont people name and identify with those behaviors that people abhor and deride? It is as if they are disgusted by and ashamed of anorexics themselves, even in their “defense” of them.

[enfranchisement]

via popipik_tattoo on instagram

[syncope-chic]

people love to say that you could let go of the shame of getting hit by your parents or something by retaining the shame of the psychiatric system that low key tortured you or maybe offloading the shame onto diagnoses that even by the wokest psychiatry proponent admits are at best idealist and flawed conceptual frameworks applied to people and situations that dont actually have a whole lot in common with you!! And your objection to these labels isn’t always gonna be seen by the psychiatrist and their proponents as so some extent pathological or maybeeee an abstract principled stance!!!!!! And nobody seems to see or even be interested in what i see which is that acting in my own self interest on my own terms without permission from a psychiatrist grants a sense of autonomy and freedom that working with any psychiatrist would rob me of.