Sarah

♊

[syntheticxalien]

BEAMS

beams of sunlight falling over the pallet

misty mornings by the shore

let the waves dismantle my grief

I've been wandering since you've left

why am i searching for counterfeit relief?

salty, bitter and melancholic

fades like winter's parting snow

I've been slithering all your letters

reminiscent of a past

when I met you in the shadows

of a hallway blank and gold

we ran away like nothing mattered

neither a father, nor a god

agonized yet full of displeasure

I sense the strings before they unfold

a deep-seated will to overthrow

a king, his heirs and his kigndom

bargain with ashes of what I devoured

retain control of a determined fate

all I know at this very moment

is that you've never ceased to be my heel

agony and pain may seem glazed

but I sense their very haze

I engrave my name beside yours

as I search for tainted solace

aspiring to embrace you once again

Perhaps twice or thrice or more

[caemetry]

wtf do i do why cant i stop thinking about a french book from the 19th century about a submarine. god

[syntheticxalien]

Canvas

with my bristle brush

a couple of tubes

and an unwavering longing,

I trace a line

a second one

and a seventeenth

lost count a while ago

as strands of your hair

sunlit

soft

and curled

come into focus

they carry themselves

still golden,

delicate,

now a bit messy

and oh, to be held by you

to be painted in your colors

blending

a picturesque canvas

of us,

the sound of dangling necklaces,

and from afar, a few rustling leaves

oh, to be contained in you

with every edge

a temple

sacred for an eternity

and for far a hundred more

[syntheticxalien]

"I'm the hazy in-between

filled my ribs with an image so serene

longing for another spring

yearning seasons that could've been

growth, my friend, it's a pretexte

it steals a future from a caring embrace

it shifts paths, leaving you astray

yet, it's a mentor

it's synonymous with "Fate"

it's present

and it's too loud to mistake"

[syntheticxalien]

On slipping back into your old self

can you answer my calling?

made a house out of longing

yet its walls are tainted

falling down

and leaving you with the dust

while you dig for a remedy

trade your soul with a memory

start over

and lose again

do you even cease to look back?

stand your ground

or rebuild the house,

the walls, and the longing

[syntheticxalien]

Hamed Sinno: Pinkwashing, Propaganda & Resistance in White America | Sar...

leaving this here cuz everyone needs to give it a listen

[syntheticxalien]

"We're all just walking each other home"

[syntheticxalien]

Being connected to oneself could never be achieved without the courage to delve into the realms and folds of your soul. Self-discovery, healing, and feeling grounded.. Objectives that have been resonating in me for a while.

I took it upon myself, at the age of 23, to do my best to "detox" my mind of whatever hinders its growth, creativity and freedom. Step 1 was to try to do something different while holding on to practices I've always found pleasure in doing.

I chose to liberate my body and mind of what could slowly eat them up, be it internal or external, aware that healing is never linear, and that there's no magical point where I should say I made it. We all make it every day, after all, and that's what I find poetic about us, humans.

[coffeeandwhiskeyy]

perspectives on memory

cassandra clare - city of heavenly fire // aldous huxley // john irving - a prayer for owen meany // haruki murakami - after dark //

[syntheticxalien]

[syntheticxalien]

June 07, 2024

"Let it enfold you"

Last year, I let it do. I fell in love with life, while feelings continued to overflow. I made it, yet I didn't. Sounds contradictory, right? It's alright, I'll walk you through it. I made it in a way I never expected to. I learned that people feel safe and grounded in different ways and that instead of despising their way of living, we should find inspiration in how their convictions help them carry themselves. I learned to cherish sweet moments of the day. Random experiences. Trees, sunsets, warm clothes, and home-cooked meals. I learned to be a dreamer and to continue to be that way while upholding my will to carry on. I also learned to go and snatch the thing that I want, instead of waiting for it to come knocking on my door. I learned to be vulnerable and not to be afraid of that. I've laid down my armor a couple of times, and it wasn't really bad. Most importantly, I learned to forgive myself because I'm still learning. And so it seems there's still plenty of room to trip and get back up again.

[syntheticxalien]

Flee

pledged to flee you to the other side of earth

be it a flight, a car ride, or a weary walk

in a foggy morning or within the mist of dawn

the furthest away,

I'll go

the deepest into the ugly west,

I'll set off

my compass is my grief

my conscience is deceived

desolated,

I can't look back

impatient,

I seek to leave my heart behind

along with your sword, your armor, and your blade-sharp words

[syntheticxalien]

i can't complain to you about you.

[syntheticxalien]

"Sailor"

and oh, to be loved by a sailor

to be held in his core for a lifetime

can you have mercy on my heart?

soon enough, cities will drift us apart

you'll be searching for her,

while I search for a glimpse of your eyes

cluelessly, you bend my bones

delicately, you force a dagger into their residue

unaware, wicked, and full of dispair

I watch our souls separate

well, they've always been bound to such fate,

and i entirely take the blame

but oh, to be loved by you

every corner of my heart is mourning,

dislocated,

smithereens all over the ground,

but then again, I take the blame,

and I'll never cease

to carry polaroids of us

to bury them inside my guts

to cherish a memory

and to learn how to sail as well

[syntheticxalien]

you lose more by not trying than by trying

[yeesiine]

Intellectual talk is so attractive.

[syntheticxalien]

May 24, 2024

00:25

تتعاقب الشهور ويقترب التاريخ الذي تتبدل به حياتي الحالية. منذ قرابة عقدين، رسم لها القدر تحولا بالغا. ولأنني لم أملك حينئذ الوعي الكافي للنظر في حيثيات الأمور ولتحليلها، كان الأمر أشبه برحلة إلى عالم جديد، أو بالأحرى، بانعكاس لبُعد آخر من قرار لم أشارك في اتخاذه. اليوم، تختلف المعادلة. فأنا على وشك الوصول إلى عامي الثالث والعشرين. أحمل في طيات خاطري خططا متناثرة وبقايا أحلام أعجز عن الإيمان بها. أحمل عمرا من الذكريات والنجاحات والإخفاقات. يخاطبني وجداني فيطالبني بالتخلي عن ذلك القرار المتعجرف القاسي ليأتي صوت جديد لا أدري مصدره فيذكرني بأسباب سفري ويوبخ أفكاري ناعتا إياها بالغريبة، وملحا عليّ ألا استسلم لهشاشتها وضلالها. ولكن، أي ضلال وقد قررت ترك كل ما أعرفه خلفي لأمضي نحو المجهول؟ كل ذلك من أجل أن أبدأ من جديد في مكان تترائي لي مغرياته؟ هل ستغذيني تلك التجارب؟ أم أنها ستتغذي على مكامن الخوف في روحي؟ هل سأستطيع أن أعتبر قراري صائبا يوما ما؟ لم أقصد أبدا أن أترك مجالا للأنانية بين صفاتي، وأعلم أنني لن أقوى على الاستمرار حينما يخذلني العالم أو أخذل أنا نفسي.