â he smiles like blazing sunshine, tasted like honey dripping off of thorns, and with the soul of a thousand people â
dick p. ennis. preferably phineas. kang haneul. twenty-seven. passenger. space pirate. ex-alliance secret police officer
jagged lies, shattered identities, an unknown truthâthat was what they were. fake and weaving webs of deceit, they trapped themselves in their own trap that it was impossible to discern the truth from the lies and the lies from the truth. perhaps thatâs why when lips locked, it felt right ( but oh that could be another fabrication like everything else ). after all, bird of a feather flocked together, yes?
and he doesnât know why they do it. why they wandered and found each other, why they let night be a time of passion, or why they keep on doing it. perhaps it was because they know they would not be more, or that they were aware of how they would never be true. he didnât know if skye seek or have other reasons for these moments where they made love without the love, where they let their bodies melt into each otherâbut he knew he had his own.
he indulged in this moment of theirâs to forget or ignore a time where he was a monster that ruined lives and took on new faces, to be able to think that perhaps they were something more, to pretend once again that everything was fine. he also liked to think that skye and him were not that far off from each otherâfor they were actors of the worst sort but he knows skye will always be better than him, because the other could never have done as vile of deeds as he didâunless he was another secret police he wasnât aware of. at times, he liked to fantasies what they could be if they werenât so broken from their deception and their kisses meant more than it was in truth.
maybe, just maybe the haneul and skye of the past would have gotten along with honest smiles and sincere words. and maybe, they could have had the fairy tale that he knew he had once dreamed of having.
but that wasnât the case. the scenario was broken liars who werenât fond of each other may it be under their guises or âtrue selvesâ. the setting was that they let themselves slink into private rooms and let their bodies work together. the situation was that they were never more than that.
itâs xerxes mun aka ezi [ gmt+7, 17 ] here again! i thought i was going to take a longer time away from serenity but i just---searching through ridiculous names and reading on pirate lingo can be really inspiring s o m e h o w. anyways---if you want to know about dick p. ennis ( preferably goes by phineas for rather obvious reasons ) then go here! if you want to check out some plot ideas, then go here! you can contact me through ims or twitter ( ezininzi ) or on discord ( ezi#7358 ), or if you want---like this and iâll roll into your ims instead~
under the cut is a summary of my space pirate kid:
phineas is a space pirate with, frankly, childish dreams and false bravado. heâs a rather nice guy---just odd and seemingly rather foolish thanks to the fact that he spoke in pirate lingo and dressed up like one. he likes to feign innocence but also has a love for alcohol and itâs really not all that rare to see him drinking even during casual conversations. quite the coward and runs away from violence, a great gambler, and a scavenger hunter too.
but phineas isnât real---itâs just another identity kang haneul has taken and he was a far cry from who phineas was. deceptive, manipulative, cold-hearted---this was a man who used to work as a secret police officer of the alliance. and by that, it meant that he worked in the shadows---spying on potential supporters of the independent faction, infiltrating with a new identity to get some information, torturing those that were arrested, and so on and so forth. itâs not a pretty job at all and heâs been training to be one since a young age.
bio wise---itâs all normal and fine until he was thirteen and taken in by a group of people that claimed to be the future secret police officer of the alliance. his father had once been a man known for being a great spy by those that knew of him and unfortunately, the alliance did. hence why they take him so they can make him an amazing officer and used his mom as leverage
so yeah heâs probably a guy that could be met through one of his identities or he knows you because of spying days and he also possibly might have tortured your loved ones. oops.
he did end up faking his death and just leaving the alliance and become dick p. ennis to run away from it all.Â
so basically on the surface heâs crack but inside heâs just angst and chaos.Â
before serenity and after his âdeathâ he had just been roaming around doing odd jobs, probs help in piloting some ships, scavenged for treasure, gambled, give a lot of money to the poor. going with serenity now because admittedly he really hates being alone even though he keeps great distance in subtle ways with everyone.
send me ââžâ for an aesthetic of our muses, or send me a ââĄâ for a moodboard of our muses.
â usually, i wouldnât really care about what others choose but...seeing you hiding yourself under a mask reminds me a lot of my days before where iâve been chained down by lies like you do now. and thereâs no liberty in that. â
NOT ACCEPTING ANYMOREAU: xerxes met aegis some time earlier playing: imagined flight â mili       Though you donât have to fly       To take all the universes under your control       And you donât have to fight       Imagine you can fly
itâs always on a whim, that was how they worked. the avians which flew around in the black would be the sort to land on different planets as long as they felt like it and stayed at whatever amount of time they wished. thatâs why they landed on the planet which was very desolated in his opinion.
he was curious, though, and found himself venturing through the barren lands. walking with ease, kicking a rock and watching it sail forward. he whistled a jaunty tune as he meandered, not so phased or caring as per usual. and as his eyes take in the sight of this planet which seemed so bleakâhe spotted a man who he noted to be not a part of his fellow believers of xorvea. blinking a bit owlishly, he shrugged and trudged to the lone figure.Â
âhow long youâve been here?â he asked the man as if the other was not looking rather rugged or having possibly been on this planet for much too long. he did, however, found the curiosity in his eyes more worthy to be noted ( almost as if he was looking in his own eyesâexcept instead of curiosity, it was freedom ).Â
âhow long has it been since the war?â was the question to his. heâs not aggravated, more amused and still at ease like he always was.Â
âthree and a half years, i suppose thatâs the answer to the first question then.â and itâs not really a question, more of a statement. just because he was impulsive didnât mean he didnât pay attention and could not be observant.Â
it seemed that the man would like to say more, but he cuts him off on an impulse as he acted and spoke before he thought once again âhey, want to fly?â
âif you want to fly freely and venture out, you can come with us. you could stay here too, though.â he continued as he let a hand out for the other to grab if the stranger wished to accept. and he could see the endless queries ready to burst, but he didnât feel like answering any now âyou can ask when we get to the rest. there would be others whoâd like to answer your questions.â
it didnât take much for the man to put their hands together, and that was all that he needed before he tugged him to where the rest of the freewheeling birds were. hm, he wondered whether this one would stay or go.
NOT ACCEPTING ANYMOREAU: jiyong and xerxes never diverged away from their initial lifeplaying: perfectionist complex â yamikuro ft. megurine luka       Even if people sneer at me, even if I get hurt       I will simply laugh them off      âUnless Iâm perfect, I cannot love myselfâ
i.posed stature, looking forward, elegant stridesâperfect in form, just as his parents wanted him to be. he headed to the room that had bodyguards in front of it, who were scrutinizing himâtrying to find a single sign of him that would make him an enemy. heâs not phased, he stood straight and curtly nodded at them both before he knocked the doors and waited for the âyou may enterâ on the other side.
inside, he found the princess of the mansion. she was just as poised as he, but her status ranked higher, especially where he stood now. and he bowed to her, greeting her with the manners that was hammered into him by the family he loathed âgood evening ms. jiyong, i am doctor jang hyunseung.â
more pleasantries was exchanged, short and the perfect amount. so dull, but he noticed how sharp her eyes were in contrastâtaking in any information better than the guards. he found himself respecting her a little bit more at that, even if he was well aware of her skills already.
what a pity, though, because that unidentified disease of herâs was truly a hassle that might lead to the loss of someone with great potential.
ii.he frequently entered her bedroom to check up on her, solve whatever mystery that disease was. he was to prioritize her due to what she was, and he did. he would search anything for the sake of being able to heal the woman to heighten his reputation. to be more of the perfect doctor that his parents forged him to be.
the lady has much too keen eyes, and even if sheâs lived a regal lifeâsheâs not so spoiled. and thatâs what made her dangerous. but he was not that scared, no, he could not be. and sheâs aware of that too. he did not like dwelling into it, though.Â
so he continued to ask the required questions, tried to cure her illness, and thereâs more motivation put into this than with any other patient he had. itâs because he wanted to be perfect, he thought to himself. nothing else.
for anything else would have shown him how imperfect he was.
iii.itâs another night in persephone and this time heâs in his own room. the silence slowly choked him, thoughts of despair gnawed at him, and this isolation of his could almost give him hypothermia. and when he tried to latch onto something good in his mind, it would bring him to moments that he did not wish to remember.
because they werenât ideal or flawless, they were everything his family was against.Â
but they were also the times he found himself smiling so genuinely. and he could recall how they first approached each other. when his face was streaked down with tears and she watched from the shadows, when she became aware of the mold he was trying so hard to fit in, when during their childhood they would smile because they had a bond.
it was also not the perfection his parents wanted him to be. and she may not be some pauper, but forging connections as such made him âweakâ in their eyes. and the only way they accepted their bond is if it was purely business. although, he felt they feared more of how unbearably powerful her family was and what they could do to take him away from the ideal son they had obsessed over so much.
in all honesty, he no longer knew how their mind worked. even so, heâs scared to defyâa fear which had been implanted into him since a young age. so, he tried to distance himself from her. yet, the past was still something which happened between them. which was why he could see her eyes still softening ( even if itâs so slight ) around him, the pleasantries which he tried to fool himself was clipped had included more than just the right amount, and that he wanted to heal her because he did care for her so, so greatly.
sheâs not an opportunity to him, sheâs someone precious.
if only he was allowed to have such an imperfect thing such as the heart.
iv.she looked much too sickly, but the determination is still there. her will was so powerful, that he found himself rather envious but heâs much too tired to care about those emotions for now.
âhyunseung,â she suddenly began, causing him to pause from preparing the beginning of the examination âitâs okay.â
he didnât know wha she meant by that, because it could be that sheâs telling him to stop these medical examinations, or it could be another meaning heâs aware of. either way, his sight is getting blurrier and he refused to let tears spill.
âitâs okay.â she repeated, locking gazes with him but looking much more gentle. and he would like to think that thereâs just a new weather phenomenon wherein the rain was present indoors. but itâs not, and heâs just feeling so gorram much. the imperfection tore away his mold and he wanted to hate her because itâs so painful.
he couldnât. and they both knew that. so he cried, as she reached a hand out to hold his. and thereâs no need to say anything anymore. all that mattered was that right then, and there, theyâre flawed and weaker than they wished to be.Â
itâs okay, though.
âitâs okay.â
v.the deathâs inevitable, and he would watch the two monsters for his parents sneer at him in disdain. their words went in from one ear and out to the other for he was tired of it all. and he knew that this no longer was where he had to be.
no, it most definitely was not. in fact, heâll just run away today. heâll go far and awayâof his own volition and without the care to be perfect.
because itâs okay, and thatâs what she had imparted to himâher last bits of will as the dragon breathed the fire of life and melted his chains to free him.
AU: the au above but with a more devastated xerxesplaying: utopiosphere â mili       The world undergoes Photosynthesia       Transform endless anger to Ecstasia       Connect your nerves      To the system of Philosophiofantasiaďťż
dazed eyes looked up at the empty ceiling, world spinning around much too quickly, the drumming of his heartbeat sounded much too mocking, and thereâs so much chaosâ
âitâs okay.â he heard her whispers, and her voice sounded so melodious and his eyes would spot her behind himâso strong, so determined, so healthy. and he indulged in the sight, hands reaching out to her hands so he could feel warmth thatâll cure the disorientation that was his mindâ
his hands goes through, almost like swatting away an image rather than holding onto it. his throat constricted, toppling back as he became stunned by the sight, and again his surroundings became mayhem and heâs shutting his ears and closing his eyes to ward it all away. once he did, though, her voice became louder and the vision of her is much too mighty like the her that was alive.
he wanted it. he wanted this fantasy wherein they were imperfect souls that had much less to worry about and friends even when wrinkles donned their skins. itâs comforting, this utopia created by his mind. and he just wanted to let it rewind, constantly repeat it, drown in the lies that felt so good.Â
itâs wrecking him, and the misery returns at the end ( or was it the beginning? he could not tell anymore ) of the cycle. but he does not know what to do, he does not know how to rid off these thoughts that viciously deteriorates his brain as if it was acid. sleeping would bring back the delusions that he knew were so fake, and reality would eat him up alive with itâs painful attacks.
but even in the pandemonium that was himself, he found himself with the idea of bringing fantasy into reality, to converge it together and release the shards of darkness in him by plucking it out and putting it into another medium. he replaced it with words, thoughts flowing out and changing into inked letters as it overflowed like water breaking through a dam.Â
he did not know when he stopped, the paper may be filled to the brim, tables marked with black, and his handâs still writing even as the ink ran out and he scratched the words on whatever he could. heâs not making sense anymoreâbut he breathes more easily, eyes less clouded, and the silence much less violent.
he stared down at the mess, and he could only be glad that he was back in his own space than in a hotel room for the payment would be too much. heâs now at ease, thatâs all that mattered.
he would have said that âitâs okayâ but he worried heâd fall into the abyss again. at leastânot until he managed to release all these emotions.
AU: wherein xerxes and jaewon are loversplaying: darling â maretu ft. hatsune mikuLetâs connect our hands, joining placesIn a fantastical confusion.Disease in brain!Dangerously developing!Wait, are you even listening, darling?
he was one to just let everything happenâlet his impulse take control and the chaos to guide him. and always, he had never regretted any decision of his. not even when he lost half of his left leg because he had wanted to save someone. yet, there had been one decision that he found himself wanting to changeâ
he would always regret having kissed jaewon that day.
no oneânot even he or jaewonâexpected themselves in this position really. after all, he was the passenger who seek for freedom and let himself be taken in by chaosâwhilst jaewon was someone whoâd rather control and have peace. two ends of the spectrum, beliefs that clashed, and the obvious disdain they had for each other. of course everyone wouldnât think theyâd end up like this. it was almost like a unanimous decision that he would eventually leave serenity or jaewon would eventually snap and kick him out.
but here they were, in a relationship. all because one time they ended up arguing because that was the mood he had been in and jaewonâs not that difficult to rely onâwhich led to him just going in to crash his lips against jaewon because it had oddly felt right at that moment and to shut him up. then jaewon responded back, and afterward they found themselves in a treacherous cycle.
a routine that included a lot more heated arguments, more forceful pushing of beliefsâyet now mixed with moments where everything fell into a need to lock lips, to release frustrations by making romantic gestures more violent, and with hate thatâs now intertwined with love. itâs madness, harmful, and yet that was how they worked.
itâs ruining them. this dangerous game they played. yet, like smoking cigarettes, itâs addictive and difficult to stop. and he hated it, hated it so damn much. because jaewon and himâno matter how much they loved each other, they would despise as much and their views in life were too deeply rooted in them that they could not relent it for the other.
at times, he did think about itâdelude himself into thinking that it was fine. that it was a magical, fairy-tale like romance. perform a self-lobotomy, ruin his mind for he could not exit this despairing love of theirâs. but that would go against his conviction and he never wanted to lose to jaewon. perhaps, jaewon would have loved hyunseung more than xerxes. for hyunseung would listen, and hyunseung would never fight back. hyunseung would be a follower when xerxes would never, and he never understood why jaewon couldnât find someone like hyunseung than stick with him.
truthfully, he had brought forth the topic of ending this messed up whatever-it-was they had. but jaewon pretended not to listen, and he would just end up too frustrated by the lack of answers. despite that, he had a feeling he understood why. because he could easily end this by leaving serenity and just saying goodbye to it all, but complicated emotions screwed over any healthy plans or the sort.
so, heâd allow himself one chain only. apologized to xorvea internally for letting such a thing to happen, but he would never let jaewon know. heâd deteriorate as he fought, but at least he waged a war. looking at jaewon, eyes lit with defiance and smirk so feral, he said âwell then darling, iâd like to see you try.â
screw it, he never liked thinking too much about anything much anyways.
AU: xerxes and jaewon met each other during childhoodtw: slavery, death, warplaying: i am âendâ â sakuzyo
i.he could recall the first time he met jaewon, a kid sitting inside a box and so much like a blank canvas that was just waiting to be painted on. but at that time, he had been a kid who lived in valluria and wanted to survive. so he snarled at the younger boy, trying to be as scary as he could be âwhat do you want? go away, go somewhere else!â
âi have nowhere, i have nothing.â
the response he got was different from other kids, but thereâs something about this boyâs gaze that screamed of potential. and he could not help but think itâd be such a waste of a chance to not take in the other. so he smirked once his decision was made.
âwelcome to the club.â
ii.after that faithful meeting, itâs become a hobby to watch the boyâjaewonâgrow. jaewonâs got a certain eye to things, adapting to this cruel world of theirâs with more finesse than others. he would see their ragtag group becoming much more organized, and much more ready to survive as they gain more profit. theyâre more like a gang of criminals now, and thereâs no designated leadersâbut he found himself thinking that jaewon would be a wondrous one.
it did not matter that he was older, because he had a feeling that each of them noticed the power in him. and he knew that jaewon would be that one person theyâd listen to. even if he very much prefer the idea of freedom more so than being a followerâthereâs an exception only meant for jaewon.
so they grew, and sometimes he wondered whether they could become something greater. this crew of street rats that formed because they had nowhere else or nothing to go back to. but the he remembered that the land they stood on was valluria, and valluria was cruel to itâs inhabitants.
iii.it happened so suddenly, the massacre of the closest thing he could call family. he wasnât there when it happened, because he had decided to head out as he was simply in the mood to do so. they said to not go because it was dangerous, but in the end it had been their hideout that would be the worst place to be in. was it a stroke of good or bad luck, he wondered. for heâs free from deathâs clutches but the rest was sacrificed.Â
yet he left, because he could not stay in such a place longer. not only because their deaths would slowly ruin him, but also because the predators would always come back to it.Â
and he was right, the murderers came back. what he didnât know was that jaewon had been there just after he left and was whisked away by those vile beings.
iv.he cursed as he found himself caught by the slave traders. he was silenced by them gagging him, locking him down with chains and shackles. theyâd think heâd be able to get them nice cash because they deemed his face pretty enough for at least an extra penny. but all he wanted to do was break his bonds and mutilate their faces. because he would not be chained down and be a blasted slave for anyone.
there was a blessing in disguise, though. as in that treacherous place, he spotted a familiar face as badly caged as him. and for a moment, heâs silent as his breath got caught in his throat and emotions ready to burst out of him.Â
because thatâs jaewon, and heâs alive. and jaewonâs as fierces as ever even if he could see a much too similar haunted look in the other eyes that he could see by looking at his reflection. the boyâs now the only one he got in his life, and thatâs what gave him hope. and he knew these men that had them locked would suffer for jaewon was a riot and he was not any better.
maybe jaewon had seen him, maybe he had not, but he vowed that heâd get out of this gorramâ hellhole with jaewon.
v.for once, the pretty face is a blessing because they donât touch it and try not to hurt him too badly. he took advantage of it, obviously, and would annoy and play with fire on a constant basis. the first and only time they had been read to brand a slave trade number on him, he created hell to the people in the same space as him.
and even as he was handed to a master who had a sleazy grin and dirty hands, he could tell that the guy was weak and that the body guards he had was crap. how the man still was alive in valluria, only god or whatever asshole up there knew.
so he ended the manâs life for them. pretended to be a pretty little thing for the span of when he was taken in by the man as a slave, and then until they got their own private space. he would have wanted to do worse, to make it painful, but he must head back to get jaewon first. and he had tried his best to ingrain the route in his mind, so that once heâd done he knew the way back.
itâs rather sad how he escaped easily, the âmasterâ was an idiot to have hired the worst bodyguards ever. at least, it was fortunate on his end as this made the escape more easy. although, returning to the sight of a damn spaceship having a war with the slaves was one that he did not expect. he was reckless, though, so he rushed into frayâfor once, not getting into the fighting, snatching a weapon in between, and searching for jaewon frantically. he did spot him, shooting at people and he almost got shot tooâhad the other not stopped and saw his face.Â
he grinned wildly, and for a brief moment the battle faded to behind the scenes. but just as he did, he steeled himself âi think weâre both in an agreement that we got to get the hell out of here.â
vi.they did get the hell out of there, thanks to the woman that had been leading the crew. when she had asked them about which side they were on, both of them didnât hesitate to say the same answer. anythingâs better than valluria, the land of war, where he got that horrid mark on him ( that he so desperately just wanted to scratch it out because itâs a brand of his freedom being taken away and thatâs not something he ever wanted ), and the grave of people he cared so much about.
the lady isnât so soft on him as she was with jaewon. but thatâs probably because he was much more chaotic and wild. he was the fighter, the one who would rather be unbound and cause mayhem despite his peaceful and easy-going disposition when he wasnât. out of valluria, heâs grown much more tranquil and the captain would have kicked him out if he didnât.Â
he wouldnât let himself get kicked out, though. because the idea of not being around jaewon was terrifying. they were both survivors of their tragedy, and it felt better to know that there was someone around who understood him. so he calmed himself down, watch jaewon as he grow to become far better than if he stayed in valluria, and he listened to the rules of the captain almost obedientlyâbut heâd only ever allow himself one leader and that position has been taken already.
he glanced at jaewon again, saw his ambitions rose and how the captain was leaving the knowledge for him to become the one to take her role once she decided to resign. that role was most definitely taken.
vii.joining the war wasnât really something he had wanted to do. but the idea of losing jaewon, the only one he had from back then, was terrifying. so he signed up for it alongside jaewon, even if he knew this was not for him. he was never good with listening to orders from either side, and he would have preferred to be a neutral party more so than anything else. because even if the alliance seek to rule the verse with an iron fist, he had already decided to rebel no matter what. but not with others, not under the rule of another. itâs just how he was, he rather to be an individual than to fall into any group.
even so, he fought with all his might. not quite making the leaps jaewon had, for he was no leader, but a fighter that was known to be ruthless and the end of many others. jaewon would e the beginning, the one who commanded others and he would become the end, the one to unleash pandemonium and eliminate lives. jaewonâs capable of being the âendâ, but he liked to think that he was better in that role at least.Â
unfortunately, the war ended with their loss. thereâs too many lives lost and sometimes he thought that his hands werenât his skin but drenched in a phantom red. horrified faces would be etched into his mind, yet at the same time he could not be bothered. this was what they had all signed up for when they got into war, and he knew it could not be helped.
maybe heâs become too cold-hearted, but that could be blamed on how his life had been one of horrors after horrors. still, he followed jaewon as the man would trudge across the bloody lands of serenity valley. then soon came the vow that escaped from the other lips âiâll never fall under the boot of the empire. never.â
and thereâs so much more to the statement, a conviction to it that he could understand. despite the corpses that surrounded them, how disgustingly red his boots were now ( or was he just imagining that like he did with his hands? ) he grinned âi know.â
because he wouldnât have decided that jaewon would be the only man he followed if the guy had not been defiant and determined.
viii.âserenity. thatâs the name of the ship now.â jaewon would tell him, and he understood. watching jaewon for nearly all his life had made it far too easy to read and the unspoken words were as loud as the screams of the war that still rang in his ears.Â
âaye, captain.â he accepted the reason that was not voiced. this was their new beginning, and again, jaewonâs leading it.
and again, he will become âendâ to anyone who tried to disrupt what jaewon built up. because jaewon would bring the only peace and control that he could accept.Â
AU: wherein xerxes and sol are loverstw: small mention of drugsplaying: opium â mili       The poppies cry       The poppies sing       The poppies bleed       As we drifted apart
and theyâre like lock and key that matched, pieces of a puzzle that formed a picture, halves that clicked together, and everything felt so right. heâs never felt so free as when theyâre together, the world around him just fading away as he looked into beautiful, heterochromatic eyes. to him, sol lived up to his name. for, as cheesy as it may be, he was the sun which brightened his life.
he could not imagine feeling so in love with anyone else like he did with the younger. heâs aware that there was no one else that could bring forth these much emotions within him. and he most definitely knew that there was nobody else that could have left such an imprint in his mind, soul, and heart like the other. there just simply was no match to the boy he had fallen deep in love with. none could compare, it was as simple as that.
heâs so aware of that. but he also noticed how increasingly depressing it was when he was not around sol. how dreary the world became, how stifling it was, how empty it wasânothing was right when sol was not by his side. and judging by how they were practically just always together by now, the feelingâs mutual. itâs become a normalcy, the sight of the two by each otherâs side and when asked to separateâwell, he wouldnât bother to and sol would look much too hesitant to do so.
then there were those moments when he really started to notice how this love of his for sol was so much more than what he thought. when he would grow hostile the moment otherâs even graze their fingers against sol, or times when they would make him smile, and even when he felt murderous intent to anyone clinging onto sol. but what really made him reel back in shock was the fact that he knew sol hated needless violence, and he knew sol would be so disappointed and maybe even hate it if he ever did soâwhich led him to not be so rash. he clamped his mouth shut, kept himself back, and for once he wasnât chaotic but controlled.
and then heâd realize that their lock and keys were mismatched despite fitting into each other, that their puzzle pieces came from different images and formed a crude image when put together, their halves being that of a sphere and a cube, and everything that felt right had been so wrong too.
his freedomâs constricted by the one he thought had given him it. he, who would fight for his freedom at all costs had finally found the worst adversary. and it broke him slowly, for this was an ultimatum of deciding to stick with the beliefs he had stuck by all these years or sol who made all the wrongs become rights. thereâs war inside his mind and he couldnât decide.
until he found himself in a fight, one which he joined in on his own accord. he still could beat people up, could win, and underhanded tricks still didnât bother himâbut he didnât find it exciting. and that was what really got to him, for violence had been one of the thrills in his life that never got old. so, when he realized that now even violence had lost against solâhe made his decision.
he could still feel the horrible pain that came from seeing sol cry. thereâs desperation in the otherâs voice as sol tried to convince him to not let this end. and heâs so weak when it came to sol, and for a very brief moment he almost considered to give up his freedom.
that momentary thought ended up causing his fear to spike even more along with his determination. for that was what made him realize that this love of theirâs that ran so deeplyâit made them so dependent on each other that it came to the point that it was toxic. and he had to stop himself from holding sol, from giving a final kiss, or anything that would easily break this resolve of his. for sol was his greatest weakness, and he knew that he will give up everything for him had he not had such conflicts within him.
now, away from serenity, the crew, solâheâs filled with so much regrets, guilt, and despair. oh, how he wished that this wasnât how they ended but it could not be helped. after all, he had realized that sol was not the sun. no, sol was opiumâhe gave him the joy and tranquility, but once heâs away everything became dreary. and he was the drug addict that had the choice to let go or fall in deeperâso, he chose the first.
all he could hope was that, these withdrawal symptoms would not murder him before he returned to who he truly was.Â
AU: a more hateful xerxesplaying: i just hate people â pinocchio-p ft. hatsune miku       One for All, All for Woof Woof Woof! Letâs become dogs!       Letâs become cats! Letâs become yous! ButâŚÂ       I do not at all want to become peoples!!
âwhy do you hate people?â ephraim asked him as they were peacefully eating one of the snacks the chef had cooked. he paused for a moment, spoon a centimeter away from his lips. and there was silence for a few, brief seconds as he mulled over whether he wanted to answer or not.
âif youâre a man, you have to be strong, you have to wear pants, and youâre the fighter.â he began with his explanation, mock dripping from his like poison. âif youâre a woman, youâre going to be protected by the man, you must wear skirts, and you stay behind to do the chores.â
âif youâre a criminal, youâre bad and must be taken down. heck, if youâre a member of aves then youâre a rowdy bunch preaching about freedom. i could really go on with this.â he listed stereotypes with disdain, aggravation flickering in his eyes. a slight tug downwards to the corner of his lips, and eventually a tired sigh.
âi donât necessarily hate you or someone like, i donât knowâbob, joe, jane, or emilyâwhat i do hate is that weâre grouped into different categories, a certain ideal and stereotypes following each. it feels constricting.â he informed, a few gestures thrown in here and there to emphasize and really send the message across.Â
âiâd rather use all be âyousâ than âpeoplesâ, individuals without anything tying us to anotherâeven if itâs more of a concept than anything else.â he added in the end. âbut this is my belief, and in the end not everyone can agree with me.â
âafter all, for my belief, we are all free to pick our own beliefs.â nonchalantly shrugging as he went back to his meal. he didnât really think heâd go to a spiel about it, but he had felt like explaining himself in more detail. maybe one day, heâd try to convince others to share the same beliefs but that would simultaneously ruin their freedom. unlike aves, he strives for true individualism after all.
AU: non-aves, doctor xerxesplaying: setsuna drive â 9 parabellum bullet ft. ia      You understand, right?      In this moment, we felt eternal.      We are the truth.
i.to this day, he still had so much regrets over that one decision he didnât take. sure, there were so much that could go wrongâbut it was better than now. he had become his parentâs tool, a mere extension of their extension. working on everything with precision, perfection, and much like a robot. he was practically an android with a biology of that of a human. to be free, even if heâd roam around with a strange, new, group of peopleâshould he have taken that risk?
ariel was never a place he could call home, despite having lived in the planet all this time. he could, however, see it as his cage. because as long as heâs tied with his parents, anything related to them would be envisioned to chain him down.
which was why he took walks like this, to ease his mind. walking with no destination in mind, away from the perpetrators behind his sufferings. he would breathe more easily, shoulders sagging slightly, just becoming less than perfect.Â
what he did not know was that during this time, during this walk of hisâhe would come across another thatâll shift this life of his for the better. a boy that had just freed himself and now trying to survive in a new environment.
and then heâd reach his hand out, because even if he could not seek his own freedom and survive in thereâperhaps he could save this boy.Â
ii.ephraim was the boyâs name. and initially, it took a lot of coaxing and the sort to at least get the younger to trust him enough that he could help find a job for the other. for once he thanked his parentâs teachings, for if they had not hammered into head about knowing the people of ariel and the locations and the most minuscule of detailsâhe wouldnât find a place for ephraim so easily.
then afterwards, he found himself changing his routine. his free time would become visits to the restaurant to see how ephraim progressed, conversing to the boy and finding himself much more relaxed than he had ever been before. he wondered if this was what it was like to have a friend, someone he didnât have to be poised for or to maintain the image of perfection. instead, heâs slowly figuring out the person he wished to beâthe one he believed that was who he truly was.
and later, theyâd form a tight bond and heâd end up releasing all the pent up frustrations when ranting to ephraim. and when he could, heâs be by the otherâs side and give comfort in his own way ( and even if it comes off as awkward, he tried ).
itâs a connection forged in the span of a few months, but it was more than he ever had in his life. if anyone asked him before, he wouldnât believe heâd be able to make a friend like this.Â
but he was also aware of how ephraim looked rather awkward still. ariel did not suit the young boy who he had noted to be more fond of tight-knit, small communities than that of the large populace that bustled around constantly. he couldnât help but agreeâbut then again, ariel was never one for him. that aside, he had a feeling that ephraimâs just waiting for a chance to go. and oh, he knew ephraim was better off away. the problem was, he had to let ephraim go.
and to let him go, was to let what made him feel like him go. but...he had already decided long ago that he would help ephraim gain his freedom. which was why, he readied himself for that day.
he glanced at the boy humming as he cook another meals, a sad smile adorning his face.
yes, he could let go for him.
iii.â'm goin'.â ephraim told him one day. âi found serenity and they needed a chef so 'm goin'.â
he expected the day to come, but he underestimated on how soon itâll be. fortunately, he mastered the art of having masking his feelings thanks to his wretched family. he hid any signs that showed off the sinking feeling he had, the desperate âdonât leave yetâ which caused him to clamp his mouth shut, just anything that would showcase anything other than the joy and pride and forced out âiâm gladâ.
so instead, he stared at ephraim, and blinked slowly. all he could actually convey in words was âoh.â
but now that begged another question. if ephraim was going, then why was he here telling him that? he could have sent him a wave, because heâs sure itâs more ideal to hurry on with serenity then to bother coming back to him. it seemed that ephraim noticed the questions which floated around his mind and said âi wanted to ask you somethinâ before i leave...wanna come âboard with me?â
his mind blanked out for a moment.
such an obvious option, one that wouldnât require to let go of the otherâyet, not once he thought it would have been possible. and he would have laughed at his own idiocy if it wasnât for the fact that he was feeling other emotions along with it. instead, he settled for an answerâone which sounded so grateful and a bit choked up âi would love to.â
this time, he would take the chance of freedom. and the fear that once used to gnaw at him, disappeared knowing that at least in this caseâhe had ephraim. he had someone to go to if everything else goes wrong. someone to trust, unlike back then.
this time, he will get his freedom. and perhaps, rather than it being him helping ephraim to find his freedomâit had been the other way around this whole time.
AU: xerxes and lucy are âtwinsâplaying: 弜水 (milk)â mili       zip up       seal up our skin       and we shall become one
he saw her as smart, brave and a great sister. sheâd be as violent as him, and theyâd spar and banter with ease. theyâd enjoy training, maintaining their fitness and enjoy life however they want it to be.
they were brazen siblings, not always approved by their parentsâbut itâs fine, because they didnât want to be like them anyways. mother would have grown frustrated and mad at her because she would not put on the dress, but his sister remained defiant because she would not go off to please people and put up a farce.
they would have run from home together, and theyâd both pull through because they have each other. he didnât believe she could be frail, because she was his twin after all. and as they were twins, theyâd stick to each other, shared beliefs and of course their love for violence.
ah his sister, so honest and clever and brave andâ
non-existent.
because she never lived, never managed to become more than a fetus. fetal resorptionâthatâs what they called it. died in the utero and then reabsorbed. he lived, but she did not. and that had always made him wonder, what it would be like if he did have a sister. because how would have his life changed if he did?
mother had always shouted âI bet if your sister was born, she would have listened and been perfect!â
and he would glare back, because she was his twin. and no twin of his would be listening to his parents who would want them to be their tools. no sister of his would let themselves be trapped and shackled by the adults horrid manipulation. for he and her, they would have been free. and he would not let motherâs words tarnish the only one he could call familyâeven if she had never had her heart beating.
and he found himself imagining her again.
hm, lucy would have been a beautiful name for her.
AU: medic/cook/modern hermit xerxes and monster sidereusplaying: rtrt â mili
tw: death, gore
i.most would scream at the sight of a monster coming inside their homes, but he wasnât like most people. instead, he was more focused on the fact that he had made an extra serving for his meal becauseâwell, initially he wanted to eat a lot, but now he didnât have that much of an appetite. the uninvited guest seemed to take it as him not being attentive to them ( looked like a him, but canât really judge on that just yet right? ) and tried to strike at him. but just as they did so ( thank his mma days, really ), he popped a piece of the marinated beef into their mouth.
âis it good? i made too much and seems like youâre hungry, so why donât we eat this meal instead?â so nonchalantly, as if he had not just been nearly assaulted by a human-looking creature with sharp teeth and dried blood on their skin and clothing.Â
he could see the skeptical look, and all he could do was snort a bit as he gestured for the other to take a seat. he proceeded to take a piece of everything and took a bite out of it âhey, i didnât even know who or what you are, didnât know you would come either. so just take something you like. see, it isnât poisoned and i havenât called exorcists to deal with you.â
and he knew, how others would probably never be able to make sense out of his actions. but this was simply how we workedâon impulse.
( and he wouldnât admit it, but heâs just so lonely. )
ii.perhaps it was depressing, the fact that heâs found more of a friend in this monster ( who he found out was a he, and was named sidereus ) than with the other humans he knew. maybe he should go out more, but he was never really in the mood for it. plus, his family was crap, thereâs no compassion there.
maybe it was stupid to think theyâre friends. after all, sidereus did initially want to eat him. but cooking up more than one serving for meals made him nostalgic of days when he did have people to be around with. and showing the monster how to eat human meals, feeding him, and becoming accustomed to it as a routine felt right.
but heâs not foolish, and he noticed that there was a momentary fear in the otherâs eyes when he noticed an action a bit too caring than usual. and there had been days, wherein sidereus would not come at all yet he let the otherâs meal there, covering it up and leaving a note to inform them how to heat it up.Â
this wasnât really healthy, and it really wasted a lot more cash when grocery shopping, but thatâs what isolation did to him.
iii.sidereus eventually comes back. and usually, he found himself a bit happy with that. but today, he felt that his friend should never have come.
because, if sidereus had not come, perhaps this wouldnât have happened. and he was ready to help, but he was pushed away by his friend and everything became chaotic. they were nothing against the suited man with guns blazing and a ruthless nature.Â
yet at the same time, so many could have led sidereus to escape. such as using his body as a meat shield, letting him take the blow, letting him dieâand how he knew that his friend could have thought of such cruel things and done it. yet, the other did not, and that was why heâs left there looking at a corpse of a monster, with blood all over them, his room, and the food. pieces that once formed his friend, splattered all over.
heâs never felt so empty before. his face isnât only wet because of blood. thereâs screams ringing throughout the room and his throatâs hoarse.
iv.itâs another day in this mundane life of his. he placed the plates on the table ( and he could recall the horrible red on it ), taking pieces and placing it on his plate. he ate his meal, chewing in an average pace and swallowing it before he asked the other âso how was it?â
a beat of silence, yet to him there seemed to be a response âof course itâs good, i told you didnât i? i once thought of becoming a chef.â
and he looked upâdark brown plastic eyes looking back soullessly, with blonde nylon hair cascading over it slightly. he smiled lightly, and finished his plate the otherâs is empty, serving still untouched. âyou finished already, huh? what do you want next time then?â
eyes viewing delusions, ears hearing voices, and a mind warped in madness. he continued to feed the corpse that could never retort anymore.
AU: chronophobic xerxesplaying: chronophobiaâ 2é˛p ft. kagamine rin
tick, tock, tickâthe blasted noise kept on going. and even if he was to destroy all the clocks, and watchesâthat persistent ticking is there, even in his own mind.
and why? why did the concept of time have to be created? itâs just a reminder of the steps they took closer to death, of the fact that their end is near. itâs not that he wanted eternity, dear god noâhe wouldnât be able to bear that, itâs just that the fact he knew time was passing, that it moves onward when he wanted moments longer that really got to him. it constrained him, locked him in a cage with no keyholes or ways to break out. it made him feel shackled, and he didnât want thatâhe wanted to be free.
heâs twenty-eight now, heâs more than a quarter to a hundred and maybe it seemed so longâbut he knew better. because if he reached fifty, twenty-eight years would seem like hours, and hundred will make it look like seconds. and he hates it. hates it, hates it hates it hatesit hatesithatesithatesithatesitâ
âneed to talk xerxes?â
all of a sudden, the voice pierced through the vile, phantom sounds. just like magic, he felt like heâs grounded and the feeling of being in zero gravity was gone. he takes a shuddering breathe, slowing down his breathing and putting it at a normal pace. clammy hands that was nearly about to cover him up like a weak shield against the sudden strike of fear was put down as he looked at the young man he had once saved.
itâs been months, yet he could recall the day they met like yesterday even if itâs vague at times. andâstop it, itâs going to consume your mind again.
and he looked at the otherâs eyes, perceptive and compassionate. ready to help, and take him away from the void of terror that he almost drowned in. so, he nodded. âyeah, letâs talk.â
for just ignoring that thing, for a moment could calm him down more. before he would be truly devoured by it.
AU: xerxes confessing his love to sonmiplaying:Â tetrodotoxin synthesizer no. 2 â gigap ( cover by kyaami ft. miki )
he feels like heâs flying upside down, a different high from the spices you get from valluria, all because heâs on the brink of blurting out his feelings. itâs odd, because he didnât initially felt such things for the girl. at first it was calm relaxed, with him treating her like any other, and then she just popped out more and heâs grown soft for her.
no matter what others say, he couldnât really care. he loved her, and heâs not yet sure how muchâbut he wanted to try it out. yes, he knew sheâs so unhinged but he never really cared about that. perhaps they would not be hte best match, but he could try, right? and if it didnât work out, it didnât.
for now, he feels his heart bursting as he looked down at her, and once his usual daring and impulsive confessions stopped at the tip of his tongue. but all it took was another pause, before he did say it with sincerity and more care into his words than usual. âi love you.â
and itâs almost like heâs on adrenaline when he said it. it felt like heâs just won a war in that few, brief seconds. maybe itâs an exaggeration, but thereâs definitely a different feeling when he confessed this time than the other times before.
tw: deathAU: robot xerxes and master sonmiplaying: rubber humanâ mili
he loved her so, so much. even if this âheartâ of his was not humane, that his veins were circuits, and flesh was metalâhe had this capability to feel. and oh, how he felt so much for the young woman that he knew of as his master. even if he had resisted initially, despising the constraints, she was still there and in his eyes, so very kind.
and yes, perhaps it was his fault. and truly he did not mean it, because heâs willing to throw away her sad tears into a trashcan, to be there when no one else was around, become her everything if she needed it. wasnât that what she had told him once? and perhaps that was the case long agoâ
no. he could fix this, he could restart, undo, and love her unconditionally yet again. it could be done, he had hope for it. maybe, even become something else. a flower that could make her dessert a garden, a kitten that could purr for her when no voice could wake up her inside, or a human so much better than who he was.
because if he had been all those things, rather than what he was now, maybe she would be breathing, heart beating, skin rosierâalive. and perhaps, maybe if he had been human, but still had his feelings, that blow to the head of herâs wouldnât be so fatal. and he probably shouldnât have taken everything for granted, or felt anything like a normal robot.
all he wanted to do was love again, and no matter how much logic opposed to thatâhe hoped for the impossible.
AU: modern; lazy, neet xerxes being roommates with still an engineer henryplaying: whatever whatever whateverâ neru & zâ5 feat. kagamine rin & kagamine lenÂ
he could honestly admit that he was one hell of a lazy ass. people would call him loser, scorn him for rotting away inside the confines of his room, but he could care less. he had accepted that he just did not want to bother with anything troublesome, it was far too stressful and he surely didnât enjoy any sort of expectation of being âa better person in societyâ.Â
he decided to step out of his room, though, after much reluctance. he still needed to eat to survive, even if his diet nowadays included eating instant noodles for lunch and dinner. whatever, as long as he could live another day to do absolutely nothing ( because somehow, deathâs always been that sort of concept thatâs much too terrifyingâeven to him ). he sighed, ah life, why did it have to be so damned troublesome?
heading towards the kitchen, he spotted his roommate cooking up his own cup of instant noodles. with ease, he entered and took his own cup and went to the dispenser to fill the cup he readied with hot water. once satisfied with the amount and consistency of the noodles, he started to devour his meal with the disposable fork that came with it. he could vaguely hear henryâhis roommateâtalk, but he decided that henry could wait once he was finished.
swallowing the last bit of the cupâs contents, he gave out a satisfied exhale. the large amount of instant noodles he had taken in over the course of his life may get him a ticket to the hospital, but it was good enought ot be worth it. heâs also aware that henryâs practically jabbing him now because he was ignoring him. grunting, he finally looked at the other and gave his attention. he noted the bright grin that took place on henryâs faceâand also the fact that henryâs going on with one of those gibberish rambles about whatever heâs engineering now. henry definitely had a bright future ahead of him in comparison to him.
âyour still going to do whatever?â henry asked once heâs satisfied talking. and he could only snort.
of course, heâll always just do whatever. because this carefree lifestyle is the only one heâd want to invest inâno matter what tiny voice in his mind will whisper about the chances of doing something better and more âfunâ if he gave it up.
