Grief isn’t always for the dead. Rie has been a constant state of grieving all her life. She grieves her younger years, she grieves the friends she drifted away from, she grieves her estranged family members. Even if people are still in her life, she grieves them.
She grieves the boy she met all those years ago. The boyfriend who got on one knee and proposed. The fiancé who kissed her under a starry sky filled with tree canopies. The husband who held her hand during the birth of her children. The man who slept by her side yesterday, the man who he was yesterday. But she loves the man he is today. And she will grieve the man of today to love the man of tomorrow. She will love the man who will stay by her side late into their lives. She will love the man who smiles brightly and makes dumb jokes. She will always love Takashi, and she will always grieve him.
Rie grieves the little baby boy who’d hold so tightly to her fingers. The toddler who’d follow her whenever he couldn’t find his sister. The little boy who was so nervous to start school. The tween who was so insistent that he could do badminton. But she still loves the teenager who’s so sure he knows everything, and is growing up so well. And she will one day grieve her teen son for her adult son. But she will love every version of him. Every Ryouta she meets, every son she knows, as he goes from smaller than her legs to being an adult on his own, she will love and grieve.
Rie grieves the little baby girl who was so loud about being alive. She grieves the toddler who was so upset at tripping during a race she won. She grieves the tween who would smile so brightly at being handed a handful of chocolates. She grieves the teenager who seemed to grow wiser and wiser every day. She grieves the 15 year old who looked at her and said she loves her. She grieves the girl lying limp in her arms, eyes losing focus. She grieves the many versions of Nagisa that have existed, and will grieve the many versions of the girl she never got to meet. But she will still love every version of Nagisa, no matter how much it hurts. And she will never stop grieving.