this isn’t system related specifically, but this has kinda just become my comfort place when I have questions/issues I don’t know where to go for.. tbfh, I don’t know if I’ve talked about it here or not.
(Tw: What’s potentially sexual trauma? Not very graphic though, bc nothing big actually happened)
So.. really the issue is like.. is this “enough” to count as sexual trauma? We know this was traumatic, either way, we just don’t know if it’s.. really enough to count as sexual? Like, I don’t know what else I’d call it, but I also feel like calling it sexual is, in some way, an over-exaggeration, misnomer, and/or an insult to actual sexual trauma victims?? Like, I don’t want to take up space where I’m not welcome.
Anyway.. When we were 17, our stepdad (whom we’d known for a decade, by that point) started sneaking up on us from behind, while we were in the kitchen/dining area (they were the same room), to “surprise” grab our waist for a few seconds. This only happened like.. twice, I think.
Our issue is that.. like.. there’s just a clash?
On our end, we had no precedent for this. We had no reason to see waist touching (especially from behind??) as anything other than intimate, because it just wasn’t normal in our household or friendships. So like.. how else were we supposed to see “surprise waist touch from behind, during a moment of distraction”, if not “surprise intimacy from a ~40yo ‘trusted adult’ man in the safety of our own home”. And.. phrased like that, it’s fairly obvious why it feels like it could fit into the sexual trauma category..
But at the same time, I don’t think that was his intent. Like.. maybe this is wishful thinking, maybe it’s not, I don’t really know and I never got the courage to ask him about it, and even if I did, he’d deny it happened, deny ill intent (probably by saying it was just to fuck with me), and/or deny its effect on me, saying I’m exaggerating because of how “small” of an incident it was.
Finally, following that “it’s so small” line of thought, we don’t know how others see it. Is it really big enough to count? Idrk.
We are of the strong belief that if it felt like you were being sexually assaulted/harassed, you were. Sexual trauma isn't only about r*pe, it also is the result of being touched inappropriately without consent or even receiving comments about your body.
The intent behind it doesn't matter. You felt unsafe and the fact that you are still thinking about these incidents should tell you everything. Yes anon, it was bad enough. What your stepdad did was gross, there's no normal reason a grown man (a father!) would suddenly start grabbing their child's waist like that and he knows that, otherwise there would be no reason to downplay the issue.
You didn't phrase anything in a way that was untrue.
