" Every time i look back up to the stars it's like i'm returning home " Sid(ereus) | 23 | LYNX A guy on the dodge that fled from the moon. Closed roleplay blog!!
Send “📸 ” plus a thread we have or should have and
I will make a mood board/aesthetic for it! - Accepting!
@sysidereus - The Letter
“Did you really get this far?” Sullivan asked, already mid-reach for the assignment he’d sent ‘home’ with his pupil the night before. He could see the edge of what he concluded was a page marker peeking out from the book and, he already looked and sounded impressed.
The spine opened willingly in his lap, revealing its contents to him as it had many times before. Now, it isn’t uncommon for someone to pick up a book they haven’t read in a long time and discover something new; something they’d completely missed before, but Sullivan couldn’t possibly have guessed what he’d find this time.
‘Sidereus’ is scrawled on the outside of the envelope. The letter is heavy when Sullivan picks it up, multiple pages folded multiple times. He frowns and the hair on the back of his neck stands up when he realizes it is sealed.
He should not be looking at this. He should not be touching it. He feels like he’s intruded on something sacred; something cherished. He looks up, panic in his eyes when realizes Sid is standing in front of him, staring at him. His cheeks immediately flush with scarlet-tinged regret. The expression on Sid’s face is unreadable to Sullivan and he thinks it is perhaps worse that he can’t easily identify what kind of upset he is.
Sullivan looks down, lashes lowering to his cheeks, his gaze glued to slender fingers as he carefully returns the letter back where it had been tucked and closes the book around it. He wishes Sid would say something. He wishes he would answer the questions that are burning in his mind. Why? Why is he carrying around this tattered old letter? Who is it from? How long has he had it? Isn’t he going mad from not know what it says?! Why hasn’t he opened it?! Goosebumps break across Sullivan’s skin when Sid does speak up and gives him all the answer he needs.
“I wanted…to read it myself.”
Sullivan’s lips part; slowly, smoothly. Softly, he smiles as he lifts his gaze to Siderius, eyes alight with intrigue and a renewed motivation for the task at hand.
“Then we’ve got our work cut out for us, don’t we?”
I'm no organ donor but I'd be happy to give you my heart.
Sid blinks, hurriedly turning to try to see who was the person. For once he was taken aback, sure he knows a few pick up lines but he’s never on the receiving end of them. Plus the one that was addressed to him seemed far more fitting for a doctor. Maybe it had been a mistake.
“Keep it. Why would I want that anyway?”
Although he sounded like his usual stoic self, he still smiled, even if just a little.
When the current amount of alcohol in your stomach isn’t enough to distract from your problems you have two choices, you either keep drinking until you forget or you go out of your way to chew them out over a smoke. It was what worked best, at least for Sidereus. Usually, he would always go for the first choice. It wasn’t every day that drinks were freely poured around the ship and if there was something he had taken out of his trauma’s it’d have to be that you should always take everything you can before it’s gone.
This time however, he chose to go with his pack. Now at first glance him going out for a smoke isn’t anything peculiar, if anything it was already a sore view on everyone. Wherever the drifter went, the burnt smell of cigarette would always follow. It was a fact by now, almost universal. Yet if one were to look closer, you’d notice there were some things that were amiss with the picture. Either by the sudden isolation, the reluctance to meet a gaze or the way he gripped his lighter like it could anchor him down, there were little details that gave his spirit away. Someone who was familiar with him would have probably noticed it. That is if he would ever let anyone get that close.
But he didn’t, and he should never allow it. Sitting down with his legs hanging to the storage below, he takes a drag before resting his head against the cool rail. Everyone was probably either already glued to the panels or getting ready for the comet. Sid himself would have been doing the same had a sudden thought not assaulted him so strongly.
He had spent a large portion of the day completely taken by the comet and it’s myth. The whole Serenity was crazy about it, Kinam couldn’t get his eyes off his books, Jaewon wanted to kill himself with the comet. Hell, he even met one of the hackers that he swore he had never seen around. How he always missed a tower like Hanbyul was beyond him. Kamora was lost in her own world of fantasy and beauty, Audrey and Ephraim had surprised him with new sides of them, Sol had been just a complete mess and Kinam was even worse of a wreck than he was. The only part where Sid could admit he had enjoyed himself was when he had dragged Scarlett to dance with him. It had been something completely in the heat of the moment. He wasn’t even sure what he was doing but he had been taken by this sudden joy out of being alive. Out of both of them being alive and on the same ship. It had been worth it. For a while at least.
The smoke thins in front of him but he is not seeing it. He has overstayed welcome. He never stays longer than a month on the space place, let alone with the same people. It’ll be almost four months since Mina had saved him, almost four months since he paid his first passage. He had not planned on staying beyond their next stop and yet. Here he was, four months later, always packing and unpacking, ready to go but never quite doing it. There was always something stopping him. Sullivan needed help at the markets. Kafka stole his lighter again. Sonmi looked just a little too detached for his liking. Audrey wanted his company at the engine’s again, only just to bully him for his mistrust of Henry and bad terms with Sol. Jiyong wanted him to work on his aim. Kinam had a new theory about the verse he wanted to share. Ephraim had promised something delicious for supper. The reasons had been many.
Yet he knew they were all excuses. He was stalling. Purposely. And he did not know why. He was just setting himself up for another heartache. These people. These warm, oblivious, idiot people, did not know him. Sure right now they were welcoming and attentive but what would happen if they were to know his true colors?
Jaewon would probably sell him the first port they landed. He had been nothing but a pain to the captain, he was sure that at the slight opportunity he got to get rid of him he would. And even better, he’d get profit out of it. He surely wouldn’t toss the chance. Mina wouldn’t trust him anymore. He didn’t know what he had done to earn her favor but that would be long gone once she knew he had lied to her. Jiyong would probably shot him blank and the rest wouldn’t blink. Trust was a precious thing after all. It couldn’t be broken without repercussions.
Sid snorts at the thought. Not even two days ago he had been chiding Sol about it, and now here he was, worried he’d break the others too. Shouldn’t he apply what he preaches? What a hypocrite. And yet he felt that it wasn’t the same. What he had said to Sol was right. You didn’t need to trust someone to work with them, you teamed up and tried to get alive out of it. If they chose to toss their lives for others, well tough luck. It’s every man for himself out there. No one cares about noble actions unless it helps their reputation.
However the same couldn’t be said about the Serenity and her crew. They were above all, a family. A very diverse, dysfunctional one but still, a tight family. A family he wants to belong to. And in a family, trust is the one thing you don’t shatter. Even if they were to accept him, it was too much trouble carrying a wanted man on board. They would be in constant danger because of him. Sid could not have them risk their lives for him. He didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t worth it.
He sighs, throwing the cigarette butt across the storage. His mind drifting back to his drunk conversation with Kinam about the wishes. It had been fascinating hearing from everyone what they all wanted. It revealed what was truly important to the person, at least at that moment. A lot of the answers were vague and dismissive and Sid could relate to that after all, it was something personal. It couldn’t be shared with just anyone. And yet he still wanted to know. Not just out of curiosity but also as an inspiration.
Sid had absolutely no idea what to ask for. All he wanted was impossible. He had long resigned himself to the fact that sooner or later, he’d have to stop running. There was nothing that could be done for him, it was his word against the world and he was powerless. No one would take his side, and even if they did, it hardly mattered. He had still killed two people, two feds. It was a bleak future, but it was his and he could only run from it for so long.
Laying back down, he stares at the metal ceiling picturing what he could be already missing. He imagines the so famous red line slowly slicing the sky, leaving a trail of black emptiness as the tail dies. Somewhere in the back of his head Kinam is laughing saying comets don’t work like that. But Sid doesn’t focus on it, instead, he makes his wish.
“Just take me anywhere...”
It was far more doable. Surely Yue Lau could work its strings and grant him that.
“Anywhere... anywhere with them. That’s all I want.”
His speech is slurred but he is sure he said the right words. One last trip. One last trip so he could make up his mind and decide on what to do. But it had to be with all of them. Even the ones that itch Sid’s temper. Smiling, he runs his hands through his face, trying to keep a giddy laugh from escaping.
Although their last exchange had ended in a bitter taste, Sid had hoped that it hadn’t changed their status quo. Fortunately, Sol seemed to be on the same mind as him, as he laughed at his own lame pun with his name. For Sid it was easier being around the other now. They weren’t friends yet but they weren’t enemies either, it was a weird limbo that could be easily overthrown by the wrong words but they were handling it well.
That was until Sol decided to get handsy with him. Sid wasn’t sober, but he certainly wasn’t drunk enough to not get alarmed by Sol’s sudden proximity. His attention had already been on the engineer but now it was all Sid could look at. The others words only confused him more, making him wonder if Sol had had feelings for him this whole time and it had all gone completely over his head.
“Wha-What!?” He didn’t mean to sound so disgusted, or maybe he did. He wasn’t sure at this point. The whole situation was too much for his mind to handle at the moment. “What confession? You have feelings for me or something? Is that it?”
He downs the shot so quickly, one would think he was trying to get courage for something. He wasn’t of course, and he was sure that Sol knew too. Sid prided himself in his unforgiving honesty despite his current fugitive status. He might lie about his life, but never about his actions and much less about his thoughts. He didn’t need an extra push, for anything.
Hitting the glass on the table, Sid sighs before looking at the engineer next to him. It was the first time the two of them were actually attempting to have a truce and they were somewhat succeeding. The alcohol had certainly been an aid to lessen the tension that still lingered between them.
“Wow, who are you and what have you done with Sol?” He laughs at the others reaction, holding him by the shoulder to make sure he stays in place. “ Easy now, I’m just messin’.”
Sid gives some time for the other to settle before finally answering his question. His tone going from light to serious. “I don’t know man… I don’t even know if I’m going to remember any of this tomorrow.” It would have been better to leave it at that. Despite everything, it was still too early to tell anything. For all he knows Sol could suddenly change his mind and hate him again. Still, he decides to entertain the idea.
“Maybe…Yeah, I think-I think maybe, if things had gone a little differently.” He doesn’t finish the thought. It’s pointless to waste time dwelling on what-if’s and he can already feel the possible sigh from the other. Instead, he knocks their two empty cups.
🍸 What about you? Are you gonna wish for something?
Send 🍸 for a drunk answer_Still Accepting!
He reaches over for the bottle, filling Mina’s cup before answering anything. The both of them had been at it for a while now and it was a wonder how they were still managing to do anything but sleep at this point. The Serenity was a mix of music, noise and a lot of red, all of it happening within a safe distance from the comets route. At least he hoped they still were. The captain better had not changed his mind after the scold Sid had given him. Sometimes he wonders why people listen to that guy when there’s someone like Mina around. But then again, his opinion is biased.
“I’m just like you. It’s really pointless, isn’t it?”
Looking over at the top of Mina’s head over his shoulder, Sid can’t help but notice something odd. For the first time in a long time, he felt completely and utterly safe. The weight on his shoulder wasn’t just some person he didn’t mind, Mina at some point had become the embodiment of safety for him. She was the reason he was here, the person who took him in without question. Someone who trusted him when he himself wouldn’t.
Mina had a lot of guts. She could be risking her whole world by bringing him in. For all, she knew he was just someone that had a bounty on his head. He wondered if she knew she had brought a murderer aboard. He wondered what she would do if she knew but the thought was quickly thrown off before it could take root.
“Actually… if I were to wish for something” He rests his head over hers, lazily mixing the drink in his cup. “I’d wish I could stay here…with you…with everyone.”
He raises a brow at the others bluntness. Sure he has seen Ephraim been a little mad before after all Sid usually baited him for such. However, this was the first time that the cook was completely raw with him. His words were so punctuated, Sid had to look twice just to be certain it was still Ephraim’s face and not Jaewon’s.
“Gorram...”
Deeming that Ephraim needed a little more drink, he slides his own cup to the other. It was a small gesture of comfort that would probably get brushed off, yet that didn’t mean it didn’t have any second intentions. Sid wanted to know more about what had brought Ephraim into such a state. It was fascinating.
“That’s some heavy stuff...Why do you think you’re dreaming that?”
There was no way around the bush when it comes to Jiyong. He didn’t think the other would appreciate vagueness, he certainly didn’t.
“We think alike, most of the times. I like that.” It was like seeing his own ideas in motion, what Sid often thought of doing, Jiyong had done it, in style. She was all Sid hoped to be. Strong, feared and determined. She was a force to be reckoned with and he was lucky to have her by his side, even if it was just until she got bored of him.
Maybe he was feeling brave, maybe it was just the alcohol that had made him an idiot but he still leans over, pulling the mercenary into a hug. It was awkward, and unusual for the both of them, but he still wanted to do it. Sid really appreciated Jiyong and her kindness for taking him under her wing. Hopefully, the gesture would convey the feeling.
Sid hums, resting his head on his hand. His mind drifting back to Higgin’s and their little adventure. Although the trip had been nothing but devasting to him, he still can’t help but look back somewhat fondly. Sure it had woken some of his worst fears and insecurities, along with the painful reminder of just how little his life mattered, but he had also gotten some closure out of it. It was easier to live now, easier to hate that moon and its people, rich and poor alike.
His finger taps the rim of the glass as he recalls their escape. He had to admit Sully was quick on his feet when he wanted. Sid hadn’t even seen the feds before he was pulled in by the other into a kiss. He recalled being mostly confused but he still tagged along. It had been worth for the soft feeling of plump lips and Sully’s completely flustered face along with his shaky explanation. He smiles teasingly, turning to the steward.
“Yeah, I did.”
Back then he didn’t have the notion, perhaps even now he still doesn’t. Yet it doesn’t matter anymore. “And you did too…at least that’s what I recall, princess.” He jokes.
🍸 Who's your favorite Engineer?...I know this is technically cheating but I'm needy
Send 🍸 for a drunk answer_Still Accepting!
Sid just deadpans at the girl before sighing and taking a final swing at his drink. Audrey was an idiot if she still wondered who was his favorite. It was clear as day, especially when he went down to visit the mechanic trio. He had half a mind to dismiss her but after their early encounter, he knew she needed the boost. “You’re really annoying...” Reaching forward, he flicks her forehead before ruffling her messy locks. “Of course it’s you! I mean, you could have already taken care of Henry’s machine, but still... You’re my favorite any day.” He leans back with a triumphant smirk, feeling like he just accomplished something.
🍸+ would you disarm that electric shock robot if i asked nicely? this is me asking nicely, by the way.
Send 🍸 for a drunk answer_Still Accepting!
Sid lifts his head, completely confused by Henry’s request. “What?” It took some time before the words sunk in and he laughs about it. “The one you built to zap me?” There’s a whole irony going on and Sid can’t help but be amused by it. Still, he’s in good spirits and he admits, he had it coming. Scoffing, he rises while rolling up his sleeves. “Bring it!”
He furrows his brows, eyeing the paper as if it offends him. And it probably would have, if he could understand anything that was written on it. It was already hard for him to read on regular basis, even worse when he’s completely hammered. He could recognize one or two words but eventually, he just shrugs, folding the paper into his pocket so he can go back to drinking. He’ll ask Sullivan about it later.
