Headcannon and drabbles #4: Merlin’s garden
So one of my favourite headcannons that has ever slapped me in the face in the middle of the night when I’ve been trying to sleep, is that Merlin keeps a garden. Just a bit further down the corridor from Gaius’s quarters and then through a door on your left there is a small courtyard, abandoned and overgrown. Merlin asks about it, and Gaius tells him it hasn’t been used for decades. Merlin makes it his own.
There are many reasons I like to think he would do this, the most logical being for survival reasons. Pretty much everyone in the canonical era bbc’s Merlin is set in would keep a garden of their own, because the output of farms was often unreliable and most common people didn’t get paid enough to put food on the table anyway.
But I think the most compelling reason that Merlin would keep a garden is because so much shit has gone down, so many lives taken, so many tears shed, there is so much noise in his head, so much weight on his shoulders, so much blood on his hands- and the poor boy just needs somewhere that is entirely safe. A place to be calm and quiet. Something he can nurture and love. So he can let himself heal. But he can’t help that he is such a sympathetic soul, and he learns to recognise pain in the eyes of the people he loves and cares for as well, and so eventually he starts allowing a select few others access to his garden so they can heal too. (this is going to be long)
It starts with just a few herbs.
After just moving in with Gaius, he’s often tired by his frantic daily routine- so different from life in Ealdor- and he doesn’t always have the energy to go all the way out to the forest to search for things Gauis needs. So his garden starts with a small patch of herbs
And then over the year he becomes more and more invested in his little space- starts to pour his soul into it. He plants fruit trees and berry bushes and uses his magic to make them grow as big as they would be after years in only a matter of minutes
He brings roses and manipulates them to climb up the walls and hang over head in a great canopy of ever-blooming flowers
He draws a few symbols around the walls of the garden, silencing charms and warming spells, so it is always peaceful and it is always summer in his garden
Most days he will out there for at least an hour
Mostly he just cares for and works in the garden, as a kind of therapy. He’s always got something to plant or prune or pick.
But sometimes, when the world becomes too much, he just goes and lays in the soft patch of grass beneath the fruit trees and stares at the sky. He eyes the millions of stars shining through his ceiling of flowers, or lets the sun touch his face through the leaves of the trees. He just lays there until he feels small, and human, and okay again.
Eventually, as he learned to love and trust more people, he learned to trust them with his garden too. He hates seeing the people he loves struggle, so he lets them retreat to his little corner of the world every now and again so they can heal like he has learned to.
On the condition that they don’t tell a soul
Gwen is the first person he ever allowed in, and her eyes had shone in awe at the surplus of beauty in front of her
Through all the rises and falls of their friendship, it is never uncommon for Gwen to visit Merlin’s garden. She doesn’t even have to be invited anymore. Sometimes she will bring things from her and Elyans’ own garden, fruits and herbs and vegetables that they think he might like, and then helps him plant them wherever there is space.
He returns the favour by supplying them with an all year round supply of fruit
Eventually the invitation extends to other people Merlin has learned to keep dear
Leon will drag his feet into his garden every week or so, and Merlin lets him lay in the soft patch of grass beneath the apple tree and stare at the flowers. He knows how Leon tends to overwork himself, and doesn’t disturb him (except to offer him some calming lavender tea)
Percival will visit on occasion and wordlessly help Merlin pick the fruits that are higher up, or he will tend to the flowers, or pull up weeds. It is startling sometimes to see such a large and intimidating man care for flowers with such a timid touch, but Merlin encourages him. He understands how it feels to be so powerful, but to want to be so gentle.
Lancelot visits often, and enjoys soft-spoken conversations with Merlin as they pick berries. Merlin, being a soft soul himself, recognises a yearning for peace and gentleness in the man. They only discuss kind topics in his garden. Never death. Never loss. He asks Lance if he should plant mint or lavender next to the lilies and Lance smilingly tells him; neither, it should be rosemary.
Gwaine comes for company, but not always that of Merlin. He recognises a deep and profound type of loneliness in Gwaine that, when he’s not laughing and yelling and telling jokes and stories, eats him up from inside. Gwaine comes for the silent and unassuming company of the bees in the flowers and for the warm air on his face after he’s woken up crying.
Arthur is the last to find out
He sometimes can’t find Merlin for hours at a time. Everyone he asks gives him an apologetic look that tells him that they are about to lie to his face, before saying “I don’t know where he is”, or even more infuriating “I can’t tell you”
But one day Elyan isn’t quite careful enough to check he isn’t being followed when he goes to find Merlin with two baskets of strawberries (some to eat, some to plant)
Arthur follows him right to the garden and peaks in from just inside the doorway, about to jump out and say “gotcha!” and tell Merlin he’ll be in the stocks for a week
But as soon as he sees the garden, he understands
The sun filters through the leaves and flowers and creates swirling patterns of dappled shade sprawling across the grass
Birds nestle and strut around the place, completely undisturbed and even a bit affectionate of his manservant’s presence
And in the middle of it all Merlin is picking fruits with an air of complete calm and serenity
Merlin notices him and freezes what he’s doing, the golden sun setting a haze over his face seems to suddenly dim a bit, and Arthur’s heart drops to his boots when he sees he wears an expression of mourning
In that moment Arthur decides that it’s important to both of them that Merlin has this place of rest, and swears to never bring any trouble or unkind words with him when he visits
“Do you need help picking those apples?” he offers in a unguarded tone
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