Lady’s Diary

I just want to share my views anonymously.

[t-macks]

I love me in a black bra and a black pant any day, any time. I looked tooo sexy.

[t-macks]

I don’t want to be bipolar because I can imagine how difficult it can be to wanting to be the best person, but your personality is determined by something you can’t control. But I am like this. I want to be your best Buddy, but I find it difficult playing the role of a best buddy. I struggle so hard to even chat or return a call. People think I do these things intentionally and I really like to stay away. Hell no, I want to party, gossip, gist, do crazy things, want people to like me, have relationships, post pictures but nope I struggle to do this. I am missing you like mad, but i can’t explain why it takes the greatest strong will to call you. Why is responding to a WhatsApp message so difficult, when that is what I really want to do. I can’t be the only one like this in this world. I don’t like it. Everyone struggles and has their own struggles but this is a whole lot and I am constantly making sure that I don’t fall into that thin line of depression. Who adds anxiety to it? Panic attacks? Fear of everything and anything? ME

[t-macks]

Is it weird that i want a secret boyfriend. Someone who is like my spec spec. Someone who won’t interfere with my marriage. I love my husband so much, way too much than I like but damn I am proud I love him. But I still want someone secretly. My exposure is shitty

[t-macks]

I just completed a movie right now, and for the first time I understand when people say actors play a very important role in bringing a story to life. The story line is cheeky as usual but took a different line, was relatable a bit. However, I felt the actors did not bring it out well or the directors did a poor job. I needed the art to jump out. Nevertheless, I love the movie, the story line and the arguments I had in my head. Kudos to every one the movie.

[t-macks]

I now have a favorite color. Took me 30 years to have one. Damn and I love the color so much. I envied people that could name a Favourite color. I am happy to announce to the world. My colour is Emerald Green. Unable to find the color here. But it is ok.

[t-macks]

Fucking selfish. Concerned only about his growth and happiness. Worse human to get married to

[t-macks]

OMO, if I can bring myself up alone without any humanity from this motherfucker. Damn I am then done with this shitty marriage

[t-macks]

Bored bored bored. Never marry if you can. Just have kids and flex around.

[t-macks]

Na person wey get man wey dey get jealous on top am. Some of us na log of wood, make we get 50 boyfriends, knack 200 men. Go on my dear. You no dey important enough to be cherished. Make everybody they use You dey go. Heaven help us

[t-macks]

Werey po ni ilu yi. Bawo ni eleyi shey joko ninu moto ero bi pe île baba e lowo. Ara e o bale rara. Oga ooo

[t-macks]

So I told my sugar daddy no more. Is it a crime that I want him to care more rather than sexual discussions. I am an all round girl. And I do not wish to explain further. I can move on, he is not permanent. He doesn’t care, he only wants to satisfy his hormones. Nope nope nope

[t-macks]

I am so becoming a new person. I am going to become more outspoken. I will show more dominance than have it all sitting in my head. I will do meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Damn

[t-macks]

I learnt a new quote today and I am so applying it in my daily life henceforth. “Make it till you become it”. Like that is what most of the people in leadership positions do. They fake it and fake it and fake it, acts as the leaders and boom decision makers till they are the best to lead the department cos they exhibit the character .

[t-macks]

So why do I find it funny when parents tell their kids “good job”. Every time I hear a parent say that line, I would always find it weird. I think it has something to do with being born as a millennial or not. #just my thought

[t-macks]

Am I going crazy again? What triggered the depression again?

I want to be free like a bird and happy.

Why can’t I be?

Why am I these sad?

Why is my soul bleeding?

Is this normal?

I want to scream for help, but I don’t know how to.

I am dying?

I want someone to genuinely ask “ Are you ok?”

F***ing hell, I am far from being ok.

I am shouting for help

[t-macks]

Death is so painful. I miss you everyday and I don’t know if these pain would ever reduce. I see your face everyday and I am broken. I miss you so much daddy.

[t-macks]

I started this new year with so much sadness.

I really don’t know where to begin. But, this is the first time in my life I would have a new year resolution and ensure I see that I achieve it till the very end.

I have so much mixed feelings and i don’t know what truth to believe anymore.

You protected your marriage and husband, you complained people did not protect their husbands, I am doing the same thing and you hate it.

I am never talking about my family to anyone, I pray I don’t regret any part of my marriage but even till the end, I will keep my marriage between my self and my spouse.

I am practicing strict patience and never involving myself in an argument henceforth even with my spouse. I would ensure I don’t force my opinion on people anymore.

I am hurt, I thought over the years people will stop misunderstanding me, but it has become worse. I don’t know what I am doing wrong.

Lastly, I now resonate strongly with many things my father did, it is painful he is no more and I miss him badly.

On this night I was called more names than I have ever being called in my entire life from the person I love the most, because of miscommunication, misunderstanding and lack of proper listening.

I promise to be a better wife and mother to my children, female and male. I promise to be a better listener to my family. Ha ha I forgot, I need to ensure I don’t misinterpret and think of the worse about someone else.

I will make it.