spoon

they/them (5’4) personal safe space <3 sw:210 / cw:202 / gw1:190 / gw2: 160 / gw3: 140 / ugw:125

[t3a-spoon]

i am back 0-0 i really forgot i started this but im kind of rel*psing into my starving tendencies. i was happy and kind of accepted being fat but now its just kind of embarrassing and im regretting not sticking to restricting when i started this acct. this is my complete safe space from friends who know me and dont know abt my sh or ed. woooo posting online where nobody sees ! (confetti) but anyways i started college so ive been kind of depressed bc of that and i dorm with a skinny friend who seems to eat nothing which is kinda why i started restricting again in the first place T~T i wake up to morning skinny and fill up on water a lot of the time since we eat together and she would probably be disgusted to see me binge so i havent binged besides buying chips and some candy. idk this is how my ed started, becoming best friends with someone who didnt seem to eat much bc shes a “picky eater”. ermm no im pretty sure she just has an ed bc once she admitted to starving herself as a form of sh, like girl me too we couldve helped eachother restrict :/ missed opportunity fr. yes ik this is a bad mindset but atleast im self aware in the fact that i need help :P

[t3a-spoon]

Oopsies,, completely forgot about this account and this challenge 😅

I’ll pickup where i left off :3

Day 11:

Fav thinspo blog and why,

i dont really have any that im dedicated to really. 🤷

[t3a-spoon]

Days 9 + 10!

Did people ever make negative comments about your weight,?

My friends were all nice enough to never rlly comment on it :) my mom and family are the ones who make it the main focus of almost every conversation :/

What was the hardest thing you gave up during weight loss?

Hmm it’s probably regular pizza for me. I LOVE pizza but 200+ cals for one slice is too much. i made a flatbread pizza the other day tho, very good still 👍

[t3a-spoon]

Day 7 + 8:

Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight, do they care?

My mom has actually been pushing me to lose weight recently and my dad has always been supporting me being more active!

My workout routine:

• 45-60 mins of just dance

• plank 30sec/1min

• high knees (40)

• mountain climbers (20)

• as many pushups as i can

• 40 squats + 15 weighted

Im also trying to get into running but i have anxiety and im anxious about running around my neighborhood 😅 maybe when i build some more confidence i will but for now maybe ill just jump rope in my backyard instead.

[t3a-spoon]

Day 6! Do you binge?

This is an easy question, i do binge. significantly more than i had 2 years ago. i used to binge with one junk meal and be ashamed. now its grabbing extra food even when i dont want to and forcing myself to eat it. relish in the shame of it. binging feels like a form of self harm to me. im trying to eat more healthy + sustainable meals so i wont be tempted to binge :) im also going to start working my way up to running by doing the couch to 5k program with my sister! im also starting my sport again so im going to push myself to get more in shape to prepare.

[t3a-spoon]

Day 5: I want to lose weight to just be happier. i remember loving the morning skinny and feeling so good about seeing my collar bones and feeling my hips + ribs starting to poke out more. I guess im not just doing it for me necessarily though because i also just want my mom to stop fatsh*ming me :( she makes such nasty comments about me, to me. i just want her to think im skinny again.

[t3a-spoon]

Grouping the day i missed + adding todays!

3. a pic of my thinspo!

Two different images but her jawline is very sharp. The scnd ones arms are v thin and her jeans still look a little big on her :O

4. Fears on weightloss,,

my biggest fear on losing the weight again is loose skin 😬 i know rapid loss leads to excess skin since there’s relatively little time for the skin to re-adhere to the muscle. Im hoping it will eventually tho since im still young :)

[t3a-spoon]

I try to be active here w updates and everything on my journey! I couldn’t for the past 2 days since i was in the hospital :| I was very dehydrated and starving LMAO. they had asked if i was skipping meals (bc i had passed out) and i needed an iv of fluids and 2 bloodwork panels. My bp was 83 compared to a normal range of around 120! That is a significant gap! Please make sure you are staying hydrated!!!! its very important to be drinking AT LEAST half of your bodyweight everyday! stay safe everyone:)

[t3a-spoon]

Day 2!

Im 5’3, i used to be okay with my height but now i wouldn’t mind being a couple inches taller. itd make my torso longer <3 also help achieve androgyny better bc the dysphoria i get from being trans but being seen as omg 🥺 so short and small, such a lil g*rl makes me want to kms.

[t3a-spoon]

Calorie Log 6/1:

Breakfast- 130

Lunch- 402

Dinner- 965 :(

Total - 1497

I binged today :(( ive been eating around ~800 cal so far but with the difference in how i used to eat to now of course i was going to binge. I had to make baked apples for my cooking course and those are 240 each and i finished one + my aunt bought pizza so i had a slice 250 and then my stomach was growling so i had veggie and tofu stir fry :/ i feel so ashamed, im going to restrict more tomorrow. aiming for 300 cal (minus the cals from meta mucil). I have my second covid dose tomorrow so ill have to eat something before then.

[t3a-spoon]

~180 cal vegetarian sushi roll!

- 1/2 cup cooked white rice / 103 cal

- 1 nori sheet / 5 cal

- 1 tsp sushi vinegar / 8 cals

- 1 tbsp shredded carrots / 4 cal

- 1 lettuce leaf / 0 cal

- 1/4 c chickpeas / 60 cal

Directions:

Take 1/2 cup of rice (you could use less for reduced cal but i found that its a good amt of rice) and add the sushi vinegar. Lay out your nori sheet and spread the rice, leaving about an inch of space to seal the roll. Add your mashed chickpeas (I toasted mine with some salt, pepper, and cayenne powder for more flavor. 0 cals) to the beginning half of the rice, layer on the carrot, and add the lettuce leaf on the top. Grab the side facing you and roll it over the carrots or about halfway onto the lettuce. Continue rolling it, keeping it tight. Once you reach the end add some water to your fingertips and seal the end to the roll. And you’re done!

Its very filling and easy to make. You can cut it up like regular sushi or you can just slice it in half and eat it! Stay safe! -spoon

[t3a-spoon]

Day 1! Stats:

Highest-210

lowest-139

cw-209

gw1:190

gw2: 160

gw3: 140

ugw:125

Ik my lowest isnt that low :( but ive been overweight/midsize since I was a kid. So even getting below 160 was something i hadnt done. ready to get back to that and lower.

[t3a-spoon]

saw this floating around and will start tomorrow for a fresh month !

[t3a-spoon]

calorie intake 5/31:

breakfast-316

lunch-332

dinner-skipped (?)

i hit 808 calories from food + meta mucil i had to drink (also drank part of a monster, not counting). hoping i can skip dinner and just go to bed early. over 800cal but im going to workout which should even everything out (workout burns ~200) which means i would be at 608! :D very proud of myself for today. might double my workout in case i HAVE to eat dinner. stay safe <3

[t3a-spoon]

currently r3lapsing, dont know how i let myself get this out of control :,( i gained over 55lb and i feel d i s g u s t i n g. starting to restrict again so that hopefully by august ill have dropped atleast half of that. current cal goal is around 600-800 trying to atleast not go iver 1000! going to track all june and see how it goes. water water water, drinking my cals is how i lost weight before !