better left unsaid

written by mack :^)

[cotiere]

affirmative on all counts, every vulnerability shown thus far having been reserved for the space within these four walls. it's foolish of maverick to think otherwise, it's foolish of stefan to think he wouldn't. an arrangement destined to blow up in their faces, now reaching its limit, pushing back against every boundary set. with irritation prickling at stefan's skin, it renders his sense useless, smothered somewhere beneath this onslaught of stimuli. from accusations (true) thrown to a volatile personality to this threat of what he'd once thought safe… he scoffs, voice biting.

 〝 you think? 〞

[taccnda]

he can't help the surprised laugh that escapes him. "holy fuck." he knows it's silly to be upset, that he shouldn't have expected as much as he did, but it's hard. how do you not want more after spending hours tucked up in bed beside someone ? spent nights waiting for him to come home ? "what is it ? more worried about being a fag ? or worried that you're a fag for me ? "

[cotiere]

emotions unregulated, everything feels both like the beginning and the end of the world. dejection overwhelming, love choking her out. prepared to deal with his perceived dismissal on her own (not at all), mj doesn't foresee the following acceptance. much like he's unlikely to predict the collision of bodies, head against his chest and arms wrapped around tight him. she still might just cry.

 〝 it won't be. i hate them. 〞

it's the most she's revealed about her parents, and it's nothing at all. the words of another deadbeat daughter, ringing true for all those of her kind—underemployed, weed smoking, tattooed and pierced. but she means it. something he's bound to realise after this one dinner.

 〝 thank you. 〞

[taccnda]

hatred is a big word, one jump knows well, though he'd never say he hates his parents. he can't imagine his and mj's future holidays. jump is sure it would be better just them. maybe after his residency he could convince her to travel with him, christmas spent in a resort without a tree. he gives her a squeeze, mind already past the idea of their dinner coming up in only a few hours. he supposes he should think about the now, and what he was about to walk into. "what should i know about them ? "

[cotiere]

it's wishful thinking to believe he'd handle this any other way under different circumstances. still its what he tells himself. another day, another mood, another anything, and he might muster enough empathy to deserve the relationship in question. stefan doesn't, he never will. fewer eyes on them prolongs the inevitable. makes him seem less of a caged animal, too. maverick's cornering him now. perhaps not deliberately but facts have little effect on what he can feel.

 〝 yeah, 〞 he responds, spitefully insincere. the thought of it, as if a small fib would cause it to materialise, aggravating in ways he cannot describe. something akin to jealousy albeit more defeatist, apathetic almost. 〝 makes no difference to me. 〞

[taccnda]

"yeah, right," maverick nods, holding back a scoff. he pinches his bottom lip between his forefinger and his thumb, considering his next move. maybe he should have thought ahead, figured out how NOT DOWN stefan would be for something like this. maverick never liked pda, he didn't want to kiss him in front of everyone at the bar, but shit, he wanted to share something he was proud of. "this all just embarrasses you, yeah ? sleeping with a guy ? sleeping with me ? "

[lcgcndary]

“   surprising and stefan never mix well, its like mixing oil and water  —  he’s a walking bore,   ”   a brief pause.   “   not an insult, more a necessity. not sure the world could handle two hyperactive cowells.   ”   nor the dramatics, lottie had enough for the two of them. arm links easily, comfort and ease interlaced. feet fall into the pace provided, head moving to lean against mav’s shoulder for a moment, basking in the sunlight.   “   that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me  —  some would say i’m high maintenance but fuck them, right?   ”

[taccnda]

"yeah, well, your brother always thought i asked too many questions, so fuck them forreal." maverick grins, dropping his head, walking by her side. it's always been easy with lottie. he liked that about their relationship. he didn't want to ruin anything, so maybe stefan was right in his thinking. "sorry—i mean if you hate me saying that about him."

[cotiere]

it's encouraging although encouragement isn't what she needs. it's too soon. two years into the relationship, one year into living together—what's the timeline for these things anyway? a reminder of the conversation had with sienna, and she again wishes she had her mother to ask.

 〝 pretty sure that'd just freak him out. 〞 absolutely certain being more like it, and the fact conjures anxieties of her own. she pivots. 〝 daddy maverick. sounds to me like you should be getting one for yourself. 〞

[taccnda]

he hates the conversation being back on himself, stefan just on the edge of his mind, but he can't help but push her a little further. maverick wants to know what sawyer thinks is best for him. "you think i need a 'daddy' ? "

[cotiere]

good news. a muscle twitch, his jaw clenched–he all but winces in response. a phrase so innocently put and stefan takes it like a punch in the gut.

another reminder of who they were before, to each other and otherwise. a man unmoved and the thorn in his side. had it been anyone else, anyone other than maverick, it would've been less of a humiliation ritual to profess.

he should've come to terms with it already. thought he had, too. gay, sure. if he has to be. but this: rolled over with a belly exposed, like a fixed mutt. like a decade ago he hadn't almost swung at the implication. they wouldn't be here if he had.

 〝 then tell them you've moved on. leave me out of it. 〞

[taccnda]

a small, defeated sigh escapes him before he can stop it. it's not that he's mad at stefan, he understands where he's coming from, he just wishes it wasn't such a hostile confrontation every time. it's different for maverick, of course, out since high school, very obviously in love with stefan the whole time, but he knows there's a reason they hardly ever leave the apartment. he wouldn't ever break stefan's trust like that, but in turn, he feels like he's lying to his own people. this big thing of his behind closed curtains. "so you want me to tell them i'm dating some old guy from school or something ? " it comes out with a bit more bite than he means for it to, but it seems like a dumb idea neither of them would ACTUALLY want.

[cursedshores]

" there's no reason to id me every time, jean-paul. " said ava. she had decided she would refuse to call him jump, even in her mind, because it was a stupid name for a grown man and she had no respect for him even if it was a cool nickname, which it was not. " i've been to the cockpit a million times. you know who i am. " at that, she was a creature of habit. she made the same penis joke about the bar, she ordered the same two things that did not taste like alcohol, she complained about the music that played but never requested anything or put money in the machine. " every bartender on tv knows their regulars. even i've heard of cheers. " plus, she had been here with his girlfriend before. @taccnda

[taccnda]

"if you look under 30, i've got to id you, that's how it goes." jump is sure stefan wouldn't mind, but it's a little fun to poke at ava. if mj told him to stop, he would, but she hasn't yet, so what's the harm in doing his job correctly ? "make yourself look a little older and i'll stop. tanning salon, maybe" he remembers dealing with patients who looked ten years older than they really were all due to a little too much time in the sun. if she really wanted to look older, she would take his advice.

[cotiere]

maverick's best friend, he sees coming, but his own sister? heat rises to hollowed cheeks, and his chest tightens. the next question out his mouth both idiotic and telling at once, connection between brain and mouth teetering on severed.

 〝 why, 〞 curt, arms folded.〝 how's that any of their business? 〞

[taccnda]

"i don't know," he says, feeling smaller already. "because we like to talk about things going on in our lives and mostly i get the feeling they just want me to move on from... y'know... my crush. wouldn't be so bad to go back to them with some good news."

[cotiere]

 〝 i didn't mean actually— 〞 never mind, she decides. saving explanations on hyperbole for a later date.〝 i've never brought somebody home before, and like yeah, they're assholes, but … 〞 but she wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, and she wouldn't ask him if he wasn't, either. 〝 it's whatever, i'll just come up with something else. 〞

[taccnda]

eating his protein bar, he nodded, listening to her words. leaning down, he kissed the top of her head, ignorant to her worries. he hadn't met someone's parents before either. unless his own parents came to visit, mj wouldn't be meeting them until their wedding day—if that were to come. he supposed this wasn't the time to ask about their future. "it'll be good," he says, confident. "in and out and on my best behaviour."

[cursedshores]

" you know what? i can respect it. i think assuming everyone else is good makes you, well, delusional. but there's something admirable in taking the onus upon yourself. do unto others even if you know they won't do unto- however it goes. i don't think that's half-bad for someone who hasn't cracked open a bible since they were nine. "

[taccnda]

"y'know, if you ever wanted to get back into it you could come to church with me."

[cursedshores]

" well, i'll be honest and say that i don't think i can conjure a single memory that was an act of teenage rebellion, so i can't judge you too much for keeping to that. but had i not been allowed to watch pg-13 movies i might as well have started off on my journey as one of the girls from thirteen. which... definitely not having you watch. i mean, how sheltered were you? homeschooled? because that's how they really deprive you. i mean, even the laziest public schools will put on amelie to push along a lazy french class. are we talking just G rated? have you never even seen jaws?! "

[taccnda]

"i went to a smaller christian school in my community. i did go to a public high school, though." he definitely hasn't seen jaws, he rubs his chin in embarassment of it all. he knows it's silly. all of that was most of the reason why he moved away. "...have you ever seen veggie tales ? "

[cotiere]

uncharacteristically, he stifles something between a scoff and a groan. but with his poker face not quite as controlled, features out him as nonplussed all the same.

 〝 ... seriously? 〞

[taccnda]

a smile cracks his face and jackson has to look down at the ground to hide his snicker. he shouldn't be laughing about it, what he's saying is what he believes to be true, but he still can't be serious with juli's reaction. "what ? not what you wanted to hear ? "

[cotiere]

 〝 i'm not gonna fucking talk your ear off about shit you don't ask me about. 〞 @taccnda

[taccnda]

"i just—i want to know if i'm allowed to mention this," he motions between the two of them, eyes anywhere below stefan's shoulders, "to sawyer. or like, your sister. they're my friends, stef."

[cotiere]

 〝 trust me, they're fine with it. they're doing this be assholes. 〞 it comes off melodramatic but anyone who's spent more than ten minutes with her parents would be able to corroborate. the pearce's nothing if not manipulative, and they haven't even got the decency to pretend otherwise. 〝 it sucks, but we'll be in and out. i just need like, two minutes alone upstairs. five, tops. all you gotta do is eat rachel's shitty meatloaf and i don't know, impress them with some medical jargon. 〞

[taccnda]

he thinks for a moment, pauses, and tilts his head like a curious dog, thinking about the situation at hand. he's not a fan of meatloaf in the first place and— "most people don't like talking about medicine at the dinner table, m. i'm not sure how i could start that conversation."

[cotiere]

 〝 i would rather do nothing for the rest of my life than have my name attached to something mediocre. your integrity is all that matters. 〞  @taccnda

[taccnda]

"what you think is mediocre might not be the same to someone else. god makes us all great in our own ways."

[cursedshores]

" i do get off my shift soon. and i am always happy to help a fellow cinephile out. or in this instance, cinephile in training. are you interested in building up a resistance to some more... controversial thematic elements? or are you really committed to only watch g-rated stuff? you're limiting yourself pretty severely. art is meant to provoke. "

[taccnda]

"i could be open to some experimentation, but not today. then all that hubaloo about the free popcorn might not have been worth it. i wasn't really allowed to watch popular movies when i was younger anyway, so... probably missing out on some of those."

[cursedshores]

" yeah? what's your philosophy? faith, trust and pixie dust? "

[taccnda]

"'be good anyway'." he shrugs, sheepish. "simple, but... always a good reminder."