“May the invisible man stay young forever…in memory of the person TOP is today”
This was the header you chose for FROM TOP. You seem to be obsessed about marking ages and stages, and with you there is respect of change and fragility of memory, and you make us explicitly aware of this. Everytime you get interviewed about taking on projects, you always give a reason for choosing it something to the extent that, your best could only be so given the strengths of your certain age now. Your favorite piece from the exhibition showed clearly that you know how in the future you keep moving on towards a variety of selves, some you will never know. And yet you celebrate this uncertainty with courage and excitement by having it framed. There is something touching about this image of your future as a variety of selves, in contrast with the you who is looking and the tension between them, which we know you respect and appreciate. As you say:
“I sometimes get presented as more than I am, fancier than I am. But really, there’s nothing to me and trying to come to my senses in all that confusion, I think that’s the truth inside me. I’m always new to myself, and I am part of the world where I have to feel that way.”
We can’t profess to understand you at all, or sometimes even make you intelligible, because you seem to be always doing things that are beyond us fans, and your mind and interests inhabit a different world which is foreign to most of us. I think that is one of the things that is so addicting about you, the thrill and delight of surprises we can expect from you that comes from this huge gap of understanding. We know that you insist upon your sense of “naturalness”, in which you only do things when they feel authentic and genuine to you. This would entail some disadvantages as an artist, but you stand your ground, and it makes you more admirable, to us, and to people around you.
You are strong and firm, and you have professed yourself a coward–you have, several times. But that can only happen if you recognize and face up to opportunities and situations where you need to be strong and exercise courage. We know you have gone through a lot of these. As you say, “like most people, everyday is a challenge for me.” We can only get glimpses of how strong your soul is, and how openhearted you are but what we see leaves us in awe and a deeper admiration of what you are as a person.
I’ve seen people use the euphemism “not the sharpest tool in the shed” for you several times. They don’t seem to think that your intelligence is exceptional like we do, and how unexpectedly and delightfully intelligent you are. You have bodily intelligence since the way you move across space can never be paralleled by anyone, it is only peculiar to you. And yet you can never be judged normatively a good dancer. But it is such a delight to watch you move in such a unique way, so different from the others, in a way which you totally own. You are interpersonally intelligent, as you just seem to charm people around you and interest them in many ways . You try to make others laugh so much and they appreciate that about you. Even as fans, in the rare opportunities you’ve talked to us, we know how charming and endearing you could be. As much as your jokes are lame, we can recognise that you are quick and witty and have a knack for humor. You’re really funny (sometimes). You are existentially intelligent. You have so much depth in you and you recognise how precious and fragile life is. You stay quiet but when we read your interviews, we know how much you think about your life and reflect upon yourself. You always seem to be thinking ahead. Moreover, you have such a respect for emotion that is admirable together with your respect for deep and serious thought (which you don’t take lightly), and we can sometimes sense how much emotional energy is within you, moreso than most of us people usually have.You seem to value curiosity, dignity, authenticity and openmindedness as virtues you try to develop throughout your life. Even to us fans, you are so mind-boggling, what else to other people who don’t even take the chance to appreciate you and understand you? They dismiss your intelligence as beneath them because you are so different and they can’t understand you.
There is still so so much to appreciate about you. As something which is always true about people who you feel close to and whom you love—if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. Happy Birthday Choi Seunghyun.
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