Battinson Bruce, grappling around Gotham after the flood, helping people, generally being a Very Nice Bat: *spots something splashing in the water near City Hall*
Bruce: *Swoops over to the splashing creature, accidentally overshoots his landing, belly flops into the water.*
Bruce: blllargle!! *splashes to the surface, glancing around* oh.
Bruce: Do you want to come with me?
Dog: *paddles over to Bruce and leans on him*
Bruce: How do I get out of here.
Alfred, seeing a drenched Bruce seated criss-cross on the ground wearing a pair of oversized sweatpants, eye makeup running down to his neck, and holding a block of cheddar cheese: I see everything is status quo down here.
Alfred: Is something wrong? I brought you a PB&J.
Bruce: I found a friend today Alfred.
Alfred: …Alright. Who are they?
Bruce: *shines his flashlight under the Batmobile, where a soaked dog is huddled with only its face poking out*
Alfred, setting the sandwich down on the desk: I’m not taking care of the dog, Bruce.
Alfred, a few days later: So what’s his name?
Alfred: The dog. Does he have a name?
Bruce: the dog’s name is Alfred
Alfred, slightly offended: Okay. Why?
Bruce, pulling his hoodie up: icareabouthim
Alfred, gently: You can’t name the stray dog after me, Bruce.
Alfred, hauling a tray of steak, potatoes, and garlic bread down to the cave: I’m so pleased you asked me for a real meal. Turn your music down, please.
Bruce, eyes glued to his computer: *slowly reaches over to turn Evanescence down*
Alfred: Thank you. Here we go. Enjoy your—
Bruce: *delicately places the garlic bread into his mouth and slides the plate with the remaining food onto the ground*
Ace the renamed dog: *runs over and begins to chow down*
Bruce: thank you Alfred. can we have eggs and sausage in the morning
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