Everyone knew the story: Once upon a time, humanity ruled the earth, but our self-destructive nature led to disaster. Climate crisis, war, disease, and radioactive dead zones killed enough of us to threaten extinction. But then, in our bleakest hour, the Fae stepped out of legend and into Southern California.
Their magic cleansed the land, calmed the skies, and protected us from our own worst impulses. We showed our gratitude with obedience and, once every seven years, by surrendering an innocent life.
Cassian thought the story was bullshit.
Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence (see work tags for more details)
Characters: human!K-2SO, Cassian Andor, the rest of the R1 crew including some minor characters, a few Andor character cameos, assorted Imperials
Pairings: Cassian Andor/K-2SO
When I Started: September of 2019
How I Lost My Shit: My kid needing lots of my time and energy, basically.
How I Finished My Shit: Got the kid stabilized, drew boundaries around my spoons, and then I joined this challenge to kick my ass into FINALLY finishing this. The promise of art helped a lot, too!
They walked side by side together to her apartment, a heavy silence and a measured distance hanging between them. Ichigo and Orihime parted ways with the others upon arriving back in Karakura Town, Chad and Uryu both having read the mood and politely excusing themselves to give them some much appreciated privacy. From his periphery, Ichigo noticed Orihime tense, holding back a shiver against the chilly night air. He shrugged out of his suit jacket (Yuzu had insisted on pressing it for the wedding) and wordlessly draped it around her shoulders. The corner of his lips turned upwards when he saw her relax into its warmth, just before her wide honey eyes flickered up to meet his gaze.
“It’s cold out tonight.” he explained, answering her question before she had a chance to voice it. His throat felt dry, and he had to concentrate on his words to ensure his voice wouldn’t catch. Inwardly, he cursed himself for being so nervous.
“Yes, it is.” she agreed, her voice barely above a whisper as she nodded once. She smiled warmly as she looked at him, a light pink dusting her cheekbones. “Thank you.”
“O-Of course.” he said without thinking, the words coming to him more easily than he’d have thought. Ichigo tried not to focus too much on how naturally it came to him; caring for her, that is. Instead he forced himself to breathe in and out, to count each step he took (each one far too many), to ignore how his fingers just barely brushed against hers for the third time as they drifted too close together as they make their way to her home — only for them to pull away sharply, as if burned by drifting too close to one another. Like planets, drawn into one another’s orbit.
He remembered their exchange before stepping into Senkaimon, how he steeled himself to ask her for something he wasn’t quite certain she wanted to give; how he swallowed the thick lump of fear in his throat, and how her quiet, breathless utterance of “There’s no time better than the present, Kurosaki-kun.” sent his heart fluttering, untwisted all the knots in his stomach, and made his face burn with blush. Ichigo had never anticipated her bold reply (and it was bold of her; even as she clasped her hands tightly in front of her heart and stuttered over her words), but it made his heartbeat race in his ears.
How had he quieted his feelings for so long? And if he were to truly believe Renji’s words, how had she?
It's not so difficult now to accept the fact that he's become an itch she can't scratch, that she wants him, despite the alarms blaring in her head and warning her that this is a dangerous enemy she can't fight with a gun or clever wits.
(I wrote another thing! This ship is going to be the end of me ♥)
Summary: Long gone was the Papa she'd met, the one who'd taught her love and joy. Emma learned how to cope with this fact.
Words: 500
Notes: Inspired by Shirow Miwa’s 1960s headcanons; Included a tiny, tiny bit of a previous fic I wrote, Becoming a Family, which is also about Amari and Emma. Just wanted to explore Emma’s character a bit and her feelings and thoughts hehe
ko-fi // You can read this on AO3. Thank you guys so much for reading and I hope you enjoy~! (≧∇≦)/
Papa lost his smile years ago. Though, perhaps that was an exaggeration. He still gave a curl of his lips, a small quirk here and there but those were as fake as the aliases he'd taken on. It'd been so long since Emma had last seen the sight of his true smile that sometimes she wasn't sure if she'd been making up the memories, distorting them to reflect the simpler times of years gone by. Then again, things had never really been simple; she'd just been unaware of everything going on. Papa had left for his fateful mission with the promise of a quick return, but the man who'd came back was merely a shell of whom she remembered, having been robbed of his mobility, his vision, and his smile.
Often, Emma wished she could have her Papa back. The one who carried her in his warm arms, that was, not the one she pushed around in his cold wheelchair. She'd hate for such a tragedy to befall anyone, but sometimes she wondered what would've happened if the torture had happened to someone else. If only she had the power to go back in time to stop it, to protect Papa just like he had for her, but there were some things not even a spy could do.
But just as quickly as those thoughts entered her mind, Emma pushed them out. They were disrespectful to her Papa, she thought, to the Papa who lived on in her memories -- the Papa that took her in after her mother left, with the reassuring smile that told her everything would be all right; the Papa that comforted her when all the changes going on overwhelmed her, with the warm smile that lulled the nightmares away; the Papa that taught her to stand tall and live on, with the brilliant smile that gave her a new world.
"Your Mama would be sad if she saw you frowning like that, wouldn't she? " She remembered the words Papa had told her so long ago, so soon after their first meeting. "So can you smile? Smile for your Mama? "
And Emma would smile. This time, for her Papa.
A smile could go a long way, he'd told her; a smile was one's rebellion against the cruelties of the world. She'd learned to smile again despite her losses -- the loss of her father, the loss of her mother, the loss of her old home -- and if she'd managed it before as a child, she could do it again as a woman. The Papa who sat in front of her may be the remains of the Papa filled with love and joy, but she would not falter in front of his blank gazes, his lukewarm touches, nor his empty smiles.
Her smile was probably not as brilliant nor as warm as the one Papa once wore, but that was enough for now. If her Papa could not smile, then Emma would continue smiling for the both of them.
Summary: There was no family Veronica had left, save for the exiled prince -- an older brother. Often she wondered what it was like to have a sibling.
Words: 480
Notes: Just a little ficlet I’d written a while ago that I thought would be nice to post in light of Veronica earning 2nd place in CYL haha. This is largely my headcanon on Veronica and Zachabruno’s relationship, which I feel like is pretty complicated given their circumstances haha
ko-fi // You can read this on AO3. Thank you guys for reading and I hope you all enjoy~! ー( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
An older brother, Veronica always imagined, was stern yet caring, tough yet protective -- equal parts protector and nurturer. He would pick her up whenever she fell and give her words of encouragement as he wiped the tears from her eyes. Hand-in-hand, he'd teach her the ways of the world and all that he knew, for an older brother was supposed to be wiser and more intelligent. Even more, he'd destroy her enemies in her stead and defend her as she ruled, acting as her right-hand man at all times. As austere as he was, he'd always join her tea parties and lull her to sleep whenever the cold night was too much to bear by herself. He would love her just as family does, and her in return.
Despite not knowing more than his name, Veronica wondered about this brother of hers. She'd only heard rumors of the exiled prince as she grew up, that he was the worthless son of a traitor. Nonetheless, she cared little for them. No matter what Bruno was, he was the only family she had left and a family ought to care for each other. So when he finally returned to court, after years of wishful thinking, Veronica welcomed him with open arms.
But Bruno was not at all how she expected.
He was there, except that he wasn't truly; a half-brother in every aspect of the word "half" -- half-blood, half-present, half-loving. He let her call him "Brother," but he hardly stayed home. He was usually lost in his books or out of the castle, his whereabouts unknown. "I'm looking for something that will cure us," he'd told her, but neither of them were sick. Even if she were, he should be spending all his time with her as that was what a brother should do. Veronica only let him go without much hassle because he stayed for tea, but so often she wished that he, too, was bound by a contract to never leave her side. He patted her head but his touch was lukewarm, and he put his faith in her but his thoughts drifted elsewhere. He smiled at her but it looked so sad, just as sad as the one she saw when she looked in the mirror. Bruno was there. But he wasn't really there with her.
If family ties were as strong as the other Heroes said, then why was she still alone? Love was feeble, love was weak, and seeing the relationship she shared with Bruno only proved that. She had no use for such things, but... still, she clung onto what little they had. Bruno's love felt half hearted, just as his presence in the castle was. But half hearted was more than nothing and she would take what she could get. After all, for once in her life, Veronica started to feel a little less lonely.
Summary: Hatano wasn’t one to read shoujo manga, but there was something familiar about this mangaka named Kunio.
Words: 4504
Notes: Modern AU/Reincarnation AU; Spin off to Déjà Vu (KamiMiyo); Phew, glad I managed to get this up before the year ended...!! Certainly less action packed than the last chapter but finally leading up to the finale haha
ko-fi // Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | Ch. 5 | You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys so much for reading, I hope you all enjoy~ (*´∇｀)ノ
Ch. 6 - Jitsui III: Days of Searching
Being a spy meant constantly presenting a new act to others, a new face, a new person; even the personality he wore now as Jitsui wasn't his true one. Though as time went on, the line between his "true" self and the man named Jitsui began to blur. Eventually, distinguishing which feelings and thoughts belonged to whom became nigh impossible. He supposed it didn't matter in the long run, especially now when he was to play the role of Morishima Kunio.
Such as it was, he found himself in the library preparing for his mission. Black frames sat on the bridge of his nose, his hair had been swept to the side, and a book of myths rested in his hands. It didn't hurt to get a feel of whom Kunio was ahead of time, just like every other part he'd been told to play. Not to mention, it was easier to trick himself into thinking that he didn't care about leaving the building and the people in it -- one man in particular -- if he was someone else.
Of course, he shouldn't have forgotten how persistent some people could be. He heard the footsteps behind him a little too late, something he mentally reprimanded himself for, but nonetheless braced himself for the "sneak attack." There was only one person he knew who would do such a thing, anyways, without fearing the consequences.
"Boo," Hatano said at the same time his hands slammed onto his shoulders. Jitsui jumped at the sudden contact but that was the only reaction he allowed.
"Can't you let me have my fun?" He heard the annoyance in Hatano's voice as he moved to take a seat beside him, but he knew him well enough to know that he wasn't actually angry.
"You're starting to sound like Kaminaga," Jitsui teased, a smirk on his lips.
"That's an insult if I've heard one." Scoffing, Hatano rested his hands behind his head.
"Don't worry, you're a lot more tolerable."
"Gee," he said, sarcasm dripping in his tone. "Thanks."
They fell into a lull of silence, not that Jitsui minded much considering this would be one of his last moments with him (For a while, he reminded himself, trying not to dwell on bad outcomes; he trusted himself, he trusted him, he trusted them ). Any time spent with Hatano was like a blessing with that notion in mind. It was funny, now that he thought about it, how quickly he'd grown attached to Hatano. He hadn't anticipated befriending anyone considering that this was a spy training facility. They were only supposed to be allies to each other and nothing more, and that was just how Jitsui intended on using Hatano and the others. Ironically, he'd never felt closer to anyone before joining D-Agency, nor did he ever feel... such intimate feelings towards someone. He'd once deemed relationships of any sort meaningless, but in times like these, he began to wonder how he'd gone without them.
"The glasses look suits you," Hatano said, breaking his thoughts.
"You think so?" As much as he appreciated the compliment, Jitsui took them off and ran a hand through his hair. He had no need for an act around Hatano, anyways.
"Mhm, fits a bookworm like you." Hatano's eyes drifted to the book on his lap. "Mythology, though? Didn't think you were into that stuff."
"Oh, I'm not." He was erring on the side of carelessness, sharing classified information, but Jitsui often made exceptions for Hatano. "But Kunio is."
There was a slight pause as Hatano let what he'd said sink in, no doubt having already solved the meaning behind it.
"Yeah?" Hatano said, putting two-and-two together. "Then what does Kunio think of it?"
"Enjoyable, but you probably wouldn't be interested."
"I'll take your word on that, but --" Without warning, Hatano took the glasses and put them on his own face, pushing his bangs up to change his appearance. It was strange, indeed, but he couldn't say he looked bad. "-- maybe Shimano would."
That name, too, was unfamiliar to Jitsui, but he didn't need any explanation as to whom it was. Seeing as this was how Hatano was going about it, he played along, slipping right back into his role as Kunio rather easily.
"Really?" he asked, his tone taking on a softer air.
"Try me," was Hatano -- Shimano's -- reply.
And so try Jitsui -- Kunio, rather -- did. With the introduction alone, he could tell he was already losing Hatano's interest despite how well he acted otherwise. Truthfully speaking, these types of tales weren't Jitsui's cup of tea either, but there was some appeal to story of Osiris and Isis. Perhaps he'd gotten softer during the course of his studies, but Isis' struggles managed to shrill out some sympathy from him. It was a harrowing affair, losing Osiris and having to track down all the pieces of his dismembered body, only to lose him once more as he'd become Death itself as soon as she'd found him again. The whole story left a bitter taste in Jitsui's mouth, though at the same time, it drew him in. As he'd been reading it, he couldn't help but imagine what he'd do in Isis' place, to what extent he'd go to find a loved one. Sadist he may be, but most sadists had a masochistic streak as well, didn't they?
"You were right," Hatano said when he'd finished recounting the myth. He took the glasses off and shook his hair back in place, and there was the Hatano he knew. "I didn't care at all."
"Shimano was the one listening," Jitsui said matter-of-factly. He held back a chuckle as Hatano gave him a look. "What did he think of it?"
Hatano hummed, drumming his fingers against the back of his head. It was rather cute, Jitsui mused, how he pretended to be thinking of an appropriate answer.
"Searching for a lost lover seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?" He shrugged. "Sure Isis brought Osiris back, but what's the point if they're going to be separated again?"
Hearing his answer, Jitsui wondered how much of Shimano was in that reply and how much of Hatano was in it.
"It depends on how you look at it."
"Wow," Hatano said, dragging the word out. "Didn't realize you were a romantic deep down inside."
Jitsui didn't respond immediately, somewhat stunned to hear that spoken out loud. If he had to be honest, he didn't realize so either. Once he would've scorn the sentiment, but as a spy, he'd learned how to adapt -- even if it meant accepting feelings he shouldn't have in the first place.
"I'd do the same," he finally said. Though posed hypothetically, they both knew exactly what he meant. "Wouldn't you?"
Hatano stayed silent for a moment, their eyes meeting, as if trying to find a lie in his words.
"Careful," Hatano said after some time. "Someone might think you're actually capable of love." And though he meant it as a jest, Jitsui knew his feelings were mutual.
Jitsui smiled, one that Hatano returned. Yes, their time together was limited, but Jitsui -- the man he'd become and embraced -- was a rather simple man. Having Hatano by his side was all he needed, and he'd do anything for that.
Upon first impression, many would describe Jitsui as calm, level-headed, and demure among other saintly adjectives. They always saw him as an angel, the picture of what a perfect gentleman should be. Little did they know that couldn't possibly be further from the truth, his sadistic, stubborn side coming to light as one got to know him better.
And now was one of his stubborn moments.
As sensible as he tried to be, there was no way he could sit back and let things happen -- especially with what was at stake. Maybe it was the shoujo mangaka inside him taking over, but he knew deep in his heart that Hatano would've waited for him, if not outright taken the situation into his own hands. In his ideal fantasies, things would've gone smoothly; he and Hatano would've been together by now, and he wouldn't be pacing a hole out on the sidewalk contemplating his next move. Though Jitsui didn't consider himself much of an optimist, he never imagined that the meeting yesterday would've gone that badly.
That was, unless, if Hatano hadn't gotten his letter.
Jitsui wasn't quick to anger, but the very thought of it made his blood boil because it was looking more and more plausible. He knew that making assumptions wasn't good either, but what little he saw of Hatano's father was enough to tell him that there was nothing good going on with him.
Nonetheless, Jitsui wouldn't let this deter him; his pride nor his stubbornness simply wouldn't let him. And, pardon the wishful thinking, maybe this time Hatano would answer the door. As he made his way back to Hatano's apartment, Jitsui comforted himself with those pretty thoughts. Doing otherwise would only make the seeds of hesitation grow more and more.
Unfortunately, reality wasn't like his shoujo mangas where everything would fall into place right after the conflict. What greeted him at the door were not those droopy, brown eyes he'd come to adore in his previous lifetime but the sharp ones he'd come to loathe in less than twenty-four hours. Come what may, he'd have to keep his cool lest things continue falling in a downward spiral and that was the last thing he wanted.
"Good afternoon," Jitsui said in the most sickeningly sweet voice as possible.
Mr. Ryosuke's response was to click his tongue. Jitsui resisted the impulse to strangle him right there and then.
"You again."
"Yes, it's me again." Though he kept his tone polite, even he couldn't bother to hide his annoyance. "You said Hatano would be around later and since it's later, I was wondering if he was around?"
Already expecting a negative response, Jitsui peeked through the space between the door in search for any sign of Hatano.
"Sorry, kid. He's not here."
"Then," he said, eyes still surveying the room. It seemed as though Mr. Ryosuke's words were correct, but Jitsui knew not to take things at face value. "Could you tell me when he'll be back -- exactly ?"
"I wouldn't be able to tell you," Mr. Ryousuke said, only irritating Jitsui even more. "He's back when he's back. Now leave."
He moved to close the door, but Jitsui was quicker. He stepped forward, not only preventing the door from closing but also giving him a better view of the inside. His stomach dropped when he didn't see anything of importance, but then he caught sight of black fur poking out from the hallway. Jumping to conclusions was foolish, he knew, but he couldn't help but wonder.
"I'm sorry, but --"
The tuft of black fur moved forward, yellow eyes meeting his.
A cat. A black cat with yellow eyes that seemed all too familiar. His heart lurched at the sight of it, though he could only guess whom it was. He could only spend so much time dwelling on the matter, however, having been pushed back and pinned down with sharp eyes.
"I said leave."
With that, the door was slammed into his face but Jitsui didn't find himself as frustrated as he'd been earlier, surprisingly enough. The desire to murder Hatano's father still lingered, but he needed to use his calculation skills for something else for now. Never before had he felt so much hope because of a cat of all things, but the sight of the feline sent his brain thinking. Surely, there was another way; surely, he would get to Hatano -- somehow, some place.
If he couldn't get in the directly, then Jitsui would just have to take another route. Based on his observations, the fire escape ran down the balconies in the back of the building. And if his guess was correct, then one of the entrances was on Hatano's floor. Whether or not it was outside Hatano's room was another question he had yet to figure out, but he supposed he would be finding the answer to that very soon.
Finding the fire escape wasn't difficult. One would have to be an incompetent fool not to notice the shoot. No, it was the matter of climbing up the shoot. As much as he hated to admit it, he wasn't as fit as he used to be. He didn't really have reason to keep up a rigorous training regimen in this life nor did he find it necessary. Nevertheless, up was the only way to go, to Hatano, so up he would go.
The first few steps were clumsy, his feet slipping up and his grip on the walls loose, but he found his stride eventually. Soon enough, he reached the top but all that met him was the trap door. He hadn't thought it would be a problem, but he bit back a curse on his tongue when he pushed up on it to no avail. The damn thing certainly didn't appear to be so heavy. Regardless, he gave it another push, stronger this time, but that proved useless as well.
He'd already made it this far, so no way was he going to turn back now. Despite the cramp in his legs and the strain on his arm holding his body up, he kept banging and banging on the door until he budged it open. How great would it be if that'd been it -- Hatano would be waiting for him on the other side and they'd be together again.
But there was nothing. As far as his eyes could go, he couldn't see any other person. He couldn't hear anything either except for the afternoon breeze of spring. The balcony was empty, as well as the messy room connected to it --
Meow.
-- or perhaps there was something. His eyes flew to the source of the noise and landed on a black cat, which appeared to be the same one that he'd seen yesterday. The cat drew nearer as he hauled himself up, circling him and scrutinizing him. By all means, he should've hurried on inside. The balcony door was slightly ajar, presenting the perfect opportunity to go inside, but for some reason, he sat still on the edge. When the cat had finished its inspection, its yellow eyes met his and Jitsui knew this couldn't be a coincidence. Seeing that the cat wouldn't hurt him, Jitsui decided to test out his theory.
"Yoru...?"
At that, the cat -- Yoru -- meowed, his ears faced forward and tail straight up, quivering. Well, Jitsui thought, so it seemed that cats indeed had nine lives. Though he couldn't claim to be extremely close to Yoru in the previous life, he couldn't help but feel nostalgic at the sight. Allowing himself an instance of compassion, he scratched the underside of Yoru's neck before standing up proper.
"So then Hatano should be inside..." Jitsui thought aloud, not expecting an answer but finding some comfort in having a companion. But as he neared the door, he felt Yoru's paws on his ankles as if stopping him. He tried again only up be met with a similar response, even side stepping here and there but Yoru matched his steps.
He huffed, but it'd be shameful if he let his temper out on a cat. Counting to ten, Jitsui bent down so that he was eye level with Yoru. There was a reason they'd let him roam around in the Greater East Asia Cultural Society. Hopefully, nothing about that had changed.
"Yoru," he said, calling his attention. On one hand, Jitsui couldn't believe he was about to question a cat; on the other hand, this couldn't possibly be the most farfetched thing he'd come up with considering he was a shoujo mangaka. "Sway your tail once for 'yes' and twice for 'no.' Do you understand?"
Truly, he'd expected a null answer but thankfully, Yoru's tail swayed once.
"Is everything okay?"
Yoru hesitated, his tail still as if pondering the question. After a moment, his tail swayed 'no.' Jitsui's blood ran cold.
"Hatano is inside, right?"
One sway.
"What about his father?"
Yoru's tail swayed vigorously, accompanied by a hiss. Jitsui's lip twitched in frustration, taking a peek indoors once again. No wonder Yoru had tried stopping him from getting inside. It'd be a disaster if he'd caught him. Still, things couldn't be as simple as that. He tapped his foot furiously against the balcony floor, pondering the their circumstances. Inside the room, post-it notes were tacked onto various surfaces -- the walls, the books, even the headboard of the bed -- alongside forgotten, misplaced things. If he squinted hard enough, he could make out the characters on the notes. From that which he could see: "letter"? The gears in his head began spinning.
"Yoru, do you know if a letter I sent arrived here?"
Yoru's tail swayed once. All right, so the problem didn't lie there.
"Did Hatano get it?"
Two sways, to which Jitsui let out a swear. It was times like these that he hated being right. Even so, what was he to do about it? He couldn't send another one without the possibility of it getting intercepted again nor could he sneak in without fear of getting caught.
Then again, maybe he didn't have to do anything.
"Do you know where it is?"
Yoru's tail swayed twice, but Jitsui didn't let that discourage him too much. Judging by this interaction alone, Yoru seemed intelligent enough to follow through with his plans.
"Do you think you can find it then? And if you do, could you show it to Hatano?"
Without hesitation, Yoru meowed whilst his tail swayed ‘yes.’ It really wasn't much, he figured, relying on a cat of all things, but he felt some relief. As he pet Yoru, he knew still that he couldn't grow lax here. Even if Yoru managed to get the letter to Hatano, there was still the matter of meeting him. He still had his fair share of work to handle and Jitsui wasn't one to slack off.
Waking from his memory-dreams oft left Jitsui with feelings of nostalgia and tranquility, the fleeting moments of yesteryears ringing throughout his mind. But today, when he woke up, the icy feeling of dread washed over his body. And such was a feeling he didn't like one bit. Especially not when he'd dreamed of one of the moments he shared with Hatano before their goodbyes.
Perhaps it was just the stress of everything going on. Ever since he'd given Yoru his task, he'd yet to make progress on his end. It was much like trying to grab hold of sand -- the grains continuously slipping through his fingers no matter how much of it he grabbed. He didn't believe in any higher beings nor fate, but if they did exist, it was almost like they purposely found obstacles to get in his way. Every time he thought he'd managed to catch Hatano, something always drove Hatano further and further away.
Try as he might to ignore superstition, he couldn't help but grow dismayed as the days passed. Still, there was something Jitsui felt like he needed to do despite everything that had happened. For some reason or another, his gut told him to take the direct approach today. Meaning, go right up to the front door of Hatano's apartment. He hadn't forgotten his two previous failures already, but it wasn't like any other way was working out either. After all, the saying "third time's the charm" must have held some sort of merit and so, figuring he had nothing else to lose, Jitsui followed his instincts.
He found himself in front of the door sooner than he expected, the white door staring him in the face. He raised his hand to ring the doorbell, only to find himself hesitating.
Nervousness wasn't something he experienced often, not to sound too prideful or boastful. Of course, he had his fair bouts of it every now and then, but his belief in his skills had always won over. Mayhaps it was an advantage of remembering one's past life, that he was so sure he could do everything all over again. But he'd never encountered anything like this before, all things considered. It was only human to fear the unknown, but it was times like this he wished he'd be more akin to the monsters that Sakuma had called the spies so many years ago. A monster didn't fear nor doubt; a monster would've gotten what it wanted by now.
Unfortunately, in this reality, he was very much human. He feared, he doubted, he'd yet to make his peace. But it was those same fears that pushed him forward now, that lead him on to Hatano's place. As nerve wracking as it was to be so close yet so far away, he would only hate himself if he did nothing about it.
Ignoring every doubt that screamed in his mind, Jitsui rang the doorbell and counted the seconds that passed.
Heartbeats reverberating throughout his eardrums was a sensation he thought only happened in fiction, but he figured by now he should've learned that art mimicked reality. He willed himself to stand still as he waited for the door to open, feeling the urge to pace around. It only intensified as he finally heard the latch being unchained and the lock opening. He braced himself for more disappointment, that hope would only aggravate him even more. Still, as the door swung opened, he held his breath and --
Time stopped when their eyes met.
It took a few moments for Jitsui to process the sight before him, unsure if he was still dreaming or not. All this life, Hatano had just been a fragment of the past -- only tangible through his memories and dreams. But looking at him now, he was just as he remembered him, every single feature from head to toe. Even in this lifetime, he was shorter than him, and he still had that middle part in his hair that framed his face nicely, and those droopy brown eyes that bore into his soul, and the cute, button nose that he'd grown to adore. All these little details were exactly that same as he remembered that it was almost as if they'd never parted ways in the first place. It took all of his will power not to take Hatano into his arms and hold him close, but even a part of him feared that he'd disappear if he did just that.
"Hatano?" Jitsui managed to spit out, the name but a breath on his tongue.
Hatano didn't respond immediately, his eyes widened as if, too, in shock. Jitsui remained silent and still, letting Hatano take his time. As uncertain as Hatano looked, their gazes met again, and there was that light of recognition in his eyes and that, for Jitsui, was enough.
"Jit --"
All of a sudden, Jitsui's collar hit his neck, choking him as he was pulled back. His mind scrambled, trying to figure out what was happening, but there could only be one answer to that question.
"Excuse me." Just the sound of that man's voice grated his nerves. Reminding himself that murder was illegal, Jitsui whipped around quickly to face Mr. Ryousuke but he was already halfway through the door. "We're not having visitors right now."
The door slammed in his face but after all that had happened, he wouldn't let that stop him. He ran back towards the door -- towards Hatano -- and began pounding against it with all his might. The rational part of his mind knew it wouldn't accomplish much, but it was the only thing he could think of to do in a rush. Under the midst of all the force, the hinges of the door loosened though not enough to get him in. Seeing that was the case, he finally let his arms take a rest, paying little attention to the soreness in his hands and arms. He didn't know how long he'd been there, but as he pressed his ears against the door he heard only silence. That, to him, was much more disturbing than the yelling he anticipated.
He needed to get in. Or, at the very least, he needed to know if Hatano was okay.
Not wasting a single second, Jitsui hurried to the back of the building. Quickly locating the fire escape shoot, he climbed his way up. How funny it was that what once seemed daunting was effortless in the midst of a matter. The only thing -- annoyance, rather -- was the weight of the trap door once he'd reached the top, but even he managed to swing it open in his hurry. Hauling himself up, he quickly assessed the scene.
Only the sounds of the wind gushing by greeted him up there. The balcony was empty, as was the room connected to it, much like it had been a couple days ago. This time around, though, the door was shut close and not even Yoru was around. Peering inside, he tried to make out some semblance of life. Surely someone had to be inside. But then again, a lot could have happened in the time he'd spent trying to get here. Light poured in from the living room to the hallway and the door on the other end was closed tight. An argument or a fight, Jitsui could deal with, but the lack of activity was sending him on the edge.
He gripped the balcony door handle, but it didn't budge. He huffed in frustration, telling himself not to do anything rash. He then patted his pockets and scoured the balcony for anything he could use a pick lock, but as was the theme for today, there was nothing. It would have been easy to just punch the glass and break in but he didn't want to draw too much attention nor cause any more problems on top of this one.
Nevertheless, spending any more time here would be a waste. The sun was steadily falling west and glancing at his watch told him that it was already evening. He hadn't even realized he'd spent most of his time out here, having missed a few calls from Gamou and some texts from Odagiri when he checked his phone. But then again, he thought, what was there to do? Perhaps the silence meant that Hatano had left. But if he did, then where to? He hadn't the faintest clue, but he berated himself for even thinking of giving up. It might've just been a thought of false hope, but that thought was better than what he wanted to imagine what Hatano was going through at home.
Sometimes hope was all he had, and that hope was better than nothing. With that in mind, Jitsui set off again. Hatano had to be somewhere . He would be damned if he let things end like this.
Characters: Hatano/Jitsui; special guest star appearance: Tazaki
Rating: PG (for language)
Summary: Hatano wasn’t one to read shoujo manga, but there was something familiar about this mangaka named Kunio.
Words: 4947 + bonus
Notes: Modern AU/Reincarnation AU; Spin off to Déjà Vu (KamiMiyo); *wheezes* I promised an update in November, so here we are...!! Sorry for the long wait, life got in the way + writer’s block, but it’s done TwT
Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 | You can read this on AO3! Thank you guys for your patience and reading; I hope you enjoy~! ☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ
Ch. 5 - Hatano III: Days of Suffering
As hazy as his recollections may be, Hatano recognized this room. Though perhaps it wasn't the room itself, but whom sat on the other end of it. The hardwood floors were the same as any, just as the beige walls and wooden shelves that lined every other room were. But he could pick out that familiar head of black hair from anywhere, even if facing away from him.
Hatano couldn't recall why he'd entered the room nor why he'd sought Jitsui out in the first place, but a mischievous grin grew on his face. As quietly as possible, he crept into the room and stopped short behind Jitsui. He waited one second, two, three --
"Boo."
Slamming his hands onto Jitsui's shoulders, Jitsui hardly reacted save for the quirk of his body.
"Can't you let me have my fun?" Hatano said, feigning annoyance. Jitsui's next words were lost on him, though, as he took a seat next to him. But his body knew the act by heart and went through the motions as usual: he scoffed, placing his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his seat.
"That's an insult if I've heard one."
"Don't worry --" Jitsui's lips read. "You --"
"Gee, thanks."
The conversation dipped into a lull, which allowed Hatano to observe him. Even if he couldn't make out his features, he'd have to be blind not to notice how different Jitsui appeared. The black frames he wore were the most obvious point, but it was also in the the way he held himself (shrinking inwards, not refined and professional) and the way he'd marked his place in the book he held (bookmarked, not doggy-eared). And maybe, just maybe, the looming sense of separation didn't help the matter either.
"The glasses look suits you," Hatano said finally.
"You --" Jitsui took them off his face, running a hand through his hair. Just like that, the Jitsui he'd always known sat before him.
"Mhm, fits a bookworm like you." He glanced at the book that rested on Jitsui's lap. "Mythology? Didn't think you were into that."
"-- not --" Jitsui placed the glasses on the table beside them. "-- Kunio --"
The name brought about a sense of sorrow that Hatano couldn't quite place, one that he pushed back immediately as soon as it sprung up.
"Yeah? Then what does Kunio think of it?"
"Enjoyable --"
"I'll take your word on that, but --" He grabbed the glasses, pushing them high up the bridge of his nose, and brushed his bangs up. "-- maybe Shimano would."
Without missing a beat, Jitsui curled into himself like a shrinking violet. Even the way he thumbed the book matched the demeanor he now took on, handling it with gentleness.
“-- sure?”
"Try me."
Writing off the gaps in the tale as his incomplete memories would've been an easy lie; the myth Jitsui -- Kunio, rather -- told didn't interest Hatano in the slightest. But he wouldn't be a very good actor, much less a spy, if he couldn't pretend to be interested, so Hatano -- acting as Shimano -- listened to the Egyptian tale of Osiris and Isis. From what he could glean, they'd been lovers separated by Osiris' death. Isis, distraught, searched for Osiris' body parts to put him back together. While she'd succeeded, Osiris' resurrection made him king of the Underworld, keeping them away from each other once more. Surely Jitsui had been more detailed, but that was the gist of it.
"You were right," Hatano said, taking the glasses off and shaking his hair back in place. "I didn't care at all."
"-- the one listening --" Jitsui mouthed. "What --"
Hatano hummed, pretending to think about his response.
"Searching for a lost lover seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?" He shrugged. "Sure Isis brought Osiris back, but what's the point if they're going to be separated again?"
"Depends --"
"Wow, didn't realize you were a romantic deep down inside," he said with a teasing lilt.
Though he couldn't make out his expression, Hatano grew warm underneath Jitsui's gaze.
"I'd do the same," his lips read, and Hatano didn't need to be told for whom. "Wouldn't you?"
Taken aback, Hatano merely stared at Jitsui. He mulled over his next words, wary of their surroundings.
"Careful," he said, trying to maintain the levity in his voice. "Someone might think you're actually capable of love."
To this, Jitsui gave no reply. Instead, he smiled -- a rather sweet smile that Hatano decided suited him the best. And in return, Hatano smiled back.
They soon fell into a silence, but Hatano didn't mind in the slightest. Considering everything going around them, he could almost believe they were at peace in this little bubble of theirs. There'd be no goodbyes between them when they left for their missions and he'd have to pretend as if what they had never existed -- that Jitsui didn't exist.
But had the circumstances been different, had fate been a little kinder towards them, Hatano would've answered Jitsui's question with an "Of course." He would do anything for him, after all.
Forgetful he may be, Hatano still considered himself a perceptive guy.
Minor details like what shirt somebody was wearing or what he did for the day often escaped him, but patterns in behavior were ingrained to his mind. Cycles of repetition made it easier to catch nuances in behavior, whether they be a change in tone or even a simple gesture. No matter how good the actor may be, there was always some hint of their true intentions in their actions.
Take his dad, for example. The guy was always an ass towards him, but now he was just taciturn and evasive.
And it all started with that unknown visitor.
The first incident, Hatano could brush off as nothing; they didn't typically get visitors -- especially unannounced ones, at that -- so of course his dad would get upset. Sure, he was bitchier than usual, but he'd give him the benefit of the doubt just this once.
The second time around, however, Hatano couldn't ignore as easily.
It was strange enough to have someone drop by one day, but it was a flat out abnormality for it to happen twice in a row.
Hatano hardly had time to think when the doorbell rang, having been hit with a migraine as soon as he stepped into the house on top of pondering the whereabouts of the letter. By the time he stumbled off his bed, he heard the door being unlocked.
By all means, he could've just minded his own business, flop back into bed and try to sleep the pain off, but curiosity won him over and his feet dragged him out into the hallway with Yoru following in tow. Staying hidden, Hatano strained his ears to catch the conversation.
"Good afternoon," the person behind the door said. At the sound of those words, Hatano's heart skipped a beat. Though he couldn't see who it was, he could tell it was a guy's voice -- polite, refined, and most importantly, familiar . But much to his frustration, he couldn't place exactly where he'd heard it.
His dad clicked his tongue, bringing Hatano's attention back to the present.
"You again."
A pause.
"Yes, it's me again," the other man said. Though soft spoken, an underlying edge crept into his voice. "You said Hatano would be around later and since it's later, I was wondering if he was around?"
Hatano furrowed his eyebrows. His dad never mentioned anyone looking for him.
"Sorry, kid. He's not here."
"Then could you tell me when he'll be back -- exactly ?"
"I wouldn't be able to tell you; he's back when he's back. Now leave."
Something blocked the door as his dad closed it. From this angle, Hatano couldn't see what was going on outside, but he could only assume it was the other guy who’d done it.
"I'm sorry, but --"
"I said leave." Without giving him a chance to finish, his dad pushed him back and slammed the door with finality.
The air suffocated him, much like how the tension stabbed his head. It seemed that the other guy had given up for the day but his dad made no sign of moving, staring at the door as if daring it to respond. Hatano waited, counting his heartbeats before stepping out into the living room.
"Who was that?" Hatano asked as casually as he possibly could.
A beat.
"No one important," his dad said, slowly turning to him.
"Same shit head as yesterday?"
His dad's lips twitched.
"Yeah."
His dad gave no further explanation, not like he expected him to in the first place. The annoyance written all over his face told him more than he needed, anyways.
As his dad retreated into his own room, Hatano looked back towards the door. The very fact that someone was looking for him was difficult to swallow, especially given his small social circle. The guy certainly didn't sound like any of his friends nor could he think of anyone who'd want anything to do with him. Even so, his eyes drifted down to his wrist, yet he couldn't find it in himself to be sure.
He couldn't rely on naive hopes, he'd learned that long ago. Regardless, Hatano made note to keep watch. The missing letter, the unknown visitor, his dad's attitude -- something was up, and not for the better.
Hatano had stopped anticipating anything in the mail but that didn’t stop the disappointment that struck up at the sight of the empty mailbox. Sometimes, being a monster seemed easier than dealing with these human feelings.
Thankful for the minimal contact with his dad upon his return, Hatano made his way to his room. As much as he wanted to rest his throbbing head, he ripped off the post-it note that he'd stuck onto his headboard and checked off "mailbox." Underneath it, "visitor" had yet to be touched. If there was a pattern to be seen, it was that these two happened to coincide.
He clicked his tongue as he checked his watch, berating himself for not taking down the time. That might've been a smart idea, but whatever. It'd happen eventually. In the meantime, Yoru's meows filled the room and while he loved the fur ball, he could only take so much before his head exploded.
"What d'ya want, bud?" He said, kneeling down to scratch the underside of Yoru's neck.
All of a sudden, a clank resounded, causing him to jump as he'd been too focused on petting Yoru. He looked around and nearly dismissed it as nothing when another clank followed, his hand raising to his head to settle down his headache. His mind raced, scrambling to find the most likely source of the noise. As far as he knew, there wasn't anything that could've made such a loud sound.
Well, maybe there was one thing.
Yoru tailed after him as he made his way towards the balcony. The only thing he could think of was outside -- the fire escape to be exact. The trap door was the only thing he could think of that was heavy enough to make such a noise. Then again, if it was the fire escape, why the hell was it making that noise? At a first glance, he saw nothing out of the ordinary. Then he heard another clanking sound, stronger this time, and moved to slide open the door. Just as his hands gripped the handle, his father called out.
"Hatano!"
Hatano huffed, debating on whether or not he should humor his dad.
"Yeah?" he called back, only to get no response.
"What?" He tried again to no avail. Rolling his eyes so hard they could've fell out of his sockets, he turned away just as another clank rang out.
"Be right back," he told Yoru. "Keep an eye out for me, 'kay?"
With Yoru's meow of affirmation, Hatano took one last glance outside the balcony before leaving his room. It probably wasn't a big deal anyways, he thought to keep his nerves down. Still, that didn't stop him from wondering.
Usually, Hatano could deal with his migraines and suck it up to go about his day, but there were times where he wanted nothing more than the sweet relief of death. As he burrowed his head deeper into his pillow, he made such a wish to rid himself of the damn stabbing in his head. It must've been a culmination of all the stress from the past couple of days, where he felt like he was going outta his goddamn mind; having been constantly on the edge, it'd gotten to the point where he swore he heard someone calling his name. Who? He didn't know. Either way, he simply couldn't bring himself to get out of bed, let alone crack open his eyes.
Days to himself were far and few in between and if not for his current state, Hatano would've have taken advantage of the time alone. His dad was out at work so he was free to do as he pleased, which meant he could've even done more investigating on that mystery visitor. Though, he supposed, there wasn't much to be done about that. Even if he had his suspicions, he couldn’t determine anything was a sign from them. Well, good thing he was incapacitated -- he wouldn't have been able to do a damn thing if they actually stopped by.
Fur filled his vision, Yoru's meows greeting him like nails against a chalkboard. He reached out to pet him, partly to silence him, partly to find some semblance of being alive. He managed to quiet Yoru down into a purr -- much like a flick to the forehead -- but that only spurred Yoru into pawing at him. Deigning himself to the outside world, Hatano squinted at him.
"Need something?" he asked. Yoru mewled in reply. Hatano sighed.
"Can it wait? 'm kinda preoccupied." Lazily, he gestured to his head. Yoru's reply was to stare at him, his yellow eyes boring into his. With a look like that, Hatano knew he wasn't gonna win.
"Okay," he said. "Give me a sec."
Mentally counting to ten, Hatano hauled himself up from bed and rolled out. He landed on his feet rather unsteadily, but brushed it off as he made a face at Yoru.
"Lead the way," he said, exhausted.
As much as he detested special treatment, Hatano was glad Yoru didn't move too quickly. His own steps were but stumbles in comparison to his, what with his migraine making it difficult to walk around. Though it was a short trip, it seemed to last longer than one of Tazaki's pigeon care lessons and he'd nearly blanked out when Yoru stopped. He nearly tripped over him as his hand slammed against the nearest surface to keep him steady. With that, the door in front of him creaked open and it was then that Hatano realized where Yoru brought him.
"...You sure 'bout this?" he asked, peering into the room. It wasn't that he'd never been in his dad's room before, but he never went in unless absolutely necessary. Maybe he needed to stop watching horror movies, but it felt like cold air hung around the room like some ghost haunted it.
In response, Yoru pushed the door open further. Hatano hugged himself as a shiver ran through his body, missing his chance to scold Yoru as Yoru ventured in further. Resigning himself to Yoru's judgement, he trudged after him. Yoru's last stop was the drawer that stood opposite to them, and he climbed on top of it before beckoning Hatano with his yellow eyes. His tail swung back and forth across the top drawer as if signalling him. After a moment's hesitation, Hatano stepped forward and inspected it.
"Open it?"
Yoru blinked slowly.
Running his hands across the wood, he found a keyhole in the center. He clicked his tongue as he pulled on it to no avail. But dammit, he was no quitter. He gripped onto the handles, using the pressure from his migraine to edge him on, and after a few pulls, the drawer popped open.
"All right, so... what am I looking for?"
A meow.
"Very helpful." Nonetheless, he began shifting through the drawer's contents.
Hatano wasn't sure what surprised him more: the fact that his dad kept this stuff or that it existed at all. To the side were some certificates, a ripped up marriage certificate and his birth certificate right underneath. On top of them was a tarnished ring, a wedding ring from the looks of it. Further on was a family picture from when he was a toddler, or what was left of it anyways. His mother was torn off, the tear cutting right into his own face. As he reached out for it, something else caught his eye -- an envelope. With his name on it.
Everything else now forgotten, Hatano grabbed it immediately. Flipping it back and forth, Hatano noted two things: the letter had already been opened and the sender's name was painstakingly familiar. Wasting no time, Hatano pulled the letter out and began reading.
Dear Hatano,
Hopefully this has met the right person. If it has, then I won't be keeping this too long. Admittedly, part of it is because I'm not quite sure what to say. Ironic, isn't it? I've spent a long time wanting to see you again but now that you're within reach, I find myself speechless. For now, I'll put down my feelings as best as I can.
There are stories of lost loves, of the harrowing journeys taken to find them, and there was once a life where I'd found them far-fetched. After all, there are other things to do than wasting it on a futile search for some person. But thinking about it -- about us -- I'd do the same, wouldn't you? Perhaps this will sound cliche, but I've found that cliches do just the trick. I don't know if you feel the same, if you remember me, or have any idea of what I'm talking about, but that's okay. It's funny how much just the memory of someone can influence you, and how much you've motivated me even if you weren't by my side. I just wanted to let you know that even if I haven't met you in this lifetime, you're still important to me.
With that said, I hope you don't mind me dropping by and that we can catch up then.
Love,
Jitsui
The letter tight in his grip, Hatano stumbled backwards and fell right onto the bed behind him. So. He was right. Kunio was Jitsui, Jitsui was Kunio -- the very same guy. Getting that confirmation, Hatano felt a weight lift off his shoulders, the ache in his head beginning to dull. To think that Jitsui had been looking for him, too, this whole time -- even longer than he'd been, in fact. It was a concept Hatano could barely wrap his mind around, the concept that someone had missed him and wanted him.
But it was just as the words he'd read began to sink in that Hatano realized the circumstances in which he'd found the letter: a locked drawer in his dad's room, with the letter having already been opened. Not to mention, the letter was dated from last week. His dad had been keeping it from him, but Hatano couldn't fathom why. Before he could question it further, the doorbell rang.
He glanced towards the clock and saw that it was just about the time his dad came home, but he should've had his key on him. Regardless, Hatano carefully folded the letter and placed it in his pocket but not before giving the words another glance over. He then patted his pocket to make sure the letter was still there and headed towards the door.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to confront his dad about it now or not. But then again, if not now, then when? Perhaps he was more of a coward than he thought he was. As Hatano beat himself up over the matter, he slowly removed the hatch and unlocked the door. Allowing himself a moment's breath, he swung it open, only to grow numb at what greeted him.
"Hatano?"
His breath caught at the sound of his name, the voice so familiar but yet not so. Similarly, he knew the head of obsidian black hair, the cherubic face, and the porcelain skin; vaguely, he recalled dreams that felt far out of reach. And the eyes, especially -- though he couldn't remember seeing them, he knew those big, dark brown eyes. He knew him, and Hatano had never felt so sure of anything in his life.
There was a name on the tip of his tongue. His thoughts drifted to the characters written on his wrist.
"Ji --"
"Excuse me." His dad's voice cut in, Jitsui suddenly being pulled back as his dad entered the fray. "We're not having visitors right now."
Before Hatano could even process what was happening, his dad pushed him back into the house. Too stunned to even think, Hatano stood numbly as his dad locked the door behind them. Loud bangs reverberated throughout the room from the other side, the door practically reaching off its hinges, but his dad paid no mind to them. It was only until his dad passed him by, their shoulders touching ever so briefly, that Hatano snapped back into reality.
"What the hell was that about!?" Hatano said the first thing to come to mind, repercussions be damned.
"What the hell was what?" His dad was as dismissive as always, only adding more fire to Hatano's temper.
"You know exactly what I mean."
Still, his dad continued playing it off as he put his belongings away.
"It's none of your business."
"Are you shitting me?" Without thinking, Hatano grabbed his dad by the collar, their gazes clashing against each other's. In any other situation, Hatano would've hated laying an eye on the man -- equal parts spite and fear -- but now, all he saw was a target to beat the crap out of. "You keep things away from me , and you say it's none of my business?"
His dad remained silent, his stare piercing. It was only once the adrenaline started wearing off that Hatano began to think that maybe he should’ve gone about this differently. His grip loosened, and it was then that his dad shoved him onto the floor. Hatano hissed as his body made contact, his hands shooting out just in time to protect himself from too much damage.
"You live under my roof, don't you?" Towering over him, his dad grabbed the back of his head and forced him to look up. "I'm just doing what's best for you."
"What's best for me?" Hatano spat the words out. "You've done nothing but make my life hell!"
Hatano bit down on his lips, the iron taste of blood filling his tongue as his dad's grip on him tightened. Even if his heart pounded against his chest, he didn't once dare look away.
"Your mother left you in my care," his dad said, the coldness in his tone enough to send shivers down his body. "I'm just doing what she asked of me."
A bout of silence fell over the two, but Hatano wasn't about to let his dad have the last word.
"No wonder she left you."
His face slammed against the floor faster than he could comprehend. The side of his face was going to bruise for sure, if the stinging was anything to go by. But he had no time to take care of his wounds, as his dad forced him to look up again.
"Hate me all you want, but you're under my rule, whether you like it or not."
His dad dropping his head against the floor, Hatano was left lying there. Attempting to get up proved useless, as he was too tired, too overwhelmed to pick himself up and fell back down. He didn't know how long he stayed there, but time didn't matter when he couldn't even think properly. It was only when Yoru neared him, prodding and poking him as if to make sure he was all right, that Hatano returned to his senses.
Slowly, Hatano sat up. The room had gone eerily silent after all the banging on the door that must've stopped some time ago. Looking at the window, Hatano noted how late it was as the sun had already set. Clicking his tongue, Hatano pet Yoru, letting his purrs soothe him.
"Well, that was a fucking mess," he said more to himself than anything. In return, Yoru nuzzled against him.
He sighed, trying to figure out all the thoughts running through his head. But if there was one thing he knew, he knew that he couldn't stay here. Not for the time being at least.
Taking the letter out from his pocket, he found the sender's address. It wasn't too far away from where he lived, actually, but something inside of him told him not to go tonight. It was late, was the excuse he thought of, but he knew deep down that he couldn't handle anything else going wrong today. Loathe as he is to admit it, he was scared. Of being wrong. Of being rejected. Of loss.
Regardless of his feelings, he knew he'd have to face it eventually. So picking himself up, Hatano wobbled into his room and began stuffing his belongings into his bag. With each thing he grabbed, a voice told him to drop it and stay put with what was familiar. Try as he might to ignore it, it only grew louder and louder until he'd gotten everything. As much as he entertained the thought of running away, he'd never actually gone through with it before. Leaving what was a shitty environment was for the better, but it was all Hatano knew, all he could remember, all he could grasp. Though, this wasn't really running away, was it? He'd come back once he'd dealt with everything, though he supposed the consequences would be the same. Then again, did his dad even care --
A meow came from his side, shaking him out of his thoughts. Right, he knew he was forgetting something.
"Let's go, Yoru," Hatano said, picking Yoru up. "We're taking a little trip."
Opening the balcony door, he slid down the fire escape.
Running away staggering on his feet and nursing a migraine probably wasn't his best idea, but no way in hell was he going back now. Since it was pretty late, Hatano could only hope that one of the guys saw one of his many texts. He reconsidered Kunio's (no -- Jitsui's, he reminded himself) address but decided that he wasn’t mentally prepared for that reunion yet. Talk big he may, but the thought of reuniting was a little daunting.
Just a little.
Okay. Very daunting. He didn't wanna keep Jitsui waiting, but he didn't wanna disappoint him with his current self either (despite no matter how many times he reassured himself that Jitsui didn't care, Jitsui would be happy to see him, Jitsui cared about him). The most important thing now was that he had to get away from the place he called “home” and recollect himself.
Within a few seconds of him knocking, the door swung open to reveal a sleepy-eyed Tazaki.
"...Do you realize what time it is?" Tazaki mumbled.
"I know, I know," Hatano said, wasting no time stepping in and letting Yoru down. "I'll be gone in the morning, but I’ll pay you back somehow."
"You're always welcome here, you know," Tazaki said as he closed the door behind them. Once the lights were on, Hatano could clearly see the worry etched on Tazaki's face -- his furrowed eyebrows and the frown he wore. Then, Tazaki's eyes bulged and he reached out to touch his face. "Oh my God, are you all right!?"
Out of instinct, Hatano flinched but he reminded himself that it was just Tazaki and forced himself to relax.
"I am -- will be," he said, finding it difficult to keep eye contact with Tazaki. He turned away, setting his bag down. "It's just..." He trailed off, not even sure how to explain himself.
Now that he thought about it, he never really discussed anything that was going on lately with the guys; sending a text that said "im dropping by" in the dead of night didn't really count. Whether he was just tired or just truly speechless, Hatano couldn't find the words to speak even after all that happened. So instead, he put a hand on Tazaki's arm. "There's a lot going on; I'll explain later. Right now, I just need to get away from there," he said, both of them knowing exactly what "there" meant.
Tazaki didn't say anything at first, his gray eyes running over him as if looking for further explanation. Thankfully, he didn't push the topic, patting a hand on his and nodding.
"Whenever you're ready, okay?" he said. He paused, as if wanting to say something else. "Let me get you a blanket. And an ice pack."
"Thanks," Hatano said, slumping into the couch and finally letting his body rest. He was gonna get through this, he told himself. With the image of Jitsui in mind, he knew that things would work out somehow.
bonus
Just as he sank into the couch, a thought hit Hatano. Immediately, he popped into a sitting position and started rummaging through his bag.
"Wait!” he said, causing Tazaki to freeze in his steps. “I have something for you."
It didn't take him too long to find what he needed and handed it to Tazaki, whom looked at it incredulously.
"Is... this my hot glue gun?"
"Yep," Hatano said, popping the "p."
"I lent this to you, like, six months ago."
Hatano shrugged.
"Said I'd give it back to you, didn't I?"
Tazaki looked back and forth between him and the hot glue gun.
