@endxwithme thank you for letting this happen. nightmare::
they hardly speak, let alone spend time together beyond early greetings and soft mumbles. it’s not awkward, right? still, she isn’t sure he’s done that great at trying to ‘patch things up’. it’s not like he’s tried to get to know her a day in his life, right? two sons. that’s all he needed. it’s okay. it’s only a little trauma. it’s not like she’s trying, either. they’re biding time until one of them gives the fuck up and leaves.
the extra body in her house accentuates her insomnia. maddie’s sitting so carefully in the corner of her living room. is she chain-chugging green tea and cigarettes? bet your ass, she is. it’s a christmas miracle she heard it. heard him.
that deepening of breath.
that exhale.
the scream.
she’s up without thinking, guest room door pushed open and kneeling beside the bed. it’s all instinct now. pull him out slow. wake him easy. if you can avoid the latter, great. never talk about it again.
“ now, i've heard there was a secret chord.
that david played, and it pleased the lord
but you don’t really care for music, do you? ”
that’s it. ease him out of it. his breathing steadies. less frantic as he fights himself behind his eyes. he’s not calm enough to wake entirely. why would she volunteer herself for a black eye? she’s acutely aware how winchester men sleep. like burning dumpster sharts.
“ it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
the minor falls, the major lifts
the baffled king composing hallelujah. ”
she’s humming the next bit; has him calm enough to reach out and touch with gentle fingers. she still doesn’t trust fully waking him. there may be no need. he’s calm enough for now. still. why take the chance? even she knows how easy it is to fall back into a nightmare.
“ your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof.
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her. ”
that’s it, john. you think of those happier places. your sons. your wife. think about the night you married her. the day you got out of the marines. think about the day you held your newborn son. the first word sam ever said. think about dean waiting eagerly for you to come home. to play toy guns and soldiers. think about blonde hair and a beautiful smile. think about what makes you feel at home. safe. loved.
she knows she’s never going to hold a memory like that from you.
she knows she’ll never live up to the boy you molded and the boy you cherished.
but, that doesn’t matter, does it?
tonight, the nightmare is gone. and when the sun drifts through the curtains, you’ll never know she was there.
but, then again. you never do, do you?
