#!xibalba

[foundcarcosa]

@weirdwiring replied to your post: “¦.”:

hahah that's certainly an interesting occurrence

it’s actually relatively normal, the bow-chicka part anyway. I’d just... gotten used to there only being two of us in here

[foundcarcosa]

if I write him enough, weaving his life back into existence with my words, will he come back to me?

if enough of my tears fall, watering the proverbial earth from which he will be birthed, will he come back to me?

if I am contrite, weak, cowed, repentant, needy enough before the unblinking gaze of Gan, will he come back to me?

if I suffer enough for his loss, will he come back to me?

... will he come back to me, at all?

[foundcarcosa]

The thing about being a [conscious] child of both Red and White is that Gan’s voice is quiet. It’s not the roar of thunder on the mountaintop, but the babble of a brook. It’s not the cacophony of the conscious mind, but the stillness of the subconscious.

It’s easy for Me to hear the din of My conscious mind. I have a loud and insistent conscious mind. It wants what it wants, and it doesn’t take well to argument. And when what it wants is counterproductive to self, it is loud in its self-abuse -- as if that makes any sense.

But I’m tired of that cycle. It’s counterproductive at best and self-destructive at worst. It’s easy, but apparently easy is not synonymous with good.

Gan’s voice isn’t easy to listen to. It tells Me to do things I might not want to do, and the worst part is, it’s quiet about it. It’s not forceful or persuasive. It’s not tempting or pretty. And it doesn’t repeat itself -- it says what it has to say and then lets Me decide. (Because otherwise, what is free will for?)

But here’s the thing. I want to listen to it. I want to, despite how difficult it is, despite how much My conscious, flesh-driven mind might protest. Because above all, I am far-seeing, and what I see is good -- if I would only listen. Because above all, I am tired of suffering, and I know what I must do.

As always, I am the catalyst, and all that I seek is within.

I am a child of Red and White, and the choice is ultimately Mine... but also, Gan’s voice has never left Me, which means it has not given up.

[foundcarcosa]

Me: *makes a lame excuse for why I did some stupid shit*

Me: *immediately sneezes*

Garth: and that's because you KNOW what you said was bullshit

[foundcarcosa]

stammsternenstaub replied to your post:

We never found any other systems we really clicked with in that way

not easy innit

[foundcarcosa]

Going through My old system tag reminded Me that I haven’t actually talked about Xibalba in a while, and apparently I appreciate all the updates I used to post about shit I’ve long since forgotten about, so let Me start that back up again.

Xibalba as a whole is a bit fractured right now, as what usually happens between big changes. The Bifrost is broken. The only ones left on this side of it are Me (duh), Garth, and Dead Man Rust. Anthony and Guardian were here for a while, but I think they’re on the other side of the split now. (Now that I think about it, they’re probably going to be the ones to fix it.)

I did hear from Björn recently. He told Me everyone else was fine, which is good to know. So I guess it’s a waiting game to see what happens.

[dogpettingzoo]