Things I learned in my 20′s
As I’m approaching 30 in less than a month, I’ve been reflecting on the huge lessons I learned in my 20′s and what that decade was all about for me.
Those of you who have been keeping me up with me for a while know that some main themes were karmic and complicated soul connections that became my biggest teachers. These lessons weren’t always kind, but they were what I needed to help me become the strong, independent and happy person I am today. My 20′s were fucking hard. They were dark at times, but I am going into a new decade with a more positive outlook than I’ve ever had before. I’m so so grateful.
My 20′s were for exploration, discovery, making mistakes and learning how to overcome them. My 20′s taught me to let go, to be patient, to look at life from a perspective that allows light into the darkest corners of our being, turning the greatest fears into a grateful experience. It taught me more about myself than I could have ever thought I would know. How to calm myself down when the world feels like it’s ending. How to be my own best friend at the loneliest times. How to celebrate the small victories instead of overlooking them in search of the next thing on the list. I learned how to let people go who were more damaging than good, and absolutely love, value and cherish the ones who gave a home in their hearts in a way that was always unconditional, full of love and absolute respect for each other. I discovered that what you put out and project to the world comes back to you, so it’s important to love and respect yourself, and treat yourself in the way you want others to treat you, always. I learned that you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves; you can only do your best but never sacrifice your own well being. Letting go does not mean giving up. The love will always be there, sometimes love means giving the person space to understand the experience for themselves. I understood how to say no and not feel guilty for it. I learned how to take back my power from those who consumed me and never let that power be taken again, without my permission. I learned my absolute worth and value in this world and have become a force I never knew I could be. I discovered how to break down my walls and allow myself to be vulnerable even when it was hard. I gave myself permission to be the person I always wanted to be. I began to understand that your best ally and most valuable asset is yourself, so it’s important to love yourself as you would your own child. It’s important to nurture yourself and allow yourself all the opportunities for growth and learning and to never hold yourself back from the things that make your heart truly sing. Do what makes you happy in the purest of ways. Learn what fear feels like, learn what pure love feels like and learn to listen to that inner voice that truly wants the best for you. I was shown that ego is not the enemy, it’s a child that needs to be nurtured, rewired and understood so it can be respected as a positive teacher, not a negative one.
I learned to ask the Universe for what I need in a way that supports my highest good and to never take it for granted or throw away the opportunities it presents. To always say thank you and show your love in return in whatever way you can. I learned how to trust the Universe and most importantly myself and through that I learned how to trust others once again, finally. I was shown that you are never truly as alone as you think you are. There is always SOMEONE who deeply cares for you even if they don’t know how to show it in the way you immediately recognize. Allow that person to show you love in the way they know and don’t be afraid to accept that. The Universe ALWAYS has your back. If life is extremely difficult right now, it’s showing you that there is a much better path out there for you to find. Stop resisting even if the darkness feels safer. This experience is preparing you for something so much bigger than you know. Allow it to be your teacher instead of getting angry at it. But, if you’re angry know that your feelings are of value, don’t dismiss how you feel. Love that part of you intensely.
My karmic relationships (which extends to romantic, as well as friendships) have been an interesting range of varying emotional abuse which ultimately taught me my true value, not the value others impose on me through their words or shitty actions. Only I can put that price tag on myself and I’ve learned that my value is pretty fucking high (like everyone in this world) and I will never again allow those who challenge that value affect me the way they did before. Those experiences taught me to forgive my abusers because they themselves were abused and placed an even lower price tag on their hearts which created displaced anger and energy they didn’t know how to channel into better outlets. Forgiveness doesn’t make what they did okay, it means that it is no longer able to stain my heart or take away my power. Taking the high road and owning your story, whatever that may be, always gives you the upper hand. People can’t use your flaws against you if you own them and aren’t afraid of them. Face your shadows, learn to work with them and own them. No one can ever use them against you again.
Everyone is a force to be reckoned with. Everyone is capable of incredible things if they just try. Don’t ever give up or underestimate your worth. Don’t allow people to de-value your worth just because their goals and values are different. As long as you’re moving forward in a way that makes you happy and is helping to reach your own personal milestones, that’s all that matters. Pause to evaluate and rest when you need to. That’s important, but always find a way to start moving again, even in small bites.
Goals are important no matter how small. Mini-milestones can help you get through the most difficult days. Setting small tasks can help boost your confidence and help you to feel productive again when it’s really hard to feel like you’re getting anywhere. Treat yo self. Do at least one nice thing for yourself each day, no matter how small.
Writing it out is a great way to get your thoughts into the universe, without weighing yourself or others down. Sometimes we project so much onto other people without thinking of what they might be experiencing. We are so consumed and find relief in talking to a friend that sometimes it can be too much for the other person to hold. I’ve lost great friends because of this. And looking back, I don’t blame them one bit for doing what was best for them and creating space. Respect the person who has shown up to help by listening to their stories and asking how they feel in return. Use a journal for the more reoccurring thoughts. If writing doesn’t work for you, find a professional you can talk to. There are free services available with totally qualified professionals happy to help. That being said, I’ve learned that most questions or problems can be answered by ourselves. Ask them as if you’re talking to a friend and see what answer comes to mind. You already have the answers. Trust them. Never be afraid to ask for help.
Self talk and affirmations do help as does visualization. Turn negative thoughts into positive ones even if it feels dumb. Re-wire your brain to nurture and love instead of hate and demean. Find beauty in the smallest things when times are dark and focus on that light. Let it fill you and flush away the darkness. These things don’t work over night. It took me years to turn around my inner dialogue, but it did work for me. Find what works for you and embrace it. It’s yours.
Love yourself, be kind, be empathetic but never forgo logic. Balance is key. Always be grateful. Say thank you. The world is yours. Always give yourself a chance. :)
Here’s to another decade of lessons, love, adventure and self-discovery.
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