The staff members listen patiently as you explain yourself, nodding along. They all look to So Jisub expectantly, and he mutters what might be, “I’ll take it from here,” before the rest of the panel see themselves out.
So Jisub gathers up his notes on the table before approaching you. “I can tell you’ve grown in more than just your talent since we saw you last,” he assures you, and he hands you a manila envelope containing your contract. Now, he smiles softly. “You still have some more growing to do, but we all do, really. Royal Entertainment will help you with that as long as what you said today is true.”
He takes a few steps away from you before he pauses in his tracks, looks over his shoulder one last time, and calls, “Welcome to Royal Entertainment.”
the expectation mirrors in baekhyun’s eyes as he watches the members of the panel, as his own gaze falls onto the ceo as well and for some reason he’s so full of hope, so full of anticipation as the man speaks up, when the other staff members slowly get up from their seats to leave their room, to leave them alone.
baekhyun feels his entire body trembling.
he almost forgets to move when the staff walks past him, but he bows hurriedly in front of them as he feels his face grow a little hot, bending his body low as he dips himself down a couple of more times, to show his gratitude, to thank them for their time. and when he straightens his back again, trying to look as composed as possible, returning his attention back to so jisub.
his breath still hitches as he approaches him, stuck in his throat, because he’s so nervous, because he’s so scared.
but, somehow, he still has a good feeling at the same time, actually, he has a pretty good feeling; it will work, it was worth it.
baekhyun knows it.
and when he notices the envelope in his hands it takes his everything not to start screaming right on the spot.
ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.
he nods slightly and this time he can’t hide the smile that spreads across his face, tugging so strongly at the corners of his lips and he probably shines brighter than the sun outside right now. “thank you”, he says, almost a little too quiet in comparison of his expression – he feels so incredibly honored, hearing those words from so jisub’s mouth; hell, he just feels lucky that he’s able to bathe in his presence and to speak to him again.
his hands reach out, hands almost cupped together as he takes the envelope, bowing only so slightly in respect. his fingers immediately wrap around the paper, clutching it almost too tight as it crinkles a little, but baekhyun hardly notices that, his eyes still glued at so jisub as he nods eagerly. “i won’t disappoint you, sir. i will give only my best for the company.” his words become a little more mumbled as he goes on, bowing again as the ceo walks past him.
only looking back up when he hears his voice again and he curiously looks at him, eyes filled with happiness as he almost sheepishly casts his eyes away for a moment, one hand coming up to rub along his neck in a shy manner. “t-thank you so much—“ and then he’s already bowing again, mumbling another ‘thank you’.
and only when the door falls shut noisily, baekhyun stops, just standing there almost as if frozen in place, staring at the exit, envelope still in his hands.
it’s sudden when he jumps into the air, hands trashing around him as he literally skips around the room, screaming and shouting in glee, ignoring skillfully how his loud voice echoes in the spacious room.
he did it! he did it! he fucking did it!
baekhyun stops again, already a little out of breath.
he can’t believe it. he did it.
he’s the newest flower in royal entertainment’s garden and he just can’t believe it.
his legs finally give in, weak from all the anxiety he’s been through today and he sinks onto the floor with a huff, still laughing to himself as he clutches the envelope close to his chest, fingers grabbing at the fabric of his button-up.
he did it. he did it. he actually did it.
and if baekhyun’s completely honest with himself, kt entertainment will forever be his dream company, a part of him will always want to join them;
– but royal is where he belongs, this is the place he instantly felt at home and he can’t be more happy.
The man who questioned you nods along as you speak, seemingly satisfied. The panelists look at each other, muttering a few things, and the woman who first addressed you leans in to whisper something to So Jisub, who nods.
“Good. We agree,” she responds after, and there’s a brief smile before she turns more serious. “We can tell you’re ready to work hard, but we still have some concerns. It’s clear that you’re outgoing and have no fear when it comes to speaking. This can be a strength, but this openness of yours already caused problems for you during the MGAs, if you recall the articles written about you.”
“In order for Royal Entertainment to be successful, its artists need to maintain the image required of them. This is our priority above all else, and also part of the reason why you weren’t ready on the MGAs. You can imagine the consequences we’d have to deal with if we signed you so publicly after the controversy surrounding you; it would be like we approved of your behavior. You’ve grown a lot since, and you’re willing to work hard, but are you capable of filtering yourself for the benefit of Royal?”
his eyes dart between the panel members, quickly flickering between each of them and his teeth worry the soft flesh of his lower lip, chewing nervously. baekhyun’s at this point where he just wants to curl up somewhere and sleep for like a seven days in a row to recharge, because everything about this pulls so harshly at his nerves, makes him so anxious.
he has his problems dealing with this, just because he’s not used to it, his knees are starting to feel wobbly and baekhyun really wants this to be finally over, that they please have some mercy on him.
but that’s not what the entertainment industry is about.
taking another shaky breath, baekhyun continues to watch them and the approving looks on some of the panel members faces manage to calm him down a bit, making him smile faintly – he has to admit that he’s relieved about seemingly telling them what they wanted to hear, it was one of his fears, talking about the completely wrong thing. but baekhyun’s even more glad about the fact that he saw his own flaws of the past well, that he reflected over and over again on the right thing.
and getting a positive reaction amongst all those serious and unreadable stares is very welcomed.
it still doesn’t keep his smile from crumbling, though, when the lady in front of him continues speaking and baekhyun’s hands immediately clasp together again in front of him, fingers wrapping around each other too tight his knuckles turn white.
he knew it;
he knew this would come back to haunt him.
and an uncomfortable shudder crawls up his back, heat spreading across his neck, he has to hold back from fanning himself air with his hands to keep his face from getting scarlet; he simply nods along to her words, quietly, almost ruefully.
baekhyun doesn’t like being reminded of those articles filled with rumors, doesn’t like hearing about them because he tries his best to ignore everything about them – mostly, because he knows that it was his own damned fault, that he’s the reason why some of those rumors even surfaced in the first place. he didn’t think it through, the way he talked on social media so openly and carelessly and it seems like this was something that cost him his further participation at the mgas.
he’s so scared that it will cost him his chance of getting signed with royal.
swallowing thickly, baekhyun nods again. “i know”, he says, not sure to which part of this, maybe, to all of it. he knows his open nature came back to bite him in the ass a couple of times now, he knows that it would be frowned upon if royal entertainment signs him, he knows that artists of a company have to keep face and maintain their image, nothing’s allowed to taint it and baekhyun’s aware that his already is, that there’s something sticking to him that he probably won’t be able to shrug off again; at least, not for a long time.
“but—“ baekhyun stops himself again.
take your time, byun baekhyun.
“the rumors i caused to surface were also part of why i said that i acted immature during my participation at the mgas. i should’ve known better and i’m actually still ashamed that an incident like this had to happen to show me how i need to be more careful about what i do. that if i want to be an idol one day i already have to take care of the way i present myself to others even before i enter a company.”
reading about other people saying that they’ll stop supporting him, rooting for him because of the possibility of him having a relationship with seolhyun or luhan – he ignores the fact that, of course, the public wouldn’t react well to him possibly liking the same gender. and he ignores it even more how he felt horrible for even seeming that way, for making others think that he likes guys, although he had no problem with it before he came back here, before he started pursuing his dream – hurt him a lot back then, sadness growing even more because it happened only two days after getting kicked out of the mgas, when everything was still fresh.
baekhyun casts his eyes to the ground, looking at the tip of his shoes. “i have— i have learned my lesson very well and i have been incredibly careful about the way i talk on social media and how i show myself to the public’s eye.” taking a brief pause, he swallows again. “i’m sorry, i keep drifting off answering the actual question—“
another deep breath.
he looks up again, eyes serious and the spark of determination resurfaces inside him.
“i am”, he starts, voice more self-assured now and he feels a bit like he’s about to sell his soul to the staff in front of him – although, this is a pretty dramatic way to name it, it’s like to be able get further in his life, to get closer to what he so dearly wants he has to push away a part of himself, he has to keep himself in check and to refrain from certain things. but ‘filtering yourself’ means for him nothing more than ‘are you able to hide this part of yourself’. “yes, i am capable of doing this, actually i have.. i have been doing it since then. and i’m also capable to keep a hold of my outgoing personality, to use it only as my strength and not to bring myself in trouble again. but more to not bring the company in trouble. i am more careful now and i’m capable of doing even more if it would benefit royal in any way.”
baekhyun nods again, almost as if he’s confirming it to himself for another time.
and it might be a little sad, but baekhyun is willing to sacrifice more than just this if it means reaching his dream.
After discussing your audition quietly, the staff members that watched your performance turn their attention back to you.
“We said we were glad you continued to pursue music, and that’s true,” a woman on the panel begins. If you listen closely, you might recognize her voice as the one that called you to schedule this audition in the first place. The others nod in agreement, and this time, it’s an older male instructor that speaks up.
As intimidating as the oncoming questions sound, there’s no malice in the man’s words. Instead, his tone is conversational– almost curious. “You showed great potential on the MGAs, but weren’t ready yet then. How did you feel about this performance? How do you think you’ve changed since then? If you weren’t ready then…what do you think makes you ready now?”
when he sees the members of the panel talking amongst themselves, hushed voices mingling together the nerves slowly return, getting their hold on him back and for a brief moment baekhyun feels like he can’t move, like he’s frozen in place – they’re going to reject him, he can feel it; he knows it.
and the way they look at him is just so intimidating.
he tries to keep his trembling hands in check by lacing his fingers together in front of his body, reminding himself to relax his shoulders again, to not appear too tense. baekhyun can’t have his missing confidence ruin this for him, no matter how unusual it is for him to be this anxious, if he goes down, if he has to face another rejection he’ll go down with pride, he’ll take it with his head held high.
it throws him off, though, when they ask him a couple of questions instead and he listens closely, taken aback by the words of the mister in front of him. his lips unconsciously part slightly, almost as if he wants to give a reply right away, but baekhyun holds himself back.
think before you talk.
although, he’s not quite sure what to say; his thoughts immediately start mixing up, there’s a complete chaos in his mind as he wonders how to answer these questions. what do they want to hear from him? he has the feeling like they want him to say something specific, that they want to hear this and that it will decide over whether they take him or not and it makes him scared – it makes him scared that he can’t answer those questions the right way. but is there really a right way?
“uhm—“, he starts, clearing his throat immediately over this slip of insecurity. baekhyun closes his eyes briefly and takes a more or less calm, deep breath. okay, go again. “i felt very nervous about this and usually i’m not the type to get anxious or some sort of stage fright, so it was a bit of a weird experience for me. i think it shows me how badly i want this.” a small smile tugs on his lips, the look in his eyes stays serious, though. “but i’m satisfied with my performance here. i’m still lacking in some aspects, maybe even a lot, but i’m glad i am. everything would be way too easy if i could already sing and perform perfectly. i like practicing and getting better at the things i do, i like seeing improvement and i think i improved a lot since the last time you’ve seen me.”
the grip of his fingers around each other tightens a little as he makes a brief pause.
“i— if you allow me to be completely honest with you for a moment… a small part of me still thinks that i was ready. there’s still this voice inside me that occasionally tries to blame everyone else for my elimination at the mgas, but—“, baekhyun’s voice grows a little quieter as he speaks and his eyes keep flickering between the members of the panel, making sure to make eye contact with every one of them. he’s not sure if this is the right thing to do, if being this honest with them is a good idea, but at the same time, baekhyun is a blunt person, a honest person and this once he doesn’t want it all to be completely a lie, he doesn’t only want to talk about the positive things. he thinks it’s important to also admit that he has flaws, but also show that he’s more than willing to work at them.
“i think the way i approached the mgas was very immature. this here”, he makes a hand gesture around the room, “is my dream and back then, i didn’t even consider whether i’m ready to become a trainee or not, whether i’m ready to step into such an industry, i just jumped head-first into the next best opportunity i got. you could say it’s just this simple.” baekhyun smiles softly and shrugs with his shoulders, almost a little casually. “but reflecting back to this, getting eliminated and not making it was a very important experience for me. it helped me mature and it helped me grow, to think a bit more before i do things. maybe, i was too confident.”
his right hand comes up to run through his hair, fingers combing the overgrown, dark fringe out of his face, before he speaks up again. “others tend to describe me as childish, although i prefer saying that i have a very youthful spirit”, he chuckles lightly, because, of course, there are people around who don’t think well of his bubbly and bright nature, he knows sometimes he can get too much for others, “but after bouncing back quickly i took every possible opportunity to get better, to slowly walk another step towards my dream. i even started giving vocal lessons, which i also helped me getting more mature and to do things in a more level-headed and responsible manner. it’s my way of improving and keeping up with my practice. it helps me staying in touch with music and i can also help others along the way who may even share a similar dream.”
it feels like he’s rambling and baekhyun has no clue if he even has properly answered any of the questions yet; did he lose completely track of his words?
baekhyun’s tongue peeks past his lips to wet them.
“i learned that all of this isn’t as easy as i imagined it to be and i think i’ve grown as a person, partly because of realizing this. but i’m willing to do ore and to work on myself, and also my skills. i’m willing to work hard for what i want and to strive for constant improvement.”
determination is twinkling in baekhyun’s eyes and he instantly hopes that this is enough, that he said the right thing.
“and i hope i’ll get a chance to prove this to you from now on.”
