#; musing

[warofchanges]

"There’s something oddly poetic about coming home and cleaning out a cupboard infested with insects.

Or maybe the poetry is in killing those filthy creatures."

[sword-and-lance]

so I wound up having a whole Thought Process in replying to a fic comment and just

okay fair warning this probably leans heavily on my own interpretations of Cazador and also Astarion and a bunch of the Cazador backstory in particular is pure headcanon

also fair warning there's discussion of abuse and sexual assault in here

BUT

man these two actually have quite a bit in common--the "my Master is an abusive asshole" thing being the big obvious one

also neither of 'em seem to have a great relationship with their families: Astarion never even mentions his in the slightest, ever, so I remain unconvinced that there was anything good there, and Cazador uh

well

Amanita's notes imply that there were only a grand total of like four remaining living Szarrs despite having multiple estates and a huge fuckoff castle smack in the middle of the city and yeah I absolutely headcanon that Cazador had most of them merc'd because none of them did a damn thing while Vellioth--who only married in and who Donnela picked for vampire-ing over her own grandkid because she held Cazador responsible for his dad (her son) going AWOL as a vampire hunter, it's a whole Thing I should really write it down at some point--basically ran the family reputation into the ground with his insistence on indulging his own brutal assholery over anything else (instead of balancing it with blackmail/politics so they don't get Found Out)

so yeah he is fairly obsessed with his family but in the sense that it's his and belongs to him and he gets to own it and shape it and bring it back to how it was when he was a kid and they owned damn near the entire Upper City in one capacity or another

so really no he isn't fond of his family but more the idea of it and being able to control it which is. uh. quite different!

and that kinda leads into my next point that they are both fucking Obsessed with power, "over people" specifically to quote Astarion in-game

I mean after all on Cazador's side of things: that was how Vellioth got to be where he was, that was what Vellioth wielded over him and all the other spawn whenever he decided to torture/sexually assault/etc them as he pleased, and that was how Cazador himself finally got Vellioth killed, too, and turned himself into a full vampire finally--it wasn't dry politics it wasn't law it was just interpersonal trickery wielding Vellioth's personal desires against him, and Cazador not only wanted his own abuser dead but wanted to make damn sure that it never happened again, that no one would ever be able to hurt him like he did

even when it meant hurting other people--LOTS OF THEM in all sorts of horrifying new ways!--to do it

and that's why he really just is not fuckin redeemable by the time we see him: he's molded his entire fucking existence around that notion, he cannot will not trust anyone but himself, he tried over and over with that as a spawn and always got punished for it--his family was not kind, his lone friend died for his kindness, and considering that his general social circle was a bunch of rich people, I'm willing to fuckin wager he probably didn't get any notion of it outside, either, and in fact it probably made it even easier to just think of people in general like things--cattle, even

so all that's left for him is (what has to look to him) like stone-cold objective knowledge that everything sucks, the world is vicious and cruel and the only good things you can have you have to TAKE by force or trickery from someone else and they don't matter, they'll only take from you the second they get a chance

and yeah Astarion clearly had a bit of a similar problem over the past 200-something years, considering--he was also tortured quite extensively for years, despite Cazador genuinely thinking he's being nice about it in an I HAD IT WORSE SUCK IT UP sort of way; he got faced with an utterly impossible task to constantly hunt down prey for his Master while fuckin starving the whole time, and eventually in sheer desperation resorted to literal prostitution only to be met with a very blase okay that works I guess keep it up from Cazador since it wasn't like Cazador really thought Astarion had much in the way of other talents to lure people in and all he cared about was having people lured in

shit, Astarion's entire approval set damn near until the last act of the damn game are just reflecting that mindset--the world is vicious and cruel and the only good things you can have you have to TAKE by force or trickery from someone else

...thing is, Cazador was basically surrounded by enablers and even outside of that is also hellishly stubborn and molded his entire existence around the pursuit of power because he thought that was literally all there was to anything, even to the point of making deals with not just a devil but one of THE devils, one of the Big Boys and one who's pretty damn tricky at that

he was not and is not going to give up on any of his plans, even if someone SOMEHOW gave him a chance to, and if we ignore the whole VAMPIRES EVIL LOL thing for a sec--far as Cazador's concerned, the kind are weak and murdered and tortured by the strong, and that is just how it is. that was how it always was and always would be and he's been surrounded by it literally all his life, personal and political, with basically no evidence to the contrary that doesn't immediately get ruined, whether at his hand or someone else's

if this isn't what he should do in life, then what else is there? just being a horribly broken person for literally eternity or until someone up and stakes him? he can't afford to let this go because it would obliterate his whole fucking identity in the process

...Astarion though at least has the benefit of running around with people who do not in fact enable his FUCK EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME! bullshit, and in fact (can be, anyway) relentlessly kind to him and show him that yes, actually, there is a life beyond what happened to him

there's a whole lotta life beyond it, actually! even while he's trying to "just" be manipulative, because the kind are weak and he can't afford to be weak when his Master HAS to be hunting for him by now, he fuckin fails at that and actually gets attached to the people trying to get him to knock off his assholery--they treat him like an actual person and he actually gets pretty into that despite himself, even though it clearly scares the hell out of him to have to make his own identity over again beyond just...being the flirty vampire

but thing is

he's at least brave enough to try doing it (presuming the non-ascended route--the ascended route he just refuses and falls right into Cazador's own neuroses), and when he's given the chance he takes it despite being terrified of it

he's seen more, he wants more and he's willing to risk himself to get it because it was worth it

Cazador though

lol nah

ultimately he's a coward about doing that exact thing

he's petrified of having nothing left of him if he gives up on what he's doing so he just never even tries and would pretty violently refuse any attempt to make him, for that matter--to him, it can't possibly be worth it

Astarion at least believes a small selection of people would be worth trying for

but Cazador's got none of that because he gave the fuck up on ever finding that and split the world into people he owned and people he would eventually own when he got what he deserved in Ascending after so many years of pure shit--and after his existence had turned into a meaningless morass of violence and horror that he inflicted on literally everyone around him like the walking nuclear fallout of a man that he is

part of being better is wanting to BE better, and (non-ascended) Astarion at least eventually wants to

but Cazador would very literally rather die instead

tl;dr yeah one of these two is a "small pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything"

but it ain't Astarion

[massivecore13]

Acquire Forbidden Knowledge

TAGGED BY: @a-for-alternative

TAGGING: @xrphansrevival @93312639​ and I think everyone has been tagged already─

                                       ✧･ﾟ   𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄. MUSE EDITION

★  ⸻   WHAT'S YOUR PHONE WALLPAPER?

Scraggy ❥ My very first switchblade. Oh my, I still remember the first time I used it, a cute seven years old baby skinning alive frogs in the lab for anatomy studies purposes... How precise and quick it was cutting those tender liiiiitlle entrails...

★  ⸻ MOST RECENT SONG?  DESCRIBE YOUR BESTFRIEND

All bones that cannot contain the flooding of his identity crisis.

... Am I romantic, ain’t I?  ❥

★  ⸻   CURRENTLY READING?

Tarot cards ─ to fool fate.

★  ⸻   LAST MOVIE? BEST WAY TO DIE?

In the most dramatic way─ in einem Lagerfeuer in der Walpurgisnacht

and get back alive to scare ‘em all

★  ⸻   LAST SHOW?

Hannibal

★  ⸻   WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?

Naughty naughty aren’t we?

★  ⸻   HOW TALL ARE YOU? WHATS YOUR BEST QUALITY?

It depends what you think a best quality is─ But I am rather meticulous , if you ask.

★  ⸻   PIERCINGS / TATTOOS?  

So, so, so... Quinn has a dragoon tattooed on his back, a helix, and four lobo holes. Marcey has three tattoos: a little pink butterfly on her right hip, the name of her grandmother on her upper arm, and a clover upon her left brow. Two lobo holes and one tragus. Hanami is clean. Boring as fuck. No tattoos nor earrings. Matthew Coronell, on the other way, is the essence of a man living with metal blah blah blah...

★  ⸻   GLASSES / CONTACTS?

Speaking of─ wouldn’t I look awesome with a glass eye?

★  ⸻   LAST THING YOU ATE?

I tried worms, but I am not a fan of earthy stuff.

★  ⸻   FAVORITE COLOR(S)?

Black and red

★  ⸻   DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH RIGHT NOW?

Yes, against a car. Several times. Next time I am getting for the truck.

★  ⸻   FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER?

Jeff the Killer ─ people often tell me we look alike! ❥

★  ⸻   LAST PLACE YOU VISITED?

Roger’s office, ugh. He supposed I was the one mixing his mint-flavored shampoo with a mixture that almost burnt his scalp. Tch. I wouldn't ever use such a mild concoction, kids if you wanna play with fire do it better please. His ratty toupee slayed me tho

[fiorediitalia]

Eve bingo <3

credit to @marakama​, and here’s the template (x)

[advocateofheaven]

//Oda is setting up Wano to make it look like Strawhat Alliance has a chance, and that Luffy can take on Kaido- just to make it all the more impact when Kaido destroy Luffy again when he tries to take him ‘One on One’ again.

Sorry Luffy; the distance between the strength of a Yonko and their Commanders is unfathomable.

Your only real chance is a combined effort with every hotshot you’ve got, but they’ll be preoccupied with the commanders, wont they? Maybe if Shanks made an appearance, it would be a different story but...

Luffy, you’ll not walk away from this war unscathed.

[delusionalseeker]

                                    ⌈  Blog Introduction  ⌋

◅ 𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐! 

                                  ❛ I  AM LORD Starscream~  

aligned with NO SIDE    , 

                                         ――――――――     servant to NO ONE! ❜

                           An independent literate Transformers Prime Starscream Roleplay side blog! // Ask ★ Main ★ Rules ★  About Muse ★ About Mun ★ Verses // Written by Gi. 

[dockwcrker]

(( Note: Some TFP Oplita for ya. :> I actually had motivation! Enjoy this smol drabble lol. I don’t really have a title for this one rippp. xD ))

It has been only a few months since Optimus’s ultimate sacrifice. Elita One could not stop thinking of it. How he left. All that time fighting for the world to be free again but he could not be there to see the freedom. The new world. Ever since the war ended there had been statues put up of those who fought alongside Optimus and of course, there was an Optimus statue. Once it was up Elita made a habit every day to go to the statue and talk to it as if it were actually Optimus. But it was just to show she was still thinking of him. Thankfully, not that many bots go near that area. It was mostly her.

Elita sighed to herself as she brought a book with her while she made her way to the statues. She held it in both her arms that crossed over her chest plating as she looked at the ground. It was one of Optimus’s favorites that he always read. She began walking over the bridge that hovered over water like substance. She soon stood among the Optimus statue and looked up at it. A small grin appearing at the corner of her lip plates. ‘’Hello, Optimus. I brought a book. One of your favorites!…’’ She chuckled to herself as she leaned against the railing that was closest to the statue.

‘’Would you like me to read it?” Elita asked and looked at the statue with a hopeful expression as if waiting for it to speak in return but nothing but silence. A frown fell upon her face, not liking the silence. Usually, Optimus was talkative when she was around so this felt odd. Her door wings also lowered to her back. She cleared her throat and laughed nervously at her self. ‘’Look at yourself Elita you’re talking to a statue. A statue!’’ She let out a heavy sigh as she looked at her reflection in the water like substance below. A sad face she had indeed. Even a tear dropping in the substance was seen.

Something suddenly sparked within her to look at the book in her arms and open it. She sat on the floor near the statue and began reading out loud…

Meanwhile in the realm of the Primes….

‘’Micronus- Please, help me unlock this weapon!’’

Optimus begged as he was being shot at from multiple directions from Micronus’s illusions. But no response from the first minicon as he just floated there and watched his brother suffer. Micronus had reasons for doing this. Optimus had to learn other ways of fighting instead of the easy way of talking out the information. Optimus was doing his best to block whatever was coming at him. He used many tactics he learned from war but it didn’t help much with this new weapon they gave him. He preferred his signature gun he used but the Prime’s won’t allow it. He was beginning to become frustrated. It was rare for the Prime to give up this easily but what the Prime’s gave him was difficult. The youngest Prime had many scratches and bruises on him at this point.

‘’Micronus-!’’

Optimus suddenly cried out as he got shot to the ground. He groaned softly while trying to get up.

‘’Get up, Optimus. You think someone’s gonna come rescue you like a fairy tale?’’ Micronus yelled at him.

‘’I-I can’t…’’ Optimus groaned in pain as he tried to get up again from falling the first time he tried to get up. He just couldn’t do it. ‘’Micronus please….’’ Optimus begged again while giving Micronus a desperate look.

The minicon noticed the look and let out a sigh, raising a servo to make his illusions stop and disappear. He knew that look Optimus gave. It was a look of doubt. ‘’Follow me, Optimus.’’ Micronus spoke.

Optimus let out a sigh of relief when everything stopped, soon able to get up on his own eventually but he was weak. Nonetheless, he followed his elder brother. ‘’Where are we going Micronus?’’ Soo many questions. Good ol’ Optimus. Though of course, Micronus remained silent until they reached Vector Prime who was solo at the moment. Optimus had that look of doubt as they seemed to walk endlessly somewhere Optimus doesn’t know. The Time realm. Vector’s realm. Optimus had a look of shock as he saw all of the bubbles floating around but they had memories within each. Some important, some not, some recent. At the entrance of the realm, Micronus just left Optimus there to see for himself. Micronus walked back to the Primes realm.

There was silence at first as he was left alone. Optimus just watched the bubbles that floated past him until…

‘’Ah, Optimus Prime. Nice to see you again. Why have you come?” Vector spoke, shocking Optimus to the very core by his sudden appearance.

‘’Y-You mean you don’t know?’’ Optimus asked. Vector laughed at his question.

‘’Oh, of course, I know, fool. You are losing faith,’’

‘’Pardon?’’

‘’You are losing faith. I see it in your optics. Chin up, Prime. No need for sulking you’ll reach her soon.Very soon.’’

That confused Optimus further as they elder Prime spoke. Vector was a mysterious mecha. It was rare to see him in person. Legend has it only a few have seen him.

‘’May I ask whom you are talking about?” Optimus raised a brow. Does he know about Elita?

Vector just let out a small chuckle. ‘’Elita of course. You yearn for her.’’

Optimus’s optics widened. ‘’Will I ever see her again?”

Vector hummed and used his blades of time to show him what Elita was doing now. It showed the young femme at the statue reading a book. Optimus’s frame froze at the sight of the femme. Primus he wished he could touch her again. Feel her again. Most importantly kiss her again. He wanted to give her all the affection and appreciate her. 

‘’Elita…’’

Optimus walked over to the bubble and had a servo over it as if he wanted to touch her but he couldn’t. He listened to what she was reading and smiled softly. One of his favorite books. He could listen to her read it all day over and over and not get bored. Was... that a tear coming from the Primes optics? Perhaps so. He truly did miss her with his spark.