#;;negativity

[harknesstm]

well i WAS having an alright day and then i got home to my mother being here and spent an hour being told how i ruin everybody's lives and how i should do everyone a favor and go sit on the train tracks, among other things, so i'm gunna wait til she's gone, then see if i can manage to get slammed before i have a breakdown and then i should be GOOD

[twotailshakes]

southernsquall replied to your post “Wonky muse, missing classes because my sleep schedule is hecked up,...”

((Maybe take a chill day to relax a little for yourself?

((yeah, I’m trying to relax as much as I can, but it’s gonna be five?? days before I can really take a day off? its taxing for sure ;v; 

[twotailshakes]

Wonky muse, missing classes because my sleep schedule is hecked up, running into class late and then out 5 minutes later because I get a nose bleed and anxiety kicking my ass on top of all of it? g o l l y I’m having a whale of a time today.

[lestkarrkingofeurope]

the first translation panadabro had for ferid was actually much more accurate to the character and material, i'm unsure why you changed it

[[ THE ADVISOR SPEAKS ]]

Hooo boi I knew this was still going to come up no matter WHAT I do-

AIGHT THIS GONNA BE KINDA RUDE AND SHITTY IUNNO JUST NEGATIVE - NOTHING AGAINST YOU ANON! This isn’t directed at you personally - just in general!

Buuuuut basically…I used this translation bc I’ve been accused in the past by anons that bc I have a bias towards vampire or Ferid, I tend to “mellow” their character out and for my scanlations not put an “accurate” translation of their dialogues - people knows that I hate the shit the fandom puts Ferid through, and that when it comes to a part where he says something really extreme and shitty/gross, I apparently edit in a more “mellow” and “nicer” translation of what he actually says to make him look “better/good”

I never published those asks bc I’m just going off the translations I’m given or advices/suggestions my friends give me who are also well-versed in speaking Korean or whatever language the raws are in. But for this one, I have - why? Because apparently, when I finally go off my translator’s translations and instead use a fan translation that seemed to have more “popularity” from fans because of its “accuracy” - I’m told that it WASN’T accurate - if that makes sense?

I’m honestly starting to think that the supposed “mellow” translations I’ve been editing in from my translator for Ferid’s character were all originally accurate, and it’s just fans in this fandom that hates the living shit out of Ferid complaining about it and making me think that I’m unconsciously being bias and trying to make his character “look better” than what his true nature is (which I am VERY well aware of and will not deny/turn down).

This is also another reason I stopped scanlating lmao because I was getting tired of these accusations and asks - esp when I put away my own free time to do this and still get spat on because of a few dialogue lines.

[alolatahilillie-blog]

indefinite hiatus

I really hate doing this, but...

I’m just really not enjoying my time here any more. It all feels like a chore. I just accumulate draft after draft. It doesn’t feel like Lillie is maintaining any lasting relationships with other muses off Discord. The dash is full of really dark and serious plots that I don’t want to jump into. I don’t remember the last time I was able to do an ask meme.

It doesn’t feel like it used to. I remember logging in every day because I wanted a smile or a laugh, and feeling like tumblr RP was a really positive place where I could go to get away from the stress in my life. And I haven’t felt that feeling in months. I’ve been chasing after it for months, and...that’s probably not healthy.

It hurts to do this. This blog was a huge part of me last winter and spring, and I have so many positive memories here. I don’t want it to end. But I’m just not happy here any more. I need to take better care of myself, and some of that involves me stepping away from this blog, however long it takes. I could be back next week, or never. I really don’t know.

I’ll still be around on Discord, though I won’t be giving out my Discord to anyone who doesn’t already have it.

[alolatahilillie-blog]

I know this is an odd request, but can anyone who’s feeling up to it maybe send some love and positivity to @moonkxlled? He’s not feeling well and I think that might help.