O1: LIFELESS
trigger warning: starvation, implict incest.
“You need to eat.”
Su Min stares blankly at her plate. She stares at the spot in front of her. There is no one sitting there. There is no guest, visitor, or anything. She remembers someone telling her to eat, to take care of herself. Everything she tries to cook burns. Her mother’s cooking is long gone. And so she stares at the clean plate. Is it really essential to eat?
“Don’t die.”
It’s not as though she’s insane. She promises. Her stomach knows it needs to eat. Her brain knows she needs to eat. But her thoughts are full with some kind of numbness. It’s okay if she doesn’t eat. It’s possible that for a day, just for a day, she’ll go without food. The thought dances in her head for bits and pieces of time. Among the workload, her murders, and being stolen, she isn’t quite sure the first thing on her mind is food.
Her brother often had to remind her to eat. Her mind just always thought of it as a bottom feeder of a priority. Her mind is as toxic as her touch. It’s too heavy to remember to not to die. It’s strange all the time. Her plate is still empty. There is no crumb on her plate. There is nothing. It still shines. Her brother also thought it was an act of defiance. Her mother told her to get her own food when she still presented it to her brother.
By some Asian standard, a male teenager should always be served. Her mother told her the consequences of not eating. Su Min ignores her. She never truly loved her anyways. She was a servant more than a human. She was the dark-skinned slave. She was only three-fourths of a human being. So she erased it.
It was always a good thing they weren’t blood related. He had his own ways to torture her. But she stares blankly at the table. She stares at the silverware. The knife is her favorite. He stabs the fork into the pieces of meat. Shoves a spoonful of rice into her mouth. It was not a pleasant experience.
“Please, Su Min.” A sociopath is what they call her. She loves her brother though. And so she ate just so she could see his smile. She stared at the smile, depicted it again and again. Wondered if he ever tasted burnt flesh.
Her fingers put a lock of her hair behind her ears. The home is empty once again. There is no victims to her games today. It’s an empty life. Her hunger disappears like the rest of her. She tells him I love you too much.
She worries if he cares about her. And now she stares blankly at the spot in front of her. Loneliness is her imaginary friend. She’d give up her arms if she could get someone else into heaven. It’s why she doesn’t feel anything anymore. She gave it all away.
She’s not hungry. Someone else probably is.
