a PROFOUND and INESCAPABLE voice just spoke to me and it said there's nothing to recover, there's nothing to return to and it was never a secret and I was never keeping anything from you and love is not stored in the past actually because, back then, it was never meant to BE love. It's the waiting that makes it, it matures, like wine or honey, it's all accidental. The spice mix your mother used in her pasta, the cds your dad left behind and you took them with you to college, it's the time that makes it love, don't you think sometimes. In the orange light of dawn, doesn't the distance make you miss it?
"the flavors of your childhood aren't memories of lost secret recipes - they're accidents, they're time and circumstance and availability. There are no recipes to recover because the people doing it never knew them"
don't you get it, you can't go back, you can never go back, and there is nothing to go back TO. you are laying on the floor and the water is lukewarm and everywhere around you and you can't touch it but it's there. don't you get it, you keep asking where did the love go, where does the love go. it's there. it's at the end of your fingertips, it's always been there it never left it didn't exist until you knew it existed you plucked it into being I wish it would STAY I wish you'd stay sometimes.