I ordered a Devil's heritage jersey and I was surprised by how quickly it shipped out to me and all excited because it was gonna be here for the game tonight and I just got here and as soon as the I picked up the package I knew something was wrong.
'You're burning up' or 'Do you know how pale you look right now?' with Hei Xiazi and his ducklings (or Heihua of you want to)
HIS DUCKLINGS!!!!! not me sobbing about the ducklings i love them (i'm assuming u mean the sha hai kids and if so HERE YA GO!)
(also these ficlets are now cross-posted to ao3!)
Send me a prompt and some characters and I'll write some whump!
Alright, fine. At this point he's a glorified babysitter. He knows that, because someone needs to look after the three kids that they've somehow adopted into the Jiumen-Adjacent-Wu-Xie-Harem-Squad (Hei Xiazi is part of the "Squad" and nothing else. Especially not the harem. That's everyone else's job), and Wu Xie sure as fuck isn't responsible enough for that, and everyone else is worse. Maybe not Wang Pangzi. He could probably do a good enough job as a babysitter, because he has to look after Wu Xie's stupid ass all the time, but that also means he's got his hands full looking after Wu Xie's stupid ass all the time, and that really is a full-time occupation.
Hei Xiazi had adopted one kid. Maybe two, if you count that time he and Li Cu spent in the desert, but that was more like nannying, because Wu Xie had left his infant to wander around by himself and someone had to keep the kid from getting bitten by snakes, so Hei Xiazi doesn't count him. He has Su Wan, and Su Wan is the only child that he will take full responsibility for. It's why he's putting so much effort into training him; he won't have anyone saying that his kid is the least well-behaved out of the three, though that isn't hard, because Li Cu is like Wu Xie but Feral, and Huo Daofu's brat has apparently learned too well from him, because he's just as much of a bitch.
(Hei Xiazi will call a child a bitch. He absolutely will. Bitchery transcends age, and Yang Hao is only not a bitch to his two best friends, and even that's a mixed bag on the best of days.)
He knows that they aren't kids, really. Except they are. Well, they're teenagers, but Hei Xiazi is old enough that anyone under the age of thirty is practically a baby. They know nothing. None of them. Not a single goddamn thing.
It's what got them into this mess in the first place.
Okay. He won't blame them too much, because really, it's not their fault that their immune systems are weak as shit. Hei Xiazi has centuries of catching illnesses and fighting them off and he's immune to pretty much anything viral at this point. He's even had smallpox, which sucked ass. Now, though, he will never get smallpox again. Neither will the babies, because they're all vaccinated. Hei Xiazi got vaccinated in the way that builds character, i.e. nearly dying.
It had been a lovely family tomb outing, with Wu Xie and Wang Pangzi and Hua-er and Hei Xiazi and all three kids, and then Li Cu had picked up some bacterial infection from a fucking zombie or other form of dead body or something, and given it to the other two, because they all share a tent, and now they’re all sick as hell. And since Hei Xiazi is the only one who can't catch this bitch of a bug, he's playing nursemaid, which is a lot more complicated than he had originally expected, because this disease is unpleasant, to say the least. Huo Daofu, who hadn't come on the trip, is now watching all of the other adults in their quarantine; they think that they’ve prevented them from catching the thing too, but it's too early to tell.
They're all at Wushanju, and Hei Xiazi is with the boys in one half of the house, while the others have been sequestered to the other. This is good, because while the sickness might not have killed Wu Xie, Hei Xiazi would have after the man attempted to come and see the kids for the seventh time after expressly being told no.
(It's times like these especially that Hei Xiazi wishes that Zhang Qiling were still topside. As uncooperative a bastard as he was, he was probably the only one in the world that Wu fucking Xie would listen to unconditionally.)
The sickness is one that Hei Xiazi remembers picking up when he had first started tomb raiding, and it's not even quite an illness, either. It's more like nightmare fuel, where the victim's fever climbs so high that they start hallucinating, pretty badly, but it also does something to the nerves that doesn't allow passing out, so the patient is conscious the entire time, and not happy about it.
The only upside is that it runs its course in a few days, typically, and mostly isn't fatal. The villagers that Hei Xiazi had stayed with when he had it had called it the Waking Sickness, and it had not been fun, so he knows what the kids are dealing with.
They're going on day two right now, which means that there should only be about twelve to sixteen more hours of hallucinations. The sickness had started out as just a fever and shakiness, and Hei Xiazi had recognized the symptoms in time to get everyone back from the tomb, but this was when the illness was the worst, and he was steeling himself to deal with the next few hours of hell.
It had started out with Li Cu shivering even in ninety degree weather, and not from fear. Eventually, he had been shaking so hard that Su Wan had taken to holding him in an attempt to get him to still, but then he’d started jumping at shadows, and then finally, Yang Hao had said, very carefully, “Do you guys see the shadow people too?”
And then Hei Xiazi had said fuck that, and herded them all back to civiliazation, and banished Wu Xie and all his damn husbands to one side of the house and made a blanket nest for his kids on the other. And they’ve been fairly good with that; he’s only had to deal with Su Wan trying to escape twice, but Yang Hao and Li Cu seem alright with staying in the mound that Hei Xiazi had created. Maybe their fever-addled brains can sense that it’s safe, and they don’t want to try and leave, which is good. Hei Xiazi can keep an eye on them better that way.
He’s returning from the supplies that Huo Daofu has left outside the wing they’re in, along with a note that says, Everyone’s fine. No one else is sick. Xie Yuchen says hello, which Hei Xiazi knows actually means Get the kids better quick so I can jump your bones, babe. He loves his Hua-er.
He’s got water bottles and packages of applesauce with straws attached to them, to see if he can get the boys to eat something, but when he returns to where he’d left all of them, he realizes that there’s a much bigger fucking problem to deal with.
The three all have different ways of dealing with the nightmares, and none of them are really surprising, considering their personalities. Yang Hao’s is probably the most heartbreaking, because he goes quiet, his eyes big and dewy, as he stares at things that no one else can see, tears silently tracking down his face. Hei Xiazi is most worried about him being dehydrated, cause he doesn’t think the kid has stopped crying since they got back to the house, and that’s a lot of waterworks. Not even Wu Xie’s silly intern cries that much (is Kan Jian still an intern? Hei Xiazi doesn’t know). Fortunately, Yang Hao also likes hugs in this state, apparently, so all Hei Xiazi has to do is latch him onto one of the others, preferably Su Wan, and he’ll limpet himself to them until the current nightmare ceases, the dream breaks for just a moment, and then the cycle starts over again.
Li Cu’s reactions would be almost funny if he didn’t sound so terrified. He’s loud and angry, yelling at people that aren’t there, lunging at anything that moves and trying to fight invisible assailants. His voice is going to give out before too long, and Hei Xiazi is almost surprised that it hasn’t already, because the kid is loud as hell. In all honestly, he’s shocked that Yang Hao and Su Wan haven’t shied away from him, but he supposes that whatever they’re seeing in the hallucinations is scarier than a scrawny, twiggy teenager shouting at nothing. Hei Xiazi has found that he’s also protective, and will wrap himself around Yang Hao and snarl if the other teen decides to cling onto him, and snaps at Hei Xiazi whenever he tries to touch Su Wan, which is unpleasant, but Hei Xiazi has dealt with far more feral creatures, himself included.
(Okay, and maybe he can see why Wu Xie is so distressed that he would try and break free of their self-imposed imprisonment; if he could hear his charge screaming from across the house, there’s very little he wouldn’t do to keep from getting to him.)
Su Wan is the problem child, though Hei Xiazi has tried to keep that very thing from happening. He has no idea why Su Wan reacts the way he does, he just knows that whatever Su Wan is seeing, it causes him to run away. Given that his fever is boiling his brain, he can’t get very far, but that doesn’t mean that Hei Xiazi is spared a small heart attack whenever he comes back and finds his kid missing from the pile.
Which is where he’s at right now. Yang Hao is pressed as tightly as he can to one side of the blankets, hands wrapped tight in the folds of fabric; Li Cu is half-hanging out of the bundle, too weak to actually get up, but yelling at the wall nonetheless, which would be very threatening if he were any more coherent. But Su Wan, his unfortunate, loveable mishap, is nowhere to be found.
“Damnit,” Hei Xiazi says out loud, quickly scooping Li Cu back into the blankets and pushing him towards Yang Hao, who whimpers as Li Cu’s yelling gets closer to him. Li Cu seems to remember that oh yeah, he has someone to protect, and immediately plants himself in front of Yang Hao, spitting insults at whoever he’s hallucinating right now. Yang Hao grabs onto his shoulder and pulls him closer, and doesn’t seem inclined to let go anytime soon.
Hei Xiazi will worry about hydrating them in a minute. He has to find Su Wan first.
“Hey, Su Wan?” he calls. “Xiao Yanjing?” It’s embarrassing, yeah, fuck off Hua-er, but he’d started calling Su Wan that in his head, and had let it slip once the day before, and Su Wan had stopped struggling to escape from him and looked up at Hei Xiazi with luminous eyes, and allowed himself to be led back to bed. Hei Xiazi doesn’t know what feelings he has about that, but they’re warm ones.
He wanders through the hallways, calling out for his student every so often, and then finally, as he’s passing by one of the guest rooms, he spots movement near the window.
Su Wan is standing next to it, his hands pressed to the glass as though he’s trying to get out. He’s saying something, mumbling it under his breath over and over again, and Hei Xiazi has to get very close to hear it.
“Hei-ye,” he’s saying, “Hei-ye, come back. Don’t leave me here.” He looks around, winces, brushes something imaginary from his arms. “It’s dark.”
Ah shit. Another Gutongjing flashback, then. Fantastic.
He comes at Su Wan from the side, making sure to speak before he touches him so that hopefully Su Wan won’t be as freaked out, but it doesn’t work. Su Wan still reals back when Hei Xiazi’s arms close around his shoulders.
“It’s okay, Xiao Yanjing,” he says. “I haven’t left you. You’re not there anymore.”
Su Wan’s eyes aren’t focused on him. His head lolls over to the window again. “Hei-ye?”
“Right here, kid,” Hei Xiazi sighs, bringing the back of his palm to Su Wan’s forehead. “Shit, you’re burning up. Still. You need to rest, idiot, not go wandering around Wusahnju. The way Wu Xie keeps this place, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s got literal tomb traps lying around here.”
Su Wan doesn’t give any acknowledgement that he hears him. “I want to get out.”
“I know,” Hei Xiazi says. “I know.” He gently turns Su Wan around to lead him back to the other two. “Hey, why don’t we go find your friends? I’m sure they’d like to have you back.”
“Ya Li?” Su Wan mumbles, and then, quicker than Hei Xiazi can catch him (which is really fast, actually, since his reflexes are actually better than anyone else’s on earth—okay, no, he supposes that Zhang Rishan’s would be better. Zhang Qiling’s too, but he’s not technically on the Earth, so Hei Xiazi will happily put himself in second place), he darts in the direction of the courtyard, calling LI Cu’s nickname as he goes.
“Shit,” Hei Xiazi says, running after him, and he’s still faster than Su Wan, so he’s able to catch up with him and grab him by the arm before he falls and hurts himself. “Su Wan! Stop!”
Su Wan struggles, his voice breaking into a sob. “Let go! Let go! Ya Li!” He twists, trying to break free, but Hei Xiazi is ready for that, and pulls him back, wrapping his arms around Su Wan’s front to hold him in place. “Ya Li!”
“Stop,” Hei Xiazi says to him, “Stop, it’s okay. It’s okay.” It takes a few minutes of whispering reassurances, but eventually Su Wan sobs and goes limp in his hold, knees nearly giving out, but Hei Xiazi keeps him upright.
“That’s it,” he says. “I’ve got you.” He waits for Su Wan to calm down a little bit, then picks him up slightly, making sure his feet are under him at least somewhat before he half-leads, half-carries him back to the bedroom.
He realizes it’s surprisingly quiet the closer they get, and takes the last few steps in a run, but when they get inside, he realizes that Yang Hao and Li Cu are fine, still there, still breathing. They’re just asleep, Li Cu lying on his back with his arms and legs splayed, and Yang Hao glued to his side, head lying on his arm. They look nice, and peaceful, for once, and Hei Xiazi remembers what the village doctor had said about the Waking Sickness: When they’re able to sleep, the worst is over.
Sure enough, Su Wan climbs into the blanket mound when Hei Xiazi deposits him there, going to Li Cu’s other side and yawning, blinking up at Hei Xiazi slowly. His cheeks are still bright, and when Hei Xiazi checks his forehead again, he’s still feverish, but for that moment, he’s coherent enough to murmur, “Hei-ye?”
“Right here,” Hei Xiazi says. “Always here.”
Su Wan nods, then turns his head so that he’s gazing and Li Cu and Yang Hao. A small smile crosses his face, and then he tucks his nose into Li Cu’s neck, snuffling gently, and goes to sleep.
Hei Xiazi sighs heavily, sitting on the floor and reaching for one of the water bottles. Fuck the sick ones; he needs to be hydrated if he’s going to keep up with them.
Y'ALL. I innocently put Trek references in my Invader Zim fanfiction because, y'know, that's what I'm about, but it keeps. getting. weird.
First I learn that the girl Q is Tak. THEN I learned that the Irken language is just modified Romulan. AND NOW?! NOW! I see that Reginald Broccoli himself did voices on IZ. How?!
what else am I going to learn and WHEN will I lampshade this??
