false freedom ( aka i don't know what else to title this but it's a ramble about aster )
hey would you look at that it's another long rambly post about one of my ocs that probably won't make any sense :D buckle up kids i have no script
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let's start off with clarifying something. aster doesn't have a body. actor's is unusable, actor took the mayor's, and the mayor took their body. aster only exists within the stories, in which they have a "fictional" physical form. if they exist outside of those stories, they're like a ghost, and can't exist very far from the manor ( example being this animatic i did ) . ( how they exist as a ghost is confusing and sad as its own thing so i'm not even going to bother trying to explain that )
asher … semi - willingly went into the stories. it’s complicated. the entity was influencing them at the time, but they also were … very tired of being alone.
aster, initially, in the stories, does not remember anything from their life. it isn’t until the point of the end of i.swm that they begin feeling phantom pains & having nightmares that resemble w.km ( neck / back aching, sharp pains in their midsection, nightmares influenced by their hidden memories, etc ) . i imagine that they end up working it out over time, but it’s definitely gradual. it started with them clipping out of the story ( like in the behind - the - scenes path in i.swm where you see actor ) , and grew as they started recognizing faces & script lines, and noticing ‘gaps’ in the story ( plot holes, pieces of the set being fake, etc ) . it was .. terrifying, when they realized. they still don’t really know how to handle it.
once the story was “ over ” , they … didn’t have much to do. going into detail about my actor ( not elegy ) would take a whole separate post so i’ll just say that i.swm kind of just … continued for a while. aster kept acting as captain, mark kept acting as engineer, etc.
now onto what i was mainly thinking about and what most of this buildup was for ( hi ash )
if aster were given the choice, they would not choose to take their body back. they have nothing left in the real world ; they lost everything.
in their own words, they “ don’t have anything outside of the stories. there’s nothing [they] want to see anymore. whereas in the world [they’re] in, [they] have a crew, a community, a whole world .. and while it might not be ‘real’, it’s real enough to [them] ” . they know the stories aren’t real, but in another sort of way .. they are real. besides, the only people they’ve ever really cared about are all there already. and if they went back, they’d have nothing but pain, physical and emotional. yes, part of it is escapism, but the other part is that they’ve thought about it .. a lot. and that’s ( at the moment, at least ) what they want.
it’s either go back to a completely unfamiliar world, with low understanding of how it works, completely alone and with no purpose .. or stay somewhere that they do have a purpose, with the remnants of the only people they’ve ever cared about. it might be “fake” in technicality, but it doesn’t feel fake. they’d rather have something fake with real “people” than be completely lost again.
and yknow they don’t have to fear dying again. well, legitimately dying.
they have somewhere they can “exist” and have a purpose. where they understand ( sort of ) what they’re doing, and can have a chance to … live. it’s a loose definition, but it’s what they want.
that being said, i think they should have an arc where they rediscover themself ; where they get to figure out who they want to be, sort out what they were / what they are / what they want to be. it would probably be a continuation of this verse ( which i made over a year ago ?? oh my gosh ?? ) .
after all that sad, i'm going to talk about what aster might choose to be / what they might become.
first off, p.interest things ( what they’d look like upon realizing they can control how they appear )
they’d definitely take advantage of being able to control their appearance — they’d be able to look however they wanted to, without the limitations they had during w.km era. they could dye their hair if they wanted to :))
they can dress in comfortable clothes. they can find their own interests. they can rediscover ice skating and sailing.
anyways the aster emotions are back whoops
i’m probably forgetting things so i’ll add them later if i remember :D
what keeps your soul tethered to the mortal realm? ( E.njolras )
your dying heart
your heart aches at the thought of leaving them behind. all you've ever wanted was for them to be safe; for them to be happy. your purpose is to be there, to protect them, to keep them safe from this cruel world. they will be okay. your need to be needed is keeping you from being free. you love so deeply, you care so much, but who is there to do the same for you? you cant always be there; it's a fact you can't accept, but in order to leave this realm, you need to make peace with it. you deserve freedom. you deserve to be free.
tagged by: @whatsbehindthefacade ( ty ! )
tagging: @horrorsintern , @radiostxtic ( burial ) , and whoever else wants to !
