NOTES:
January 1: Mini Fanmeeting in Mapo, Seoul
BC City’s BEE Monthly Schedule
Alyssia didn’t really know what to feel as she sat quietly at the backstage, the sound of fans cheering loudly for BEE causing a roiling feeling to surge deep in her gut. How long had it been since they debuted? Since they’ve actually made an official comeback? And still, despite all those years of experience that she had, butterflies of nervousness and horror still fluttered in the pits of her empty but growling stomach.
I feel like puking. She squatted on the floor and away from the chair that they were supposed to sit on in the waiting room, feeling worse by the minute as the seconds ticked by to their official mini fanmeeting. Alyssia knew that her fans were excited—but she had her own doubts. While as confident as anyone could be on the stage and in front of an audience, she had terrible amounts of insecurity for a regular human.
Am I too fat? Too thin?
Did I dance my steps correctly? Did I smile enough?
Will they like me? Love me? Or will they blame me for BEE leaving for so long?
Even with BEE’s future at stake on this comeback and the response, she still had somewhat of a shaky confidence in her fans. There had been other times that those fans that had insisted they were on her side and that they loved her having turned on her and stabbed her in the back. Not that it didn’t hurt because she didn’t know them or that they were never close—still, those terrible doubting comments had great amounts of impact on her own psyche. She had wavered, trembled, then crashed as the pressure went on and on. The amounts of night terrors that woke her from her bed, the monsters she held back barely at bay clawing back at her ankles, tearing, ripping until she finally collapsed into nothing but a empty shell of skin and bones.
It had been a terrible time and experience, but she had gotten over it. Or at least she thought so. The thought of meeting fans again sent her lips paling, the edges of her tongue flicking out to lick the sides quickly, moistening her ruby lips out of sheer nervousness.
“What’s wrong?” She barely hears her eldest unnie, the warmth of a hand on her back jerking her out of her reverie. Alyssia floundered for a moment or two, her instinctive reaction to scream at a physical touch almost trumping over her knowledge that this was someone she knew.
No. Not here. Not now. She mustered up a trembling smile as she hooked her arm around her unnie affectionately, cuddling into the eldest’s shoulder almost cheekily, watching as a relieved smile crosses the older’s lips. She had always been the most fragile of them all, and a huge part of her always felt deeply guilty at how much the other three had to care for her.
“Nothing, Unnie~” She quickly does the aegyo that all her unnies can’t stand, laughing as her unnie swats her on the butt, huffing as she pretends to attempt taking her hand out of her grip. “Noo---”
“Alright, lets go.” She lets a smile lift across her lips as the other two members come to stand by her side, their hands pressing against the small of her back like a comforting presence never to be taken away.
Its showtime. She steps from the room and out into the screaming waves of roaring fans, a flirty grin on her face and an adoring wave in her hands.