I was thinking about the recent events during the US Tour and thought it may be fun to turn it into a fic and add a little twist to what’s going on, why and eventually a resolution. Feedback is welcome, whether you love it or hate it, so I’ll know whether or not I should continue on.
Chapter 1
Camila had a sense of dread before heading out onto the stage, but she was trying to fight through it for the fans. And then the classic symptoms started:
Halfway through the show, her heart began racing, and Camila knew at that point she had to get off of the stage. She was about to go into a full blown panic attack. Her eyes were wild as she looked at Dinah. Camila tried to mouth that she had to leave, but she could not seem to form the words. Dinah took a step toward Camila, but the girl turned and ran up the stairs to get to the set of steps that would take her off stage. The girls continued singing, but the sound was getting lower and lower as she ran further away from the stage. By the time Camila found a quiet room the tears were already streaming down her cheeks. She slammed the door closed, leaned against it and cried until the attack passed.
Back on the stage, between songs, Dinah addressed the crowd of fans who were screaming Camila's name. She tried to get some answers as to where the youngest group member had gone, but all she was told was wardrobe malfunction. Dinah knew that couldn't be true because she saw Camila's face before she ran off the stage. There was something wrong, and she couldn't wait to get off stage to find out what happened and if she was okay.
Several times Lauren looked around the stage to see if Camila had come back yet. A wardrobe malfunction was a simple fix. They had back up back stage and the change should have taken one song at the very most. But four songs later, and Camila wasn't back on stage yet. Lauren caught Ally's eye, but she didn't seem to know what was going on. Normani looked just as confused as everyone else on stage and off. The only one who looked to be as concerned as she was feeling was Dinah. There was a small break between songs, and Lauren walked right across the stage to stand next to Dinah. She moved her microphone behind her back and covered it with her hand. Leaning in close to Dinah's ear, she whispered, "Where's Camz?". Dinah was still facing the audience, and so she smiled. "She just ran off stage. Nothing was wrong with her outfit. She looked like she was about be sick." Lauren immediately turned for the stairs, but Dinah grabbed her arm and swung her around so they were facing each other again. The music started to play for the next song, and if another girl left the stage things would become obvious there was something more going on than a faulty wardrobe. Dinah brought Lauren closer. "The show is almost over, and then you can check on her. If you leave it will be obvious, and we've never done the show with only three of us." Lauren's eyes well with unshed tears. She wanted to get to Camila, but she knew it would only leave people talk and cause the group to struggle more with having to divide singing for two missing people without any preparation. She broke the embrace with Dinah, and took her place on stage to finish the show.
Back stage, Camila was able to gain her composure enough to leave the room she had locked herself inside of. She was no where near ready to go back on stage tonight. Her eyes were swollen and blood shot from crying, and her face was splotchy and red. She was exhausted from everything, and wanted nothing more than her bed inside of her little bunk on the bus. Looking around, Camila finally bumped into one of the guys on their crew. He walked right by her, and then doubled back. "Camila? Aren't you supposed to be on stage right now?" She looked over her shoulder, and gave him a sad smile. "It was a bad night for me, Matt. If anyone is looking for me, please tell them I'm already on the bus. I really just need to get some sleep, and I'll be better tomorrow." He gave her a nod even though he wanted to ask her to stay and talk about it instead of hiding on the bus. She looked nowhere near ready though. "Feel better." Camila turned and made her way out to the bus.
The concert was still going on, so the usual fans waiting were not there yet. While Camila loved meeting the fans and interacting with as many as possible, she was grateful for the quiet while she climb the stairs into the bus. Inside it was quiet, and she lived for moments like this. After changing into her pajamas, Camila crawled into her bunk and settled herself in underneath a mountain of covers and stuffed toys.
The girls took their final bow together on stage, and Lauren was the first to go running down the stairs to find Camila. She searched every room that she thought Camila could be in, but there was no sign. The last room Lauren stepped into was their changing and make up room. The clothes Camila wore to the venue were still there, but there was no sign of the girl at all. "If there was something wrong someone would have told us." Normani reassured Lauren as she walked into the shared room. "I'm telling you guys, she looked like she was sick before she ran off the stage. She looked at me like she was trying to tell me something, and then she just bolted." Dinah picked up her clothes and took them to her corner of the room. Lauren sat heavily on Camila's chair with her head in her hands. "I think I upset her at the meet and greet. Fuck! I think she's mad at me." Lauren was shaking her head as she replayed the small moments in her head. They were so insignificant that the other girls hardly noticed, but they were huge for the two girls. "What are you talking about, Lauren?" Ally laid her hand on Lauren's shoulder for comfort. She couldn't remember a thing that could have happened to upset Camila. Lauren lifted her head from her hands, but she was looking at Dinah not Ally. "She tried to hold my hand and I pulled back. There were too many cameras around. And then I asked her to step back when she was standing too close to me during fan pictures. She didn't say anything at the time, but fuck." Ally pulled Lauren into a hug. "I don't understand this shit. The fans love to see you two interacting, so why stop it? You don't need to confirm you're dating her, but you gotta be more sensitive to her feelings, Lauren. You know that girl thinks the world of you." The last thing Dinah wanted was to cause Lauren more pain than she was feeling right now, but she also felt for Camila. The distance in front of people had been noticeable by all and Camila was feeling it the worst.
Lauren pulled herself away from Ally to stand up. She gathered up Camila's clothes, and her own. "I'm going to check on her. I need to know that she's alright." Dinah stopped Lauren before she had the chance to walk out that door. "If you really did upset her then she probably needs space. I'll head back to the bus to see what's going on. Give her a break tonight, Lauren." Normani looked between the two girls. Lauren was losing her patience and ready to start lashing out at Dinah. She wanted to tell her to mind her own business and leave Camila in her hands to take care of. "I love you but she's hurting, too. I'm sure she'll be ready to talk tomorrow." Normani clasped one of Lauren's hands between her own. "Let's get changed and spend a few minutes with the fans. It will help to get your mind off of things for a few minutes." Lauren reluctantly turned away from the door and dropped the clothes on a chair. She would take the advice of Dinah and Normani for now, but she would be speaking to Camila tonight, and no one would be able to stop that once she was back on the bus.
Dinah quickly changed from her stage outfit to something more casual. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail as she exited the venue and jogged back to the bus. The fans were screaming her name, but she couldn't stop a moment to address them. Instead she waved, blew a few kisses and climbed onto the bus. It was dark and quiet inside. For a moment, Dinah wondered if Camila had come back here at all. She wasn't sure until she heard the sniffling sound coming from inside the bottom bunk. The curtain was drawn and the lights were out but Camila was in there. Dinah sat herself on the floor right outside that curtain and leaned her head against the frame of the bed. "Mila?" The sniffling stopped, and everything went quiet again. "Mila, I know you're in there. I just want to check that everything is okay. You scared the hell out of me tonight. Took everything to keep Lauren on that stage once she realized you were gone." At the mention of Lauren's name, the crying started again. "She told us what happened. Is that what has you so upset?" A small voice from behind the curtain confirmed that was indeed the problem. "I just don't understand why things have to be this way. I know that we can't tell anyone, but I don't know why she now feels the need to push me away in public. It leaves my brain thinking all of these nasty things and then I just feel like I can't breathe. It's the worst." Camila broke again, and she was sobbing into her pillow. Dinah pulled the curtain back and leaned the top half of her body inside of the bunk to put her arm around Camila. The smaller girl turned and buried her face against Dinah's chest as she let all of the hurt and frustration from the night out.
Camila didn't stop crying until they both heard the sound of feet climbing the stairs into the bus. She pulled back to look over Dinah's face. "I don't want to speak to her tonight. Please just tell them that I'm fine, and I just really needed some sleep?" Dinah looked at Camila, taking in her tear stained face, and realized she couldn't deny her the request even if she did think the two girls needed to talk and mend things as soon as possible. "Yeah. Get some sleep Mila. You know where my bunk is if you need a cuddle later." She managed to give Dinah a small, but broken, smile and she turned over again to make herself as small and hidden as possible inside of her little blanket fort.
Dinah pulled the curtain closed as the girls walked inside the bunk area of the bus. Lauren was walking straight for Camila's bed until Dinah held her hand up to stop her. "She's sleeping." Lauren was so close to a full blown melt down. It was taking every bit of restraint to keep herself from blowing up. "You know I usually sleep in there with her, Dinah. Please move and let me see her." Camila rolled her eyes at the confrontation that was about to begin between the two girls. She pushed the curtain aside enough to stick her head out. Everyone went quiet and looked at her. "I'm fine. I had another anxiety attack, and had to leave but I'm fine now. I don't want to talk about it, or anything, tonight." Camila gave Lauren a pointed look. "I just want to sleep so please just leave me alone." Lauren winced as if someone had just slapped her across the face. The look on her face almost melted Camila's resolve. She wanted to reach out to Lauren, but they had to fix some things and until they did she had to be strong. She had to start thinking about herself for once. Using the last bit of resolve left inside of her, Camila closed the curtain on her bunk again, and for the first time Lauren was scared that she may be losing Camila.
