zero had never lived with something so small and fragile before. the kitten, a soft gray thing baekhyun had all but shoved into his arms, seemed determined to test his patience. it stalked his apartment like it owned the place. sniffing the corners, pawing at the hem of his hoodie where he’d carelessly tossed it, batting at the frayed edge of his boots. sitting on the couch with an arm draped across the backrest, he tracked every movement with a narrowed eye, half-expecting it to burst into flames or reveal some hidden defect. he wasn’t used to noise in his home, and the constant shuffle of tiny paws against the floorboards unsettled him more than he cared to admit.
when the kitten tried to climb onto the couch, he shifted his leg like an immovable barrier. it clawed anyways, mewling sharply when it slipped and tumbled back down. the sound it had made pulled something taut in his chest, and before he realized it, his hand hovered in its direction. he withdrew it just as quickly, muttering a sharp “tch,” under his breath, as if chastising himself for even considering it. later, when the creature finally nestled on the corner of the couch cushion, curled like a scrap of warmth against the cold leather. zero stared at it far too long. every rise and fall of its breath felt foreign to him, like he had smuggled life itself into a space that had only known silence.
sleep didn’t come easily. he kept expecting the kitten to break something, knock over a glass, choke on the the quiet. when he finally slouched back, the sound of its small purr filled the room. a noise so steady, so unfamiliar that it felt like it was echoing through him instead of the walls. for once, zero couldn’t decide if the discomfort clawing at his chest was irritation or something far more dangerous.
when morning came, zero woke stiff, his neck aching from the couch’s armrest and his hoodie draped halfway to the floor. for a moment the haze of sleep left him still, ears turned only to the hum of the air conditioner and the faint drip from the kitchen sink. then he felt it, weightless warmth pressed into his ribs.
the kitten had burrowed against him sometime in the night, tucked nearly between the fold of his arm and his chest as though it had chosen him as shelter. its tiny body rose and fell in an easy rhythm, whiskers twitching, paws kneading the fabric of his shirt in sleep. zero blinked down at it, disoriented. no one touched him like this, not without demand or without cost. and yet, here was a creature who had chosen him freely, curled into him as though he was the safest place in the world.
he didn’t move at first. he only watched, lips pressed tight, every instinct telling him to shove it away before the familiarity sank in too deep. but the kitten’s warmth seeped into him, and the silence in the room didn’t feel so empty anymore. when he finally did shift, the kitten stirred, let out a faint chirp of protest, and clambered higher until it rested against the hallow of his collarbone, still purring.
zero exhaled through his nose, somewhere between irritation and surrender. his hand lifted halfway, hovered uncertainly over its small back, then dropped to the cushion again. he couldn’t bring himself to touch it, not yet. but when he leaned his head back, eyes closing once more, he allowed it to stay. allowed himself, for the first time in ages, to fall asleep again.
the twenty year old FUCK !!! what was his name ??? remained a beacon of silence , choosing to keep his mouth shut instead of screaming rabastan’s name into oblivion . and oh , he should have . he should have screamed and screamed and screamed some more . and when he was done ? he should have given a lasting wail , forcing his throat to bleed the same way his face now did .
it was supposed to be a regular wednesday night . just a normal fucking night . rabastan was restless , not talkative . then again , what else was new ? but there was something off , something different he should have noticed , but instead chose to ignore . his mind wouldn’t shut off on a good day , but that day ? it was unbearable .
he was supposed to be better , damn it ! somebody loved him . someone saw him and found him worthy of being a first and last thought . he figured he could finally rest easy knowing he wasn’t as monstrous as he once believed , but his urges never seemed to quiet . they were too fucking loud , too fucking often . he didn’t mean to do it . merlin , he didn’t mean it .
“ rabastan , the rabid fucking animal , ” he muttered in self-loathing , his head slamming against the stone wall as he allowed his body to sink closer to the floor . not quite sitting , but no longer standing ; bent knees and lifted heels were all that kept him from falling to the chilled cobblestone beneath . “ he fuckin’ deserved it ! ” rab lied .
he couldn’t remember the boy’s name , but they shared something special : the blood that pumped through his veins now painted the crooks and crevices of the serpent’s hands . swollen knuckles stared back at him as his whole body shook , rabastan trying to scrub away the crimson that stained his flesh . “ the cunt deserved it , ” deceiving laugher echoed out from the back of his throat , the loud sound causing angry protests to emerge from surrounding portraits .
“ he did , he did , he did . ” he didn’t , he didn’t , he didn’t .
his laughter felt foreign forced and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks as it soon shifted into angry sobs , his whole body convulsing as he fought to breathe .
why didn’t he say his name ? when the professors who found him asked who did it ... why did he lie ? ‘ i didn’t see who it was ’ , he sputtered in agony , his eyes welded shut and his teeth drenched in warm , sticky gore . rabastan couldn’t believe it . the stranger was beaten within an inch of his life , and he lied about who did it ... but nothing was more terrifying than retribution among beasts . rabastan would always be safe . always .
‘ watch where you’re going , you fucking asshole . ’
that was all it took . the straw that broke the camel’s back the snap of his patience , much like a spine or appendage . nothing but a shoulder check and seven words ( two of which were favored by the wizard himself ) . his vision blurred as he swallowed down his anger , trying desperately not to think of what would lead to his next episode . who would be his next victim .
he couldn’t keep doing it . he just couldn’t . “ it was an accident , i swear , ” he mumbled into the fabric of his sleeves which now covered his hands . god , he was such a mess . fucking pathetic , he was . drunk , crying , and covered in another man’s blood . rabastan lestrange was the living embodiment of rock bottom , and he wasn’t sure he would ever escape the sharp , jagged edges .
“ monsters are real , and ghosts are real too .
they live inside us , and sometimes , they win . ”
it was an irish ditty he whistled . something old . traditional . rabastan couldn’t quite remember the name , but it lived rent free in his mind ; like an earworm , carrying him through the day atop several musical notes .
he would sing , but the lyrics evaded him . that and rodolphus once kindly informed him that he sounded like a dying pig on a hot summer day .
so he whistled , shaking the giant tin bucket as gasoline splashed about . he moved to the tune , holding the container in place before the melody picked up again , and then emptying its contents with a bob and tilt of his head . he walked around the room ( or maybe danced was the right word ) as he covered the ground with enough gasoline to burn for days .
“ please , ” a weak voice muttered .
rabastan paid it no mind . the song was still going and the bucket wasn’t empty yet .
a crash was heard behind him as irish men , burly in size and tiny in mental capacity , rummaged through the house . galleons upon galleons were stashed in the small cottage , proving to be worth more than ten times what the land they stood on was worth .
they stuffed bags filled with money , quite literally cleaning house .
“ please , ” the weak voice cracked , sobs escaping his mouth as he pleaded .
the brown haired criminal was raised to believe that begging was a tool used only by the pathetic and weak . lestrange men never asked . they never pleaded . they simply took . so when a voice would raise an octave , or someone would adopt a widened expression like that of a puppy , he wanted to cringe . it was pitiful .
and yet , even under that stern belief , he knew he had begged before . recalled it quite clearly , really . but never for his life . rab only begged for things worth begging for .
and this man’s life clearly wasn’t worth the snot-infested sobbing .
ew .
“ please . ”
“ jesus . wish you weren’t so repetitive there , bud . ” he responded , cigarette tucked neatly behind his ear as he tossed the bucket carelessly to the side . being mindful to step on the areas of the floor without gasoline , he practically skipped to the bloodied man who remained tied to a chair in the middle of the ransacked room .
rabastan moved as if he had endless energy , but he couldn’t have been more exhausted . he was worn down to the very marrow of his very fatigued bones . the job always left him feeling like that . empty . absolutely depleted . missing any hint or spark of whatever humanity he could scrounge together on his best day . it was hard not to feel that way when he lived a monotonous existence filled with nothing but violence , manipulation , and the ever sharp dagger plunged in his back by his own family members .
frankly , he could not care less about the man drenched in gasoline , crying for his life as if it meant anything to begin with .
“ i’m sorry i tricked you , i didn’t “
“ ah ah ! “ rab admonished with two wags of his calloused finger , moving to press the digit against the man’s lips . “ i think it’s adorable you thought i didn’t know . you’re a smart man , so give me credit for being a clever one too . ”
the man , ulrich , shook in his seat . it was a nasty combination of being cold from the liquid and of being terrified of , well , the lot of it . he looked as if he wanted to speak , but he couldn’t bring himself to chance it .
“ go on , ” rabastan encouraged , albeit with slight irritation .
“ if you knew , why didn’t you ... ”
“ why didn’t i stop you ? ” he finished for him . “ gold fucking star , ulrich . didn’t i say it ? didn’t i tell him he was a smart guy ? ” rabastan turned toward a large blond man who had recently stuffed a bag to the brink with galleons . following a grunt , he swung the bag over his shoulder and gave a stern nod .
“ sure did , boss . told him to his face , you did . ”
“ i did . ” he nodded in agreement before turning back to the man in the chair . “ and you really are , i mean wow . aside from your proclivity for crossing the wrong people , that was quite a business plan . i watched you for months , workin’ your ass off and getting nothing but top grade results . and i really appreciate it ... you makin’ all that money for me . ”
the man froze , suddenly aware that the brilliance of his betrayal was only because rabastan had allowed it . the younger lestrange son covered up his tracks , giving him the opportunity to run his business without a single hitch . had oisin or rodolphus known ? he would have been dead within hours . and the money ? nonexistent . rabastan saw the potential in him and he wanted to push it , to see how far he could take it . and even with the theatrics and the threats , he knew there was a possibility that ulrich would survive . he just needed to want it enough .
“ now i get to kill you , steal your hard-earned fortune , punish your loyal followers , and sell all your merchandise . and who knows , ” he paused , taking a moment to remove the cigarette from behind his ear and place it between his lips , lighting it nonchalantly before finishing his thought . ” maybe i’ll fuck your wife too . ”
smoke cascaded from his mouth as he leaned forward . “ c’mon now , give us a kiss . ” he muttered with a wicked smirk before transferring the lit cigarette to ulrich’s lips . all they needed was a loose bit of ash to fall on his person , or anywhere in the room really , and it would be game over . “ enjoy . it’s my favorite brand . ”
taking a stand and walking toward the front door of the house , he motioned for his men to follow . the windows had been boarded up , so the shift from complete darkness to bright sunlight caused his features to contort drastically . fuck , he muttered under his breath before walking down the steps .
a sound emerged behind them , a small gust of wind tickling his back as he made it to the sidewalk . of course , the wizard could make an educated guess . short styled tufts of chestnut hair canted to the side as he turned , quietly appraising the house as it was being slowly engulfed in flames . ulrich hadn’t lasted very long .
“ that’s a shame , ” rabastan sighed in disappointment , the edges of his lips curled downward to showcase a frown . part of him wanted the man to survive , if only to preserve whatever clever ideas he had stashed away in that head of his . regardless of the betrayal , even he had to admit ulrich walsh had a talent for what they did . it was a waste .
“ sir ? ”
“ i would’ve eaten the goddamn cigarette . ”
he watched the fire before him , entranced by the anarchy of it all . by the way the flames shifted and danced . he felt like a fire himself . he was becoming unhinged ; unresponsive ; like chaos in human form and he desperately needed someone to drench him in water , if only to smoke out the real him . but the real him was hidden in a cluster of flames and soon he would be just like ulrich : ash and dust and regrets .
“ give it time and put the fire out , then take the money to o’sullivan . he’s got the books and he’ll compare . ” rabastan wiped a spec of dust from his black coat before flipping the collar up , protecting his neck from the harsh winds he would feel after disapparating . things were about to get very cold for the younger lestrange man .
“ you’re not joining us ? ”
“ no , ” he replied quickly , shoving his hands into his pockets as he turned to leave . “ i have a funeral to get to . ”
“ — Slow down, you crazy child.
You are so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you are so smart, then tell me.
Why are you still so afraid —- “
Her hair was up, tied in a bun while a fluffy headband kept the stray hairs away from her cheeks and forehead. The scent of Elizabeth Arden’s ‘red door’ -a gift from a fan- lingers on her pulse points, the skin warm and glittery. The incline of her bones and the dip of muscle cast shadows along her form in the low light, breath twanged with the scent of sweet wine. Lashes are flickering low, intoxicated but in a dream of the drunken that encompasses an almost dreamy state. Shoes had been kicked off long ago, her lilac painted toes resting lightly on the yellow mat. Dressed in pajamas, she was sitting at one end of the balcony, an empty glass in her hand and a bottle of wine resting on a table beside her.
“Say, do you ever sit up late at night, and just stare at nothing in particular out the window? Just thinking about everything. About what you felt when you were five years old, and then compare that to how you feel now?” She asks, her legs dangling from the edge of the balcony, elbow propped on one of the rails and her palm holding the delicate point of her chin. Her eyes flicker across the moving world under her.
“It is almost upsetting, don’t you think? To think about how all the innocence you once had is gone now. You are no longer filled of pure and amazing wonder, for you have now morphed into a completely different person. A person who has to hide their fears, their desires, their sins and their struggles in order to survive. In other to live.”
Dawon sighs softly, looking back at the now sleeping dog behind her, its nose twitching as if in response.
“Sometimes it hits me just like that. One moment I am doing something, or I am in the middle of a dance practice, and the next second I can feel my heart twisting for something that happened three, two.. one year ago. It is scary I think, how fragile we can be and I begin to wonder if maybe, just maybe, I am too sensitive, too afraid for my own good.”
It was incredible to Diana how amazing those young artists were. She was not that senior on K-Pop Industry, but she had been active for five years now, it’s more than enough to build a career and certain recognition. Japan always impressed her, how educated they were and how loved she felt in there. The Japanese fans always gave her an unbelievable love and support. Until now, Diana never promoted Japanese songs or Japanese versions of her songs, although, she was working on it, to learn Japanese decently and be able to promote a lot in that amazing country.
She was preparing herself to perform in 30 minutes. The last concert. That was the time she needed to warm up her voice. Symphonic sound came out from her mouth, exploring notes, high and low tones, she did what she wanted with her voice. All people on backstage always looked at her warming up, since her debut Diana always was pleased and recognized for her vocal skills and amazing voice, hearing it in live was even better.
Diana always warm up drinking water and walking in circles while singing and checking in her mind the choreography. The heels make noise while she walked, it might bother some people, not her.
it was only a matter of time before benjamin fell back into his favorite habit. it was one he'd picked up when he was only fifteen. more than once it was referred to as gross, an unhealthy way of having fun. but he didn't care. it was the one time he could be around people that truly didn't give a shit about what he did. the benjamin that the girls he fucked and dumped knew was entirely different than the benjamin that his friends knew. that's how he liked to keep it. maybe that was why he had slipped out of the house. it hadn't been too hard earlier in the night. most people were distracted and by the time he'd walked to the end of the driveway his uber was already there and waiting. no one had even noticed he was gone until he'd said something about it in the group chat.
he supposed he shouldn't be too upset that they didn't notice him missing, after all. that was the point of him trying to not be noticed. but still there was that part of him, the oh so minuscule part that liked to be overly emotional that whispered quietly that they chose to look the other way instead. he wasn't half as sneaky as he thought he was.
like most times, he tried to ignore that part of his mind.
"i don't usually do this, you know." the sound of a woman's voice made benjamin turn around, and he was pulled from his thoughts. they were at the hotel now, he'd insisted on renting them a room instead of going back to his place like she'd initially wanted.
"are you uncomfortable?" he asked her, leaning back against the wall as he stared at her, only halfway grinning at her. it was a load of shit, and he knew it. he did this too much to not know the experienced ones from the inexperienced ones. girls like her who stood in front of him eyeing him like a piece of meat on a hook, just as he was her, did this more often than they'd ever admit.
but that was half of the fun of it. pretending like it was something scandalous, a night they'd both remember forever or whatever bullshit she wanted to coo at him after they were done, all sweaty and tangled together, catching their breath.
"no, not really." she said, smiling softly. the sight of her made benji smile wider.
"good, do you want something to dr—" benji didn't get the rest of his sentence out before his phone rang, causing him to silently swear in his head. part of him wanted to ignore it, it was probably just one of his friends back at the villa. probably jae or graham, but even still, he reached in his pocket and pulled the device out before smilng at the woman and stepping away. "hold on, i'll be right back." he told her, holding up a finger as he made his way to the hotel bathroom. "don't you move." he warned lightly before closing the door behind him and looking down at the screen.
immediately, his face lit up as he recognized the caller id.
"grandma, hi." he breathed out happily, leaning back against the wall as he made the transition from english to korean easily. "how are you?"
"do you not know?" her first words startled him just a bit. phone calls with his grandmother were always nice. every time she had sweet words and a tender voice greeting him, but now her voice just sounded rough and upset.
"know what?" benjamin asked.
"has your mother called you?"
"no, i don't talk to mom. you know that. what's going on?" he asked, his voice getting just a little bit louder. any sense of privacy he might've tried to hold onto due to the other woman just beyond the door didn't matter. he doubted she knew what he was saying any way.
"she told me she called you, she lied to me. that ungrateful little—" it was rare when benjamin interrupted the old woman, but this time, he did.
"hey! what's going on?" he snapped, immediately tensing up as she went silent.
"your father was in an accident, benjamin."
those seven words was all it took for a chill to go through him. the lighting in the bathroom was too bright. it reflected too harshly off of the white tile floor and the ceramic sink. the breath felt like it was knocked out of him, despite how he'd just inhaled sharply.
no.
"what do you mean." he asked. mumbled, really.
"you should call your mother."
five minutes later, benjamin stepped out of the bathroom and saw the woman again. this time she didn't look quite as appealing as she had before. that smile she wore for him, the clothes, the right amount of skin; it all made him feel sick. or maybe it was just the words he'd exchanged with his grandmother.
"hey, so if you're still offering that drink i'll take it." she grinned up from her place. benji stared at her blankly, blinking once. could she not tell a difference between the man that had gone into the bathroom and the one that had come out? was he that good of a liar? even when he wasn't trying, he was a fraud?
"no, get out." he uttered the words, taking off the jacket he'd worn out and threw it on the bed behind her.
almost immediately, her expression soured. it didn't take much to make that sultry smile flip, he noticed. but at the moment the last thing he cared about was hurting some girl's feelings when he couldn't even remember what her name was.
"what?" she ground out, getting up. the question made him turn to look at her. his phone was still in his hand, he had one more call to make and he sure as hell wasn't going to do it with some stranger sitting in the room.
"you heard me. get the fuck out. go home. go fuck another guy. i don't care." he said shortly and then lapsed into silence. it didn't go over as badly as it could have. a string of curses followed by her storming out and she'd slammed the door.
even alone, he felt a crushing weight on his chest.
"christ." he mumbled. benjamin sat down on the end of the bed, just where the woman had been perched a couple minutes before. he could still feel the warmth she'd left, and smell the perfume she'd worn. it made him scrunch his nose up while staring at the lit screen he held in front of his face.
a giant breath, almost like he was steeling himself for the worst, and he pressed the 'call' button before raising his phone back to his ear.
"benjamin nicholas ahn do you know what time it is?" of course those were the first words his mother had said to him. not a hello, not how are you, not an apology. but a screeched out scolding.
"why the fuck didn't you call me?" she was never nice in her greetings to him, and he'd never felt the need to return with anything but the same.
"is this about your father?"
"of course it's about him, why didn't you call me?" benjamin asked again. he was already more irritated than he'd been. a lot of things about his mom always put him in a bad mood, but especially now. when she had every reason not to be unkind, she still did it.
maybe it was all false hope that he had been filled with when he'd dialed her number, that she'd answer the phone in tears and soft words, saying she was sorry for not calling him sooner. immediately, he felt stupid for thinking that she'd be any different than the last time he spoke to her. melody ahn never really changed.
"why should i? you've always made it clear that you resent us as parents, i didn't think you'd care."
her words hitting him like knives, he visibly flinched and shut his eyes. "i deserved a phone call at least. the night of, the day after, i deserved that much. don't you think?' he questioned lowly. it was hard, keeping the fire out of his voice. benjamin knew he wouldn't get any answers if he started yelling.
"you deserve nothing! you're lucky that you have what you currently own! you've always been like this, ungrateful! did your grandmother call you, is that it? she's always had a soft spot for you, even after we told her how rowdy you are. i don't know why she does it, she's seen the kind of mess you make."
"shut up!" he barked, suddenly standing up. the last thing benji really wanted to hear was how bad of a son he was. how worthless and ungrateful he was. he knew that song by heart, now. he didn't want to listen to her repeat it like a broken record. over and over again she'd loop it until he got physically sick. "i deserve to know that my dad fucking died! you can give me that much, you know? do you think i wanted to call you? because i didn't. this is the last thing i want to be doing tonight. especially tonight."
"don't raise your voice to me!" she started to say more, but benjamin cut her off again.
"quit changing the topic!" he yelled. "he died over a week ago! you buried him a day before my god damn birthday, why didn't you tell me?" he asked. benjamin hated this. the way she could easily get a rise out of him. the way his voice cracked at the end of his sentence. the way he felt so immeasurably guilty at the fact that he was having a nice time with his friends while his dad was being buried.
"i already told you. i didn't think you'd care." melody hissed back. she was never truly fit to be a mother. benji was always convinced that she'd had him because his dad wanted children and she liked the idea of a perfect family. "why should i have?" she spat his words back at him. "the last time you spoke to your father you might've killed him yourself—"
that was what broke it. whatever was left of his calm facade, he couldn't keep it up any more. hearing those words, the words that had been playing over and over in his head since his grandmother had told him 'your father was in an accident, he was hit by a drunk driver and never even made it to the hospital. he was declared dead on the scene.' he'd only thought of some of his last words to his father, not even two years ago.
god, if anything he wished he could take those back now.
without a word, he pulled the phone away from his ear and hit the end call button. he'd gotten enough answers. in truth, he didn't even need to call his mom. benji knew what she'd say to begin with, he knew it like the back of his hand. it never changed. but a small part of him still reached out for some sort of comfort from her. the motherly affection he never got was just an illusion at this point.
with a strangled yell his phone went flying towards the wall beside the bed before benji sank back down onto the edge. instead of sitting, he kept sliding down until he was on the floor with his back pressed against the cold bedframe. his knees slid up so he could put his face in them. why now? why, when he was having a nice time for once, did something like this have to happen? benjamin couldn't remember what he was doing the day his dad died. nor could he remember how he was feeling exactly the day when he was buried. but he still felt wrong, dirty.
he didn't deserve to be happy those days.
he didn't deserve to be happy when the last words he spoke to his dad were those telling him that his life would be better off if he'd die. how he thought maybe then he'd be free from the nagging and the guilt trips.
the victory of freedom didn't taste as nicely any more.
sitting there, he hadn't even noticed that he'd started crying until he felt a warmth splash onto his arm. the feeling would've made him laugh if he'd had it in him. just the night before, he could remember kaia's question. 'when was the last time you guys really cried?' benjamin couldn't remember. he could never express an emotion like that without feeling wrong. maybe that's why his chest felt so tight, like it was going to concave and explode at the same time and he couldn't do anything about it.
his tears turned into sobs as he buried his face deeper into his arms. his phone was buzzing in the background, the group chat becoming active again. but he ignored it. this was another benjamin he was glad they couldn't see right now. gone was the benjamin that cleaned the messes, made the meals, and comforted them when they were sad.
this was the benjamin who was just, in truth, a sad little boy who missed the childhood he never got, and wished his father had been softer, less swayed by his mother. this was the benjamin who held nothing back as he crawled over to his phone, leaving the group chat to get rid of the noise before he sobbed himself to sleep, wishing more than anything that he wasn't on this island, feeling alone in a hotel room all before midnight.
Not after the first time he went to a party at Hogwarts and some Gryffindors talked him into playing beer pong and then taking shots of Firewhiskey. Not after the morning he woke up in Scotland after following a rugged man with green eyes home and spending the night.
He blinks open his eyes, but the light streaming through his curtains makes the pounding in his head worse. He groans and ducks under the covers, trying to recall what happened the night before. He can’t remember how he got home and he can only remember parts of the night before that. Please tell me I didn’t do something stupid.
He turns on his side and lifts up the covers so he can grab his phone from the nightstand and he immediately starts to laugh. Alice must have brought him home. Next to his phone was a tall glass of water, some muggle aspirin, and a note.
Otto throws the covers off of him and winces at the light. He reaches for the note and lets his eyes graze over his best friend’s loopy handwriting. Took you home. Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything too stupid -- just sang Hercules while I tried to make you eggs and you were passed out before I could feed you. Enjoy the hangover, Champ.
Otto shook his head and picked up his phone. There was already a text from Alice asking how he was feeling. What did I do last night?
Remember that much, huh? I unfortunately can’t tell you much. I was held up late at work and by the time I arrived you were in a booth with Amycus Carrow.
Amycus, Otto thought. He can recall parts of the night now. Talking to Amycus and feeling as if he could barely breathe. But he can’t connect if something happened between when he talked to Amycus and when Alice found them in that booth. Was he with Amycus the whole night?
Otto swings his legs over the side of his bed and realizes he’s still in his clothes from last night. His cloak is sung over his desk chair and Otto gets up and grabs it. It’s oddly heavy and he plunges his hand into his pocket and is met with something cool. He pulls out a necklace in the shape of a heart, the inside filled with a shimmering brown-green expanse.
He’s seen this necklace before. Did he steal it?
It was Amycus’s necklace. The one for Penny. Why does Otto have it?
Otto knows why he has it. He has it because Amycus made the necklace from Otto’s eyes. He captured the stars in his eyes and put them in a necklace for an acquaintance and Otto can’t even figure out why.
Maybe he’s messing with him again. Otto thought after years Amyscus would have grown up, but maybe he’s just as spiteful and immature as he was at Hogwarts. Maybe he made the necklace like Otto’s eyes and had never meant to give it to Penny in the first place.
Otto sits on his bed and cradles the necklace in his hands. It’s beautiful spellwork really, how the surface flickers and moves like a liquid galaxy. He could get lost in the color and he figures this must be what it’s like when he looks into Amycus’s eyes and forgets anything else.
Otto takes his phone from the side table and goes to OFN, he’s not friends with Amycus, doesn’t have his number, but he knows he can send a message tp him on OFN and it’ll get to him eventually. I have your necklace, he types out. You should really get it back.
His thumb hovers over the send button, but his eyes are captured by the necklace again. It puts a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. It feels hollow at first, but it spreads outwards, fills up his whole body. He knows what this means for him at least. These feelings, they’re not going to go away no matter how much he wants them to.
Otto deletes the message and puts the necklace on. With the weight of the metal against his chest, he settles back into his pillow. He closes his eyes and all he sees are stars.
Disclaimer: This has been in my drafts for a day and while Sophie still feels like this, her negative feelings aren't overwhelming anymore. Your muse doesn't know anything of Sophie's feelings except for if she told your muse about it.
If there was one word to describe Sophie’s current state, it was ’ tired ’. The female was tired of a lot of things. People and how they acted, words and sentences people spoke and even herself. That was probably what bothered her the most: She was tired of her own existence. Not in a sense where she wanted to die though, she knew exactly how valuable and precious living was. It was a gift that you shouldn’t throw away, not even when you were frustrated with yourself. Instead, she was tired of being the person she currently was, or more like, a person who she wasn’t anymore.
Fans saw her ’ Sophie ’, the leader of the girlgroup Mellow and a singer with a solo experience. They saw her as the member who was known for her charming personality, her never ending smile and loud ’ dinosaur ’ laugh. A girl who wins hearts with her natural cuteness and quirky personality, that’s how many people described her. They weren’t completely wrong, the female was indeed a person who smiled and joked around a lot during VLives, fanmeetings and events where she met or saw fans. It was rare to see her with a straight and emotionless face when cameras were involved. Carefree and witty, a small sunshine who loved to laugh.
Meanwhile her friends knew her as ’ Soph ’, the girl who watches out for others and puts their wellbeing before her own. A woman who smiles and burdens the negative feelings to not bother anyone around her, that’s who she was to those she loved. They saw the kindhearted friend who seemed like a mother or older sister, always caring for those she knew, be it an old or new friend. Sophie had been like this since she was a child, growing up loving others more than herself. It was natural for the 25 years old woman to put her own feelings aside to take care of the feelings of others, even though people often didn’t even know that. To them, she seemed like a happy girl who always smiles and rarely is upset, but that’s because that’s the person Sophie wants her friends and also her fans to see: A bright person who people can rely on.
Only her fiancé got to see her as ’ Hwang Sophie ’, the person she actually was. The person who needed someone to rely on just as much the people around her. It had taken a while for him to get to see her as the strong yet fragile woman who had a lot to deal with. Insecurities, troubles, fears and problems, he knew of most of those things and while he didn’t always understand how she felt, he had always been there to try to help overcome the negative feelings that crept up on her. Sometimes he was successful, making her forget those feelings and be happy again but other times even he couldn’t make her feel better. Those were the worst because she ended up feeling bad for not being able to be happy despite his encouragement and support. It made her feel guilty to the point she was scared of opening up to him. Maybe that has been the mistake that got her into the current situation, the fact that she couldn’t talk to anyone and instead chose to bottle up her feelings.
Keeping up with the different faces was hard and sometimes she wasn’t sure whom exactly people saw the moment their eyes fell on her, she just knew that it wasn't her true identity. There were moments when even she didn’t know who she was, after all. Perhaps it was a side effect of being an idol, having to constantly put on a mask of the perfect human being to the public making her lose her own self. She knew that this profession has changed her a lot, she was far from the girl she had been before she joined 2K. Before, she had never felt like this. But now, now she sometimes felt numb, as if she had lost herself during the day. That’s when she experienced how it felt like to be tired of yourself, and it was a feeling she disliked a lot. Sophie didn’t hate, usually, but this feeling was something she had learned to hate. It made her feel messy and she knew that she had to change this feeling.
