This is extremely oversimplified, because the people who swarmed into my Twitter mentions even though I didn’t @ Jaymi, Union J, or, in fact, ANYONE, had no basis of understanding -- or wanting to understand -- how slurs or words in general work.
This is a gross oversimplification of how the reclamation of slurs can work and how it can’t. Jaymi being gay does not mean that he can use misogynistic language and have it magically NOT be misogynistic. My being queer means that I CAN use the word queer and have it not come from a place of homophobia because I am owning the negative attachments that straight people mean when THEY use the word “queer.”
I own that I am “abnormal,” the ~dictionary definition of queer, and I feel that and own that to my bones as I live around that knowledge and work every day with everything that I do that honestly, the LEAST abnormal thing about me is my sexuality. I own that word being used by angry Evangelist mothers of high school friends as they ban me from their homes. When they said it, because they were not queer, it was a slur. That is part of why I use it. That’s part of what the reclamation of slurs entails.
If Jaymi wanted to, or when he wants to, he can use the word queer, if he wants. He can own that cultural baggage with me.
The cultural baggage that Jaymi has no access or entitlement to is (cis) femaleness.
Jaymi using the words p*ssy and b**** and insulting vaginas and etc. etc. etc. is not reclamation. It is him, as an outsider, using slurs.
Jaymi cannot own the negativity attached to p*ssy and b****. He doesn’t feel them, and he never has, and he never will. Those words are not his to use without being offensive, and he uses them way too often, and I’m really not okay with it. I really like Jaymi. I love Union J. I want to support the hell out of the only current boy band that I know of with an openly queer member.
But I am more and more exhausted by feeling like that support would only come up against his disgust and disregard for the femaleness of so many of his fans.
Jaymi, you ARE a role model, whether you want to be or not. You’ve said you want to be.
I want you to be.
And I need you, and your fans, to listen, learn, and think. There are words that Jaymi can claim and can use. There are words he can’t. There are ACTUAL words for weak/annoying/gross/ugly/etc., better words than p*ssy and b****.
How about actually just saying “weak” or “annoying” or “gross” or “ugly,” for a start...?