The Batfamily meeting Bernard
*Tim & Bernard sitting at a restaurant in Gotham, waiting to order*
The waiter, with an incredibly familiar face: Hi, my name is Di- Uh, S, Sam? I'll be taking your order today.
Bernard: Oh, hi! I'll have...*staring at menu, confused*.. spaghetti?
Tim, facepalming: Dick, what are you doing? I appreciate the help, but-
The 'waiter': Did you just call me a dick?!? How dare you, young man! You can get another waiter to take your order-
Bruce, bursting in the restaurant, Damian alongside him: Make way, make way- Billionaire playboy here to eat his dinner. Waiter! Di- uhm, Sam! Is that your name? Sam, I am going to order.
The 'waiter': Right away, your 'majesty'.
Bernard: Wow, that guy was...eccentric? Dude took our waiter.
Tim, holding burying his face in his hands: I'm so sorry about all this. You see, they're my...oh you've got to be fucking kidding me-
Damian, elbowing Bernard as he walks past: Did you just elbow me, boy? Did you just elbow Damian Wayne, son of the richest man in Gotham? Do you know how much I can make you pay? I can kill you in a hundred different ways, boy. Don't make me- do you have a criminal record? A supportive family? Are you selfish? Would you, if you theoretically had a boyfriend named Tim, betray him? Stab him in the back? Steel his already missing spleen? Slit his throat?
Bernard, completely overwhelmed: Uh, what? I'm sorry,-
Tim, standing up from his seat: GUYS! STOP THIS!
Red Hood, kicking down the door and raising his guns: EVERYBODY ON THE GR-
Tim: CAN YOU STOP THIS.
*Dick and Bruce tearing up*
Damian: -Tt.-, Drake.
Red Hood, lowering his guns: Oh, shit- Sorry Ti- I mean, civilian, is this a bad time?
Tim, taking a deep breath: Look. I'm sorry for yelling. I just want a normal date with my normal boyfriend. Bernard, I am so sorry. All these people are my family- minus the guy with guns. He's. Uh. Yeah, unrelated. But the waiter is my brother, Dick Grayson, Damian is my younger brother and Bruce Wayne's my dad.
Bernard, putting his hand on Tim's shoulder: Tim, it's fine. I've had a great time with you- so what if this date got a bit messy? Everyone was just trying to help.- except for maybe your little brother, I think he might hate me-
Tim: He hates most people.
Damian: That is false, I am friends with Jon.
Bernard: You're not the only one that knows some...eccentric folk. I mean, I used to be in a cult- I don't exactly know them anymore, but they were pretty weird.
Dick: Wait, you were in a cult?
Damian: -Tt-, Drake.
Tim, half-joking: So..you still want to be my boyfriend?
Bernard: I'd fight everyone in the justice league to be with you.
Damian: That can be arranged.
Dick: Let them have a moment, Damian.
Bernard:...anyway, you want some spaghetti?
Tim: Pfft. Sure.
