Jan 31, 2025
I can't SLEEP.
I CAN'T SLEEP.
#its so dysfunctional rn!!!#melatonin#benadryl#reminder alarms#dark room#none of it works#some melatonin finally got me sleepy tonight#restlessly#at like 12:30#and i bolt wide awake again- HUNGRY - at 3am#nothing works#NOTHING WORKS#and i've trained my stomach to be HUNGRY at night and i dont know how to stop#*grabs self and shakes*#*harder*#like at least have the decency to not be tired then!!#!!!!!!#my dr was like 'who cares just adjust your schedule'#but my dad believes its like a moral failing to not get up at 6am#like he lets me#but he constant jokes about how lazy i am#and i'm like bro someone please bury me in the snow outside to die#''why don't you wanna get married-''#AAAHHAHAHAA#i just had a birthday and its like how do you deal with that kind of existential dread?#i just wasted 30+ years of my life accomplishing nothing for anyone or anything#and i'm what. just supposed to CELEBRATE this??#yay my life :)#i am enjoying bjj so much and I'm all happy but then I come home and its like I'm an animal#lights are on but nothing worthwhile is home!!!!