I really want to date people but i know im emotionally fragile and have self hate problems. I dont want someone else to have to like suffer me? And like. When i found school overwhelming i self harmed, how would i react to rejection? I'd probably have a relapse. And i dont want anyone to feel like it was their fault i relapsed or that they had to stay with me or else. So all that is keeping me from seeing people even though i'd love to try being in a relationship.
Being in a relationship can be such a scary thing, even when you don't have your own issues. It doesn't mean you don't deserve to be loved though. If someone cares about you, they won't be 'suffering' you, and will try to help you work on your issues (as long as you do the same, in your own way, obviously)
Obviously the fear of rejection, and the act itself is awful, but you can't let your life be ruled by the 'what ifs'. I know, anxiety makes even the tiniest what ifs absolutely terrifying, but if you never take a chance you can't grow.
Maybe it's safer for you to wait for someone you think is worth it, even if there is a rejection, or maybe you're more suited to throwing yourself into a relationship right off the bat and seeing how things go. Everyone's different. But you can't learn until you try.
Obviously the worry of self harm is very real and distressing, but I'm sure you've grown since your school days - even if it's only by the tiniest bit. If it's something you're worried about, then working on some coping strategies now just to be safe is a good idea. Having a plan set in place for a rainy day can be super helpful, even if it sucks to think that rainy day might come someday.
But you are worthy of love, and you can always continue to grow. Relationships are scary, and rejection hurts, but you just have to take it one step at a time. If you're always worried about what might happen you can't get the best of what you have at that moment.
I wish you all the best of luck now, and in the future.